Being Human Series 3

The Wolf-Shaped Bullet


Jason Watkins  Lacey Turner  Lee Ingleby  Michael Socha

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Mitchell: They’re gonna move me to a maximum security station and that’s it. Guards and guns. Even you won’t be able to get me out.
Annie: Mitchell. I don’t know how to make this any clearer to you: I don’t want you to get out.

Mitchell: So this is how the world discovers vampires, werewolves and ghosts, huh?
Annie: Yes. I suppose it is.
Mitchell: They’re gonna kill me, Annie. They’re gonna kill us all.
Annie: No, you don’t know that.
Mitchell: They’re frightened of us.
Annie: They should be.

Mitchell: I swear, the man who did those things, that’s not me anymore. You gave me a reason to fight it and try to be human again. That’s why I kept Herrick alive.
Annie: What’s he got to do with this?
Mitchell: When I came to get you back from— from where you were. They told me that if I brought you back there’d be a price to pay. That I’d be killed by a werewolf.

Annie: Do you even know who you’re in love with?
Mitchell: What do you mean?
Annie: Maybe you were happy to see those people bury their mums and their dads and their children. With no sense of— no justice. Maybe you thought that we were worth it. What the hell made you think I would?

Annie: I should just let you rot in here alone, but I won’t. Things we do for love, eh? So that’s the deal. You give them justice. And you get me.
Mitchell: Yeah, but for how long? There’s a bullet out there with my name on it.

Herrick (Jason Watkins): Rule number one of Vampire Club: Do not get arrested. Even Seth knew that and he used to point at planes.
Mitchell: What the hell are you doing here?
Herrick: Putting the genie back in the bottle. Come on.

Mitchell: You’re back then.
Herrick: Isn’t that what you wanted?
Mitchell: No no no. What I wanted was to learn how to survive a werewolf attack.
Herrick: Oh, well I feel drenched with love.
Mitchell: So tell me.
Herrick: What, now? During a prison break?
Mitchell: Come on, you got Cara to do it. How complicated can it be.

What’s that barking/It’s all starting. Like a row/of dominoes. Can you stop them falling/Someone’s due a mauling. Here it comes/the wolf-shaped gun. Annie, listen/here’s your mission. Mitchell’s toast/if you’re a scaredy-ghost. Come to purgatory/stop shit getting gory. Or the big bow wow/ends his story now.

Now what?
Annie: It’s your door. It’s what happens next. I’ll… I’ll come with you.
I’m scared.
Annie: So am I.

McNair: Tom, if you’re reading this, then I’m dead. Somewhere in this house is a vampire. He’s the one I’ve always been searching for. He was there when I became this creature. And tonight, I tried to kill him. If I had, I would have been able to stop. But I wasn’t doing this for me. Or the man I killed two months ago. Or even your parents. This was for you. My Tom. This must be the final act. Tom, I want you to live a different life now. One that’s decent. You see, we’ve lost everything that was harmless and mundane. When I sat down to write this I realized I’d forgotten how to hold a pen. It’s so long since I did something so ordinary. I was selfish. I turned you into a weapon for my own war. The things I’ve asked you to do, they make me ashamed. Let it end. I want you to be home now. Stop this chaotic, violent life. Make this the end of that story. I die tonight, but don’t avenge me. It’s getting dark. I have to go. Always know that I love you, Tom. I wish I really had been your father.

Your comrade,
Anthony Michael McNair.

Mitchell: Why have you brought me here?
Herrick: Surely who have I brought here is more apropos. I mean, one minute you’re letting George tear my head off for the sake of humanity. And the next, you’re massacring twenty of them in a train carriage. I mean, talk about fickle.
Mitchell: Yeah, wouldn’t expect you to understand. Your character’s always been pretty consistent.
Herrick: I think that was a dig.

Herrick: Look. There’s the natural ebb and flow of personality, and there’s being as mad as a gibbon. Because then you’re doing this whole “pillar of the community” thing while feeding me policewomen so I can tell you how to survive a werewolf attack. I mean, you make me dizzy. You really do.

