Season 4

The Avengers

Summer answering her cell phone: Hello?
Taylor: Bonjour!
Summer: Taylor? Oh my god.
Taylor: I think you mean, “mon dieu”, Summer. Yes, c’est moi.
Summer: How’s Paris?
Taylor: Incroyable. You know, being an ex-pat totally suits me. Except that I miss you. You can only parlez so much français until you start to get a little nostalgic for the motherland.

Taylor: Oh my god. Summer.
Summer: I just talked to you. You were in France.
Taylor: And you were in Rhode Island. It’s amazing the way this world works.

The Gringos

Taylor shocked: When was the last time you shaved your legs? It’s like a forest, and— more shocked. Oh my god, your toenails!
Summer: Okay, yeah, I don’t do that stuff anymore.
Taylor: Obviously. You’ve got hobbit feet.

Taylor: Look. You wanna be the next Julia Butterfly Hill, I support that. But to to push away Seth for some guy who read Siddhartha and did a couple of Outward Bound courses—
Summer: What? Are you talking about Che? Che is just my friend and that is all. This is not a love triangle. I don’t do love triangles anymore.
Taylor: Fine. But you’re using him and all of this Save the Earth stuff to hide from Seth.
Summer: I am not hiding from Seth.
Taylor: Really? Well. How often do you call him? Once a week? Once a month?

Summer: Taylor, you got married!
Taylor: It was Paris. It seemed like the thing to do.

The Cold Turkey

Seth: I brought you a bagel.
Taylor: A bagel? I asked for an egg white omelet and some cantaloupe.
Seth: Taylor, I said you could hide out in my room for a couple of days. I did not say there would be room service.
Taylor: Seth. One day when I’m no longer sleeping under your bed you’re going to miss me.

Kirsten: When a kid is stealing stuffing in my kitchen, that’s usually a sign that something’s wrong.
Taylor: I would talk to you, Mrs. Cohen, but this is simply too private.
Kirsten: I’ll make you a plate of food.
Taylor: Living room?

Taylor: The next thing I knew I was at his family’s chateau in Burgundy, tipsy off a 1954 Chateaux Margaux, and vowing to love until death do us part.
Kirsten: I can’t believe this is happening. Taylor, you’re usually so responsible.
Taylor: Well needless to say it was []. And now he won’t agree to an annulment. He’s a stubborn man. Sexy. And well-endowed. But stubborn. So I came home. And I’m just too afraid to tell my mom now.
Kirsten: I’ve known your mom for a long time. She might be tough but she’s your mom. Which means that she loves you no matter what.
Taylor: That’s so sweet. And totally wrong.

Kirsten: What happened?
Taylor: She called me irresponsible… and stupid. And then she said I would never be truly thin because I have a naturally large thorax.
Kirsten: Oh Taylor, that’s awful.

The Metamorphosis

Ryan: You know you might want to relax.
Taylor: Distract me. Tell me about this, uh, cage fighting. It’s something I’ve been meaning to get into.
Ryan: Yeah? Ask me another favor, I’d be happy to show you.
Taylor: Oh, Ryan Atwood with a side of sauce. I like it!

The Sleeping Beauty

Taylor: You might want to sit down. I have huge news and a favor to ask you.
Seth: You like Ryan and you want my help convincing him to date you?
Taylor: Wow.
Seth: You said he was funny. It’s kind of a giveaway.
Taylor: I know, it’s crazy. I mean, I’ve always thought, Cute guy. Might be good for a night of rough and tumble fun, but it’s not like we have anything in common.
Seth: So ignore it. It’s probably just gas.
Taylor: But then when he helped me with my husband and he kissed me it was… like Dorothy landing in Oz. Everything just popped into technicolor.

Taylor: Would you like to dance?
Ryan: Actually I’m not much of a dancer. That’s probably shocking.

Ryan: We did not hate you.
Taylor: Oh, you totally hated me. Come on, you were probably the president of the “I Hate Taylor” Club.
Ryan: I was the secretary. I took the notes.
Taylor: Ryan! You made a real joke.

