The Sprawl of America


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Willy from Real World just said, and I quote, “But the Mall of America is the coolest. I used to work there.”

Willy, I liked you, but the honeymoon period is over.

We used to (okay, I still do) call that monstrosity the Sprawl of America. I hate that place. It is sick and wrong on so many levels.

Back when it first opened, we renamed the ad’s chorus to be “A place to run for your life, the Mall of America!” because there were so many shootings there.

Sigh. I can’t sleep. Again. I’m watching a Miami Slice marathon. If I had a plastic surgeon for a boyfriend and he told me I needed work on my face and needed bigger boobs, I’d tell him where to go.