Mitchell: Just now, why didn’t you kill me?
Herrick: I told you. I don’t know where your loyalties lie. See, I wanna pick up where I left off and having you by my side—
Mitchell: No. No, this is more than just political maneuvering. I make you weak. I make you vulnerable.
Herrick: Says the man in the cage.
Mitchell: Still walking and talking and making it look like you can’t finish a job.
Herrick: Not for want of trying.
Mitchell: But you always manage to fudge it somehow. Why is that? Just kill me! Get it over with. You know, people are starting to talk.

Annie: Where are we?
Lia (Lacey Turner): Oh, sorry. The signal’s really weak. {she futzes with the set} We’re okay. Here we go. Oh, gosh. We’re too late. It’s starting.
Annie: I’ve been there. They have these— They’re like dog fights. What do we do?
Lia: We can’t do anything.
Annie: Well of course we can. I know where they are. We just have to go.
Lia: You don’t understand. The people who did this, they don’t… Well this is their endgame. This is how it happens.
Annie: No, the prophecy says he’s going to be killed by a werewolf. So where is it?
Lia: On his way, I guess.

Herrick: First, I get rid of all the werewolves. I’ve made a start on that already. Then it’s the ghosts. Like Annie.
Mitchell: You do what you want.
Herrick: I’m sorry?
Mitchell: Killing those people, on that train. Do you think me, her and George are gonna be eating a pizza in front of The Real Hustle?

Herrick: Okay, I’m going to stop you there. Because we both know that right now you’d say anything to get out of the cage.
Mitchell: Exactly! You’ve known me ninety years and finally you get it. What the hell have we just been talking about? It’s all about expediency with me. It’s skin deep. The vampires were pissing me off so I threw my lot in with humanity. They betray me, I get on their train. And I’m washing bits of humanity out of my hair for a fortnight. So what do I? I get the fuck out of Dodge, that’s what I do. I’ll do whatever it takes to survive, Herrick. And right now the only way for me to survive is by siding with you. Completely 100% percent? You bet. Forever? I doubt it. Until then I’ll be your poster boy—your vice president. Whatever you want. I’ll do it.
Herrick: You’ll be the villain now.
Mitchell: Christ. I always was.

Herrick: There’ll come a day when one of us finally kills the other.
Mitchell: But it won’t be today.
Herrick: Prove it.

Herrick: Good to finally meet you again properly, George. I haven’t been myself the last few weeks. Sorry about these two. It’s clearly dress-down Friday.
George: He’s him again, isn’t he?

Annie: George is the one who’s going to kill him.
Lia: I know! It’s actually going to happen. What are the chances? I mean these are werewolves we’re talking about, not Australian barmen. They’re really rare.

Mitchell: So you want us to fight, is that it?
Herrick: I want to make sure you’re back in black.
George: What’s he talking about, Mitchell?
Mitchell: George won’t fight me. This is your argument. This is your vendetta.
Herrick: You’re right. He needs a little motivation. George. Did you know you’ve been living with a celebrity the last few weeks? Oh, it’s, ah, not me. But you’re so sweet. No, Mitchell is the killer of the Box Tunnel 20. {no visible reaction from George} Right, well that’s not the response I expected. Oh wait a minute. You knew! Oh well, thanks everyone, for pissing on my parade. Come one! Me and the boys wanted a fight! There’s popcorn. And at halftime we were going to have a Nespresso!

Annie: Lia, what’s going on? You told me that I had to come straight here. That Mitchell was in danger.
Lia: Oh Annie. I made it up.
Annie: You made it up?
Lia: On the spot. I just wanted to screw with Mitchell’s head. “The Wolf-Shaped Bullet.”
Annie: But why?
Lia: Well, I wanted to drive a wedge between him and George and Nina. But instead of getting suspicious of them he got all worked up about the other two. Tom and… What was it? McIntyre? Macintosh? Well. Whatever. Oh Annie, you didn’t really believe it, did you? I can’t control people. I can’t see the future. You’ve been watching too much TV.
Annie: If there’s no prophecy, then why is this happening?
Lia: Well what you really need to worry about is the self-fulfilling prophecy. Annie. He made it come true. There really is a wolf-shaped bullet. That he carved his name on.

