Sandy: I’ve always liked Luke. Kind of a big Golden Retriever.
Ryan laughs: Actually, he kinda is.
Theresa: You should go to Portland.
Ryan: It’s for them to figure out. They’re family.
Theresa: And you’re not a part of their family?
Ryan: Not anymore.
Ryan: So you learned to work a grill. You’re a step up on your mom.
Theresa: The only reason you stayed was because of this baby. And now there’s no baby.
Ryan: You don’t want me to come home.
Theresa: You don’t want to come home.
Ryan: How’d you make it all the way from Newport on that little catamaran?
Seth: Hm. Well, Ryan, sit down, my son. motions for him to sit down. It was a long and torturous journey, and I’m
not gonna, I’m not gonna sugar coat any details with you—
Ryan: Please don’t.
Seth: —’cause we’re friends. First, I sailed to Catalina. Then, I sailed to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara, I ran out of
snacks. Freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash, took a Greyhound to Portland.
Ryan: You took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. But don’t say it like that, cause it was a local. okay, have you ever been in one of those? Okay, not for the
faint of heart.
Ryan: I can’t believe after all that you took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. I think we’re definitely going to have to come up with a better story for school though, that’d be good.
Ryan: I don’t know, I like the bus idea. It’s cool.
Seth: Okay, what about maybe… boat sank, saved by whales? It’s very Whale Rider.
Ryan: What else you got?
Seth: I took a boat, boat sank, saved by a mermaid? Boat sank, stranded on a desert island…
Ryan: I’m gonna brood. Silently. Over here.
Ryan pointing at the Comic Book Club flyer: Who’s this guy?
Seth: That’s me with powers. The power to be handsome. What do you think?
Ryan: I think this has something to do with the whole outcast thing.
Seth: Ryan would you please take the minutes?
Ryan: Uh, Seth it’s just us.
Seth: Yeah, uh huh. write that down. I now call to order this year’s first Harvest School Comic Book League meeting. Members
include Seth Cohen, present. Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: Uh Seth, it’s just—
Seth: Ryan Atwood?
Ryan: Present. Seth, it’s just you and me. Can we maybe do this at home?
Seth: Yeah, we could, but then wouldn’t get our pictures in the yearbook.
Ryan: That might not be such a bad thing.
Seth: Yeah, maybe you couldn’t undermine me in front of the league. What about that?
Zach: Hey, I’m here for the comic book club.
Seth: You are?
Ryan: You are?
Zach: Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?
Seth: Um… because you’re on the water polo team?
Zach: What’s that supposed to mean?
Seth: Dude, I love that guy.
Ryan: You’re not the only one. points to Summer kissing Zach
Seth: No. She can not be dating him. That’s not even possible. How can that be possible?
Ryan: A second ago you wanted to date him.
Seth: Dude, do you really think Summer’s gonna want to be friends with me after what I did to her. Especially now that she has the Zach Attack? The guy’s like Superman.
Ryan: He’s not like Superman.
Seth: He’s like a thoroughbred. And I’m a monkey. With cymbals.
Ryan: I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself.
Lindsay: It’s your elbow I’m worried about.
Lindsay: So I’ve been thinking. I owe you an apology.
Ryan: You have to actually say the words. That’s kinda how it works.
Ryan: I know something we can do that doesn’t involve a lot talking.
Cut to them playing video games.
Sandy: Keep shucking, Seth! I want dinner ready by the time your mother gets home.
Seth: menacing his father with corn Hey! Maybe I don’t feel like shucking these… Okay, maybe you should go and
shuck ’em yourself, old man!
long pause then suddenly Sandy and Ryan laugh
Ryan: That’s good.
Sandy: You had me shaking in my boots.
Seth: I’m so screwed. Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the hulk. I get mad I turn into like a 75 year old yenta… named
Lindsey: You’re giving me the pinkie?
Ryan: I’m… not really into public displays of affection.
