The O.C. Ryan Atwood

Season 4

2006.11.02    

The Avengers

Seth: I’m not going to go anywhere until you come with me.
Ryan: Yeah? What are you gonna do, you gonna fight me?
Seth: Well, seeing as how I don’t fight back— Ryan shoves Seth
Ryan: Just don’t anymore, okay?

Ryan: What’s this?
Julie: It’s why I needed to see you. You see, after it happened I hired a private investigator to find out where he went. Volchok. And now I know. All the information is in this file. I’m not giving it to the cops. Jail’s too good for him. I’m giving it to you. You’re the only person who can understand how I feel. And you can do with it—with him—what you want.
Ryan: I don’t want it.
Julie: What?
Ryan: I don’t care about him, I don’t care about any of it and I don’t want to start.
Julie: That’s… that’s a lie, Ryan. That’s… I know you. Even if you didn’t come to her funeral or never visit her grave, you still care. Ryan leaves without a word.

Ryan: Summer.
Summer: Hey Atwood.
Ryan: So you came here to talk.
Summer: You’re not talking. I got it. It’s great to see you too. I really like what you’ve done with your whole face. So I’m gonna need you to come with me now.
Ryan: Can’t do it. Gotta work.
Summer: Right. Running that germy rag across those filthy tables is really important stuff. Look I just flew 3,000 miles—
Ryan: I didn’t ask you to.
Summer: No. Seth did. He’s worried about you. So are the Cohens. I know you think that you’re protecting them but you’re not. You’re just hurting them. Besides, Seth keeps leaving me these endless, whiny messages that are totally clogging up my voicemail. Ryan, c’mon, take a deep breath. Just let me do what I do best.
Ryan: Which is what?
Summer: Giving orders. Just do what I say, Atwood. One last time.

Sandy: Thanks for taking the time. Letting us make fools of ourselves. Meant a lot to Seth. And to Kirsten. Not so much to me. I’m no softie.
Ryan: No.
Sandy: You should probably get goin’. You’re late.
Ryan: Hope they don’t fire me.
Sandy: I bet they got great benefits, huh. Good dental. The accommodations…
Ryan: Yeah… uh… actually, about that, I… if I, you know, ever wanted to, you know, once in awhile, the pool house is probably filled with boxes, right?
Sandy: It’s exactly the way you left it. Little too empty, if you ask me.
Ryan: It wouldn’t take me too long to pack.
Sandy: Kirsten’s got some leftovers from last night.
Ryan: Thanks. Thank you.
Sandy: You know at the risk of saying too much, being there with her when it happened… You’re never going to get over it, but you’ll get used to it. Just let yourself feel what you need to feel, even if it hurts.
Ryan: One step at a time, okay?
Sandy: Okay. I’m going to shut up now.

Ryan: See you at home.

Julie and Ryan meet at Marissa’s grave
Julie: I was wondering when you’d finally come here.
Ryan: Thanks for meeting me.
Julie: I’m here every day.

The Gringos

Seth: Can’t let you go.
Ryan: It’s not really your choice.
Seth: So what? Then you’re just going to find Volchok and either kill him or get yourself killed? That’s insane.
Ryan: This conversation’s over. Seth jumps into the Jeep What— what are you doing?
Seth: I’m coming with you. It’s not like you’re leaving me any choice.
Ryan: I’m gonna tell the cops. I just need to see him first.
Seth: No offense, but, like, nobody believes that.

Seth: So where we going?
Ryan: Mexico.
Seth: Perfect. I need Chiclets.

Ryan: Seth set me up.
Kirsten: He called. He was worried.
Sandy: C’mon, let’s go home.
Ryan: Why? So we can pretend like everything’s the way it used to be?
Sandy: We all miss her. It’s never going to be like the way that it used to be. But we are still a family.
Ryan: You don’t understand—he’s here.
Seth walking in: No. He’s gone.

Kirsten: You okay? You hungry? Ryan is silent. This was my worst nightmare. When you first came to live with us. That Seth would follow you somewhere and get hurt.
Ryan: Yeah. I know I shouldn’t have taken him. I’m sorry.
Kirsten: I was going to say, all this changes. Now I have two children to worry about.

