Gossip Girl Jenny Humphrey

Season 2


Taylor Momsen

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Summer, Kind of Wonderful

The story continues…

Jenny: I was hoping I could show you something I’ve been working on.
Laurel: This isn’t school. I don’t look at your work.

Jenny: Finish your story yet?
Dan: Almost.
Jenny: Good. I’m hoping that by reading it I can find out why you and Serena broke up anyway.
Dan: Yeah. Yeah me too.

Jenny: As nice as it is that you’re encouraging me to get my designs out there, the White Party’s like, super-exclusive. I mean summer interns do not get to go. Last year they even turned away Jack Johnson.
Rufus: Sounds like a party with taste!

Eric: If it’s apology-time you’re about three months too late. And let me guess, you want something.
Jenny: Um, yeah. Does it help if the new me just answered that honestly?
Eric: Not really.

Never Been Marcused

The Dark Night

Jenny: He only did that to spare you his family drama. Which is even more proof he likes you.
Vanessa: And calling won’t look desperate?
Jenny: It might? It will. It will. But in a cute romantic way.

Laurel: Jenny?
Jenny: Yeah, I know. I’ll clean the atelier as soon as I’m finished here, okay?
Laurel: The bathrooms too. Someone decided to give us a second look at breakfast.

Laurel: Remember the little birds that helped her dress? Remember how they didn’t offer their opinion? Try to imagine that you’re one of those birds. Can you do that?
Jenny: Yeah.
Laurel: Good. Now fly away.

Jenny: It looks like a pilgrim at a funeral. I’m sorry.
Eleanor: You’re absolutely right.
Jenny: I am?
Eleanor: Yep. Don’t let it go to your head.

Eleanor: I spent the last month going around and meeting with the stores and boutiques that carry my clothes.
: That must have been so exciting.
Eleanor: I felt like a fat cheerleader.

Jenny: Why are you wearing a jacket? It’s like a hundred degrees.
Rufus: Well I was on a—
Jenny: On a date?
Rufus: Yeah. I was going to tell you guys I’ve been dating.
Claire, Jenny. Jenny, Claire.
Jenny: Hi. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you. Just not when I was all gross and sweaty.

Jenny: The lights are on. Aren’t I fired?
Rufus: You got fired?
Eleanor: Oh, don’t be so dramatic.

The Ex-Files

Jenny: Dad, how set are you on this whole “going-to-school” thing?
Rufus: Pretty set. Why?
Jenny: The first day of school is Draft Day. Blair and her merry band of psychos are going to be on a tear. They categorize girls into two groups: projects and victims. Girls who have the potential to become little mini Blair-ites become projects. And the total losers and girls who have the potential to threaten social order become victims. I was a project last year and we all know how that turned out.

Jenny: It was like I didn’t even exist.
Dan: Mm. Welcome to my world. It’s not so bad once you get used to birds flying into your head and automatic doors never opening.

Jenny: What were you thinking?
Dan: I was sleeping.
Jenny: No! I’m talking about you and Little Miss Hannah Montana on Gossip Girl.

The Serena Also Rises

Dan: Augh. School. Another day of reading, writing and aristocrats.
Jenny: Are you back to Invisible Boy?
Dan: Invisible suits me.

Jenny: I waved the white flag at school. Why can’t you just claim your throne and leave me alone?
Blair: Because I can’t!
Jenny: This is about Serena. I didn’t realize.
Blair: And why would you?
Jenny: You might be privileged, Blair, but you work for every single thing you’ve achieved. Like me. Serena just glides through.
Blair: Tell me about it.
Jenny: I wanted to be your friend last year for a reason. I wanted you to like me.

New Haven Can Wait

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Little Jenny Humphrey. Off her high horse and in high demand.

Chuck in Real Life

Dan: Dad, will you please tell Jenny that I have guy friends.
Rufus: Of course you do. I’m his—
Jenny: No. Not including you.
Rufus: There’s Cedric—
Jenny: Not including dolls.

Gossip Girl: Sometimes it takes opening up to new people and letting them in.
Dan: Hope you don’t mind but we’ve got a lodger. So I’ll make up the sofa.
Jenny: I’ll get the ice cream.
Rufus: And I’ll get the guitar and the Songs of the 80s Fakebook. I’m thinking Wham!

Prêt-à-Poor J

Rufus: Honey, breathe.
Jenny: No! No time for oxygen! I am late.

Agnes: I’m Agnes, by the way. I think we’ve worked together because I kind of recognize the top of your head.
Jenny: Jenny. And yeah, ’cause I think I recognize your feet.

