Being Human Series 3

Daddy Ghoul


Danny Webb  Erin Richards  James Fleet  Jason Watkins  Justin Salinger  Marion Bailey

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Paris 1933

Herrick (Jason Watkins): Something-something-something—
Mitchell about his jaw: Yeah. There’s a definite dent.
Herrick: —E-something-something-S.
Mitchell: Here, have a feel of this.
Herrick: Don’t come any closer.
Mitchell: No seriously, have a feel of it.
Herrick: I said, do not come near me.

Mitchell: And what, you want me to apologize? I’m the one who looks like I’m wearing my face inside out! You’re the one who should be apologizing.
Herrick: I told you to let her die.
Mitchell: I wanted some company!
Herrick: You’ve got company.
Mitchell: Other company, Herrick!
Herrick: I said no recruitment.
Mitchell: And why not?
Herrick: It doesn’t matter anymore.
Mitchell: No. No, why not, Herrick? Oh, did you have something special planned?

Herrick: You know the Old Ones, they kill at will. But they don’t recruit lightly. In fact, most of them only do it once. They choose a protège. It’s an eternal bond.
Mitchell: I don’t need a protège.
Herrick: It isn’t always about you. Why do you think some of us live forever and others are like… fireflies?
Mitchell: Because some of us are smart and some of us are stupid.
Herrick: If you choose an heir, they inherit all your secrets. They become a dark angel. Your protector. Your savior.
Mitchell: Savior from what?
Herrick: Oh. Perhaps a fate we’ve been led to belief there is no salvation from.
Mitchell: So… if something happens to you…
Herrick: They can bring you back.
Mitchell: And that’s possible?
Herrick: That and so much more.
Mitchell: So you want me to be your heir?

Nina: Hello.
George: I like watching you sleep. I look at you and I think, “She’s mine. She’s all mine.”
Nina: Hm. That’s sweet. Creepy and slightly Ted Bundy-esque. But sweet.

George: Me and you. Mum and dad. We’re going to be the ones that have to teach them how to ride a bike, we’re going to have to set their curfew. We’re going to have to—
Nina: Relocate to 1950s America where they actually use the term “curfew”.
George: That’s hilarious.
Nina: I’m sorry. But you’re just too easy.
George: I’m easy? You’re the one that’s knocked up.

Nina: This isn’t exactly the ideal baby-raising environment though, is it?
George: Well what is?
Nina: I don’t know. somewhere without a dementia-ridden vampire lurking in the attic, perhaps?
George: You don’t have to worry about Herrick. We’ll work something out.

Nina: We have to start thinking about our future. Our child and the little world we’re going to create for him or her. I’d do anything to make sure that world was safe, George. Anything.

Annie: Did you miss me?
Mitchell: Oh shit, Annie. You frightened me!
Annie: Well I’m a ghost. It’s my prerogative. So can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? … Me?
Mitchell: Coffee’d be great.
Annie: Oh.

Mitchell: I’m so sorry, George.
Annie: “Stop all the clocks. Cut off the telephone. Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.” {awkward pause} “But know that you are not in this thing alone. There’s always a place in me, that you can call home. When you feel like we’re growing apart, let us just go back back… back… back… back, back to the start. You’ve got to fight—’
Mitchell: Okay then. Why don’t we give George and Nina some space.

Annie: What did I do?
Mitchell: Oh, it’s difficult to find the right words at times like this. Why not rely on those of the literary greats? Like Auden. And Cheryl Cole.
Annie: Did I? Did I punch him?
Mitchell: Yeah.

Nina: What was he like?
George: Boring. I’d look at the other kids at my school and there was always drama. Someone’s father was an alcoholic. Someone else’s gambled. Someone’s parents were getting divorced. I mean from the outside it almost seemed glamorous. But my dad, he worked hard. He never played away. I don’t think I ever heard him raise his voice. He’s— … He was… ordinary. Boring. I don’t think I ever realized just how wonderful that was.

George: I need to go, Nina.
Nina: To the service?
George: Yes, do you think it’s a bad idea?
Nina: Well, no. But I don’t know, just you turning up there.
George: Well no one need know I’m there if I’m discreet.
Nina: Okay. Ah… better get a move on.
George: Nina—
Nina: I need to call work.
George: Nina. I think I need to do this alone.
Nina: Alone?
George: You understand, don’t you?
Nina: If there’s anything you need. Anything at all.

Mitchell: I know. I’ve felt it too. Right now you’re praying to a god that you don’t believe in. Begging for Him to take the pain away. Or just let you die. But if God does exist, He doesn’t listen to people like you and me. I can help you, Herrick. Do you want me to help you? Do you want me to make this go away?
Herrick: Of course I do!
Mitchell: You know why you’re suffering.
Herrick: I don’t!
Mitchell: You know. You might not understand it yet, but you know. It’s an instinct. You need to drink.