The Cold Turkey

Neil: Hey Ryan.
Ryan: Hey. Is Julie home?
Neil: She is but I’d rather you didn’t bother her right now.
Ryan: I just need a minute of her time.
Neil: Yeah. I’ve been saying the same thing for six months. Maybe you can talk to her after the holidays.
Ryan: I don’t think you really understand what’s going on here.
Neil: No, you’re right, I don’t. I don’t understand all the phone calls. I don’t understand why we’re not having dinner with your family tonight. All I do know is that I was once very excited about my life with this woman and it all seems to be disappearing now.
Ryan: I get it. I’m sorry.
Neil: Tell your family I say “Happy Thanksgiving.”

Ryan: You didn’t try to help. You didn’t even stop.
Volchok: I got scared. I freaked… all to hell.
Ryan: And she died. On the side of the road.
Volchok: I think about that night every day. That’s all I think about. I wish I could take it back.
Ryan: I don’t want to hear about how bad you feel. Tell me why you did it.
Volchok: Does it matter?
Ryan: It matters to me.
Volchok: I don’t know. Okay? I mean, I was coming after you. You got the girl, I didn’t. And that was hard for me to handle. I just want— I wanted you to pull over. And it all got out of control.
Ryan: So what? It was all an accident? Hm? A mistake?
Volchok: I know it doesn’t change anything. So if you want to finish this, I’m not gonna fight back.
Ryan: I’m not doing you any favors. You have to live with what you did. It’s over.

Sandy: I’m proud of you.
Ryan: Sorry.
Sandy: You hungry?
Ryan: Starving.

Julie: Tell me about her.
Ryan: What?
Julie: Anything. Just… tell me about her.

The Metamorphosis

Ryan: I’m gonna walk back. I’m sweaty.
Sandy: Yeah, I wasn’t offering you a ride.

Ryan: You know you might want to relax.
Taylor: Distract me. Tell me about this, uh, cage fighting. It’s something I’ve been meaning to get into.
Ryan: Yeah? Ask me another favor, I’d be happy to show you.
Taylor: Oh, Ryan Atwood with a side of sauce. I like it!

Ryan: Hey man. How’s your French?
Seth
: Old Summer’s been replaced by the real Summer and she looks suspiciously like the new Summer.
Ryan: So she’s still in her Go Green phase?
Seth: I don’t think it’s a phase, man. I think this is her life now and it’s obvious I don’t fit in it.

Ryan: Look, Taylor, this job, this is about all I can handle right now.

Ryan: You know this is a great torte. Really good.

The Sleeping Beauty

Seth: Bollywood, huh? I didn’t know you were such a world cinema buff. Especially at 2:30 in the morning.
Ryan: What are you doing up?
Seth: I had a dream. Summer was marrying Ralph Nader and I was playing the marimba at the wedding.
Ryan: Good gig.

Taylor: Would you like to dance?
Ryan: Actually I’m not much of a dancer. That’s probably shocking.

Ryan: We did not hate you.
Taylor: Oh, you totally hated me. Come on, you were probably the president of the “I Hate Taylor” Club.
Ryan: I was the secretary. I took the notes.
Taylor: Ryan! You made a real joke.

Seth: I saw you dancing with Taylor.
Ryan: Yeah. Is that look supposed to mean something?
Seth: Crazier things have happened. Not that I can recall this instant, but—
Ryan: Okay, I don’t think so.
Seth: Ask yourself why. She’s smart, she’s funny.
Ryan: Dude, just forget about it, okay? I’m not gonna date Taylor.

Ryan: Taylor! Taylor! Woah woah woah, hold on. Let me explain.
Taylor: Oh, I think you were pretty clear, Ryan. And yes, I lied when you asked me if I liked you. But… What was I even thinking? I mean, you and me, I must be totally crazy.
Ryan: You’re not crazy, okay?
Taylor: Ryan, I pretended to be a sleep therapist to seduce you.
Ryan: Well that was crazy.
Taylor: Don’t worry, because next week I’m sure I’ll be totally obsessed with some guy who gives me change for parking.
Ryan: Look, what I said has absolutely nothing to do with you, okay? It’s just…
Taylor: What? That for the longest time all you could feel was your desire to kill Volchok, now that’s gone so you feel empty, can’t feel anything—least of all, anything for me.
Ryan: How do you keep doing that?
Taylor: Doing what?
Ryan: That. You keep telling me what I’m thinking before I feel it.
Taylor: Because I think about you. You know I want you to be happy, and I think that if you gave it a chance you might feel something too.
Ryan: Taylor—
Taylor: Are you going to tell me that you really like me as a friend?
Ryan: Maybe. she storms off. How does she do that?

