Gossip Girl Serena van der Woodsen

Season 3

2009.09.14    

Blake Lively

Reversals of Fortune

Serena: I’m really sorry about yesterday. I thought after the whole arrest scandal, out of sight out of mind. I had no idea it would be worse when I got back.
Rufus: You’ve apologized enough, Serena. No one’s blaming you. Now that those vulture’s have the first shot of your return I’m sure they’ll leave you alone. It’s not like you’re going to get arrested again.

Serena: Wait you do what? I go to Europe for three months and you turn from Jane Austen to Anais Nin. Is there anything Chuck Bass can’t get you to do?
Blair: It was my idea.
Serena: No, no it wasn’t.
Blair: Yes, it was. We had our honeymoon period and while other couples settle into routine we were determined to keep things interesting. So Chuck plays the cheating bastard and I play the scorned woman. I even get to choose who to humiliate. Models, tourists, Upper West Siders…

Carter: Where you headed beautiful?
Serena: Carter.
Carter: I was in the neighborhood.
Serena: No you weren’t.
Carter: Gossip Girl said you’d returned. I wanted to see you.
Serena: Well you’ve seen me. Now you can go.
Carter: We need to talk.
Serena: No. We don’t.
Carter: I know you can’t avoid what happened forever.
Serena: Watch me.

Serena: Hey, what’s— what’s going on here?
Carter: Ah, your friend’s trying to have me removed.
Serena: Right. Because you’re stalking me.
Dan: You don’t have to talk to him.
Carter: You told him I was stalking you? You want to tell him the truth or should I?
Dan: What’s the truth?
Serena: Yeah Carter, what’s the truth?
Carter: Sooner or later you’re going to be alone with no one taking your picture. What are you going to do then?
Blair: Serena, what’s he talking about?

Serena: Why won’t you leave me alone Carter? You’re not my boyfriend.
Carter: No, but I seem to be the only one you tell your secrets to.
Serena: Well I guess that was a mistake.
Carter: Dropping your dress, stealing a horse—all that is is a cry for attention.
Serena: I don’t need to cry for attention. I’m getting plenty on my own in case you haven’t noticed.
Carter: Yeah, plenty from everyone
except the one you want it from.
Serena: That’s not true.
Carter: He didn’t want to see you Serena.
Serena: That’s not what happened.
Carter: We spent a month chasing him down and then we found him he couldn’t even meet you face to face.
Serena: Well maybe he didn’t get my message or he didn’t realize who I was—
Carter: He didn’t realize who his daughter was? Serena, what if your dad didn’t want to see you? Who cares? Who the hell is he not to want you? I would have stayed all summer with you. But after that you ditched me and ran again.

The Freshmen

Chuck: Well hello sis. I assume you need a few ounces of study aid for Brown.
Serena: No. I need a place to stay. I’m not going to Brown.

Chuck: For people like us a college degree is just an accessory. Like a Malawi baby or a poodle.
Serena: Well it’s an accessory my mother really wants me to have.
Chuck: So you want to hide out at the Bass Cave until you figure it out.

Dan: Morning.
Serena: Hey. Thanks for letting me crash here last night.
Dan: Harboring an Ivy League fugitive? I’m your man. I made you breakfast. And remember, we don’t have any servants here. So if you see anyone besides me call the police.

Serena: Do you know you’re more afraid of my mother than I am.

Carter: Serena, listen to you. What’s your deal? You acting out because Daddy doesn’t love you? Is that why you skipped out of Brown too?
Serena: Please—
Carter: You know, I told you how I felt and you blew me off until you needed someone to do your dirty work. It’s time to find a new
bad habit. ‘Cause it’s not going to be me anymore.

Rufus: If you and Eric will let me, I’d really like to be more to you than Lily’s most recent husband. Let me help you with this.
Serena: Wow. I, uh, I would really appreciate that Rufus.