Mitchell: I can make you powerful again. I can make you strong again. And you never did give me my inheritance. We’ve had exceedingly long lives, Herrick. And finally—finally—I feel complete. I feel happy. I’m not ready for this to end. I’m not ready to leave her. A werewolf ripped you to pieces, yet you survived. I need you to tell me how.

George, Sr. (James Fleet): George? My god. I don’t, I can’t— I don’t dare believe it. My god, George. I thought you were dead. I thought I’d never see you again. I hoped… I prayed. I dreamt, but I never actually— Here you are. You’ve come back. You’ve come back to me. Say something to your old man.
George: I’ve missed you, Dad.

George, Sr.: So you’re telling me I’m a ghost? I’m dead. That’s my funeral. That’s my coffin. And I’m a ghost. {George nods}. And nobody can see me? Or hear me?
George: No. It does take a little bit of getting used to. You’ll be fine, Dad.
George, Sr.: Wish I thought so.
George: You will. I promise.
George, Sr.: Three years, and then you finally come back just like this. Under these circumstances. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful. But, um, I just feel so…
George: What?
George, Sr.: Guilty. Because now I know why you left. Why you stayed away. What made you run and hide.
George: Now you know? You know? You know what I am?
George, Sr.: Yeah.
George: Do you think I’m a freak?
George, Sr.: Of course I don’t, son.
George: Annie knew too. She knew the moment she met me. It’s supernaturals, they see the crosses others bear so clearly. The scars on our soul.
George, Sr.: Annie?
George: She’s my friend. She’s a ghost too.
George, Sr.: When did you start— I mean how did it, you know, begin?
George: Well it was in Scotland. That’s when… It’s still quite difficult to, um…
George, Sr.: Well I wish you’d come to me, talked to me.
George: You couldn’t have changed anything, Dad. It’s not like there’s a cure. For the rest of my life I’m going to be howling at the moon.
George, Sr.: you poor thing.
George: Besides, I don’t want to burden you with any of this. Or mom.
George, Sr.: She never gave up hope, you know. Well, I mean, she was right not to.

George: What the hell is that prick doing here?!
George, Sr.: Who?
George: Him. Mr. Logue. He taught me PE, remember? Made my life a bloody misery. Left me hanging from the high bars for forty-five minutes once. Still can’t watch the Olympics without having flashbacks. You didn’t even know him!
George, Sr.: No, no. I didn’t know him.
George: What exactly is going on?

Meanwhile, back at Honolulu Heights…

DC Reed (Erin Richards): Are you John Mitchell?
Mitchell: Yeah.
DC Reed: DC Reed from CID. I just need to ask you a few questions, if you could try and answer them that would be great. If you can’t that’s fine too. Because this is basically a barrel of [?]. I’m from the major time-wasting unit. I just need to make sure I inconvenience as many people as possible today. Oh! My heel broke. I fell so ungraciously it was borderline pornographic. And then I saw a homeless guy laugh at me. It’s been a spectacular day thus far.

George: I can’t get my head around this. What happened with you and mum? When did she start seeing Mr. Logue?
George, Sr.: Well, ah, they both attended the same Salsa dancing class.
George: Salsa dancing?
George, Sr.: Yeah. And well they were partnered up for the cha cha. No, wait. [Tell a lie]. It was the rhumba. And, basically, it just went from there.
George: Well how does it go from kick-ball-change to suddenly walking out on a twenty-five-year marriage and shacking up with a failed athlete?
George, Sr.: Kick-ball-change is a Jazz step, isn’t it?
George: Um. No no, they do use it in Latin America too.
George, Sr.: Oh, really?
George: Yeah, I’m sure I’ve seen it on Strictly. This is not the point!
George, Sr.: Look George, I was as surprised as you. The last thing I expected to [determine] was she had a lover.
George: Oh my god, ugh! I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that you’re a ghost or you just used the word “lover.” What did you do when you found out?
George, Sr.: Well…
George: Oh, woah. relax there, Valentino.
George, Sr.: No, she’d made up her mind. He makes her happy. I obviously couldn’t. What? Did you think time would stand still when you left?
George: No, no of course not! It’s just him, living in our house. And you shacked up here like… King of the Gypsies. Yeah that wasn’t a compliment Dad.
George, Sr.: Come on, I’ll make us a cup of tea.
George: Oh god. Not another ghost who makes tea they can’t drink.
George, Sr.: Oh. Er, force of habit. So… what now?