Ryan: Talked to Alex?
Seth: She won’t answer my calls.
Ryan: Hm. Might have sometihng to do with all the vomit.
Seth: All the vomit? How much vomit? Like, the little girl in Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?
Ryan: Well, you wanted to be the bad boy.
Ryan: So you want me to kiss you as an experiment?
Ryan: Look, I don’t know, I….I…I guess I was hoping this could be easy. For you and me to stay friends.
For you and Lindsay to be friends.
Marissa: And have us all live happily ever after?
Ryan: Yeah, something like that.
Marissa: I know, it seems like a million years ago we dated, but it wasn’t.
Ryan: I know that.
Marissa: And okay, maybe you’re over it. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. Maybe it never did. But it meant a lot
to me. You meant a lot to me. Still do.
Ryan: It’s not like that, I don’t know what it’s like. And thinking you and Lindsay should be friends was a bad idea.
Marissa: Why? I like her. And if you do the math, she’s my stepsister, so…
Ryan: I guess…
Marissa: Clearly, it’s going to be strange for us for a while.
Ryan: Yeah, I know, you’re right. I’m sorry. And that’s what I came here to say.
Marissa: I’m sorry, too.
Ryan: She’s been asking questions about you. Who you are, what you’re like. And though I told her, she still wants to get to know you.
Ryan: How’d things go with Zach?
Seth: Well they were going well until Summer discovered my sketchbook.
Ryan: What? What’d she do?
Seth: Well I thought she was going to get a restraining order, but she was cool with it.
Ryan: You’re writing a comic book. Not sexy.
Kirsten: Ryan, whatever you did can be undone. Candies, flowers? Work miracles.
Ryan: Actually it’s not something I did. Although thanks for your confidence. It’s your dad.
Kirsten: Ah, the one man impervious to miracles. What happened?
Ryan: Well, Lindsay reached out to him. Or I did for her. There was a meal. Um, there was supposed to be a meal. Um…
we went to a restaurant.
Kirsten: Oh, god, What did he say?
Ryan: He didn’t actually take out his checkbook, but he might as well have.
Kirsten: He thought she wanted money? Wow, he must have gotten her confused with my other sister… Or his wife.
Ryan: Look, I’m not the biggest fan of your dad—no offense—but I mean, Luke Skywalker was happy to have a dad,
even if it was Darth Vader.
Kirsten: You’re right, she needs a dad.
Ryan: Alright, look. Luke Skywalker was happy to find his dad, right? Even if he turned out to be Darth Vader.
Lindsay: And they fought each other with lightsabers until one of them died.
Ryan: When you put it that way—
Lindsay: Look, just don’t worry about my family. Or… our family. Whatever they are. Just let it be, okay?
Kirsten: Well didn’t you use that Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader analogy?
Ryan: She poked a serious hole in that analogy.
Ryan to Caleb: Right, because there are no musicals in Chino.
Caleb: I’ve had just about enough of you.
Ryan: That’s too bad, ’cause I’m just getting started.
Ryan: You don’t want a relationship with Julie Cooper, do you? ‘Cause I don’t think we’d ever see each other.
Ryan about Seth’s obsession with Zach and Summer: No, Seth, you can’t ask her. It’s weird and it’s creepy and it’s none of your business.
Lindsay: You should have seen the look she gave me. Like I was some sort of scheming fortune hunter.
Ryan: Well, that’s what she understands.
Ryan about Lindsay’s ranking system: So I come in right below pizza. That’s good to know.
Lindsay: Yeah, well. A girl’s gotta eat.
Seth: Unless I can think of one last grand romantic gesture, Summer’s gone.
Ryan: Wow. You know, I remember when I first heard about Summer. We were sailing and you said you named your boat after her.
Which I thought was a little weird considering you never actually talked to her.
Seth: Eureka, Ryan! I can’t believe I just said Eureka. That’s it!
Ryan: What’s it?