Blair: There’s a reason we never went downtown. It’s awful. The minute you cross 14th Street people forget there’s a class system.
Serena: B, you will find your place. Just give it time.
Blair: No I found my place and it’s at the bottom.
It’s a point of pride now that I see who’s on top. Anyway it’s all turned out for the best. If I hadn’t been so distracted I would have been able to force you to go to Brown.
Serena: That’s sweet but no, you wouldn’t have.
I am sorry about the disappearing act.
Blair: I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it up to me. In the handbag department at Bendel’s.

Blair: It was so much easier when it was just about where we sat on the Met steps.
Serena: We’ve been here, done this.
Blair: I was so good at it.
Serena: Well then it’s time for a new challenge. For both of us.

Carter: What do you want?
Serena: There’s a reason I always come back to you Carter. And it’s not because you’re my bad habit.
Carter: What then?
Serena: You’re the only one who understood why I needed to find my father. You were there for me during all of that and I trust you.
Carter: Anyone would have done the same thing.
Serena: No, they wouldn’t have. And I don’t want anyone else. I want you.

The Lost Boy

Serena: If you want to date Georgina then more power to you. I would just check to make sure that there’s not an ice pick under the bed.
Dan: We’re not dating. We are just hanging out.
Serena: One piece of advice: you should make sure she’s knows that. ‘Cause if Georgina likes somebody she will go from zero to crazy before you know it.

Serena: Le Table Elitaire?
Blair: It’s a secret society. How have you not heard of them?
Serena: It’s a secret society. If I’d heard of it it wouldn’t be a secret.
Blair: They’re modeled after Le Grande Ecole in France.
Secret salons for the elite of academic institutions.

Serena: If you don’t trust me then what are we doing?
Carter: I’m not sure.

Blair: S. What are you doing?
Serena: What are you guys doing sabotaging Carter? Three bottles of ’95 Dom on his hotel room service bill. One of your favorites if I recall.
Chuck: So we started a stealth campaign to destroy his credibility. The room service bill, the girl on the street—
Blair: The warrant.
Serena: What warrant?
Blair: Well he might want to take a DNA sample down to the 24th Precinct tomorrow.

Serena: I went looking for him.
Blair: Who?
Serena: My father. I found out he was getting remarried two years ago in Santorini.
Chuck: Finally. What happened in Santorini?
Serena: I wanted to see him but I didn’t want anyone to know. So I went to Carter. He said he had access to a boat. When the police picked us up on the way to the wedding I realized access meant stolen.
Carter promised he’d make it up to me. I had no idea he’s been looking for my father himself.
Blair: And did he find him?
Serena: You know, I have to go. As Serena leaves Blair eyes Chuck
Chuck: Fine. I’ll call my guy at the precinct.

Blair: I’m sorry S. But it’s still Carter. Are you sure it’s worth the risk?
Serena: I don’t know, you tell me. You and Chuck are two of the most self-centered, damaged people I know.
Blair: I’m not following.
Serena: Well somehow two wrongs make a twisted right. You don’t think it was worth the risk?

Serena: Does Le Table Elitaire even exist, Georgina?
Georgina: I’m sorry, but my French is a little rusty. Maybe you should start with “excusez-moi”.

Dan de Fleurette

Serena: I got a job with a publicist. I thought if you saw me working you would feel better about Brown.
Lily: Right, yes, because a year of parties and premieres is a worthy alternative to an Ivy League education.

Rufus Getting Married

Serena: That was by far your best wedding. The flowers, the foie gras. Who would have guessed nine months later Klaus would have auf’ed.
Lily: Well the worst thing is I thought he would make me happy. I thought all of them would. What are you doing here?
Serena: I wanted to clear the air. I’m sorry. I know that you’re disappointed that I’m not going to Brown and I know that you’re angry that I left.
Lily: I’m not angry at you, Serena. I should have been here this summer to help you with the decision instead of leaving you here with another man who doesn’t get it.
Serena: Mom, what are you talking about? You and Rufus are the perfect couple.
Lily: Thank you for stopping by.

