Treehouse of Horror XII Gypsy: You've ruined me! Oh why didn't I see this coming! Homer: Leprechauns? Don't they live in Ireland? Moe: Yeah, but they come over here in the wheel wells of Aer Lingus jets. They try the Dennis Miller Ultrahouse 3000 Voice: Lisa: Isn't the the voice that caused all those suicides?…

Treehouse of Horror XI Homer: Who cut out Beetle Bailey? I need my Miss Buxley fix. Marge: I don't like you ogling her! Why don't you read Cathy? She's hilarious. Homer: Eh. Too much baggage. Homer: Snakes. Nature's quitter. Homer: That horoscope was baloney. Nothing happened except for the pickaxe in my head, the rattlesnake…

Beyond Blunderdome Fridays are not “pants optional” Saleswoman: Thinking of saying goodbye to gas? Bart: You betcha! {he burps} Marge: Bart! {she passes gas} Well that shut me up. Mel Gibson: Don't forget to be completely truthful when you fill out your opinion cards. Honesty is the foundation of the movie business. Mel Gibson: Maybe…

Lard of the Dance Homer: Marge, if you don't mind I'm a little busy now achieving financial independence. Marge: Through cans of grease? Homer: No. Through savings and wise investment. Of course with grease! Lisa: These are for pierced ears. Sherri: Yeah, aren't they great? Terri: Alex did ours. Alex Whitney (Lisa Kudrow): Yeah, all…

The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson Moe: Listen up guys. The Springfield police have told me that 91 percent of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys. {they congratulate themselves} Yeah, I know, I know. But the bad news is we gotta start having designated drivers. We'll choose the same way…

Treehouse of Horror VII Marge: You went into the attic? I'm very disappointed and terrified. Dr. Hibbert: You don't forget a thing like Siamese twins! Lisa: I believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins." Dr. Hibbert: And hillbillies prefer "sons of the soil." But it ain't gonna happen. Lisa: My god, I've created life!…

Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two) I will not complain about the solution when I hear it Kent Brockman: Dozens of people are gunned down each day in Springfield, but until now none of them was important. Lisa: Everyone in Springfield had a reason to shoot Mr. Burns. Even us. Bart, he broke your dog's…

Bart of Darkness Beans are neither fruit nor musical Bart: Look, Lisa. I snatched five bathing suits. All Martin's. Lisa: Take your best shot! I'm wearing seventeen layers. {the kids attack} I brought this on myself. Lisa: Dad, as you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that…

Homer's Barbershop Quartet I will never win an Emmy Homer: Junk ... junk... the airplane's upside down. Stradi-who-vius? Marge: Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is really cool. Man: I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid. Skinner: We need a name that's witty at first. But that seems less…

Season 4 Kamp Krusty This punishment is not boring and pointless Miss Hoover: Here are your final report cards. I have nothing left to say to any of you. So if nobody minds let’s just quietly run out the clock. Teacher as the kids rush out with the bell: Wait a minute! You didn't learn…

Stark Raving Dad I am not a dentist Homer: Marge, I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I'm not popular enough to be different. Mr. Burns: Spare me the tiresome antics of the Simpson family! Lisa: Meditations on Turning Eight by Lisa Simpson I had a cat named Snowball. She…

Bart Gets an F I will not encourage others to fly. Mrs. Krabappel: There were moments when I truly believed you were Hemingway. Bravo, Martin. Martin Prince: Oh please. Call me Papa. Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, did you read the book? Bart: Mrs. Krabappel, I am insulted! Is this a book report or witch hunt? I…

Season 1 Patty: It's almost nine o'clock. Selma: Where is Homer anyway? Patty: It's so typical of the big doofus to spoil it all. Lisa: What, Aunt Patty? Patty: Oh nothing, dear. I'm just trashing your father. Lisa: Well, I wish that you wouldn't. Because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties…

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire Bart: There's only one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain't Santa. Homer: Oo, look! Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. Homer reciting reindeer names: Dasher... Dancer... Prancer... Nixon... Comet and Cupid... Donna Dixon? Teacher: Sit down, Simpson. Homer: What do you think, kids? Beauty isn't it? Selma:…

Season 1 Homer: Oo, look! Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. Marge: Bart, this is a big day for you. Why don't you eat something a little more nutritious. Homer: Nonsense, Marge. Frosty Krusty Flakes are what got him where he is today. It could be one of these chemicals here that makes him so smart. Homer:…