Ryan: Taylor! Taylor! Woah woah woah, hold on. Let me explain.
Taylor: Oh, I think you were pretty clear, Ryan. And yes, I lied when you asked me if I liked you. But… What was I even thinking? I mean, you and me, I must be totally crazy.
Ryan: You’re not crazy, okay?
Taylor: Ryan, I pretended to be a sleep therapist to seduce you.
Ryan: Well that was crazy.
Taylor: Don’t worry, because next week I’m sure I’ll be totally obsessed with some guy who gives me change for parking.
Ryan: Look, what I said has absolutely nothing to do with you, okay? It’s just…
Taylor: What? That for the longest time all you could feel was your desire to kill Volchok, now that’s gone so you feel empty, can’t feel anything—least of all, anything for me.
Ryan: How do you keep doing that?
Taylor: Doing what?
Ryan: That. You keep telling me what I’m thinking before I feel it.
Taylor: Because I think about you. You know I want you to be happy, and I think that if you gave it a chance you might feel something too.
Ryan: Taylor—
Taylor: Are you going to tell me that you really like me as a friend?
Ryan: Maybe. she storms off. How does she do that?

Taylor: Are you seriously trying to Jedi mind trick me?

The Summer Bummer

Ryan: Taylor.
Taylor: Yeah?
Ryan: What are you doing tonight?
Taylor: Oh, I’m updating my blog. It’s kind of a Felicity by way of Anais Nin. “The erotic memoirs of soulful college girl.”
Ryan: Taylor. Tonight. Are you busy?
Taylor: Oh. Blog-shmog.
Ryan: Is that a yes?

Ryan: What are you doing paying your gay friend Roger to pretend he’s in love with you?
Taylor: Well, what if I did? Hm? What if I did rent a homosexual for the evening and pay him with rare collectibles from Asian cinema? What difference does it make to you?
Ryan: Well, it’s a little strange.
Taylor: Well, so am I. Which is why you ran away from me last night.
Ryan: No, it wasn’t ’cause you’re strange.
Taylor: You don’t find me strange?
Ryan: No, I do. But it’s not why I took off.

The Chrismukk-huh?

Taylor: Ryan? Is that you?
Ryan: Taylor? You know me?
Taylor: Oh my god. I found you.

Ryan: We’re in a parallel universe.
Taylor: Exactly.
Ryan: Okay.
Taylor: And I’m so grateful that if I have to be in a parallel universe that you’re here with me. Of course you probably wish you were with someone you actually wanted to date. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?
Ryan: Oh, even in a parallel universe she never stops.

Ryan: How do you know this?
Taylor: Oh, tenth grade I had a little sci-fi phase. Alt-universe are huge. Clearly, you and I have entered a world where we don’t exist. But don’t despair, I know the way back to the real world.
Ryan: Yeah? Does it involve me dating you?
Taylor: Well well. Look who’s funny in alt-world.

Taylor: Alt-Summer is a mindless bimbo.

Taylor: finding out about Julie and Chester. Alt-yoinks! seeing them together: Double alt-yoinks! realizing Marissa may still be alive: Triple alt-yoinks.

Taylor: Even if Marissa is fine in this world—which, thank god, she is—we need to focus on fixing what is broken. Because that’s what’s gonna get us back to the real world.
Ryan: But if she’s alive…
Taylor: Then you don’t want to go back.

Taylor: Ryan, you gave her three more years. She got to fall in love. She got to graduate.
Ryan: She still died.
Taylor: Which just means that you weren’t meant to save her. So if there’s any part of you that’s still blaming yourself for what happened you have to let it go. You’ve done so much for everybody.
Ryan: Yeah? Like what?
Taylor: Ryan, haven’t you been paying attention? You saved the Cohens. Without you, Seth is the next Unabomber. Sandy is married to Slutty McSlutterman. And Kirsten probably hasn’t had an orgasm in like a year.

Ryan: Has anyone ever said no to you?
Taylor: Once. And I pushed him off a roof. Kidding.

Alt-Veronica to Alt-Taylor: Taylor, what are you doing? I told you not to wear that suit. Your ass looks like the back of a truck.
Taylor to herself: Oh my god. In alt-world I’m a boy.

Taylor: Did it go okay?
Ryan: Great. He’s going over stalking points right now.

The Earth Girls Are Easy

Taylor: Don’t worry, Summer. I’m sure we’ll pass a 24-hour pharmacy at some point.
Summer: The symbolism window closed at midnight. We’ll do it in the morning.