Serena: Hey, what’s going on with mom and Rufus?
Jenny: You don’t know? They’ve been in a cold war since the day you left.
Serena: Over Brown?
Eric: On the surface, yeah. But I have a feeling mom’s flipping out over other things too.
Jenny: I think they could be in real trouble.

Dan: I can’t believe that actually worked.
Serena: I know. I’m a genius. Which doesn’t quite explain why I’ll be spending the day reorganizing Casey’s shoe closet.

Serena: Constance Crew, what have you got?
New Mean Girl 1: My sister’s a florist. She can handle the flowers.
New Mean Girl 2: We’ve got cake. My aunt owns a bakery. She said she found a cancellation.
New Mean Girl 3 : I’m sorry. My family’s in investment banking. They’re all broke.
Dan: Then you can go.
Serena: Dorota?
Dorota: I call the Sonic Youths. They in North Hampton. Will try to make it.
Serena: Acceptable. Hey Jenny, you okay? You’ve been working on that dress all night.
Jenny: Yeah. It’s like my own Project Runway challenge.

Carter: Are you okay?
Serena: Will you just leave? Please. I need some time.
Carter: Just so you know, I told you what I told you because it’s not the same with you. I really do care about you Serena. So much.

Chuck: Hey. Been looking for you. You okay?
Serena: Not really. Carter told me some stuff and it turns out he’s not the person I thought he was. The person he is, I don’t really want to know.
Chuck: Look, I may loathe the guy
but he didn’t have to own up to anything. He could have skipped town. I even bought him a ticket. He risked a lot going to the wedding. Knowing Bree would be there.

Enough About Eve

Nate: Didn’t you spend a summer in Monte Carlo when she dated Carlos [?]?
Serena: I was nine. Carlos taught me to play using Necco wafers as chips.
Nate: Well just imagine Carter owes the Buckley’s half a million Necco wafers.

Serena: I don’t know if PJ is not as stupid as he looks, but Nate, those tells were wrong. What are you going to do.
Nate: Well of course I had to tell my grandfather what happened. I mean I have completely
destroyed Trip’s political career.

Serena: I heard you talking to your grandfather. Why would you leak a fake photo. Are you trying to destroy Trip’s campaign?
Nate: No.
That’s gonna win Trip the election.
Serena: What are you talking about?
Nate: Once the Buckley’s leak it we’ll release the real photo. It’s gonna look like the Buckleys planted the fake one.
People are finally going to see them as the villains they are.
Serena: And what happens to Carter. You just used him?
Nate: Come on Serena. The guy proposed to PJ’s sister to pay off his gambling debt. Wake up. The guy’s hardly innocent.
But I am sorry I had to lie to you.
Serena: No you’re not. But you will be.

How to Succeed In Bassness

Serena, without Endless Nights, Patrick is on the road to Mark Hamill-hood.
Serena: Is that the guy from Star Wars that’s not Harrison Ford?

Chuck: I no longer have time for the establishment to accept me. I need them to come begging.
I want to open my club tomorrow. Halloween.
See. My idea.
Serena: Okay, tomorrow. Absolutely.
Chuck: And Serena, I don’t want Blair anywhere near this.
Serena: Okay, bye. to Blair I’m sorry. Clearly Chuck hasn’t forgiven you.

Serena: Blair, I know this is hard to hear but *maybe* today’s not about you. Chuck has 24 hours to create something from scratch. His liquor license hasn’t even cleared yet.

Blair: You’re still mad from before. It’s clouding your judgment.
Chuck: This is not about last week. It’s about you, Blair. It’s the reason why I couldn’t say “I love you.” It’s not a game. It’s because I knew I couldn’t trust you.
Blair: I did this because I love you.
Chuck: Be that as it may, I have a club to open. And you’re no longer invited.
Blair: Fine. S, c’mon. We’re leaving.
Serena: Blair, I’m sorry. I’m gonna stay with Chuck.