George, Sr.: This passing over, what does it involve exactly?
George: It’s not as daunting as it sounds. Basically a door appears.
George, Sr.: A door?
George: Yeah, a door comes and you walk through it.
George, Sr.: What kind of door?
George: What do you mean?
George, Sr.: Well, what type of door is it? Wooden? Glazed, PVC, paneled…
George: What? This is what concerns you? Not what lies beyond the door but the materials used to construct it?
George, Sr.: So you’re saying when I least expect it a door will just pop up and I’ll walk through it and you’ll wake up one morning and I’ll be gone forever?
George: It’s not when you least expect it. You’re hanging around for a reason. there’s obviously still something you need to do. You do that thing and the door comes.

George, Sr.: Here we are.
George: Well what happened? I don’t understand.
George, Sr.: Oh, there was a fire.
George: A fire? You died in a fire? I didn’t realize.
George, Sr.: Well it doesn’t matter how I died.
George: Of course it matters! A fire, that’s, that’s painful. It’s frightening.
George, Sr.: No, George, it wasn’t like that. Honestly.
George: Don’t lie to me Dad.
George, Sr.: No, I fell asleep. I did. Fell asleep and when I opened my eyes it was over.
George: Well how did it even start?
George, Sr.: Um… I don’t know.
George: You must have some idea.
George, Sr.: I’d like to leave now, George. I don’t know what possessed me to come back here anyway.
George: Dad—

Mitchell: Me? Why would I have any information? Why would anyone say that?
DC Reed: It’s probably someone you’ve pissed off. Maybe an ex-girlfriend? Or one of the neighbors? Maybe they don’t like your hair. Or maybe they find that accent really annoying. You might never find out.
Mitchell: I don’t know anything about this. Nothing at all.
DC Reed: Thank you for your time. And for a truly extraordinary cup of tea.
Annie: Oh, Nancy, stop with the tea.

Annie: Who do you think would give them Mitchell’s name?
Nina: Well. Like she said, he’ll probably never find out.
Annie: It’s Mitchell we’re talking about. He’ll find out.

George: Are you joking? I can’t believe you’ve never seen it.
George, Sr.: Well I didn’t think I’d like it.
George: What, it’s over fifteen hundred people drowning whilst Celine Dion wails like a banshee. What’s not to like? Seriously, Dad. I don’t think that’s your unfinished business.

George, Sr.: Why couldn’t she have moved over a bit? That piece of wood she was floating on was massive.

George, Sr.: When I’m gone and your minds at rest, and you know that I’m okay. Then you can go and see your mum.
George: Mum? Oh no, no, Dad. I came back for your funeral and that’s all. I need to keep all this—what I am, what I’ve become—away from her.
George, Sr.: She can cope, George. I did.
George: Dad. Death gives you a great sense of perspective.

Nina: So. Your Dad’s a ghost. And… a pikey.

Mitchell: Annie, can we just forget about it?
Annie: Forget about it? Someone is trying to link you to the murder of twenty innocent people, Mitchell.
Mitchell: You heard what she said, it’s probably nothing.
Annie: And I might believe that, if you weren’t so shaken by it.
Mitchell: What? No I’m not.
Annie: I know you, Mitchell.

Mitchell: There was this girl—this vampire girl I sort of knew. Her name was Daisy. And she had this—
Annie: I see. Do you still have feelings for this girl?
Mitchell: No! No, it’s not that. You won’t understand.
Annie: Try me.
Mitchell: No matter what I think of her, of what she may or may not have done, talking to the police, it throw an unwelcome light onto our world. It’s a betrayal.
Annie: So you’d rather be punished for something you didn’t do?
Mitchell: They don’t suspect me!
Annie: How can you be so sure? Someone out there is trying to connect you to this. You have to go to the police, Mitchell.
Mitchell: We have a code. It’s not an honorable one, but we have to live by it, Annie. All right?
Annie: We?
Mitchell: Yeah.
Annie: The only “we” is you and me. And if you won’t protect yourself, I will.

Nina: We met at the hospital, we had an argument. Well, I say “argument.” It consisted of me ranting in his general direction.
George, Sr.: Well it sounds like the arguments I used to have with my wife.
Nina: Yeah, I’m trying to reign it in a bit.
George, Sr.: No, no. Don’t do that.
Nina: No?
George, Sr.: No, it’s good. It’s spark. It’s life. When George left, Ruth—that’s his mum—well, she retreated into herself and I couldn’t drag her back. I’ll tell you something, when everything fades to silence you miss those one-sided arguments.

Nina: His unfinished business. He doesn’t think it’s something that he needs to do. He thinks it’s something that you need to do. If you could visit your mum, you know? If you could be reunited a family again, he knows that he’ll be able to move on.
George, Sr.: Nina, I can’t do that.
Nina: I don’t think you have a choice.