Eleanor: I should have known better than to give so much responsibility to a child.
Jenny: A child? I’m sorry, but this child seems to be the only one who can design anything that the buyers are remotely interested in.

Jenny: Can I at least have my dress back?
Eleanor: Sure. It’s of no use to me anyway. Here. She hands Jenny the newest dress
Jenny: I don’t mean this one.
Eleanor about the runway piece: You touch this dress you will never set foot in here again.

There Might Be Blood

Gossip Girl: Poor Jenny. All that glamour almost led to the slammer. But what will the morning bring?

Bonfire of the Vanity

Jenny: Wait, what are you doing with my dresses?
Agnes: You know when I let you in I had no idea you’d be such a little thief. Stealing my contact list and our whole business—
Jenny: I wasn’t stealing, Agnes.
Agnes: You know you think you’re so talented and unique, don’t you?
Jenny: No. I don’t.
Agnes: You know three weeks ago you were absolutely nothing. You were a little intern, pinning my hem.

Jenny: Are you totally insane?
Agnes: Yes. I’m insane, Jenny.

Rufus: You don’t even have your coat off and you’re already using emotional blackmail to get your way.
Jenny: Spin it how you like. I just need your signature.

The Magnificent Archibalds

Lawyer: I need to be sure you understand what “emancipation” means.
Jenny: I do. I’ve been researching it.
Eric: She’s made me watch Irreconcilable Differences like 15 times.
Lawyer: Once you file, the state opens up an investigation into your family. There has to be proof of parental neglect. Just fill out these papers authorizing the investigation. Once you sign them your parents will be notified.
Jenny: Wait, they have to be notified?
Lawyer: Well of course. They need to know you no longer want to be their child.

Rufus: Your brother helped me realize that I haven’t told you something. Something important.
Jenny: What?
Rufus: I love you, Jenny. I love you so much I’m willing to let you go if that’s what it’s going to take to get you back. And when the time comes for a court hearing I won’t stand in your way. But there’s nothing you can do to make me stop loving you.
Jenny: I’m sorry. She leaves.

Blair: What are you doing?
Jenny: My dad and I got in a fight. I was crashing at Eric’s and he finally chased me down.
Blair: You’re lucky. You have a family who fights for you. Mine doesn’t even care if I’m there.
Jenny: Your mom loves you in her own way, Blair.
Blair: Not the way your father loves you. I’ve never had that. My own dad, as sweet as he is, isn’t here. Your father will go anywhere for you. Anytime. I know because I’ve sometimes made it happen. Sees Jenny looking at something over her shoulder What? What? Is it my hair?
Jenny: No. You’re just wrong.
Eleanor: Jenny. You look cold. Here. to Blair Come on dear, you’ve made your point.
Blair: I don’t think I have.
Eleanor: Well I think that you might feel differently when you find out what I have been waiting to show you.
Blair: I’ll come. On one condition. Jenny has to go home too.
Eleanor: I think that’s a terrific idea. Everyone should be where they belong on Thanksgiving. With their family. So c’mon. C’mon, c’mon, c’mon! We’ll drop you off.

Rufus: I was kind of hoping she’d be here.
Dan: Yeah, me too.
Rufus: Oh. You are.
Jenny: I love you too, Dad.

It’s a Wonderful Lie

Jenny: How could you? Really, Vanessa? Lying and seeing Nate behind my back?
Vanessa: I’m… so sorry. I’ve been meaning to tell you I just wasn’t sure how.
Jenny: You knew this entire time why Nate wasn’t calling and it was because he was with you.
Vanessa: I understand that you’re upset. But if I remember correctly you kissed Nate behind my back first.
Jenny: And I felt so horrible about it that I ran after you and you were gone. So what happened to not letting a guy get in between us? Are you really that desperate?
Vanessa: Are you really that jealous, Jenny?
Jenny: Oh my god!
Vanessa: I’m sorry you found out this way. I am. But since you have, you might as well know that Nate asked me to the ball tomorrow night. And I think I’m going to go.

Penelope: Jenny, Isabel’s dress looks a little like one of yours, don’t you think?
Jenny: No. I know about a little something called lining.
Penelope: Well what if you didn’t?

Vanessa: Jenny. What are you doing here?
Jenny: I’m still mad at you.
Vanessa: So what, you’re going to kill me and put me in the garment bag?
Jenny: I couldn’t sleep last night. I was up half the night making this before I realized who it was for.
Vanessa: You made that for me?
Jenny: Yeah. I mean, um, I said some pretty awful things ’cause I was hurt. So I guess just consider this a peace offering. You’ll look great.