Casey: Your job now includes publicly dating Patrick.
Serena: I don’t know if I’d call that work.
Casey: Get back to me after date two.

The Grandfather: Part II

Serena: Hey. I was running errands and Casey asked me to drop off your Jimmy Fallon interview.
Olivia: Great. I guess that means you’ve seen it.
Serena: Yeah.
Olivia: You know I didn’t mean what I said.
Serena: Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m sure Dan understands.
Olivia: He hasn’t seen it. I don’t know what to do. I have to fix this. And meanwhile keep him away from TV and internet and strangers with the urge to make fun of him.
Serena: Don’t forget about Gossip Girl.

Nate: What are you doing here?
Serena: I left you a message but you never called me back.
Nate: Yeah well as you can see I’ve been sort of busy and I really have nothing to say to you.
Serena: Then I’ll make it quick. I need you to put me and Patrick Roberts on the guest list for Trip’s party tonight.
Nate: Are you kidding me?
Serena: Nate, my job is at stake.
Nate: Oh. That’s funny. So is my cousin’s campaign thanks to you.
Serena: Look as far as I’m concerned we’re even. You used me for your Buckley photo scandal. All I did was find out and undo it.

Serena: Put on some clothes please.

Serena: See! Isn’t this great? You’ve got the perfect Capitol Hill vibe.
Patrick: I gotta hit the can.
Serena: Okay.

Serena: Hey Blair.
Blair: Hey! Do you see that gorgeous blonde in Proenza Schouler talking to those high profile politicians? That’s my best friend Brandeis. She knows most of the personally.
Serena: Aw. That’s great. I mean political connections aren’t the first thing most people look for in friends.
Blair: They must really love her because when she introduced us they seemed thrilled to meet me. They even asked if we were sisters.
Serena: Well I can’t wait for you to meet Patrick. He’s over at the bar getting me a drink right now. I feel so lucky. He’s so attentive.
Blair: It doesn’t take much, does it? What? No one’s ever accused you of saying no.

Patrick: You think Blair had me thrown out because I was a bit tipsy? Or because I was talking to that high-priced call girl friend of hers.
Serena: What did you just say?

Chuck: Don’t tell me after eighteen years you can’t read Waldorf’s subtext.
Serena: I shouldn’t have to. If that’s what she is feeling then she should tell me. It is time for her to grow up.
Chuck: This coming from someone who just pushed their best friend into a cake.

Trip: You want to tell me about it?
Serena: I don’t think you want to hear this one.
Trip: I do. I’ll let your problem be the first one I address as your elected representative.

They Shoot Humphreys, Don’t They?

Serena: You have fun tonight. These are probably the last people in New York who thinks you matter.

Blair: Not knowing you is your father’s loss.
Serena: Maybe, but I just can’t seem to let him go.

The Last Days of Disco Stick

Nate: Oh. Dan. Girl problems. You don’t even want to know.
Serena: Sounds like you’re everyone’s therapist today.
Nate: Yeah well. Affairs with married people. Love triangles. Just so happens everyone’s problems are well within my area of expertise.

Serena: High school was so much easier.
Nate: Yeah, in some ways.
Serena: Well I wasn’t attracted to married men.
Nate: Yeah but I was. Well not men, obviously.
Serena: Lady Catherine. That was my first experience being someone’s fake girlfriend. Who knew I’d do it as a profession.

The Treasure of Serena Madre

Blair: I didn’t know the Empire had hourly rates.
Serena: Where’s Nate? He’s not answering his cell.
Blair: One van der Bilt isn’t enough?
Serena: I’m not having an affair with Trip. And since you’re going to find out anyway he’s leaving his wife. And it’s not for me.
Blair: Then what are you exactly? An eighteen-year-old blonde coincidence?

Serena: What are you doing here?
Trip: You won’t return my calls.
Serena: So you’re stalking me now?
Trip: Yes Serena. I’m stalking you. I thought our relationship wasn’t complicated enough.