Seth: The way to win her back. The grand romantic gesture that’s gonna put Zach’s Euro-Trip to shame. I shall take her on a sailing
adventure aboard the Smmer Breeze.
Ryan: Except you sold the boat for bus fare.
Seth: I did. Dammit. Eureka, Ryan! I shall buy back the Summer Breeze! Yes.
Ah. Except with what money?
Seth: Okay, if I wanted my parade rained on, I would just step outside. Let me ask you, man. Do you like the shape of the idea, even.
Seth: Then, okay great. All I need is money. Hang on. Yes, got the answer. But before I say Eureka again, do you see any other potential
flaws or holes in my plan?
Seth: Then Eureka! Ryan. Eu-friggin-reka!
Ryan: Walk away.
Alex: I’m gone.
Ryan: It’s not about me, I’m here because of her mom.
Alex: What are you and Julie Cooper a team, now?
Trey: Just ah, something I picked up in prison.
Seth entering: Ah yeah, the old scallion and shiv omelet. I’ve seen Lockup. Stallone’s finest work since Over
Trey: Stallone, huh? Eh, I’m more of a Van Damme fan.
Ryan: What, are you kidding me? Segal, man.
Ryan: Hey, you wanna do a little living room rearrange?
Seth: Yeah, yeah. Let’s make it a three-way. Ryan looks at Seth. What? That came out weird.
Ryan: Sorry. You know if anybody should know about knocking before entering the pool house it should be me.
Ryan: Okay, you stay here.
Seth: What are you going to do?
Ryan: I don’t know.
Seth: Okay, I got a plan. The kind of plan that made me All-Camp Capture-the-Flag Champ Tahoe. And it is extremely stealth.
Trey: I’m sorry, Ryan. Okay? I screwed up. And you and Seth and Marissa saved my ass. I know that. Will you please just accept my apology?
Ryan: Don’t keep Sandy waiting.
Ryan: Why are you doing all this? Going over to see him, wanting to throw him a birthday party?
Marissa: He’s your brother.
Ryan: Exactly. He’s my brother. And if everyone had just let me handle it from the beginning then none of this would have happened.
Ryan: People who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. Well, I’ve learned.
Seth: Yeah, you’ve learned. But, you know, the great victory is gonna be what? Not seeing your brother anymore? Congratulations.
Seth: Okay, so then when the cops showed up and asked who’s responsible for the girl floating in the pool, he was like, what? “I’m an ex-con on parole. I know, I’ll say me.”
Ryan: No, I think that when the cops showed up and went to put the cuffs on Marissa he did what he had to do to stop them.
Seth: What makes you say that?
Ryan: I was about to do the same thing.
Seth: Sure. The compulsive need to rescue Marissa Cooper must be in the Atwood DNA.
Ryan: It would explain a lot.
Seth: I don’t believe it, Ryan. Bright Eyes has two albums in the top ten.
Ryan: You okay with that?
Seth: Yeah I just feel like the rest of the world’s finally caught up to me. It’s a little bit scary.
Ryan: Yeah, it’s a lot scary.
Seth: Tell me I’m still special.
Sandy about Seth: Alright, now I’m officially terrified.
Ryan: He doesn’t have that many friends at school.
Seth: So what kind of dancing are we talking about? A little Jazz Step, a little Soft Shoe?
Mary Sue: Actually, it’s not quite a dance contest.
Seth: It isn’t?
Mary Sue: No. pulls out whipped cream
Ryan: She’s got whipped cream, Seth.
Seth: Yeah, I know. Maybe she’s… baking a cake.
Mary Sue: See, I’m gonna cover myself with whipped cream, and you’re gonna lick it all off and eat a cherry out of my mouth
before any of the other contestants.
Seth: Did she say cherry?
Mary Sue: If we win it would mean so much to my grandma. Not having to worry about my college loans. With all the money she
spends on medication.
