Gossip Girl Dorota Kishlovsky

Season 5


Zuzanna Szadkowski

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Yes, Then Zero

Dorota: How about some cold Prosecco to kill the pain.

Beauty and the Feast

Blair: Are you sure this doctor is reputable? Your prenatal care is imperative.
Dorota: You never care about my womb before.

Doctor: You two should work this out. Dorota can come back another time. Alone.

Blair: I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.
Dorota: Yes you do. You are pregnant too! We are like sisters now. Cousins. Distant cousins. Miss Blair, why you not say you are—
Blair: Do not utter the word. No one must know. At least until I have some time to figure things out.

Dorota to Beatrice: I’ll show you to door. And by door I mean elevator. {no movement} Over there.

Blair: Your people were bred to work through these conditions and give birth in a field.
Dorota: No fields in Krakow. And I have birthing suite at Lennox Hill.

The Jewel of Denial

Blair: Go away! I’m preparing for my interview with Hello magazine.
Dorota: But doctor office call again. They have test results.
Blair: Hang up or I’ll tell the reporter you’re undocumented.

Dorota: We have problem. Doctor’s office call four times to say paternity test ready for pick-up. Miss Blair say she busy, but reading Grace Kelly biography all day is not busy, is denial.
Dan: When does Louis get back from his trip?
Dorota: Tonight! And Miss Blair had promised us that she find out who baby daddy is before he get home.
Dan: All right, I have a couple things to do this morning but when I am done I will march her to the doctor’s office myself if I have to.

Dorota: I must say, best part of pregnancy is knowing who father is.

Blair: Mention that name and you’ll be exiled and forced to work in someplace terrible. Like the Upper West Side! And you know what happens to housekeepers there.
Dorota: Zabar Zombies.

I Am Number Nine

Gossip Girl: They say the road of life is long and winding. So it’s important to mark the milestones along the way. from picking your bridesmaids—.
Dorota: So many minions. How are you ever going to decide?
Blair: Tryouts begin after breakfast.

Louis: Why do I feel there’s a request coming?
Blair: Not a request. A special dispensation.
Louis: For what?
Dorota: Scheming and manipulating.
Blair: Who do you work for? Louis, can’t you just turn a blind eye for… let’s say twenty-four hours.
Louis: Blair—
Blair: All I’d be doing is spending the day with my former minions. Maybe some light water boarding involved.

Blair: Dressing me for my wedding day means attending to my every need, no matter how big or small. Adjust for reception! Cinch that train! Penelope! She has to pee!
Dorota: Where secret wedding location?!
Penelope: We don’t know!
Dorota: Who designed Miss Blair dress?!
Jessica: We can’t tell you that!
Blair: Good one Jessica. Now block that baby bump!

The Big Sleep No More

Dorota: Uh oh. Mr. Chuck in dream again.
Blair: When Chuck’s in them they’re all nightmares.
Dorota: What he do now?
Blair: Behave like a perfect gentleman. Which makes him even more chilling. That fake apology of his has permeated my subconscious and haunts me even when I sleep.
Dorota: Apology not seem so fake to me.
Blair: That’s because English is your second language!

Blair: Grab the bread. Not even Chuck’s media mind games could disrupt the calm I feel off feeding the ducks. Besides, you could use the exercise.
Dorota: I’m pregnant too, remember?

Blair: How much more do you need to see?
Dorota: Of duck pond? Not really my thing to begin with.

Dorota: You really think pillows under covers trick me? You lumpier now!

Rhodes to Perdition

Blair: Why should I thank someone for a blender? Do I look like the kind of girl who makes margaritas?
Dorota: Oh, margaritas sound delicious. But six months away at least.

Blair: I still love Louis. I just want to marry the sweet Prince who returned my Vivier slipper and made me believe in fairytales, not one of the Brothers Grimm.
Dorota: Even Prince Charming can fall off horse.

Blair: I need this time to figure out what went wrong with Louis and right it.
Dorota: Maybe he Freaky Friday with Mr. Chuck. They struck by lightning at the same time or pee in the same fountain.
Blair: That’s incredibly unsanitary.

Dorota: Miss Blair, if you finally find key to bring Mr. Louis back to the castle why you not look like perky self?

Riding in Town Cars with Boys

Dorota: The same thing happening to me. Pregnancy makes fingers swell up like kielbasas.
Blair: Well the paparazzi aren’t camped out downstairs to find out if your wedding is called off. If they see me without my ring they’ll think it means something.
Dorota: I start to think maybe it does.


Dorota: Mr. Chuck! I was only trying them on! I was so bored locked inside. But thankfully Miss Georgina a mother and she not leave me without snacks.

Serena: Oh my god, Blair wants a divorce.
Dorota: That is my hope. Before I was locked in closet, Mr. Louis was calling and calling. He said he want to find Miss Blair and get her help she needs. Which in romance novels means locking her forever in tall tower.

Crazy, Cupid, Love

Dorota: Miss Blair! You’re back! I was worried you’d be locked away in big stone tower somewhere, and only way to speak is through smoke signals or coded messages on Twitter.
Blair: Thankfully, Dorota, we don’t need to learn Navajo just yet.

Blair: Step one is accomplished. The thaw has begun.
Dorota: A beautiful Polish spring.

Blair: There’s no way I can bring a royal minder to my ex’s apartment. Looks like you’ll just have to wear a school uniform and play Cupid in my place.
Dorota: Oh no. This is very bad plan.

Despicable B

Dorota: You sure you want to read, Miss Blair? There are some bad things about friends in there.
Blair: Don’t you know me at all? I love reading bad things about my friends. It’s the only thing that makes me feel better about myself.

Blair: He’s high brow and I’m low brow for being married for less time than Kim Kardashian? I was so wrong, Dorota. All is not right in the universe. The universe is totally upended and we must right it immediately.
Dorota: And how you plan to do that?
Blair: I must become as high brow as Dan. This instant!

Dan: Who was that guy?
Dorota: Some representative from FIT. More like similar word, but spelled S—
Blair: It doesn’t matter. How was the meeting with your publicist?
Dan: They just wanted to see me in person so they could tell me I’m one of the five people nominated for the New York Public Library’s 2012 Young Lions Fiction Award.

Blair: How do I look?
Dorota: Suspicious. You heard Mr. Humphrey. Why are you dressed so fancy for casual book party?
Blair: I guess the opera gloves may be a bit much.
Dorota: I smell a scheme when I see one.

Raiders of the Lost Art

Dorota: Miss Serena, all you do all day is type type type. You take laptop with you everywhere. It not healthy.
Serena: Well after last week’s family meltdown, this laptop is the only thing keeping me sane. Writing is my new outlet. You should be happy for me.
Dorota: If you say so. But Vanya say same thing about Warcraft and then DSL bill comes.

The Return of the Ring

Blair: Dorota! We need to find every damning thing I ever wrote. So we can be proactive about damage control.
Dorota: Every damning thing since grade school is a lot of damning.

Dorota: Pages with foot in mouth already marked from K to six.