Torchwood Series 1

Greeks Bearing Gifts


Daniela Denby-Ashe

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Soldier with some issues to Mary: Do whores have prayers?

Jack: Once—just once—I’d like to walk into one of these tents and find it’s a party. You know, with food and drink, people dancing… a girl crying in the corner.
Gwen: Is it alien?
Jack: And how. I’m picking up traces of ilminite, pyroxine and even dark matter.
Gwen: Any idea what it is?
Jack: Not a clue. Could be a weapon. Or a really big stapler.

Jack: How’s our friend there?
Owen: She’s dead.
Jack: Yeah, thanks Quincy.

Gwen: Oh, you’ so light! You’re like a girl!
Owen: I’m not light. I’m wiry. Fat girls go mad for it. But I guess I don’t need to tell you that.

Mary: Um, listen, don’t think it’s in any way organized. It’s really just a disparate bunch of IT guys who live with their mothers.
Tosh: I shouldn’t talk to you.
Mary: So go.

Tosh to Mary: What’s most amazing are the similarities with our own culture. But that can be horrible because we find lots of weapons, and it just makes you think, my god, everything wages war. It’s not just a trait of ours, but a trait of existence. It makes you feel so hopeless.

Tosh: I’ve never seen anything like this. It’s incredible!
Mary: It’s more than incredible. With this you can read people’s minds. It levels the pitch between man and God.

Gwen’s thoughts on Tosh: Oh, sweetheart, the jeans in the boots thing has really kind of had its day.

Owen’s thoughts on Tosh: What’s she talking about? She can be dead weird. Wonder what she’d be like in bed. Catholic but grateful, I bet.

Gwen’s thoughts: I can smell Owen. I can smell him on me after that shag in his car this morning. That’s twice now. Does that make it an arrangement? No, has to be more than two times surely. ’Long as we keep it to just the two times we’re fine. What’s Tosh looking at?

Ianto’s thoughts: Can’t imagine a time when this isn’t everything. A pain so constant. Like my stomach’s full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn’t an inch of me that doesn’t hurt.

Tosh: What is this thing? Why did you give it to me?
Mary: I told you.
Tosh: The things I heard. What they thought of me, they really thought. God, these are people that are supposed to like me!
Mary: They do like you. People are complicated.

Tosh: I wouldn’t say your thoughts are exactly pure.
Mary: At least they’re consistent.

Tosh: What you’re thinking now, that’s pretty graphic.
Mary: That wasn’t my thought.
Tosh: What?
Mary: I wasn’t thinking anything. That wasn’t my thought. It must have been yours.

Owen: So I start looking into, ah, devil worship and stuff from that era, see if there’s anything about plucking out hearts. And would you believe it, there’s nothing. They ate eyeballs, they drank blood, they had sex with animals. But they did not pluck out each other’s hearts. ‘Cause, obviously, that would have been weird.

Owen about the wound on the body: That remind you of anything?
Tosh: Um… that bit in Alien where that thing bursts out of John Hurt?
Owen: I’m sorry, I should have been more specific. Does that remind you of anything helpful?

Jack: So I’ve just come from a really interesting conversation with a Detective Inspector Henderson.
Tosh: Right.
Jack: Interesting because, firstly, the man had the biggest hands I’ve ever seen. And secondly, because of the story he told me about you saving a woman and her kid from being murdered by her ex-husband?
Tosh: Yeah, no, I was going to tell you about that.
Jack: So why didn’t you?
Tosh: I don’t know. It wasn’t a work thing, just a… thing thing. Stuff happens all the time that’s not pertinent to here.
Jack: You do this all the time? So you secretly fight crime, is that it, Tosh?
Tosh: I didn’t want it to look like I was showing off.
Jack: The guy they arrested, Henderson said you heard him muttering to himself as he was walking along, and that’s what tipped you off.
Tosh: Mm. I couldn’t really work out what he was saying at first, and then it was like, Jesus!
Jack: That’s weird. Because when I’m about to murder someone I’m really careful not to talk to myself about it while I’m in the street.
Tosh: No, sure. I mean, that’s lesson one.

Tosh: So. I’m shagging a woman and an alien.
Mary: Which is worse?
Tosh: Well I know which one my parents would say.

Tosh: I read your thoughts. I didn’t see this. What else are you keeping from me?
Mary: What can be bigger than this?

Jack: A friend of mine. Let’s call him Vincent. That was his name after all. Regular guy. Girlfriend. Likes his sport, likes a beer. Starts acting a little… strange. A little distracted. Suddenly he disappears for a couple months. He comes back and we’ve got to start calling him Vanessa. Since then I’ve always been a little nervous when a friend behaves out of character.

Jack: I’m sorry, we haven’t been introduced. Jack Harkness. (feigning a Southern accent) My guess is you’re not from around these parts.

Mary: You smell… different. To them.
Jack: That’s nothing. It’s when you compare teeth with a British guy, that’s when it’s really scary.
Mary: What are you?
Jack: I don’t know.

Gwen: Don’t let this put you off. The last couple of days you’ve had a look about you. Love suited you.

Jack: What do bosses do in situations like these? You know, regular bosses. Do I get to beat people?
Tosh: We’ve got rules for that.
Jack jokingly: Argh! Red tape!