The Summer Bummer

Kirsten: I couldn’t help but notice that you wanted to talk to Seth.
Ryan: Oh. Ah, did I?
Kirsten: Well since he’s out of town and he’s going to be moving out next semester you’re going to need a new Seth. Don’t tell Sandy, but I thought I would audition for the job.
Ryan: Oh, uh, yeah. Well, that’s, ah, very thoughtful.
Kirsten: So, how does it work? Do I ask you what’s on your mind?
Ryan: Well usually you talk about yourself and I solve my problems on my own.
Kirsten: I couldn’t help but notice you’ve been spending time with Taylor.
Ryan: Real— Have I? It’s—
Kirsten: If we’re going to talk about girls, I am a far more knowledgeable resource than my son.
Ryan: Okay, but you can’t repeat this alright? Because if the real Seth found out I was telling the substitute Seth a real secret—
Kirsten: It’s in the vault.
Ryan: I kissed Taylor.

Kirsten: So do I get the job?
Ryan: You’re on the short list.

Ryan: Taylor.
Taylor: Yeah?
Ryan: What are you doing tonight?
Taylor: Oh, I’m updating my blog. It’s kind of a Felicity by way of Anais Nin. “The erotic memoirs of soulful college girl.”
Ryan: Taylor. Tonight. Are you busy?
Taylor: Oh. Blog-shmog.
Ryan: Is that a yes?

Ryan: Hey man. How’s the east coast treating you?
Seth: Too soon to tell. I had a layover in Sault Lake and then got delayed in Poughkeepsie. It’s hard to get a direct flight last minute.
Ryan: Yeah well, at least you made it. Was Summer surprised to see you?
Seth: I’m headed over there right now. I’ve got an all-night study package.
I scored a brick of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and some reasonably-priced meth from this homeless guy.
Ryan: Well I’m sure she’ll appreciate the pick-me-up.
Seth: How are things with you? I know you wanted to talk.
Ryan: Things are weird. And about to get a lot weirder.
Seth: That wasn’t vague or ominous at all.

Sandy: So Kirsten told me she came in yesterday and applied for the job of substitute Seth.
Ryan: Yeah, she may have.
Sandy: Well you know, if anyone’s qualified I think we all know it’s me and I’m thinking the only reason you didn’t ask me is because no interview is necessary.

Sandy: Listen, if there’s anything else I can do for you I’m gonna be in my room reading comics and listening to indie rock.
Ryan: Alright, okay. That was a good Seth.

Ryan: What are you doing paying your gay friend Roger to pretend he’s in love with you?
Taylor: Well, what if I did? Hm? What if I did rent a homosexual for the evening and pay him with rare collectibles from Asian cinema? What difference does it make to you?
Ryan: Well, it’s a little strange.
Taylor: Well, so am I. Which is why you ran away from me last night.
Ryan: No, it wasn’t ’cause you’re strange.
Taylor: You don’t find me strange?
Ryan: No, I do. But it’s not why I took off.

The Chrismukk-huh?

Taylor: Ryan? Is that you?
Ryan: Taylor? You know me?
Taylor: Oh my god. I found you.

Ryan: We’re in a parallel universe.
Taylor: Exactly.
Ryan: Okay.
Taylor: And I’m so grateful that if I have to be in a parallel universe that you’re here with me. Of course you probably wish you were with someone you actually wanted to date. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?
Ryan: Oh, even in a parallel universe she never stops.

Ryan: How do you know this?
Taylor: Oh, tenth grade I had a little sci-fi phase. Alt-universe are huge. Clearly, you and I have entered a world where we don’t exist. But don’t despair, I know the way back to the real world.
Ryan: Yeah? Does it involve me dating you?
Taylor: Well well. Look who’s funny in alt-world.

Taylor: Even if Marissa is fine in this world—which, thank god, she is—we need to focus on fixing what is broken. Because that’s what’s gonna get us back to the real world.
Ryan: But if she’s alive…
Taylor: Then you don’t want to go back.

Alt-Kaitlin: [Marissa] died three years ago.
Ryan: What?
Alt-Kaitlin: She OD’ed in an alleyway in Tijuana. Wow, that’s really the way I want to start my Christmas vacation. Wait, who are you again?
Ryan: No one.

