The O.C. Summer Roberts

Season 2


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The Distance

Summer: The more time I spend with Zach, the less time I think about goddamn what’s-his-face, built like a beanpole, curly hair, runs away like a little bitch on a sailboat, leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend, who cried and cried over him until the Fourth of July when she realised she doesn’t cry over bitches on boats.
Marissa: Seth, His name its Seth.

Summer: I had a boyfriend and then he sailed away.

The Way We Were

Ryan: If I hadn’t left, then you guys would have still have been together.
Summer: That isn’t true. He would have found some Cohen-y way to break us up. He can’t help it. He’s Cohen.

Summer: Cohen. What are you doing?
Seth: Nothing. Why?
Summer: Looks like you’re humping the hot dog stand.

Summer: What do you want from me, Cohen?
Seth: I just want you.
Summer: No you don’t. You had me. You had me at Chrismukkah in a freakin’ Wonderwoman costume and you chose Anna. You had me three months ago and you left.
Seth: I want to make that up to you.
Summer: It has nothing to do with me. It’s about you. And it is always about you: what you need and what you want. You know, it seems you only want me when you can’t have me. You like the chase, and that’s all. And you know what? You can have it.

The New Kid on the Block

Summer: Cohen, that was really sweet.
Seth: Pathetic and sweet?
Summer: No, just sweet.

Seth: Maybe I just can’t be just friends with you.
Summer: Then maybe this is it for us.

The New Era

Summer: Cohen… Ryan.
Seth: I have a date.
Summer: Wow! Have fun with Captain Oats.

The SnO.C.

Summer: You’ve gotta go, like, Ice-Man on her ass.
Seth: Wow, was that your first X-Men reference?
Summer: Top Gun.
Seth: Top Gun. Hey. That’s like one of the greatest love stories of our time.

The Family Ties

Summer to Seth: Your breath smells like Marissa! You are so drunk!

Summer: Actually, I’m gonna go alone.
Zach: You’re going by yourself?
Summer: Hans Solo. But if I change my mind I’ll have Cohen get drunk and let you know.
Zach: Summer, c’mon!
Summer: Hooking up with your tutor, Zach? Not even that cool in the 80s. I mean she could of at least have been a hooker and helped you get into Princeton.

The Power of Love

Marissa: Who’s Kofi Annan?
Summer: Some guy Zach’s mom knows. I think he works for United Airlines.

The Ex-Factor

Summer: Am I about to get whacked?

The Accomplice

Summer: I don’t wanna hear it. What are you guys? Like Kavalier and Gay?
Seth amused and impressed: That was funny.
Summer indignant: I know.

Summer about the purloined sketchbook: Princess Sparkle, you are not going to believe this.

The Second Chance

Summer about Marissa’s comic book character: Alcoholism as a Super Power. Now that is an interesting talent.

Summer: Oh, I will compromise your vision. Do not forget my rage-blackouts!

Summer: Okay, let’s be more professional! Less drooling, more drawing. And don’t give me any junk in the trunk, either.

Seth: Okay, the way you’re holding the pencil, you’re choking it.
Summer: I am not! This pencil can breathe on its own!

Summer: Who have you been nose-grazing with?

The Lonely Hearts Club

Summer about her earrings: Do you think these are too bling for a meeting?

Summer: You know what? My teeth are all plaque-y. I’m gonna go for a last-minute floss.

Zach: Summer, who is it?
Summer: Obviously, it doesn’t matter.

The Test

Summer: Party Caleb. That sounds awesome.

Summer on the phone with Zach: I haven’t seen Cohen, why? pause Well he always smells kind of weird.

Summer: I’m only saying this for the people that live with you: take a shower, Cohen. Zach and I didn’t have sex.

Summer hugging Marissa: This isn’t turning you on, right?

Summer: See ya, Cohen.
Seth: See ya, Summer.

The Rainy Day Women

Seth: Spiderman is really the only protective headgear I own.
Summer: Well, it’s too bad you weren’t wearing protective headgear when you were dropped on your head as a child.
Seth: Oh, zing!

Summer: Look Cohen are we gonna do this again or are we gonna advance the plot?

Summer: I don’t want the Italians to think I have bad style. I’m representing America.
Zach: Well, that’s very patriotic of you.

Summer: I can’t go. I can’t do this.
Zach: Truth be told, I didn’t think you’d make it past security.
Summer: I’m really sorry.
Zach: You can’t fight fate.

The Mallpisode

Seth: This thing with Lindsay is just really kicking Ryan’s ass.
Summer: Which is why it’s a good thing we’re like the Marines.
Seth: How are we like the Marines?
Summer: We leave no man behind. Look, Lindsay may have turned her back on Ryan, but we won’t. No. You have got to cheer him up. Semper Fi.
Seth: Oh, Semper Fi. That’s so cute.

Seth: And besides, now with Lindsay out of the picture, maybe Ryan and Marissa will get back together.
Summer: Are you crazy? They’re like the worst couple ever. And besides Marissa’s happy now.
Seth: Okay, and by happy you mean gay.

Summer: Trapped in a department store. Which is like my ultimate fantasy.
Ryan: Okay, and what if we get caught?
Summer: We’ll be stealth.

Ryan: So what do we do now?
Summer: I have an idea. puts on a hockey mask.
Ryan: You’re going to kill us all with a chainsaw?

Seth: How is it that Ryan and Marissa are now the functioning couple?
Summer: Oh my god, we can not be more annoying than Ryan and Marissa. They’re monsters.
Seth: I like monsters.

The Blaze of Glory

Summer: Break out the hose, Cohen. Seth looks unsure of himself. It’s a metaphor.