Herrick: It hurts, doesn’t it? Mitchell brought me back. He lit the fuse, he walked away. It was “bye-bye Nina.”
Mitchell: No. George. This is what he wants.
Herrick: He killed all those people, George. He made you complicit. Everything he touches he corrupts or destroys. First you, now Nina!

Tom (Michael Socha): Anthony Michael McNair. Murdered by a vampire. Avenged by his son.
Mitchell: Tom, leave him alone. Don’t touch him. If you did, I kill George.
Tom: You wouldn’t, he’s your friend.
George: He would.
Mitchell: Try me.
Tom: He killed McNair.
Mitchell: He’s one of your own. Don’t let this happen.

Herrick: Kill him, Mitchell. Do it now.
Mitchell: The famous Herrick brain clearly ain’t workin’ at fullspeed yet, is it? Listen to me, he ripped your head off and cancelled the revolution so you’re gonna have to kill him yourself. But do it publicly, make a statement.

George: He killed my Nina. And you killed all those people. You don’t say my name now. You don’t even look at me now. You are not my friend. You better go. Your boss is waiting.

Annie: So if this is all just a lie, just a mind game, why did you get me over here?
Lia: Don’t get me wrong, I wanted him to suffer. And that’s where you come in. Keeping you here, depriving him of you, that’ll be his punishment.
Annie: Why didn’t you just keep me here when you had the chance?
Lia: He didn’t love you enough. It wouldn’t have hurt him enough.
Annie: I was the weapon.
Lia: Now she gets it.

Annie: This is all just one big game to you, isn’t it?
Lia: This wasn’t a game! This is revenge! He killed me. Let me tell you something about revenge. It isn’t petulant or being a sore loser. It’s righteous. A game? Fuck you. This is what needs to happen. Revenge is about setting the world straight again.
Annie: It didn’t work though, did it?
Lia: Well I’ve still got you and I’ve still got him grief-stricken without you.
Annie: I don’t know who that man is. But I doubt you’ll get much in the way of grief-stricken from him.

Lia: This was my bedroom, you know. I’d come back here on holiday from college. My parents would make such a big fuss. My mum literally could not bear the sight of somebody not eating. This house is very quiet now. Since I died. My dad comes in here sometimes, lays on the bed. My brother’s getting into lots of fights at school. This was all for them. Can you not understand that?
Annie: And Nina?
Lia: Collateral damage.

Annie: What the hell. I was going to spend eternity in a prison cell with Mitchell. I might as well spend it here with you. Besides, when Nina gets here I want her to see a friendly face.
Lia: You know, I think we’d be great friends, us three.
Annie: Yeah. Yeah. All the murdered girls. Besides we have to watch George.
Lia: George?
Annie: Yeah, on that. Talk about your parents’ grief. We have to watch George now that he’s lost Nina. Now that he’s lost the baby. Now that he’s lost me.
Lia: Oh, I don’t know if …
Annie: Oh, well I want you to watch, Lia. Watch him turn hard. Cold. Mean. They’re like your comrades, George and Nina. The last victims of the Box Tunnel 20 massacre.

Annie: Do you know what I think? I think you are way out of your depth. Don’t get me wrong, you are— You’re brutal. But I’ve been doing this supernatural stuff a long time now and trust me, grief and revenge are not things to get drunk on. You know I think you wanted wild and Biblical and rawr! But instead you just woke up somewhere unfamiliar with your underwear on back-to-front.
Lia: I wouldn’t know how to…
Annie: How to what?
Lia: How to undo this.
Annie: Let me go back. And let me see Nina.

