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My god, it’s like some sort of Perfect Storm of finales and swan songs this week. Biggest Loser, American Idol (and Simon), 24, Lost, Dancing with the Stars… some other stuff…

If I weren’t so annoyed with television in general I’d probably be more excited about that. Don’t get me wrong. Despite my lack of interest I’ve been watching most of them. All of them, really.

Except for Dancing with the Stars. I tried to get through an episode since Niecy Nash is like ten levels of awesome. But I had to turn it off about ten minutes in, Niecy or no Niecy.

Which is saying something coming from me. I can—and will—watch almost anything. There are only a handful of shows I can physically not watch, and that is apparently one of them.

Since you asked, the shows rounding out that list include CSI: Anything, Boston Legal, Grey’s Anatomy, Ghost Whisperer and anything rewarding people for their inability to use birth control.

Ha! Random story:

So like any normal junior high kids, we were subjected to sex ed. This one was taught by one of our science teachers. And like any normal junior high sex ed class, it included a rundown of all the different birth control methods. We were given facts and figures on your basic trifecta—the pill, condom or abstinence.

But in the spirit of giving all  methods of birth control equal time, we had a guest speaker come in. The guest speaker being our math teacher and the method being Rhythm.

True to math teacher form, he brought in all these charts and diagrams showing us exactly how he and his wife used this method to track her cycles and know when she was fertile or not. And the thing was color coded and indexed and there were bar graphs and pie charts and footnotes and it was precise, man. Like minute-to-minute birth control.

And I just remember looking at  this impressive amount of documentation and thinking, Either the rhythm method is useless or his math skills are, because this guy’s got at least ten kids.

And whether it was the former or the latter that had gone wrong, I don’t think I ever trusted him again.