Nate: Jenny. Did you do that to Vanessa?
Jenny: Yeah. You don’t understand, okay? She completely—
Nate: She what? She lied? She went behind your back? So what? For that she deserved to be publicly humiliated? She’s your friend, Jenny. You know, there’s no reason to tell you this now, but I wrote you this letter after the fashion show. Telling you I had feelings for you.
Jenny: I never got that.
Nate: I know. Vanessa stole it. But she felt so bad about it she came and told me the truth.
Jenny: Okay, look. I know what you must think of me right now. But if I had gotten—
Nate: I’m glad you didn’t. Honestly? You’re not who I thought you were.

O Brother, Where Bart Thou?


In the Realm of the Basses

Eric: So you really haven’t thought about it? Jenny!
Jenny: Yeah?
Eric: I asked if you’re nervous about Penelope and the mean girls.
Jenny: Please. Eric, really.
In the last four months I’ve faced down Eleanor Waldorf, I’ve hijacked a society gala, had my entire collection torched by a crazy model and was basically homeless. So I can handle high school.

Jenny: They treat her like their servant.
Eric: And it is none of your business. It’s a new year, remember? New leaf, new Jenny Humphrey.
Penelope proffering a scuffed shoe: Um, Nelly. Nelly cleans her shoe
Jenny: Okay, no. That’s not okay.
Eric: And here we go.

Hazel: Do you know what you’re doing, Little J?
Jenny: I’m not Little J. anymore.
Nelly: Thank you so much.
Jenny pushing her out the door: Just keep walking.
Penelope: Hazel. Clean my shoe!

Jenny: Dad, Serena is like the best thing that’s ever happened to Dan. She’s smart, she’s funny, and she’s like nine levels hotter than him.
Dan: Thank you. But she’s right.
Jenny: C’mon, get on board. Dan-Serena, Dan-Serena, woo! Okay, Dad is not into cheering.

Dan: Am I really supposed to pretend that this has nothing to do with what happened between you and Lily before Christmas?
Jenny: Wait. What happened with him and Lily? What happened between you and Lily?
Rufus: None of your business.
Dan: Oh, so you can tell me not to date Serena but I can’t say anything about you and Lily?
Jenny: Him and Lily what? Somebody, please.
Rufus: I think you need to leave for school.

Jenny: Nelly has put in a full year of service. She should be allowed to leave without reprisals. For example, people breaking into her locker and smashing her glasses.
Blair: I see. Rebuttal.
Penelope: First, there’s been a long tradition of newer members being subjected to more… attention.
Hazel: Some of the things I had to do? Disgusting!
Blair: Oh I remember. I made you do them.

Penelope: Eric, where’s Little J? I imagine cleaning out her locker.
Jenny: Actually, I just got done writing a Gossip Girl post. Seeing how Penelope, for the past six months you’ve been having an affair with your dad’s junior partner. And Hazel. You got drunk and hooked up with your cousin. Twice.
Hazel: Oh my god.
Jenny: And Isabel. Do I even have to say?
Iz: No.
Penelope: Those things were told to you in confidence.
Jenny: More like stupidity. And unless you tell your parents to back off, I hit send.
Penelope: Duh. You win.
Jenny: I know.

Nelly: Okay, big miscalculation. See, I kinda thought coming back to school you did want to be queen.
Eric: Oh, that’s not good.
Nelly: And I was never going to move past Hazel and Iz. But I thought maybe if there was a new regime—
Jenny: Wait. You played me? You? Nelly Yuki?

Gone with the Will

Jenny: You are so conceited.
Eric: You are so annoying.

Eric: I’m really sorry. There, I said it first!
Jenny: Thanks. But uh, I really should be the one to apologize. I mean, you have every right to want to be alone with Jonathan.
Eric: That doesn’t mean you get on my nerves.
Jenny: That’s okay. I want to get on your nerves.

You’ve Got Yale


Carnal Knowledge

Dan: This day is getting weirder by the minute.
Jenny: Anything you want to tell me?
Dan: Um… besides I’m glad you’re not wearing that racoon makeup anymore? Because you looked like one of The Incredibles.
Jenny: Oh, thanks. A lot. And I thought I was the bad seed in the family.
Dan: What? Alright, what’s going on? She shows him her palm. “Is Lonely Boy giving a certain new teacher more than just an apple?” What does that mean? And why is it written on your hand?
Jenny: Because Nelly Yuki wouldn’t give me her contraband phone to show you herself. I mean, this is just the headline. The whole post would’ve gone all the way up my arm. It was quite detailed about you and Ms. Carr and your forbidden love.
Dan: Me and Ms. Carr? What? No. That’s absurd. That is absurd.
Jenny: Well I’m not the one you need to convince.