Annie: Lia, come on, this isn’t you.
Lia: But if you go, then… well I won’t know anybody here.
Annie: This is not the way to make friends and influence people, trust me. Lia, they were going to have a baby. {She gets up and Lia goes in for a hug.}
Lia: Oh. I thought we were going to hug, but not-hugging would also work.
Annie: Yeah. Good.
Lia: Annie. Revenge kind of sucks. Who knew.
Annie: Gilbert! Somewhere here there’s a man called Gilbert. Find him. Tell him Annie sent you. He’s really nice.

Herrick: Things are going to be moving a lot faster now. I’ve got sleeper cells all over America. I just say the word and it begins. What are we doing here?
Mitchell: You’ll see.
Herrick: Listen, okay, I think it’s about time that I explained the trick. So basically if George had stuck a stake in me it was game over. No one comes back from that. So I.. I kinda got lucky with him just ripping my head off.
Mitchell: I don’t want to know anymore.
Herrick: But you’ve been searching for this for months.
Mitchell: And then I saw the look of contempt on my best friend’s face. And I realized that this has to stop.

Herrick: Look at this world. How does it make you feel knowing that soon all of this will be ours?
Mitchell: Don’t you understand? It always was.

Who the hell are you?
Edgar Wyndam (Lee Ingleby): I’m from Head Office. I’m the man from Del Monte. I am the wrath of God.

Annie: “Neighbors describe Jason Healy as a loner with a short temper. But even they were surprised to discover he was perpetrator of the Box Tunnel Massacre.” Not half as surprised as he was I bet.

Annie: Mitchell, you do know we can’t go back to the way we were. You know, the four of us. Friends. Lovers. Making tea. You do understand that.
Nina: So what do you want?
Mitchell: I want George to kill me.
Annie: Look, Mitchell. There is no prophecy. Lia made it up.
Mitchell: It doesn’t matter. I’m going to kill again, we all know it. Because I have to. And because there’s a part of me that wants to. The vampire gene is stubborn. It finds a way to thrive. I need to be stopped in a way I can’t come back from.
Nina: Why can’t you do it yourself? Like Cara did.
Mitchell: It has to be him. It’s the final piece of his story with me.
Nina: Vampires and their inscrutable bullshit. You can’t do it yourself because it won’t provide enough anguish. You’ve been killing for nearly a hundred years. All this bloodshed and turmoil, it’s become your currency. God, even suicide has to be some shared bloody drama.
Mitchell: He has to kill me because he has to disown me.

Mitchell: You’ve all become corrupted by me, but George most of all. He suspected more than any of you. And so he had to choose between his love for me and his ethics. And I let him choose me. But there’s something else too. You saw that they set some guy up for the Box Tunnel murders.
Annie: Herrick arranged it, didn’t he?
Mitchell: No. This is way out of Herrick’s league.
Nina: So who did?
Mitchell: I don’t know. But whoever it was, it’s a debt they’re going to want repaid. Trust me. You want me out of the picture.
George: Um. Kitchen. Not you.

George: Well I thought you’d be all for it.
Nina: Except I’m the one— I’m the one who’ll be expected to pick up the pieces of you afterwards.

George: Are we actually thinking about doing this? I mean he hasn’t attacked —
Annie: A bomb is still a bomb, even if it hasn’t gone off yet.

George: Look, we’re not entirely sure that we don’t do anything. Anything. We, um, we exile him or something. We tell him it’s over, we can’t see him again. He’s dead to us. Deader.
Annie: Letting him go is still a decision. It might be the right decision but it definitely still a decision. And if we do, fine. But there will be consequences.
Nina: If he kills again—
Annie: —it is because we let him leave this house.

George: Where’s Herrick?
Mitchell: Dead.
George: How dead?
Mitchell: Proper dead. I killed him.

George: What do you see when you look at me?
Mitchell: My friend.
George: That’s good.
Mitchell: A werewolf.
George: Okay.
Mitchell: I want to pull your spine out through your mouth.
George: What’s happened to you?
Mitchell: It won.
George: So who am I talking to?
Mitchell: An echo.