Taylor: Ryan, you gave her three more years. She got to fall in love. She got to graduate.
Ryan: She still died.
Taylor: Which just means that you weren’t meant to save her. So if there’s any part of you that’s still blaming yourself for what happened you have to let it go. You’ve done so much for everybody.
Ryan: Yeah? Like what?
Taylor: Ryan, haven’t you been paying attention? You saved the Cohens. Without you, Seth is the next Unabomber. Sandy is married to Slutty McSlutterman. And Kirsten probably hasn’t had an orgasm in like a year.

Ryan: Has anyone ever said no to you?
Taylor: Once. And I pushed him off a roof. Kidding.

Alt-Seth: Oh, hate my life I hate my liiiiiiife! I hate my life!
Ryan: Yeah. No wonder Summer doesn’t like you.
Alt-Seth: See, even you think so. And no offense, but it’s kinda weird, you having such a vested interest in my love life considering I just met you this morning.
Ryan: Alright, you want the truth? Huh?
Alt-Seth: I know the truth.
Ryan: You know the truth?
Alt-Seth: Yeah.
Ryan: I’m from an alternate universe where your dad adopted me and you and Summer are in love. And unless I fix things here—which means getting your parents and you and Summer together—I can’t go home.
Alt-Seth: I always knew this would happen.
Ryan: Doesn’t surprise me.

Taylor: Did it go okay?
Ryan: Great. He’s going over stalking points right now.

Ryan: There’s some guy who wants to meet you in the master bathroom. Something about getting a thong off.
Alt-Julie: Oh! Oh. That’s charity talk. Thong is an acronym for The Homeless of Newport… Go. Or something.

Alt-Sandy: So? Are you gonna explain yourself?
Ryan: The truth is things the way they are now are completely wrong.
Alt-Summer: Who’s this random guy we’re all listening to and why am I not drunk yet?
Ryan: Okay, look, none of you know me. But the truth is that each of you saved my life just by being who you are. And right now none of you are who you are. Like Summer, for example. What are you doing? I mean Che, Chester? He’s completely wrong for you. You should be with Seth. Kirsten. You don’t want to run the Newport Group. That place makes you miserable. And you may like your Chardonnay, but I got news for: it doesn’t like you back. And Sandy, you don’t want to be mayor. You’re all about saving the little guy, not holing up in some mansion giving orders. What you two are best at is being married to each other.

Jailed Santa: You, uh, seen my hat?
Ryan: You threw up in it.
Jailed Santa: Right.

Jailer: Atwood. There’s someone here to bail you out.
Ryan: Thanks.
Alt-Sandy: I don’t know who you are, but a lot of what you said back at the house made sense. So why do you care so much about getting a bunch of strangers back together?
Ryan: Well, I guess I thought it would get me back home too but I was wrong. Can I ask what happened? How’d your family fall apart?
Alt-Sandy: You know I think it all goes back to when Marissa Cooper died three years ago. She was Jimmy and Julie Cooper’s daughter.
Ryan: I knew Marissa.
Alt-Sandy: Well when she died, it was like everybody got stuck.
Ryan: Didn’t know how to say goodbye.
Alt-Sandy: Maybe you’re right. What are you doing for dinner? How ’bout you come over to the house?
Ryan: There’s some place I’ve gotta go. Thanks.
Alt-Sandy: You’re welcome.

The Earth Girls Are Easy

Ryan: The nearest cab company’s in Baker. What do you wanna do now?
Seth: Oh, curl up in a fetus position and weep. Although perhaps the unborn baby metaphor—
Ryan: Not really appropriate.

Taylor: If you’re here for sex there’s like five guys ahead of you.
Ryan: Okay, look I’m sorry that I jumped to conclusions tonight. But you can’t be paranoid either about being divorced or any of it. It doesn’t mean anything.
Taylor: So you don’t think I’m a whore?
Ryan: No. No, no, of course not.
Taylor: Good. Because I’m not. Unless of course you want me to be.
Ryan: Is that my negligée?
Taylor: Mm hm.
Ryan: Well I want that back.
Taylor: C’mon. Before I change my mind.
Ryan: Alright, but just to be clear—
Taylor: Everything but.