The Age of Dissonance

Jenny: What’s wrong with you?
Dan: Nothing. Did you see how those teachers treated Rachel?
Jenny: Yeah. They were like grown-up Mean Girls.
Dan: If I wrote a note could you deliver it?
Jenny: Dan, Headmistress Queller told her to stay away from you.
Dan: I saw how they were treating her. It’s my fault. I just want to know that she’s okay.

The Grandfather

Jenny: What happened to you?
Dan: It’s called “Getting the Know the Vanderbilts” Which turned out to be less Gatsby and more Fight Club.

Remains of the J.

Rufus: Lily’s doing breakfast today. She wants to talk to us.
Dan: Ominous.
Jenny: Or delicious.

Jenny: Last year I would have killed for a party like this. But this year I don’t know. Things just seem… just seem different. I was just kind of hoping that it would be us and Vanessa and Jonathan and then, I don’t even— maybe those two girls from my Chem class who didn’t light my hair on fire that one time. I’m sorry. Is that okay?
Serena: Yeah. Maybe we should just try the cake first.
Lily: It’s your birthday. It’s whatever you want.
Serena: Yeah. Yeah, you know. It’s not a problem. I’ll just cancel.
Rufus: I’m thinkin’ my famous chili.
Dan: Maybe some board games.
Jenny: Yeah. Um but really. Thank you so much for thinking of me. It means a lot.

Jenny: Enjoying my party?
Eric: You know I was just saying to Jonathan that this is a lovely intimate family gathering.
Jonathan: Nothing says “Jenny Humphrey” like a customized cocktail napkin.

Seder Anything

Dan: Hey Wes. Is that the science fair project?
Jenny: Yep. We’re tracking air quality and plant growth. One of these was grown in our apartment and the other was grown in Wes’ country house.
Dan: Apparently a tree does not grow in Brooklyn.
Wes: I better take off. Call you later?
Jenny: Yeah. Wes leaves.
Dan: Well I hope for the sake of science that relationship is strictly professional.
Jenny: Of course. But I’m working on it.

Jenny: I would have invited you to the loft but the only chef we have there is my dad and his specialties include waffles and embarrassing me. Do you want the top hat or the racecar? What, do you want the shoe?
Wes: This isn’t the same girl I used to see hanging out on the steps of the Met.
Jenny: Yeah well, people change.

Chuck: What a shock. The girl from Brooklyn is a renter.
Jenny: Don’t you have a guest to attend to?
Chuck: It appears I already did.
A year ago. Probably should have noticed in the elevator. How many women could put their legs behind their—
Wes: Hey. Um, you wanna go for a walk?
Jenny: Okay. Sure. I’ll just meet you at the elevator. to Chuck: You know just because you’re bored with your own life doesn’t mean you have to make everyone around you miserable.
Chuck: For your information, you don’t live here yet.
Jenny: Please. After what you did at the Kiss On the Lips party last year. Like I would ever live in the same house as you. You know, you’re lucky I didn’t tell my dad. Because if I did he’d make Lily choose. Us or you. And I wonder who she’d pick.
Chuck: You really think I care if Lily kicks me out?
Jenny: Yeah I do. Because you lost Blair and now she’s dating your best friend. So therefore the only human contact that you have that you don’t pay for is the people in this house. Knowing you, you’d screw that up too.

Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Jenny: What’s with this newfound interest in antiquing?
Rufus: I’m just stimulating the economy by rewarding my fantastic kids. And it so happens that the gallery was a great investment. It’s listing for three times what I paid for it.
Dan: You didn’t get soaked when the real estate bubble burst?
Rufus: Well it’s not as much as I would have gotten at the top of the market but I’ll be able to send you both to school and have a little breathing room to figure out what I’m going to do next.
Jenny: Have you considered cooking classes? I mean even I’m getting of tired of your waffles, Dad.
Rufus: Not cool. I sometimes make chili.

The Wrath of Con

Jenny trying to distract Lily: Ella fell in love him, even though he’s a vampire. Or maybe it’s because he’s a vampire, I don’t know. But the thing is his family doesn’t suck the blood so it makes her feel safer.

The Valley Girls