Gossip Girl Lily van der Woodsen

Season 3


Kelly Rutherford

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Dan de Fleurette

Serena: I got a job with a publicist. I thought if you saw me working you would feel better about Brown.
Lily: Right, yes, because a year of parties and premieres is a worthy alternative to an Ivy League education.

Rufus: Lil, she’s going to be okay.
Lily: This is your fault.
Rufus: That’s not fair.
Lily: Not fair? I go away to take care of my mother, and I come back and my daughter’s not going to college. I trusted you.
Rufus: Then trust me now. Don’t force her.

Rufus Getting Married

Serena: That was by far your best wedding. The flowers, the foie gras. Who would have guessed nine months later Klaus would have auf’ed.
Lily: Well the worst thing is I thought he would make me happy. I thought all of them would. What are you doing here?
Serena: I wanted to clear the air. I’m sorry. I know that you’re disappointed that I’m not going to Brown and I know that you’re angry that I left.
Lily: I’m not angry at you, Serena. I should have been here this summer to help you with the decision instead of leaving you here with another man who doesn’t get it.
Serena: Mom, what are you talking about? You and Rufus are the perfect couple.
Lily: Thank you for stopping by.

Lily: You’re kidding.
Rufus: I knew I let you kids watch The Parent Trap too many times.
Dan: It’s time for you two to talk.
Jenny: You love each other.
Serena: And it’s not Rufus’ fault I made the decision not to go to Brown.
Eric: Can you please sit down. For us.
Lily: Well I do love the bolognese here.

Lily: Rufus?
Rufus: Lily, where are you?
Lily: Where are you?! I’m at the loft. I came to apologize. I don’t know why I got so crazy.
Rufus: You are right. I am never going to really understand this world I am now part of. But that doesn’t stop me from loving you. It never has.
Lily: I love you too.
Rufus: Well we can keep asking each other if we can do this. We can keep planning and talking adjusting and talking some more. Or we can just leap. So let’s leap. Let’s get married.
Lily: We’re already getting married, Rufus.
Rufus: I mean soon. I mean tomorrow. We leap.
Lily: Oh my god. Yes. We leap.

Lily: Look Rufus we just drove around the entire block. He’s not here. Vanessa was wrong.
Rufus: The bus for Boston leaves in eight minutes. So he could still come. You know he could be anywhere. Let’s go back to the bus stop.
Lily: But—
Rufus: What are you doing? Let’s go.
Lily: What’s the point?
Rufus: The point is we can still find him.
Lily: Well if we do, after what I just did— What am I supposed to say to him?
Rufus: That we’re his parents. And we’re here for him. That love can fix things.
Lily: We both know that’s not true.
Rufus: You know what? I don’t.

Rufus: And I promise to eat caviar without spitting it in my napkin when we go to dinner at Mayor Bloomberg’s. As long as he knows that when he comes to our house he’s eating my chili.
Kim Gordon: Lily?
Lily: And Rufus, I know that our future will be just like us: flawed and fragmented. And full of more love than I ever thought possible. I am so excited for you to be my husband. And for our children—all of them—to be my family.
Kim Gordon: Well, by the power vested in me, by a sketchy service on the internet, I pronounce you husband and wife.

Lily: Well it took twenty years but we finally made it.
Rufus: I wouldn’t have done it any other way.

Enough About Eve

Lily: Chuck is gone.
Blair: But I need to talk to him. I need to explain.
Lily: Blair, whatever you needed Chuck to do, do you really think he would have refused you?
Blair: No. He’d never say no. To anything. I messed up, didn’t I?
Lily: Yes. Yes you really did.
Blair: Lily, you’re supposed to say “Everything is going to be fine.” Where did you learn to give a pep talk, Guantanamo?
Lily: Blair. I understand a thing or two about ambitious women. But without trust you’re lost.

How to Succeed In Bassness

Rufus: We’re not going to that club opening.
Lily: But I already got costumes.
Rufus: Aren’t you the one telling me I shouldn’t embarrass the kids?
Lily: Well that’s when you wanted us all to dress up like The Ramones.
Rufus: Well Jenny would make a great Joey.

Rufus: What do you think? Does it really play without the other Ramones? I was going to do Iggy but I thought it might scare the children.
Lily: Not that I don’t enjoy you shirtless and in eyeliner but I do think you made the right choice.