The Debarted

Maureen: Trip and I aren’t getting divorced. You can have him in private but I get him in public. He keeps his career, I keep my pride and position. And you get… whatever you’re getting. Screwed, I think they call it.
Serena: You’re asking me to be his mistress?
Maureen: It’s a time honored political tradition. I’m Jackie. You’re Marilyn.

The Hurt Locket

Serena: I can’t believe Nate’s finally coming home tomorrow.
Blair: I feel the same way about Dorota’s return. I never should have agreed to let her spend the holidays with Vanya.
Serena: Did I tell you that he texts me every night before he goes to sleep. It’s so sweet.
Blair: Sexting is not sweet. It’s off limits until you’re in a relationship. You haven’t even been on a date.
Serena: Well you’ll be happy to know he asked me to go to a dinner for the French ambassador tomorrow night.
Blair: Oh. Well chastity belts go very well with formal wear.

Blair: You are the one Nate has always wanted and could never have. It’s like a diet. After years of starvation you can’t just let him gorge on sundaes. He’ll panic and decide he hates ice cream.
Serena: Except I’m not ice cream and Nate and I don’t need to play games.
Blair: Everyone needs to play games. Look you’ve already failed to come out of the gate with any restraint or control. Now all you can do is introduce some competition. Make him work for it.
Serena: Blair! That’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard.
Blair: Mm hm. Just wait ’til he starts passing on dessert.

Nate: You came with him?
Serena: You came with her? I think you’re in the wrong place. Prom is down the street.
Nate: Oh that’s fine. I’ll just let you get back to your Euro fun.

Jenny: Serena, I love your jacket. It’s so beautiful.
Damien: Yeah, actually let me help you with that.
Serena: No, it’s okay. I’m going to keep it on. It’s so pretty and it was a gift from you.

Blair: I see you took my advice. It’s good to keep Nate on his toes. And nice choice of competition.
Serena: Thank you. Your idea’s completely juvenile. But it seems to be working.

Serena: Blair, you know you don’t need Chuck. Anyone that meets you can see you’re an elitist snob who’s perfect to run a secret society. Bon chance!

The Lady Vanished

Serena: Since when do you cook?
Nate: Honestly, I didn’t even know we had a fridge until this morning.

Blair: Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?
Serena: I did knock. But you didn’t hear me. We heard you though.
Blair: Oh. Was it awkward?
Serena: Are you trying to prove some point?
Blair: Yes. But I shouldn’t have to. I’m just glad I got Chuck’s couch scotch-guarded.

Serena: I’m going over there.
Blair: Serena. Sit your ass down.

Serena: I just wanted him to have answers.
Blair: Please. You and I both know why you did this and it has nothing to do with Chuck.

Serena: I think talking to Elizabeth made me realize that he just didn’t want to be found.

The Sixteen-Year-Old Virgin

Serena: I called him and invited him over for lunch.
Nate: What, are you crazy? You said last time you were alone with this guys he tried to rip your clothes off.
Serena: And he’ll try to again. But this time you and Jenny are going to walk in right in time to catch him.
Nate: This sounds absurd.
Serena: Blair and Chuck do it all the time.

Serena: Look, whatever your twisted guy logic is, there’s no reason to go behind my back with Jenny.
Nate: Serena, I woke up the morning after I lost my virginity to find that the person I lost it to—the person I loved—had left town. Never to be heard from again for a year. So yeah. I had a good reason.

The Empire Strikes Jack

Blair: What? My mother said she wanted me to pack the crowd with wholesome American girls.
Serena: So you hired escorts? B, you couldn’t just tell your mom you don’t have friends at NYU?
Blair: Prostitutes are people too. And they have a lot of disposable income.

Inglourious Bassterds

Serena: The look on his face was so sad. I wanted to call him back and say, “I didn’t forget your birthday, we have these big party plans.”
Blair: Cruel to be kind, S.
Nate’ll be fine.

