The O.C. Season 2

The Family Ties

2005.01.06    

Michael Cassidy  Olivia Wilde  Shannon Lucio

Seth: Hey man, what’s going on?
Ryan: Studying.
Seth: Will you punch someone, please? For old time’s sake? Alright, fine. Logarithms are the new uppercut. I got it.

Seth: It’s a story as old as time, really. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy finds out girl is surrogate mother’s illegitimate half-sister.
Sandy: I’m guessing it’s too soon to joke, Seth. Even for a Cohen.

Sandy: If she comes back and decides she wants to be part of this family…
Ryan: Then we’re done dating, huh?
Sandy: Unless you want to move to the south.

Seth: Holy 80s teen comedy plot!

Julie: What if it wasn’t my life? What if I could just walk away from it?
Jimmy: Well that would depend on what you’re walking to.

Sandy: Keep shucking, Seth! I want dinner ready by the time your mother gets home.
Seth menacing his father with corn: Hey! Maybe I don’t feel like shucking these, okay? Maybe you should go and shuck ’em yourself, old man! {long pause until Sandy and Ryan start laughing}
Ryan: That’s good.
Sandy: You had me shaking in my boots.
Seth: I’m so screwed. Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. I get mad I turn into like a 75-year-old yenta… named Sylvia.

Ryan: What are you doing?
Seth: Hey. I just, ah, I need to borrow a wifebeater for tonight. I thought you had several, so…
Ryan: Yeah, and why are wearing it?
Seth: Well Alex, she called me nice, Ryan. So what I’m trying to do is to cultivate more of a bad boy image.
Ryan: Yeah. I don’t think it’s gonna get the job done.
Seth: You’re right. I need to borrow your wrist cuff. Oh hey! Also, you remember that choker you used to wear?
Ryan: No. Just… no.
Seth: You’re extra… broodish. What’s up, man? Is the Lindaey thing still bothering you?
Ryan: Not at all. We had a really nice family dinner.
Seth: I know! I thought so. Which is part of the problem. Got it.

Ryan: You realize we’re both screwed.
Seth: Dude, I’m wearing a wifebeater.

Alex: What’s that?
Seth: What’s what? Oh this? This is my good friend, John.
Alex: John?
Seth: Yeah. He’s a good friend of mine.
Alex: What’s John?
Seth: No, I said, I said, I said Jim. What I meant to say was Jack. They’re all my friends.

Jimmy: I’ve got terrible news, really. I’ve fallen in love with my ex-wife.
Sandy: You were married before Julie?
Kirsten: You’re in love with Julie?
Sandy: Well I don’t believe that.
Kirsten: Unfortunately I do.

Jimmy: Look, here’s the deal. I can’t be here and be with Julie. But right now I can’t be here and not be with Julie.
Kirsten: What are you saying?

Kirsten: You’re leaving?
Jimmy: Yeah. I need to get away from here before I do any more damage to myself. Or to my kids. Or to Julie. I love Newport. But it’s no good for me right now. In the last year I’ve nearly been arrested, been bankrupt for stealing from my clients. I got punched out at my daughter’s cotillion. I lost my house, my family. I tried to kiss you—which I still feel terrible about. I spent the summer drunk on a boat with your 25-year-old sister. And now I’m getting back together with the woman who started this in the first place. I just can’t stay here any longer. I just can’t do it.

Lindsay: You’re giving me the pinky?
Ryan: I’m not really into public displays of affection.

Summer to Seth: Your breath smells like Marissa! You are so drunk!

Alex: Ryan, you have to take Seth home right now. He is wasted, and leaving a path of destruction in his wake.
Summer storming out: I cannot believe you. And I cannot believe that you told Cohen!
Alex: See?

Ryan: Shh! Okay, we gotta be really stealth here.
Seth: Hey! I was all-camp Capture-the-Flag at Camp Tacahoe. I invented the stealth.
Ryan: Right. You did.
Seth: I sure did.
Ryan: But you need to be quiet.
Seth: I haven’t been this wasted since your first night in Newport when we beat up those kids.

Sandy: What’s going on? {trash cans crash}. You guys okay? Seth?
Seth: Shh! We’re being stealth! {rolls across the hood of the car. Sort of.}

Seth: Hello. I just came by to tell you I’m dying and and thank you for your friendship. And also to apologize for whatever happened last night.
Ryan: Well you don’t have to apologize to me. Have you talked to Zach?
Seth: No. Why?
Ryan: Ah, you kind of destroyed his relationship with Summer.
Seth: Oh. I violated the Code of Man.
Ryan: Talked to Alex?
Seth: She won’t answer my calls.
Ryan: Hm. Might have something to do with all the vomit.
Seth: All the vomit? How much vomit? Like, the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?
Ryan: Well, you wanted to be a bad boy. You did bad.

Kirsten: Ah! If it isn’t my son the wino.
Seth: You guys found out?
Kirsten: You weren’t exactly stealth.

Jimmy: You’re right. I need to learn how to be a real dad. So I’m… leaving.

Summer: Actually, I’m gonna go alone.
Zach: You’re going by yourself?
Summer: Hans Solo. Okay. But if I change my mind I’ll have Cohen get drunk and let you know.
Zach: Summer, come on!
Summer: Hooking up with your tutor, Zach? Not even that cool in the 80s. I mean she could of at least have been a hooker and helped you get into Princeton.

Seth: Listen I’ll see you in a few. I’m gonna slip out for awhile, try to fix things with Alex.
Ryan: What about your parents?
Seth: They’re scary. Which is why I need you to cover for me. Okay? Just throw up a smoke screen, give them some of that famous Ryan Atwood double-talk.
Ryan: I barely talk.
Seth: Good point. The less said, the better.
Ryan: I don’t think this is a good idea, man.
Seth: And you call yourself a bad boy.

Julie: See ya, James.
Jimmy: So long, Jules.

Summer: Kind of a boring party. {Marissa stumbles in with DJ}
Ryan: Not for long.

Julie to Jimmy: You see what you’re leaving me with? You see how screwed up she is?
Marissa: Of course I’m screwed up. I’m the daughter of a thief and a slut.

Ryan: So you want me to kiss you as an experiment?

Lindsay: That was close.
Ryan: Maybe we should just keep this to ourselves for now.
Lindsay: At least until we know we’re not breaking any laws.

Seth: Hey Dad. How was the party? {whispering} I think somebody called the cops.

Marissa: I brought bagels.
Sandy: Well that’s the secret password in the Cohen household.