The Brothers Grim

Summer seeing Zach pull up on a Vespa: Oh my god, I’m having a panic spiral.

Summer: And you told Cohen because you knew it would get back to me.
Zach: Within minutes.

The Risky Business

Summer: You guys bringing back the comic book?
Seth and Zach: No! No. Goodness gracious no!
Seth slowly raises shield: It’s a graphic novel. It’s totally different.

Summer about the shoes at auction : Ew. Foot fetish much?

The Rager

Summer: Oh my god, you are the most supportive non-girlfriend in history.

Summer: Cohen learned how to use the grill this summer. It’s a major life achievement.
Seth: That’s right. I grilled some corn, I grilled some veggies…. I found something in Marissa’s fridge, I just, I grilled it.

Summer: Cohen, just shut up. ‘Cause even when you’re not lying you’re lying.

The O.C. Confidential

Summer: You know, it’s one thing blowing me off, but blowing off Death Cab?

Summer: I mean, where other than The Bait Shop, are tickets always plentiful and the band never too loud to talk over.

Marissa: Don’t mind my friend. She’s really, really stoned.
Summer: Totally. Very, very high. Isn’t this place, like, so visual?
Marissa: So do you wanna go sit down?
Jessica: Can’t. Looking for a friend.
Marissa: The kind who could hook me up?
Jessica: Actually he lost his stash last weekend. But he’s taking orders for tomorrow night. You want in?
Marissa: Definitely.
Jessica: Water Polo is throwing a party. We can meet up there. Here’s the address. Cash only.
Marissa: No problem.
Jessica to Summer: How ’bout you?
Summer: Hm? Oh no, strictly ganga. What’s from the Earth is of the greatest worth.
Marissa as Jessica walks away: I’m gonna kill you.
Summer: I hope you know what you’re doing.

The Return of the Nana

As Summer wails on a punching bag
Seth: Hey, Summer! Busy?
Summer: What do you want?
Seth: To talk.
Summer: Yeah. Hold my bag.
Seth: Anything for my Million Dollar Baby.

The Showdown

Summer: You know, I really thought things were going to be different this time, but you haven’t changed at all. You’ve found new and even more public ways of disappointing me.

Reed: Summer, Seth and Zach have talent. They could have careers in comics. But you are the Nico of the group.
Summer: I’m sorry. I don’t get references before 1990.

The O.Sea

Summer: You guys are going to the prom together, right?
Marissa: I wouldn’t count on it.
Summer about Ryan: Coop, did I miss something? ‘Cause for like a blip you guys actually seemed happy.
Marissa: It’s complicated.
Summer: Well, it’s you and Ryan. It’s supposed to be.

Marissa: So, everyone’s saying you’re going to be voted prom queen. Isn’t that like your fifth grade dream coming true?
Summer: No. My dream involved an actual date. A hot guy in a tux with a carnation pinned in his lapel. Instead I’m drawing straws between Nerd Boy and Ass Clown.

Seth: Summer. Hey. We were both just talking and—
Summer: Save it, Cohen. I’m done listening to your excuses.
Zach: Summer, we’re really sorry. Are you willing to forgive us?
Summer: Nope. Don’t wanna forgive you. But prom is tomorrow night. And I have wanted to go my whole life. So I’m not going to let our demented little threesome ruin that for me. So I’m going. With on of you.
Seth: Well, which one of us are you going to take?
Summer: Don’t care. I am too pissed off and tired to choose. So you’re going to decide. Don’t care how. Tomorrow I will be outside in front of my house in a dress and one of you will pick me up. Got it? Good. Oh! You know, my dress is a magenta color, so my corsage should be in that general family.

Seth: What if we can’t decide?
Summer: Rock paper scissors. Flip a coin. I don’t care how you do it.

Summer: I’m glad it’s you.
Zach: I didn’t know what magenta was so I got you white.
Summer: Perfect.

Summer: Where’s Ryan?
Marissa: He couldn’t make it. He’s sick.
Summer: Sick? Too sick to take you to prom? He better be really sick. Like dead. ’Cause if he isn’t I’m gonna strangle him with his own wifebeater.

Zach: I saw your face when I got out of the limo.
Summer: And I saw yours. You want to be there, talking about your comic book with Reed. Look, my prom fantasy, it didn’t quite happen. But… you’ve been dreaming about this comic book your whole life. This is your shot. You should go.
Zach: I can’t abandon you.
Summer: I did it to you.
Zach: Good point.
Summer: Go. Save Cohen from himself.

The Dearly Beloved

Seth: Princess Sparkle, you’re in my room.
Summer: Yeah. I figured Oats would pretty down and could use the companionship of someone sweet and pretty and with shinier hair. Who would just, you know, be there for him.
Seth: Well the Captain’s pretty lucky.
Summer: Yeah, well, if he gets fresh with her it’s straight to the glue factory. I knw you and your grandpa were close.
Seth: It’s actually my mom that I’m worried about.
Summer: Your mom?
Seth: Yeah. This morning I was in my dad’s office and I found, like, a brochure for rehab.
Summer: Oh my god. Has she been drinking a lot?
Seth: Well, I mean she is a WASP living in Orange County, so it’s all relative, right? I don’t know, she has a glass of wine at dinner, maybe two.
Summer: Maybe more than that?
Seth: That’s the thing, I’ve been so self-involved this past year I don’t even know. I have no idea. I’m sure it’s, you know, at least partially my fault. I know running away was really hard on her last summer.
Summer: Cohen, no offense, but you’re being self-involved again. I think this is bigger than you.