George: What if you ran away to Scotland?
Mitchell: I’d kill people in Scotland.
George: What if we kept you in the attic?
Mitchell: Our success rate there is less than a hundred percent.

George: What you are asking me to do—
Mitchell: Is heroic. “George Sands saves the world.”
George: That was never one of my ambitions.
Mitchell: Yeah, well. I wanted to own a pub but this is where we’re at. I used you, George. I used our friendship. I hid in it. It’s nothing personal, but it was a means to an end.
George: Okay, no I can, yeah, I can see what you’re trying to do but it won’t work.
Mitchell: Poor little lost werewolf. It made me feel better about myself.
George: Oh, is that right?
Mitchell: You didn’t ever wonder why someone like me would be friends with someone like you?
George: Someone like you?
Mitchell: Yeah. Smart, savvy. Looking like this.
George: Right. Whereas I was…
Mitchell: Pathetic. Shambolic. Needy. But there you were, hanging out with the cool kids. no wonder you were willing to forgive and forget a few murders. You know what? Even I felt a kind of disgust.
George: This will not work.
Mitchell: You looked the other way. You gave me alibi after alibi. You betrayed humanity, George, just so you could have somebody to live with.
George: Do you really want me to believe this?
Mitchell: When I got on that train you might as well have come along and held my coat.
George: Do you really really want me to believe this!?
Mitchell: No. Of course not. Oh please, George. God, I can see their faces! Not just the people I’ve killed but the people I’m going to kill. I’m so scared. I want to tear my eyes out. Is it going to be another train next time? Oh, Jesus, or a school? It’s all so inevitable. Please do it. Please. You need to stop me. And if you can’t do it for me you have to do it for them. Please. Please.

George: Stand up. Is this really happening?
Mitchell: This is a good thing you’re doing. That stuff I said is not you. Remember once I told you that anything that happened would have happened a lot sooner and a lot worse if it wasn’t for you two. {to Nina} Look after him. And look after the baby. I guess I’m finally doing the decent thing.
Nina: Then this is what we’ll remember.
Mitchell: Yeah.

Mitchell: You were the love of my long life.
Annie: And you were the love of mine.
Mitchell: Thank you. All of you. You made me human. Let’s do this.

Wyndam: One two, buckle my shoe. Three four, knock on the door. Five six, put down sticks.

Annie: Who the hell are you?
Wyndam: Tell them, John.
Mitchell: His name’s Wyndam. He’s one of the Old Ones.
George: How the hell’d you get here? We didn’t invite you in.
Wyndam: Well you don’t get to be a thousand years old without learning a trick or two.

Wyndam: As if humanity’s imbecilic governance wasn’t bad enough, Mitchell here almost blurts out our existence. And so. We are taking control of the situation.
George: Again with the world domination. You know Herrick’s already tried that twice and we stopped him. Twice.
Wyndam: Herrick.
George: Yeah.
Wyndam: You’re comparing me to Herrick?

Wyndam: This is what is going to happen. Mitchell, you’re coming with me. I think you’re going to come in useful one day so this martyrdom isn’t an option.
Mitchell: No. No, please, I don’t want that. This, this has to be the end.
Wyndam: Sorry. You’re going to dance for me. You are going to kill and rampage. {to George} You are going to be my attack dog. And the day that you say no is the day that I crucify George and Nina. In Regents Park. What about the rest of you. What about Annie. Now, I think you’re more powerful than you imagine so I’m going to keep you around. Besides, there are going to be a lot more ghosts. And then there are the history makers. A werewolf impregnated by another werewolf. We’ve never seen the like. The others want you culled. I’m the curious type. I want to see exactly what it is that’s going to pop out. But there’s something I want you to do in return. I want you to pass on a message. To every werewolf, every ghost, every vampire that you meet. You tell them the world is under new management now. It is year dot. You tell them this. The age of the vampires has begun.

George: I’m doing this because I love you.
Mitchell: I know.

George to Wyndham: I think you’ve got a fight on your hands.