They Keep Killing Suzie
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Detective Swanson (Yasmin Bannerman): At last, you must be Torchwood. My team bitch about you all the time.
Jack: And you are?
Detective Swanson: Detective Swanson.
Jack: I’m Captain Jack Harkness.
Detective Swanson: So I’ve heard. Tell me something, are you always this dressy for a murder investigation?
Jack: What, you’d rather me naked?
Detective Swanson: God help me. The stories are true.
Detective Swanson: Looks like somebody wants your attention.
Jack: They’ve got it.
Detective Swanson: It was only a matter of time.
Jack: What was?
Detective Swanson: Torchwood walks all over this city like you own it. Now these people are paying the price.
Owen: If it’s someone we’ve pissed off, that narrows it down to, oh, four or five million?
Jack: And that’s just the humans.
Gwen: Wait a minute, I’ve taken retcon.
Jack: Then better stay away from sharp objects. Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?
Ianto: Two thousand and eight.
Owen: Ay, what if they all become psychotic?
Tosh: Do you have to sound so happy?
Owen: Yeah, I’m just saying. Mean Streets!
Gwen: Jack, if there is a link why don’t we just ask the victims ourselves?
Jack: Not the right time for a séance, thank you very much.
Gwen: The first time I met Torchwood, you had that glove.
Jack: Uh uh. No way.
Owen: Not after what it did to Suzie.
Gwen: It brings people back to life. Just for two minutes. We could question the murder victims.
Owen: That’s exactly what she said. She was one of us, we trusted her, and now she’s dead because of that thing.
Jack: The glove stays in the safe where it belongs.
Gwen: These murders are happening because of Torchwood, so Torchwood has got to do something.
Owen: You know, we never gave it a cool name.
Tosh: I thought we called it the Resurrection Gauntlet.
Owen: Cool name.
Ianto: What about “The Risen Mitten”? I think it’s catchy.
Ianto: Amazing. She’s a natural. 24 seconds.
Owen: Give Ianto a stop watch and he’s happy.
Ianto: It’s the button on the top.
Mark Briscoe before dying again: Suzie.
Ianto: One minute five second.
Tosh: Jack, did I hear that right?
Owen: Could be anyone. Must be lots of women called Suzie.
Jack: Not connected to this case. We’ve been talking to the wrong corpse.
Gwen: Have I got this right? When I die, you get to keep all my possessions? My whole life’s gonna get stashed in a locker.
Jack: Rules and regulations.
Gwen: What if I leave all my stuff to Rhys?
Jack: We’ll stash him away too.
Jack: Tread carefully, people. With respect. This is the life of Suzie Costello.
Tosh: That’s all we are in the end. A pile of boxes.
Tosh: When Suzie left Torchwood she was on the run. She wiped all her records. I couldn’t retrieve her files. She was good at computers. Hell, she was good at everything.
Owen: She was good at murder too. Laugh a minute, that was Suzie.
Owen: Have you got your stopwatch?
Owen looking for a catchy name: Ianto?
Ianto: The Life Knife.
Suzie: Jack? Oh my god! There’s a knife in my chest. Did you kill me?
Jack: You killed yourself, remember?
Suzie: Oh my god, I shot myself.
Jack: We’ve got to ask you about Pilgrim.
Suzie: Wait a minute, didn’t I kill you?
Jack: Never mind that. We need names and details.
Suzie: Who’s using the glove?
Gwen: I’m sorry.
Suzie: Wouldn’t you know it, Gwen bloody Cooper.
Ianto: Um, excuse me. I’m still counting.
Owen: There’s not much point. Suzie’s dead.
Ianto: No. According to your equipment, she’s just unconscious.
Jack: What the hell’s going on?
Suzie: Owen. Hello. Scared to face me?
Owen: You frighten the shit out of me, yeah.
Suzie: What about Toshiko? Is she still here?
Owen: Yeah, she’s here. All the gang. Happy days.
Suzie: It’s all my fault, isn’t it? It never bloody stops being my fault. Can’t you just let me die?
Jack: You don’t get off that easy.
Suzie: Yeah, you did warn me right at the beginning. to Gwen: He said this is the one job you can never quit.