Blair: Serena, come here. You’ve done some unforgivable things. Like having sex with Nate when we were saving ourselves for each other, or killing Pete Fairman—
Serena: What?
Blair: —How far is too far?
Where’s that place you can’t come back from anymore?
Serena: Blair, what are you talking about? Is Chuck going to do something to Jack?
Blair: What? I mean. Yes. There is something someone could do to get back the Empire. And yes, it is terrible. But they’d be doing it out of love.
Serena: Love of whom?
Blair: Just love. The point is, if someone does something awful but it’s for love is it okay?
Serena: If you are crossing some moral line to best Jack Bass then probably not.

Serena: Hey Chuck. Have you seen Blair?
Chuck: I assume she’s still slaying.
Serena: She can’t be. Her polaroid’s right here. You know Blair. She’s probably cheating.

The Unblairable Lightness of Being

Serena: Want to tell us what’s going on?
Chuck: I thought our relationship could withstand anything. Apparently I was wrong.
Serena: Well you still love her don’t you? Then show her that you’re sorry. Take her to Blue Hill Upstate or buy her those Louboutins at Saks.
Chuck: I could buy Saks itself and it still wouldn’t be enough. She doesn’t want to talk to me. I tried.
Serena: When?
Nate: Look, you haven’t been outside in days.
Chuck: She asked me to leave her alone.
Serena: You don’t want to wait too long, Chuck, or she’ll think you don’t care.

Serena: B, I know you and Chuck are going through a hard time right now. But do you at least think what he did was romantic?
Blair: Oh my god, this was your idea.
Serena: I may have encouraged him to make a gesture but throwing a whole wedding was his idea.
Blair: That’s the thing with him, S. Everything is a game.
Serena: But that’s what makes you guys so good together. You love games. That’s who you are.
Blair: The last game we played we both lost.

Serena: I should have told you you about Carter. I bumped into him on the street the other day and I told him we could have coffee and that’s it.
Nate: That’s not how Carter made it seem.
Serena: You know how he is. He convinced his fourth grade class at Dalton that Barney’s was named after the dinosaur.

Serena: What else do you want me to do?
Nate: I want you to stop seeing him.
Serena: I know you’re upset. But that doesn’t give you the right to tell me who I can and can’t see.
Nate: With Carter. Yes, it does.

Dr. Estrangeloved

Serena: You ready?
Lily: To explain to Rufus the real reason I’ve been lying to him? No. But I know I have to.
Serena: Well it’s Rufus. He’ll understand.
Lily: Yeah, let’s hope. You know it’s hard enough to tell him, but now with your father involved. William and Rufus do not exactly get along.
Serena: Hm. Nothing like grunge-era love triangle.
Lily: Yes, well complete with an unplanned pregnancy, a trip to a French Sanatorium, my mother and a whole lotta flannel. It was ugly in more ways than one.
Serena: Well it’ll be okay, Mom. I’m here for you.

Will: What do you say we get out of here? Go to Serendipity. I remember how much you used to love their banana splits.
Serena: I was four.
Will: You’re right. I shouldn’t presume to even know you. This gulf, this chasm that’s between us, it’s going to take some time but we can make it go away.
Serena: You may be here for my mom now but that doesn’t explain the last 14 years. You just left.
Will: It wasn’t exactly like that.
Serena: Then what was it like?

Nate: I know what this looks like.
Serena: Oh you do? Great. Well as long as you know how it looks then I guess I’m good.
Nate: It’s not what it looks like. Stop. Hey! I mean what are you even doing here?
Serena: I came to apologize for not hearing you out earlier and then I walk in to see her trying to kiss you?
Nate: Yeah, but I didn’t. Nothing happened. Same as nothing happened last night which I would have told you about if you hadn’t hung up on me.
Serena: So what about all the things she said about me. Is that really what you think?
Jenny: Yes. He does.
Serena: I’m talking to Nate, Jenny!
Nate: What? Do I wonder why you don’t trust me anymore? Yeah, I do. You won’t tell me about looking for your dad and then you leave town with Carter Baizen. And then you come back and you shut me out. What am I supposed to think?
Serena: I’m sorry. I should have told you that I was looking for my father. But I didn’t leave town with Carter. You know that. I even tried to apologize.
Nate: What are you talking about?
Serena: The night of Dorota’s wedding. I called your cell to explain everything. I even left a message with Jenny.
Jenny: What message? I never talked to her, Nate. For once, please don’t let her do this to you.
Serena: I left you a message, Nate. She said she would tell you.
Jenny: She’s lying! I never talked to her.
Nate: Just get out.
Jenny: What?
Nate: Seriously, Jenny. Just please. Leave.
Jenny: You know, you two deserve each other.