The My Two Dads

Ryan: So you asked her before you looked at the test?
Seth: I was trying to be a man. A plan with a fundamental conceptual flaw.
Ryan: And now?
Seth: Well it’s not that I regret it exactly. Okay, it’s exactly that I regret it.
Ryan: Acting impulsively when your girlfriend is pregnant—believe me, I know about that. But you can’t ask Summer to marry you if you don’t want to get married.

Ryan: So just so you know, Seth doesn’t want to get married.
Taylor: Well it’s not like Summer wants to be a Desperate Housewife.

Seth: I feel good about this. I think a little long-term lifelong commitment is exactly what I needed.
Ryan: This is bad.
Seth: This is so bad.

Ryan: No shrimp tacos today. We got fish. You like tilapia?
Sandy: I love tilapia.

Ryan: You talked to him today?
Sandy: We met, yeah.
Ryan: I always knew one day he’d be out.
Sandy: He’s out.
Ryan: Yeah. Weird. And I know I’m supposed to have a lot of questions but… it’s like my dad’s from another life, it’s so far in the past.
Sandy: If that’s how you want to keep it, it’s fine with me.
Ryan: No speech about the importance of family?
Sandy: You’re my family. What’s important to me is you.
Ryan: I don’t want to see him. Maybe later, not now.
Sandy: Then that’s what I’ll tell him.

Ryan: You know you can stop that crazy train whenever you like.

Ryan: Dude, you can’t bring an animal in here. What are you doing?
Seth: How dare you talk to your nephew that way. Don’t listen to mean Uncle Ryan, Pancakes. That’s just the ‘roids talking. They do make him huge, I know.
Ryan: Will you get him out of here please before he ends up in a quesadilla?

Frank: All I know is you’re a ballplayer. And then I go away and suddenly you’re in musicals.
Ryan: Mom had her dreams.

Frank: I’m sorry, I’m not much of a hugger. I’m sorry about what happened in there.
Ryan: I’ll call ya.

Sandy: And we don’t want to get your mother angry. You haven’t seen her right-cross.
Ryan: Yeah. Your dad’s is pretty good though.
Seth: Well that makes sense. He was in a gang.
Kirsten: Don’t remind me.
Seth: The Jets, is what I’ve heard.
Sandy: We robbed from the poor and gave to the poor.
Seth: How many people would you say you stabbed?

The French Connection

Ryan: Wow. I had no idea I was under surveillance.
Taylor: Yeah. Clockin’ your every move.

Ryan: So you’re really going to Seattle?
Seth: You wanna marry a girl, you gotta ask her father’s permission, Ryan. It’s the polite thing to do.
Ryan: Yeah except you don’t want to get married. Which you could still tell her, you know.
Seth: Not a chance.
Ryan: So you guys are really going to walk down the aisle because neither of you is willing to back down?
Seth: That’s where Dr. Roberts comes in. He rejects me, this whole game of chicken ends and I don’t have to be the bad guy.

Ryan: Good luck getting rejected.
Seth: Fortunately it’s something I excel at.

Ryan about A Season for Peaches: Your ex-husband wrote this about you.
Taylor: A novel. Not a memoir. There’s a big difference. Ask James Frey.

Henri-Michel Momourant: Who shall I make it out to? A girlfriend perhaps. What is her name?
Ryan: Taylor.

Taylor: Okay, so where does this leave us because you can’t even look me in the eye. So that’s not a great sign.
Ryan: I don’t know. I… I gotta shower and get to work.

Henri-Michel: I would love to pick your brain on David Hume.
Ryan: Sounds great. Who’s David Hume?
Henri-Michel: Good question! I’m sure you ask yourself this every day.

Henri-Michel: After I heard about your research—traveling to Hume’s personal archive in Edinburgh—even I was impressed.
Ryan: I’m sure you were.

Ryan: You lied to make me look good, I get that. But the thing is, I think part of you wishes it were true.
Taylor: No, Ryan, please. I just want you to be yourself.

The Dream Lover

Summer: How’s Seth? See I kinda turned down his proposal and never heard from him again.
Ryan: Proposal? That’s the first time I’m hearing about it.
Summer: Right. For a week now Seth has been off the map. You expect me to believe that not once did he mention anything about a proposal going awry?
Ryan: Right. Well. He had pink eye.
Summer: Pink Eye? Did you have pink eye too?
Ryan: What? Why?
Summer: Well, ’cause Taylor said she didn’t hear from you either and she’s asking about you.
Ryan: Well, see, that was because I was helping him with his recovery. And waiting for Henri-Michel to leave.