DC Reed: I saw those men and women. Or… what was left of them. All I want to do is help catch the bastard that butchered them.
Cooper (Justin Salinger): And you will, Nancy. You will.

Annie: Don’t beat yourself up about it.
DC Reed: This place’ll be the death of me.
Annie: Tell me about it, Reed. Tell me about it.

Marcus Logue (Danny Webb): So hold on, let me get this straight. You left home three years ago because you decided to…
George: To… join a cult.
Marcus Logue: Join a cult. Good. That’s what I thought you said. And you made no attempt to contact your mother and put her out of her misery because?
George: Because it was like a prison. And we had to escape in the end, didn’t we Nina?
Nina: I was in the cult? I was. I was in the cult.
Marcus Logue: You had to escape?
George: Yeah, we secretly chipped away at this wall everyday, and then we covered up the hole with this, um, old poster of Raquel Welch. Until eventually we were able to tunnel our way out of there.
Marcus Logue: Isn’t that the plot of Shawshank Redemption?
Nina: Well that’s where we got the, frankly, ludicrous, idea from.
Marcus Logue: What was the name of the cult!
George: The name of the cult was called the… Church of Earth. The Church of Earth, Wind and Fire.

Marcus Logue: Well if you don’t get the basics right, they are going to be screwed up, aren’t they?
Nina: You sound like an expert, Marcus.
Marcus Logue: I am a teacher.
Nina: Of rounders!

Ruth (Marion Bailey): I don’t know you at all, George.
George: Mom, please!
Ruth: I can’t. I’m sorry.

Annie: I need to help Nancy solve this case. Not just for your sake, for Lia’s too.

George: Oh my god, you’re not dead!
George, Sr.: I can explain.

George, Sr.: We made sure George Sands died in that fire.
George: Why would you even want that?
George, Sr.: I needed to start over. Go somewhere else. Be somebody else. By the time you turned up, it had all gone too far. But when you started talking about unfinished business, I thought, Good. I can stall things for a bit. Spend some time with you.

George: Why did you go—to your funeral, I mean?
George, Sr.: I wanted to see Ruth.

George, Sr.: Ruth. Ruth, I need you to listen to me.
Nina: That’s much better. That’s great. Very strong, very focused.
George, Sr.: I’m the one you should be with.
Nina: Brilliant!
George, Sr.: And the reasons for this are three-fold.
Nina: Oh, again with the three-fold!
George: Dad, you’re not trying to secure her vote for the local election. We need to nail this.

George, Sr.: I’m taking you back, Ruth! Whether you like it or not!
George: No no no, we’ve tipped completely the other way now.
Nina: Yeah. No. You’re a bit… rape-y now.

Marcus Logue: I’ve only got five burgers on the grill. But if you’re expecting any more dead relatives to stop by, do let me know. I’ll put some more on.

George, Sr.: This is my house, this is my wife. And you, sir, you’re nothing but a prick!
Nina: Get in!
Ruth: I can’t believe you did that.
George, Sr.: I came back from the dead for you, Ruth. Not many men can manage that.

George: Look, the reason I left… the reason…
Nina: George, are you sure about this?
George: It’s hard to actually say the words.
George, Sr.: You take your time son.
George: I’m… I’m a werewolf.
George, Sr.: Now, you are taking some form of medication at the moment, aren’t you George?
George: Mm hm.

George, Sr.: I’m gonna fly, Jack! I’m gonna fly!
Nina: Did your dad just misquote Titanic?
George: Yeah. Just… don’t ask.

DC Reed: And John. I met John.
Herrick: I know you have.
DC Reed: He’s lovely too. You don’t think so?
Herrick: You wouldn’t either if you knew.
DC Reed: Knew what?
Herrick: What lies beneath the surface.
DC Reed: What’s that?
Herrick: Can’t tell you. It’s a secret.
DC Reed: I’m very good with secrets.

Herrick: I can’t tell you, but I can show you.
DC Reed: Show me what?
Herrick: Where he buries his nightmare.

Mitchell: You know, I thought you were supposed to solve crimes, not commit them.
DC Reed: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Mitchell: Oh… That’s not true. Is it, Nancy? You’ve taken something that doesn’t belong to you. I think you should give it back.
DC Reed: It’s quite the collection, John.
Mitchell: It interests me, that’s all.
DC Reed: It’s a sick hobby.
Mitchell: Eh, so’s taxidermy. But there’s no law against that either. Now unless you produce a warrant from that ridiculous bag, I suggest you give me back my book. I won’t ask you again. {She hands him the book back.} You really shouldn’t have done that, Nancy.