Jenny: I don’t know why he’s blaming me. I didn’t do anything. I can’t control every girl at school.
Lily: Oh Jenny. You and I both know that that’s not true.

The Last Days of Disco Stick

Lily: What about Brad Alexander? His mother said he’s single.
Jenny: Ah, yeah, Because he gave six girls from Nightingale gonorrhea of the throat last year.

The Treasure of Serena Madre

Lily: Maureen! Oh I am so glad to see you. How was D.C.?
Maureen: So much to get ready. But Trip insisted we spend the holidays here.
Lily: Speaking of, I’d love to know why he has my daughter working on Thanksgiving. She said she’s volunteering at a soup kitchen with him. I’ve never seen her work these kinds of hours. Is it always like this with him?
Maureen: No, his schedule’s been especially busy these last few weeks.
Lily: This is probably an over-step, but do you think you could convince him to spend part of your Thanksgiving with us—you know, force my daughter to have a little family time?
Gossip Girl: Uh oh. Looks like someone’s small Thanksgiving might just have a big problem.
Maureen: Yes. Yes. We’d love to come.
Gossip Girl: May the Lord make us truly thankful for what we are about to receive.

The Hurt Locket

Lily: So how was your mom’s? I’m sure your dad called every day.
Jenny: Well he v-chatted for present opening. You didn’t want to go to Telluride with him, huh? I can’t say I blame you. Those Lincoln Hawk guys can be kind of annoying.
Lily: Well he was so excited when it came up I couldn’t stand for him to miss out.

Lily: So. Your father and I haven’t really discussed you having boys alone in your room. So maybe just keep the door open?
Jenny: Lily, if we wanted to have sex we’d just go to a hotel. And seriously, it’s not like that with us.
Lily: Well what is it like? I mean he seems happy to see you—
Jenny: I’ll open the door if anything changes.
Lily: Oh! And you wouldn’t happen to know when your father was coming back? Larissa accidentally lost the itinerary.
Jenny: I think he said today, but just… call him and ask.

Dan: Lily.
Lily: Oh, hello Daniel.
Dan: What are you doing in Brooklyn?
Lily: Uh. I was hoping your father would be here.
Dan: He was supposed to be back this morning. Can’t imagine he’d come here before going to see you.
Lily: Well I just figured since he hadn’t seen you over the holidays. You know how sentimental he is.

Lily: Well you know what? Maybe he decided to stay and ski another day.
Dan: Oh yeah, I don’t think that’s what happened.
Lily: Well. I should go. If you see him, tell him I stopped by.

Rufus: We need to talk.
Lily: Rufus. Finally! I must have called you a hundred times.
Rufus: I told you I’d call you back when I was ready.
Lily: I guess I just didn’t expect it to take quite so long.
Rufus: Well I guess you should have thought about that before you spent the night in a hotel room with your ex-husband.

The Lady Vanished

Gossip Girl: Get up and go at it, Upper East Side. I hear Little J is having foreign relations with a handsome attaché. We always knew she had friends in high places, but how low will she go?

Jenny: Not that I don’t love popcorn and a movie, but I mean it’s Saturday night. I wanted to go out.
Damien: We are. In fact we have half a dozen deliveries to make at some parties.
Jenny: Again? You’re the only dealer in town?
Damien: No rest for the wicked.

Serena: Since when do you cook?
Nate: Honestly, I didn’t even know we had a fridge until this morning.

Blair: Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?
Serena: I did knock. But you didn’t hear me. We heard you though.
Blair: Oh. Was it awkward?
Serena: Are you trying to prove some point?
Blair: Yes. But I shouldn’t have to. I’m just glad I got Chuck’s couch scotch-guarded.

Blair: What are you doing?
Nate: Ah, my phone’s dead. I was going to use Chuck’s.
Blair: There’s a phone in the livingroom.
Nate: I know. I wanted to check a tweet.
Serena: Wait, Chuck asked you to grab his phone when he called, didn’t he?
Blair: Chuck called?
Nate: No. I mean yeah, he called. But he was just wanting me to put his phone in his briefcase so he didn’t forget it.
Blair: Oh god, I miss that.
Nate: What?
Blair: Dating someone who’s a horrible liar. It’s so much easier.

Serena: Who’s Elizabeth Fisher?
Chuck: Her name used to be Evelyn. And she’s my mother.

Gossip Girl: And just like that, we get the mother of all questions.

