Scully: Sorry. Check out lines were worse than rush hour one the 95. If I heard Silent Night one more time I was going to start taking hostages.

The X-Files Season 6

How the Ghosts Stole Christmas

1998.12.13    S06E06

David Duchovny  Ed Asner  Gillian Anderson  Lily Tomlin

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Mulder: I almost gave up on you.
Scully: Sorry. Check out lines were worse than rush hour one the 95. If I heard Silent Night one more time I was going to start taking hostages. What are we doing here?
Mulder: Stake out.
Scully: On Christmas Eve?
Mulder: It’s an important date.
Scully: No kidding.

Scully: Mulder, tell me you didn’t call me out here on Christmas Eve to go ghostbusting with you.
Mulder: Technically speaking, they’re called aparitions.
Scully: Mulder, call it what you want. I’ve got holiday cheer to spread.

Scully: Mulder, it looks like they were shot to death. You know what’s weird?
Mulder: What?
Scully: Mulder, she’s wearing my outfit.
Mulder: How embarrassing.
Scully: Yeah, well you know what? He’s wearing yours.

Maurice (Ed Asner): You drink?
Mulder: No.
Maurice: Take drugs?
Mulder: No.
Maurice: Get high?
Mulder: No.
Maurice: Are you overcome by the impulse to make everyone believe you? I’m in the field of mental health. I specialize in disorders and manias—related to pathological behavior as it pertains to the paranormal.
Mulder: Wow. I didn’t know such a thing existed.
Maurice: My speciality is in what I call “soul prospectors.” A cross-axial classification I’ve codified by extensive interaction with visitors like yourself. I’ve found you all tend to fall into pretty much the same category.
Mulder: And what category is that?
Maurice: Narcisstic, over-zealous, self-righteous egomaniac.
Mulder: Wow. That’s a category?
Maurice: You kindly think of yourself as “single-minded.” But you’re prone to obsessive-compulsiveness, workaholism, anti-socialism. Fertile fields for the descent into total wacko breakdown.

Maurice: You see what we’ve resorted to? Gimmicks and cheap tricks. We used to be so good at this
Lyda (Lily Tomlin): We used to have years to drive them mad. Now we have one night.
Maurice: This pop psychology approach is crap. All it does is annoy them. When’s the last time we actually haunted anyone?
Lyda: And when was the last time we had a good double murder? Not since the house was condemned.
Maurice: This is embarassing. Amateur kids stuff.
Lyda: Look, if we let our reputation slip they’re going to take us off the tourist literature. Last year no one even showed up.
Maurice: Of all days, why did you pick Christmas? Why not Halloween?
Lyda: Now who is filled with hopelessness and futility and Halloween? Christmas comes but once a year.

Lyda: Masher.
Mulder: Frump.

Lyda revealing her fatal wound: I don’t show my hole to just anyone.
Mulder disturbed: Why are you showing it to me?

Lyda: Hear that? It’s Christmas.
Maurice: One for the books.
Lyda: We almost had those two, didn’t we?
Maurice: Almost had ’em.
Lyda: Two such lonely souls.
Maurice: Can’t let our failures haunt us.
Lyda: You wonder what they were really out here looking for.
Maurice: Hard to say. People now, this is just another joyless day of the year.
Lyda: Not for us.
Maurice: No. We haven’t forgotten the meaning of Christmas.

Scully: Mulder, none of that really happened out there tonight. That was all in our heads, right?
Mulder: Must have been.
Scully: Not that, ah, my only joy in life is proving you wrong.
Mulder: When have you proved me wrong?
Scully: Well, why else would you want me out there with you?
Mulder: You didn’t want to be there? Ah, that’s, um, self-righteous and narcissistic of me to say. isn’t it?
Scully: No, um, maybe I did want to be out there with you.
Mulder: I know we said that we weren’t going to exchange gifts but I got you a little something.
Scully: Mulder—
Mulder: Merry Christmas.
Scully: Well I got you a little something too.