It’s a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World

Eric: What? He left when I was two. The man’s a total stranger to me.
Serena: You have to at least give him a chance.
Eric: No. I don’t.

Rufus: Serena, please. I think it’s great that you’re moving back in but this is Jenny’s room now. All her things are here. You can stay in Chuck’s old room.
Serena: No way. That room is haunted by Chuck’s depravity.
Jenny can take it. I’m sure it wouldn’t bother you.

Serena: How many problems does Jenny have to cause before you realize she’s the problem?

Serena: You are the one who played Pablo Escobar to underage preppy pill-poppers.

Ex-Husbands and Wives

Serena: That one looks good.
Blair: Chuck and I played Wuthering Heights in it. I mean, who starts a courtship in the day anyway?
Serena: Humans who venture out in light and aren’t named Bass.
Blair: Serena. I have to tell you something.
Serena: What’s wrong?
Blair: I’ve never been on a date.
Serena: What about Chuck? And Nate. And Chuck. And then Nate… again.
Blair: No, I mean on a real date. With someone I didn’t know already. Or who wasn’t a British Lord masquerading as a college student.
Serena: B, obviously Cameron liked you when he met you at the loft party. Just, be yourself and have fun. And try the Marc Jacobs. I have to go.
Blair: What’s going on? You haven’t lusted after a Louboutin
all morning.
Serena: I just have to get home.
Blair: Is it Lily?
Serena: I think Rufus cheated on her.
Blair: Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even know they had groupies that old.
Serena: They met at the rooftop garden committee.
Blair: Well how is your mom taking it?
Serena: She doesn’t know. I told my dad and he thought it would be best if I waited to tell her. Stress isn’t good for her condition.
Blair: Well is there anything I can do? Dorota’s family has Polish mob connections.
Serena: No. Thank you though. I’m just hoping Rufus will stay away until she gets stronger. And B, I don’t think handcuffs are a good idea for a first date.

Serena: If she wanted to talk to you, then she’d call you back. You should leave.
Rufus: Serena, does she have a problem seeing me or is it you?
Serena: Holland told me what happened.
Rufus: About the sublet? I told you already, I didn’t want your dad living in the same building.
Serena: You know it’s not about that.
Lily: Rufus—
Eric: What’s going on?
Rufus: I honestly don’t know. Serena? What did Holland tell you?
Serena: Why don’t you just leave.
Rufus: You know what, why don’t we call Holland and have her tell us herself.

Nate: So crazy day at the van der Woodsens, huh?
Serena: I just wanted to keep Rufus away until my mom got stronger.
Nate: What? You don’t really think he did this, do you?
Serena: Why would Holland lie about it?
Nate: I don’t know. I don’t even know who she is. But I do know Rufus. I mean he took me in when my dad left us with nothing. He’s a good guy.
Serena: They all are. ‘Til they aren’t anymore. I’m just trying to protect my mom.
Nate: I get it, okay? But just give him a chance. He gave you one when you bailed on Brown.
Serena: Are you really taking his side right now?
Nate: I’m not taking sides. We’re just talking about it.
Serena: Well maybe that’s not such a good idea. I should go be with my family.

Will: You all set? My bags are downstairs.
Serena: Yeah, Um,
I was thinking you know maybe we could just wait and fly out tomorrow.
Will: I wish we could. I’ve got to get to my patient immediately.
Serena: Are you sure that’s what it’s about? People are saying you’re behind this Holland thing.
Will: Holland.
Serena: Um, let me go check on Mom.