Kaitlin: You honestly got her nothing? I mean, you couldn’t have gone to the Qwik-E-Mart and gotten her a stuffed animal or gummi bears?
Ryan: Gummi bears?
Kaitlin: Talk is cheap, Ryan. You’re going toe-to-toe with this Frenchie. You need to step your game up.
Ryan: I can’t believe I’m getting advice from a fifteen-year-old.
Kaitlin: A fifteen-year-old who’s right.

Summer: Now you’re going to tell me why I just had to lie to my friend?
Ryan: Ah, because I need to see her.
Summer: Because?
Ryan: I need to tell her how I feel. What?
Summer: Nothing. It’s just you don’t really strike me as the coffee cart type.
Ryan: And what does that mean?
Summer: Look, I’m sure you’ve changed. Being with Taylor made you more expressive, but articulating your feelings to your girlfriend, kind of a challenge.
Ryan: Yeah, but if I don’t make some sort of declaration —
Summer: You might lose her. Okay. You just need to take a deep breath, look inside, and say what’s from your heart.
Ryan: I can do that.
Summer: Good. One more thing. Taylor has a super big heart and she’s super forgiving, but there is a French guy circling like a great white shark.
Ryan: Okay, just reminding me of the stakes.
Summer: No. I’m giving you advice because you’re my friend and I really want you to work this out.
Ryan: I’m listening.
Summer: Do not choke!
Ryan: Yeah I wasn’t going to until you did that.
Summer: God you have a wide neck.
Ryan: Yeah, you have pretty small hands. Thanks for the advice.
Summer: No problem.

Sandy: So you didn’t quite hit it out of the park?
Ryan: I may have done more harm than good.

Ryan’s Poem: A sonnet: I don’t know how to write.
A haiku: 5-7-5 seems too tight.
Then there are three little words I’m not able to say
But Taylor, this is what I can tell you today
Though I can’t say those words to you tonight
Please stick with me because I feel someday I might

Taylor: Until I can be stronger on my own, I don’t think that I should be with anyone. Including you. I’m sorry.
Ryan: Okay. That makes sense.

The Groundhog Day

Ryan about Kirsten: You don’t think she knows about the party?
Sandy: What? No. Are you kidding me. No one plans a surprise party like Sandy Cohen. I could have been with the CIA.
Seth: I hear they’re known for their birthday parties.

Ryan: I cannot believe that you tried to steal Newport Chuck.
Seth: Sometimes the universe makes you do things that you don’t understand.
Ryan: Well Sandy didn’t seem too upset about it.
Seth: Sure. Are you kidding? He’s waited eighteen years for me to be arrested for political activism. It’s probably the proudest moment of his entire life.

Seth: It’s so weird.
Ryan: Yeah. Well, congratulations.
Seth: Yeah, it’s great. Especially since it makes me getting arrested seem trivial now, so—.
Kirsten: You got what?
Seth: Thanks for prepping her, Dad.

Taylor: Were you just trying to stalk me?
Ryan: Yeah, I guess I need a little more practice.
Taylor: That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.

The Case of the Franks

Ryan: Taylor, it’s my business.
Taylor: I know. I’m a meddler. But once I lick my stalking addiction that’s next on the list.

Taylor: Ryan, come on. It’s just dinner!
Ryan: Yeah? What are we going to talk about?
Taylor: I’ve never met an awkward silence I couldn’t fill.

Taylor: I mean, your dad and Julie Cooper. It’s just so—
Ryan: Incestuous. Inappropriate.
Taylor: Well look at you being all hyper-articulate.

Ryan: Dude, it’s a psychic.
Seth: I know. And Summer says she’s not worried but I can tell she is. Which is why I dug into the archives and came up with evidence that we are, in fact, destined to be together.
Ryan: It’s a piece of loose leaf, crumpled.
Seth: I dug it out of the trash nine years ago.
Ryan: Okay. Explain that.
Seth: This, my friend, marks the first moment that I fell in love with Summer Roberts. It was the spring. 1998.
Ryan: Is this a long flashback? ‘Cause my break’s almost over.
Seth: Bear with me. It was the spring. 1998.