Nate: Chuck, how is that even possible? Bart told you your mother died.
Chuck: He also told me that kids wear suits to kindergarten and that blue chip stocks were great for birthday gifts. He told me what I wanted to believe.

Serena: What are we going to do?
Blair: Nothing. You didn’t see his face when he confronted her and she sent him away. He’s had enough pain in his life. If he doesn’t want to hear her story then I’m going to respect that. And so are you.

Melissa: So how long have you and Vanessa known each other?
Dan: Oh, we’ve been best friends since we were kids.
Melissa: I was actually talking to Paul.
Vanessa: Right. Of course. Paul and I met at a cabaret last semester and the theme was fairy tales. So it’s only appropriate that I met my Prince Charming.
Paul: Actually, Dan was Prince Charming.
Vanessa: Where did you and Dan meet?
Melissa: In the hallway, actually.

Paul: Are we going to talk about what’s going on here?
Vanessa: More drinks first.

Chuck: A Blair Waldorf apology without a caveat. Sounds serious.

Chuck: Even if she is my mother, she isn’t. It doesn’t change anything. The past belongs to the past.

Rufus: Jennifer, pack your bags or I will!
Jenny: Alright fine. I’ll do it myself.
Lily: Rufus, can we please talk about this?
Rufus: No. We can’t. You know while she’s packing her stuff maybe I’ll grab what’s left of my own.

Gossip Girl: Careful S. You may think you know what’s best. But this time you might just be pushing your Chuck.

Serena: I’m going over there.
Blair: Serena. Sit your ass down.

Gossip Girl: Watch your step, Little J. Damien may be your drug of choice, but this looks like bad medicine.

Rufus: Did you know about this?
Lily: No, Rufus. I did not know about a giant bag of pills.

Jenny: Okay. So let’s get it over with then. Am I grounded for life? Military school? What?
Rufus: Probably both. But this goes way past that, Jenny. See, I look at you. And I don’t see my daughter anymore.

Chuck: You were looking for a fairy tale ending. Next time rent a movie. Leave me out of it.

Serena: I just wanted him to have answers.
Blair: Please. You and I both know why you did this and it has nothing to do with Chuck.

Gossip Girl: Well S. Looks like Chuck’s mom isn’t the only one with baggage.

Gossip Girl:There comes a time when every father learns you can’t keep a bad girl down.

Serena: I think talking to Elizabeth made me realize that he just didn’t want to be found.

Elizabeth: I thought it would be better if you could hate me. But I think it’s better if you know me. I’ve decided to stay in New York. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes. I want to know my son.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Chuck Bass breaking bread with his mother. Looks like our Little Boy Lost is finally found. For now at least. XOXO —Gossip Girl

The Lady Vanished

Rufus: Jennifer, pack your bags or I will!
Jenny: Alright fine. I’ll do it myself.
Lily: Rufus, can we please talk about this?
Rufus: No. We can’t. You know while she’s packing her stuff maybe I’ll grab what’s left of my own.

Rufus: Did you know about this?
Lily: No, Rufus. I did not know about a giant bag of pills.

The Sixteen-Year-Old Virgin

Lily walks over to Chuck and gives him a big hug
Chuck: I have a feeling you’re to thank for the turn out tonight.
Lily: Well they support you. None of us believes slander.
Chuck: Well thank you. That means more to me than you know.
Lily: Did you come here alone? I thought you would bring Blair and maybe someone else you wanted me to meet.
Chuck: I’m solo tonight.
Lily: Me too. They hug again
Chuck: Thank you.

Lily: Hello, Mother.
Cece: Lily, it’s been six months. Time to check back in with the good doctor van der Woodsen.
Lily: Can’t we get someone else to do the tests? I mean does it really have to be him?
Cece: You know it’s the right choice. And it’s been too long already. Please darling, for me?

The Empire Strikes Jack

Dr. Estrangeloved

Serena: You ready?
Lily: To explain to Rufus the real reason I’ve been lying to him? No. But I know I have to.
Serena: Well it’s Rufus. He’ll understand.
Lily: Yeah, let’s hope. You know it’s hard enough to tell him, but now with your father involved. William and Rufus do not exactly get along.
Serena: Hm. Nothing like grunge-era love triangle.
Lily: Yes, well complete with an unplanned pregnancy, a trip to a French Sanatorium, my mother and a whole lotta flannel. It was ugly in more ways than one.
Serena: Well it’ll be okay, Mom. I’m here for you.

