The New Era

Seth about Lindsay: She’s musical, she’s witty… hopefully she’s free for lunch.

Seth: I can’t believe I finally met her.
Ryan: Lindsay?
Seth: Lindsay Cohen. That’s got a nice ring to it, don’t you think? Will you hook that up for me?
Ryan: No.
Seth: Why not? Unless, hey, I mean, do you like her?
Ryan: No no no no. She’s argumentative, bossy.
Seth: Yeah, that’s my type.

Summer: If Cohen is a virus, Zach is the cure. He is the anti-Cohen.

Caleb: Are you a frittata man?
Sandy: I’m fine.

Julie: Look who has a new ficus!
Kirsten: Ah, I have a ton of work to do.
Julie: I figure now that I’m in charge I could infuse a little more life into this place. You know, ficus here, and orchid there. Next thing you know we are a—
Kirsten: A rain forest. Thanks for the plant, but right now this company is one failed deal away from total ruin. Which means I have to ficus. I mean focus.
Julie: Ficus, focus. You are all over the place.

DJ (Nicholas Gonzalez): So, what, are we friends now?
Marissa: Judging by this conversation, probably not. But I’d really like to try and be something.

Ryan: You have a date tomorrow.
Seth: I do? With who?
Ryan: Lindsay. The new Mrs. Seth Cohen.
Seth: No. Man, I said I wanted to marry her, not date her, okay? I didn’t really think she would say yes. This changes everything.
Ryan: Well I’m not getting you out of it.
Seth: Well I’m not going.

Seth: Are you kidding me. Her with a tattoo, you with a wristband. That’s like the ultimate wrong-side-of-the-tracks love story. Seriously, you are the Syd to her Nancy. The Kurt to her Courtney. The 50 Cent to her… Mrs. Cent.

Seth: My friend Ryan, he’s really cool, okay? He’s very anti-establishment. He enjoys sunset walks on the beach, punching people, and not smiling.
Alex: And that’s how you see me?
Seth: Yeah. Except less smiling.

Summer walking past: Cohen… Hi Ryan.
Seth: I have a date.
Summer: Wow! Hey, I hope you and Captain Oats have fun.

Marissa: You have a date tonight too?
Ryan: Yeah, it’s not a date. It’s more of a group hang.

Julie: The truth is being CEO is a bitch.
Jimmy: Hm. You’d think you’d be a natural.
Julie: I tried to Google myself today and crashed the entire computer network. Then our most important investor ran out on his meeting with me and I don’t blame him.
Jimmy: I never heard you admit to having faults before. This is, this is fun.

Jimmy: Look, if there’s one thing you’re good at it’s getting money from rich old men. You just gotta do it the Julie Cooper way. You know I don’t mean sleep with him, right?
Julie: You know what, you have just given me the confidence to execute a new plan.
Jimmy: And you have given me a delightful snack. I love this New Era. We should’ve gotten divorced years ago.

Sandy: Today he sent me to go meet with his former assistant, Phyllis.
Kirsten: Phyllis died last year.
Sandy: Exactly. Literally, dead ends.

Julie: Now I know I’m not your favorite person right now, but I have a way to make it up to you.
Sandy: This can’t be good.

Alex: So, do you like live music?
Ryan: Not really. You?
Alex: It’s my passion.

Seth: The good news is we’ve hit rock bottom. Although I’ve redefined rock-bottom like several times tonight.
Summer and Marissa walk in.
Ryan: I think we just hit a new low.

Kirsten: Oh, god. She just grazed an ass.
Jimmy: Ah, the not-so-subtle ass graze. I’ve been a victim of it myself.

Caleb: What the hell are you doing here?
Sandy: Well I tried to talk to Phyllis earlier, but I left my Ouija board at home.

Caleb: Well played, Magnum PI.

Sandy: I’ll only ask you this once, Cal. Are you having an affair?
Caleb: We’re in much deeper water than that, my friend.

Ryan: An honest conversation with a girl. That’s new for me.

Seth to Summer: Hey, can I talk to you for like, one minute? Zach, I’m really sorry.
Zach: Okay, I’m gonna go jump off the pier.

Seth: So. To recap. I got disco-ed by two girls in one night, and unfortunately that’s just… not the first time it’s happened.
Alex: Actually I’m not surprised.
Seth: Thank you. For twisting the knife.

Lindsay: It’s my fault. I knew it was going to be a disaster with Seth.
Ryan: Then why’d you say yes?
Lindsay: Because I thought you were asking me out. Tell me I didn’t say that outloud.
Ryan: What?
Lindsay: I thought that I was saying yes to you. Where’s that stupid bus?
Ryan: You did? ‘Cause I… you think I’m an idiot.
Lindsay: Yeah. Well I guess that’s the twist ’cause now I’m the idiot.
Ryan: No you’re not. When I asked you out that day for Seth, I, uh…
Lindsay: Keep talking, Ryan.
Ryan: I wanted it to be me. I did. I just didn’t think in a million years you’d say yes.
Lindsay: Then I’ve been right all along. You are an idiot.
Ryan: An idiot you’d go out with sometime?
Lindsay: It’s possible.