Seth: Yeah. It’s for Grandma. What exactly does she have?
Ryan: Yeah, we’ll just hope Summer hasn’t paid her cable bill.
Bible Beater Boyfriend: …but her best friend told me she entered some contest down here. Immodestly revealing
her body for money.
Ryan: Well, Spring Break. That does happen.
Bible Beater Boyfriend: Doesn’t where we’re from.
Ryan: Where’s that?
Bible Beater Boyfriend: Bob Jones University. If they find out what she’s doing here, she’ll be expelled. Which won’t matter
when she’s burning in hell.
Ryan: Mm. Yeah, that’s rough.
Bible Beater Boyfriend: Worst part is, I think she’s cheating on me with whoever her partner in sin is.That’s why I brought
my boys with me.
Seth: Oh, yeah? Your frat brothers?
Bible Beater Boyfriend: Bible Study Buddies.
Seth: Look, just because you saw Trey leaving Marissa’s does not mean they’re hooking up.
Ryan: Yeah? What does it mean?
Seth: Maybe he went over there to borrow something. Like a book. Or one of her News Boy caps.
Ryan: Yeah, or maybe they hooked up.
Seth: Okay, just married to the worst possible scenario.
Ryan: I’m going to talk to her about it today, but whatever happened she seems dead set on keeping it from me.
The phone rings
Seth: Kind of early for a phone call.
Ryan: Kind of early for a lot of things.
Theresa: Ryan, Trey has been jerking you around your entire life. And Marissa—
Ryan: Has made mistakes.
Theresa: She would never hurt you like that.
Ryan: How do you know?
Theresa: ‘Cause last year when I needed you, you know, she let you go. Even though it broke her heart. They both love you, but of the two of them? Marissa is the one you can trust.
Ryan: How are you doing?
Seth: Well, I was depressed. Now I’m depressed and confused.
Ryan: A rehab center. Where’d you get this?
Seth: My dad’s office. I don’t think he’s trying to kick bagels.
Ryan: I don’t think it’s for your dad.
Seth: Okay, I’ve officially talked to every pillar in the community. I’m sick of pillars.
Ryan: At least you don’t have everyone asking if you’re the guy that burned down Caleb’s model home and caused him to have
his first heart attack.
Marissa: Yeah, well everyone’s looking at me like I’m the grieving step-daughter. I don’t think the guy could stand me.
Trey: I was helping Jess out and it got a little outta control.
Ryan: Story of your life, right?
Trey: Yeah, but that was it, man. I told her I’m done.
Ryan: Done. You’ve been done before, too.
Trey: Dude, I know, but Jess turned out to be a little crazier than I expected.
Ryan: Really? That a surprise considering you met her face down in a pool.
Kirsten: Oh, don’t you say a word. I let you into this house.
Ryan: Yeah, you did. Because my own mom couldn’t take care of me. Because she wouldn’t get help even though I asked her
to. I don’t want to see that happen again to someone I love.
Kirsten: Are you going to be okay?
Seth: Yeah, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about Dad. We’ll set up a stage in the living room. Give him a microphone and the
music to Starlight Express.
Ryan: I’ve got the takeout menus covered.
Seth: I’ll order. I’m good with the phone.
Ryan: We’ll be fine.
Kirsten: I love you both so much.
Seth: This whole floating in the pool thing is not really helping.
Ryan: Nah, I hear you.
Seth: Neither is video games or the wisdom of Chuck Klosterman.
Ryan: You know, we should get out of the house. Hit an old folks home, some shuffleboard action.
Seth: I’m not really in the mood for old people.
Ryan: IMAX movie? Something with sharks?
Seth: Eh, I don’t like sharks.
Seth: The way things have been going, I bet that’s Oliver.
Seth: There’s something more. But before I tell you, you gotta promise you’re gonna stay calm; you’re not gonna get all Old School Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: What is it?
Seth: It’s upsetting.
Ryan: Yeah, we covered that.