Ryan: So what’s the plan?
Taylor: The Frank and Julie plan?
Ryan: Yeah.

Taylor: I forgot what we’re dealing with here. Atwoods on Valentine’s Day.
Ryan: I told you.

The Shake-up

Ryan: I haven’t told Taylor I love her.
Summer: You haven’t?
Ryan: Has she said something to you?
Summer: No. No. I just assumed. You guys have been together for awhile and you seem pretty happy and thought, why wouldn’t you have said I love you. I have an idea. Why don’t you.
Ryan: What?
Summer: For her birthday. You should. Because… the book of poems is awesome, but add that special little “I love you.” As a girl, I don’t know, me personally? I got chills.
Ryan: Does Taylor expect me to tell her I love her on her birthday?
Summer: What? No. I don’t know. I gotta go.

Ryan: Taylor. I… missed the last part of the movie. would you mind rewinding it a little?

Sandy: How far did you go?
Ryan: Mm. Nine, ten miles.
Sandy: Oh. It would have just been easier if you’d said, “Sandy, there’s something bothering me. Could you give me some advice?”.
Ryan: Yes it would, but where’s the fun in that?

Seth: Hey, check it out, man. Summer challenged me to make this pretentious art film so I’m making one called Six Hours in the Pool.
Ryan: Sounds great.

Taylor: I don’t understand how you’re not drunk.
Ryan: Oh, it’s the Atwood genes. We’re built to withstand massive quantities of alcohol.

Ryan: Taylor, are you pretending to got sleep thinking I’ll tell you I love you while you’re unconscious?
Taylor: Maybe.

Ryan: I didn’t know you were a runner.
Kaitlin: Yeah. Helps me work stuff out. You should try it.
Ryan: Maybe I will. Everything okay?
Kaitlin: Yeah. No, I was just nearby. Figured I’d stop in, say hello. Ask your advice on winning over a fifteen-year-old Newport girl.
Ryan: Kaitlin giving you trouble?

Kaitlin: I just wish there was a way you could tell if it was all gonna work out.
Ryan: Yeah but there isn’t. But I promise you I will always be your brother. In a completely non-creepy way.

The Night Moves

Taylor: This is my personal safety device. It’s a flashlight, it’s a radio, it’s a cellphone charger, it’s a siren and… it’s a compass. {looking at it} Hm. North is that way.
Ryan: Handy.
Taylor: I’ve also got canned goods, batteries, water… ooo! A gas mask and…that’s right, North Korean currency. Because you just never know.

Ryan: It’s not that bad.
Seth: Dude, it’s bad.

Ryan: Seth, the hospital is like a mile away.
Seth: I know. Which is why I’m taking the secret back roads way that’s only a half mile. That was sarcasm. I’m pretty sure my shortcut got us lost.
Ryan: Well, the ocean’s on one side, the land’s on the other. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. That was sarcasm too. Sorry.
Seth: No, hey. So you’re a little on edge. A giant glass spear in the back will do that to a guy.
Ryan: It’s not a spear.
Seth: What is it, a— more of a spike, or a skewer?
Ryan: Dude, you’re doing a terrible job of trying to keep my mind off the pain. You’re supposed to talk about something else. Not the thing causing the pain.
Seth: True. But what are you doing to keep my mind off of your pain, ’cause right now you’re not looking too good, I’m starting to feel— What was that?
Ryan: It sounds like we hit something.
Seth: Oh god, not a body.
Ryan: Alright, well pull over or something. Go check.
Seth: With the zombies?

Seth: Um, you may find this hard to believe, Ryan, but when I was younger I used to be a bit of a worrier.
Ryan: You don’t say.
Seth: To distract myself from worrying, I would sometimes make lists. Um, it didn’t matter what the lists were—it could be anything. Every cereal I’ve ever eaten, or the names of every planet mentioned in Star Wars.
Ryan: You want to make a list, Seth?
Seth: Huh? Oh, you know, whatever. I mean sure, if you want to. We could start with everyone you’ve ever punched in the face since you moved to Newport. The first would be Luke at Holly’s beach house.
Ryan: Yeah, and number two would be Luke.
Seth: Right. At the diner.
Ryan: Yeah. And again at the model home.
Seth: Holly’s dad at Cotillion
Ryan: That was more of a tackle.
Seth: Which takes us back to Luke.
Ryan: Yeah. At TJ.