Lily: William, what’s going on?
Rufus: I was just about to ask you that, Lily.
Lily: Rufus, it wasn’t my mother who was sick. It was me.

Rufus: Why didn’t you tell me?
Lily: I don’t know. You have every right to be mad at me.
Rufus: I don’t want to be mad. I just want to understand. Lily, talk to me.
Lily: I was scared. I was more scared than I’ve ever been. And telling you… I mean to see the look on your face, I couldn’t bear it. And then when Will said that the minute people start treating you like you’re sick—especially your loved ones—that your body starts to listen to it. And I… I guess I just used that as an excuse. Because I knew the minute I told you that it would all become so real.
Rufus: So, ah, Will told you not to tell me.
Lily: Everything that he has done, and everything that he has said, has worked.
Rufus: I know. That’s all that’s important.

Lily: Thank you, Rufus. I know William being back is hard for you.
Rufus: All that matters is you getting better.

It’s a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World

Lily: I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable for you, but if William wants to move in to be closer to his kids, I’m not going to stand in his way.

Chuck: I want to apologize. My absence has been inexcusable.
Lily: Well I know my situation brings up a lot of issues for you. You’ve had to deal with so much loss.
Chuck: I’m not going to lose you. I’m here for you. Every step of the way. You look good, Lily. In fact you look better than good. You look great.
Lily: Thank you. I feel great. So you had better be prepared for a lifetime of family brunches because I’m not going anywhere.

Ex-Husbands and Wives

Serena: If she wanted to talk to you, then she’d call you back. You should leave.
Rufus: Serena, does she have a problem seeing me or is it you?
Serena: Holland told me what happened.
Rufus: About the sublet? I told you already, I didn’t want your dad living in the same building.
Serena: You know it’s not about that.
Lily: Rufus—
Eric: What’s going on?
Rufus: I honestly don’t know. Serena? What did Holland tell you?
Serena: Why don’t you just leave.
Rufus: You know what, why don’t we call Holland and have her tell us herself.

Holland: I don’t know what you want me to say.
Rufus: Well Serena’s under the impression that you know something about something I did.
Holland: I shouldn’t be here.
Rufus: Go on. I have nothing to hide from my family. Please tell them the truth.
Holland: Rufus and I slept together.
GG: Talk about love thy neighbor.
Rufus: What?
Holland: I’m sorry.
Next time, Rufus, choose one who knows how to keep a secret.

Rufus: This is absurd.

Rufus: Lil, I had no idea she was an insane person.
Lily: Look I don’t want to discuss this with you.
Rufus: You actually believe her?
Lily: What does she have to gain standing here, humiliating herself in front of our family?
Rufus: I don’t know what the hell’s going on, I just know she’s lying.
Lily: Yeah, well it would be
a lot easier to believe if you hadn’t left your scarf in her apartment.
Rufus: We went over this. I told you, nothing happened that.
Lily: Rufus, you of all people could understand why I might have a doubt. You didn’t talk to me for weeks after you found that letter from William.
Rufus: Lily, maybe you would do that, but I wouldn’t. And I didn’t. When you’re ready to hear that and talk about it, give me a call.

Serena: Rufus, what are you doing here?
Rufus: I’d like to talk to your mother.
Will: She doesn’t want to—
Lily: Rufus, what is it?
Rufus: The truth. Finally. You want to tell her or should I?

Rufus: I didn’t cheat on you, Lil. I would never cheat on you.
Lily: Rufus—
Eric: So she’s not sick? I just want to be clear.
Rufus: She’s not sick anymore.
He’s been lying since he got to New York. To all of us.
Eric: Do you think he’s even coming back?
Serena: Yes, of course he is. You heard what he said. I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t want you to be sick. But Dad is not lying to us.

Last Tango, Then Paris

Lily: Rufus, teenage girls are a nightmare. As son as they realize you love them no matter what you do, you lose all your power. You just have to wait until they finish college. Or, in the case of Serena, rebel and not go. Just talk to her. Is she in her room?
Rufus: No. I sent her to loft to stay with Dan so I could consider the best course of action.
Lily: Well grounding her again probably won’t work.
Rufus: Short of sending her away I don’t know anything else that will.
Lily: Well I think that would be a mistake. And I would hate to separate her and Eric. They need each other.
Eric: Don’t worry about me. After what I witnessed yesterday, you can do whatever you want with Jenny.