Serena: Rufus, what are you doing here?
Rufus: I’d like to talk to your mother.
Will: She doesn’t want to—
Lily: Rufus, what is it?
Rufus: The truth. Finally. You want to tell her or should I?

Eric: Is my mom really sick? Right now that’s all I want to know.
Will: Of course she was sick. To even imagine that I would prescribe your mother medication that she didn’t need? That’s preposterous. I’ve got the files in my bag. Do you want to see them?
Serena: You don’t have to prove yourself.
Will: Apparently I do. Excuse me.
Lily: William.

Rufus: I didn’t cheat on you, Lil. I would never cheat on you.
Lily: Rufus—
Eric: So she’s not sick? I just want to be clear.
Rufus: She’s not sick anymore.
He’s been lying since he got to New York. To all of us.
Eric: Do you think he’s even coming back?
Serena: Yes, of course he is. You heard what he said. I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t want you to be sick. But Dad is not lying to us.

Blair: Where’s William?
Serena: He’s in the lobby downstairs getting his bags.
Nate: There’s no one in the lobby.
Serena: He’s down there.
Nate: Serena, the lobby’s empty.
Serena: You just must not have seen him. He wouldn’t leave.
Nate: Hey hey—
Serena: He wouldn’t leave me.

Dan: What happened?
Serena: It’s true. He left.

Serena: I need you to tell me the truth.
Will: When your mother came to me last summer she was sick. I cured her. Then I fell in love with her again. When I came here, saw you and Eric, I realized how badly I’d messed up. I never wanted to hurt any of you. I just wanted my family back.
Serena: All you needed to do was be here.
Will: I’m sorry, Serena. I just thought, unless your mother needed me, you weren’t going to give me a chance.
Serena: Well the
police are on their way now, so you should probably go.
Will: Why don’t you come with me.
Serena: I don’t forgive you. I also don’t need to punish you, so if you just go now I’ll make sure they don’t come after you.
Will: I love you, Serena.
Serena: I love you too, Dad. Go now.

Last Tango, Then Paris

Blair: I hope you’re on your way to see Nate.
Serena: You saw the blast?
Blair: Yes. And although I’m inclined to say that Gossip Girl doesn’t know what she’s talking about since she also posted some blurry photo of a Russian Mail Order Bride and said it was Georgina, it really did look like you and Humphrey. I mean, isn’t that a little ’08? Like maxi-dresses and Miley Cyrus.
Serena: Blair—
Blair: We all try on old clothes from time to time, and sure we may even be surprised when they still fit, but that doesn’t mean we should wear them again. Ever!
Serena: Nothing happened. And as for the photos: obviously the work of Jenny Humphrey. I knew she hated me, but apparently she hates Dan too? I just wish she would hole up in Brooklyn and leave the rest of us alone.
Blair: Brooklyn. Is that where she is right now?
Serena: I guess so. Look, I gotta go call Dan and make sure he knows what’s going on.

Serena: Hey, have you seen Nate?
Chuck: I have no idea where he is. Although I do have a good idea where you’ve been.
Serena: Chuck—
Chuck: Look, before you go and use whatever line you’ve prepared, think hard. Nate knows who he loves and what he wants. So unless you can say the same, look him in the eye and tell him that. Or stop playing games. Nate walks in. Courage, ma soeur.

One week later…

Serena: I’m actually excited to have an entire summer with nothing to do but figure things out.
Blair: Um, first of all, S, you didn’t go to school this year and you haven’t had a real job in months. So life is kind of like summer for you.
Serena: Uh, okay. Thanks. Kick a girl when she’s down. I really am going to change.
Blair: Why? All the drama, that’s who you are. Just like I’m someone who’s not going to stop looking for love just because I lost it. Which is why I’m going directly into the belly of the beast: Paris. And why you’re coming with me.