Seth: So listen, I’m gonna go on foot and get help I think.
Ryan: No no no.
Seth: Well we can’t stay here. I don’t even know where here is.
Ryan: I’m going with you.
Seth: No, it’s cool. Listen, I’m gonna come back as soon as I can. I promise.
Ryan: What about the zombies?
Seth: That’s a really good point.

Seth: Alright buddy. We have to keep you alert and on your feet. Now, when last we checked the list—need some help—we were on Trey. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe we went from Trey to a lengthy Volchok period.
Ryan: Yeah. Hey, thanks for this.
Seth: Yeah. Now unless you hit that Chili guy. Or Johnny. I know a lot of people were rooting for that.
Ryan: Well I did punch Johnny’s dad. Or a bounty hunter who worked for him.
Seth: Johnny’s dad was a bounty hunter?
Ryan: Oh yeah. I never told you that?

Seth: Okay, I’ve always wondered this. In your opinion who is a better food industry server? Chloe, the magical waitress from Albuquerque. Or Donnie, the angry busboy who shot Luke?
Ryan: Uh.. Chloe.
Seth: Chloe, huh. Good. That’s what I figured. [?] Sadie the tough-as-nails yet soulful jewelry maker or Lindsay my grandfather’s illegitimate booksmart child?
Ryan: I can’t, Seth.
Seth: Sure you can. It’s very easy.

Seth: The doctors say you’re going to be fine. Although you’re going to have to wrap your head around the fact that we’re really brothers now. Or… blood brothers.
Ryan: You donated blood.
Seth: Eh. I had an extra few pints flowing through my veins. It was no big deal.
Ryan: You’re not a big fan of needles.
Seth: Nor of fainting, it turns out. But the bank was a little low and us O Negative guys gotta stick together.
Ryan: Hm. That’s weird because all the sudden I have this strange urge to listen to Death Cab and read comic books.
Seth: For real?
Ryan: No.
Seth: Ah, that’s too bad. Because if we could’ve turned this into a body swap comedy we could’ve squeezed another year or two out of this.
Ryan: So listen, I don’t know if I said this today, but—
Seth: You did. But after all the times you saved me, I was up. So…

The End’s Not Near, It’s Here

Six months later…

Ryan: We’ve all had to make adjustments since the earthquake.
Kirsten: Especially Kaitlin. [With] the entire Cohen family taking refuge here.
Kaitlin: It’s been nice. I mean, I’ve perfected my Sandy Cohen. Listen to this: “I shmeared it for ya.”
Sandy: Well, you know… not bad. I am very sexy.
Julie walking in: Baby, stop mimicking Sandy.
Sandy: Julie! Crepe? I am too nauseous to eat. Morning sickness? Or wedding jitters. Who can tell.
Kaitlin: Well your fiancé is certainly excited about the nuptials.
Julie: Yeah, he’s become a broken record. He keeps saying—
Bullitt: Bang!

Seth: Ryan! Come in, sit.
Ryan: Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

Ryan: Nice view. Infinity pool.
Sandy: Yeah, but no pool house.
Ryan: Yes. Well, six bedrooms. I think there’s room for everyone.

Todd: Hello.
Ryan: Hi. So we’d like to buy your house. the homeowners laugh and shut the door in their face. They try again…
Seth: Please don’t shut the door—we’d really like to buy your house.
Todd: And you’re an adorable couple. But this house isn’t for sale.

Seth: I thought I had them with the hands in the cement.
Ryan: Me too.

Taylor: Why are you in Berkeley?
Ryan: Long story, but trying to get the Cohens their old house back.
Taylor: The Cohens are moving to Berkeley?
Ryan: If things work out.
Taylor: So, that would mean you wouldn’t be coming back to Newport for Christmas or summer or… ever.

Ryan: Alright Roberts. I’ll see you.
Summer: Alright, Atwood.
Ryan: And thank you so much for Flapjacks. I promise I’ll raise him right.
Summer: Don’t forget to clean his cage. Which should not be used for cage fights.

Seth: I’ve been doing some checking up on your new roommate. His favorite book and movie are the Da Vinci Code. He’s no me.
Ryan: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Seth: At least I leave you funnier than when I found you.
Ryan: A lot better off than when you found me.
Seth: Me too.