Jack: That one’s for Ianto. Risen Mitten, Life Knife, and that old classic: stun gun.
Suzie: Funny thing is, you always imagine when you’re dead, “Oh they’re gonna miss me at work. Indispensable.” And look what happened. I got replaced. By someone better. You got that glove working better than I did.
Gwen: I just got lucky.
Suzie: No, it’s more than that. The others, they prefer you.
Gwen: Don’t say that.
Suzie: You got my job. Almost like you planned it.
Gwen: Except I didn’t. And I’m sorry but I’ve got my own function at Torchwood. And I’m a lot more than just a replacement.
Suzie: Have you slept with Owen? silence. There you go. Replace me completely.
Jack: I had a boyfriend that used to walk into rooms like that. A grand entrance. Got kind of boring. Though he was one of twins so I put up with it. Twin acrobats. Man, I gotta write that book. Maybe even illustrate it. I can talk for a long time. A very long time.
Owen: Have a look at Gwen with Suzie.
Tosh: What is that?
Owen: Energy. Life. But with Suzie it’s a permanent connection and she is getting stronger. It’s still going right now. She is draining the life out of Gwen.
Jack: There’s always a price.
Jack: We gotta kill her. Suzie’s gotta die.
Owen: Who’s gonna do it?
Jack: Like you said, I’m the boss.
Owen about a muttering Max: Is that a poem?
Jack: I wonder. Emily Dickinson.
Owen: And what does it mean?
Jack: It’s a verbal trigger. Say it out loud and maybe repeat it a hundred times over and the Hub locks down.
Owen: But if that’s part of the system, Suzie must’ve installed a vocal command program way back.
Jack: Back when she was alive, yeah. Max is just a Trojan Horse. Suzie planned this right from the start.
Owen: She gave Max a whole complex of subconscious triggers.
Tosh: Like, she dies, Max becomes a time bomb. He doesn’t see her for three months and—wham—the orders kick in. He follows Suzie’s program and starts killing.
Jack: And the whole chain of events forces us to bring Suzie back.
Tosh: And then she escapes.
Owen: You’ve got to admit that is not bad. I’m picking her for my team.
Suzie about Jack: Do you ever wonder?
Suzie: Who is he?
Gwen: All the time.
Detective Swanson on speakerphone: Alright, Captain Jack, just say that one more time. Nice and clear.
Jack: We’re locked in our base and we can’t get out.
Gwen: So what’s out there?
Suzie: Nothing. Just nothing.
Gwen: But if there’s nothing, what’s the point of it all?
Suzie: This is. Driving through the dark. All this stupid tiny stuff. We’re just animals howling in the night. ‘Cause it’s better than silence.
Gwen: So when you die, it’s just—
Gwen: And you’re all alone, there’s no one else?
Suzie: I didn’t say that.
Gwen: What d’you mean?
Suzie: Why do you think I’m so desperate to come back? There’s something out there… in the dark. And it’s moving.
Swanson: “Success is counted sweetest by those who ne’er succeed.” Christ, she was a bundle of laughs.
Gwen: What’s happening to me?
Suzie: Sorry, Gwen. You’re getting shot in the head. Slowly. Believe me, it hurts. checking her own wound. I’m almost better. Completely gone soon.
Suzie: “Captain, my Captain.” Do you want to know a secret? There’s something moving in the dark and it’s coming, Jack Harkness. It’s coming for you.
Ianto: If you’re interested, I’ve still got a stopwatch.
Ianto: Well. Think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.
Jack: Oh yeah. I can think of a few.
Ianto: There’s quite a list.
Jack: I’ll send the others home early. See you in my office in ten.
Ianto: That’s ten minutes. And counting.
Ianto: Oh, Jack? What do you want me to say on the death certificate?
Jack: Good question.
Ianto: She had quite a few deaths in the end.
Jack: I don’t know. “Death by Torchwood.”
Ianto: I’ll put a lock on the door. Just in case she goes walking again.
Jack: Nah. No chance of that. The Resurrection Days are over, thank God.
Ianto: Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure. That’s the thing about gloves, sir. They come in pairs.