Summer: How did I get here? How did I go from being an Ivy League Al Gore-in-the-making to a knocked up college drop-out with a boyfriend that forgets to pack his toothbrush when he travels? How did this happen?
Taylor: You know what? It’s a new year. We all get a fresh start. Okay? You and me and Seth and Ryan. We can all be whatever we want to be. And everything negative will be left in last year.

Taylor: If you’re here for sex there’s like five guys ahead of you.
Ryan: Okay, look I’m sorry that I jumped to conclusions tonight. But you can’t be paranoid either about being divorced or any of it. It doesn’t mean anything.
Taylor: So you don’t think I’m a whore?
Ryan: No. No, no, of course not.
Taylor: Good. Because I’m not. Unless of course you want me to be.
Ryan: Is that my negligée?
Taylor: Mm hm.
Ryan: Well I want that back.
Taylor: C’mon. Before I change my mind.
Ryan: Alright, but just to be clear—
Taylor: Everything but.

The My Two Dads

Taylor: You got engaged? Oh my god! Why didn’t you say something sooner?
Summer: Denial.
Taylor: Hm. How romantic.

Summer: Taylor, I can not break it off. You should have seen his face when he asked me. He’s never been that sincere in his entire life. Usually everything he says is laced with irony and contempt. But he meant it. So did I.
Taylor: Except you didn’t. Not really. Summer, you have to tell him how you really feel. Okay. Great. I’ve always wanted to plan a wedding. I’m thinking bagpipes. Maybe a replica of the Starship Enterprise.

Ryan: So just so you know, Seth doesn’t want to get married.
Taylor: Well it’s not like Summer wants to be a Desperate Housewife.

Taylor: So what are you going to do? Level with him and tell him the truth?
Summer: Frak that. He wants a game of chicken he’s gonna get it. I’m goin’ Bridezilla on his ass.

Taylor: My first real Ryan situation. Everything else has been all French husbands and slutty aliens.

Kirsten: Sandy, what on earth?
Sandy: Well the good news is Frank Atwood is going to outlive us all. The bad news: my hand is killing me.
Taylor: I’ll get some ice.

The French Connection

Ryan: Wow. I had no idea I was under surveillance.
Taylor: Yeah. Clockin’ your every move.

Taylor: What is this book?
Book Seller: It’s A Season for Peaches. It’s the bestseller from France. The English translation came in today.
Taylor: Okay. What’s it about?
Book Seller: Kind of like Bridges of Madison County meets The Notebook meets… porn.

Book Seller: Oh, so you read it?
Taylor: No. I lived it. I’m Peaches.

Ryan about A Season for Peaches: Your ex-husband wrote this about you.
Taylor: A novel. Not a memoir. There’s a big difference. Ask James Frey.

Summer: A Season for Peaches? You know I’m reading this. This is dirty.
Taylor: Excuse me. The girl just has a healthy sex drive.
Summer: Yeah, for a hooker.
Taylor: Would you just give me that!

Taylor: Okay, so where does this leave us because you can’t even look me in the eye. So that’s not a great sign.
Ryan: I don’t know. I… I gotta shower and get to work.

Ryan: What is Je Pense?
Taylor: It’s this literary talk show. It’s kind of like a French Charlie Rose but with less interrupting.

Ryan: You lied to make me look good, I get that. But the thing is, I think part of you wishes it were true.
Taylor: No, Ryan, please. I just want you to be yourself.

The Dream Lover

Taylor: Ryan and I were never going to work anyway. He doesn’t even like cheese.
Henri-Michel: I must admit, I feel for him. I know the excruciating pain of living without you. And a life without cheese, well…

Taylor: That stuffed animal that you bought me is more expressive, Ryan.

Taylor: So what do Brutus, Judas, Benedict Arnold, Julius Rosenberg, Ethel Rosenberg—although that’s debatable—and you have in common?
Summer: Uh, we all did what we thought was right.

Henri-Michel: What are you doing with the refuse?
Taylor: I was making sure that the maid service here is efficient.
Henri-Michel: Or looking for Ryan’s mug of stale candy and bear that holds a balloon?
Taylor: Well, the guy did get me a gift. And the balloon was really shiny.

Taylor: Until I can be stronger on my own, I don’t think that I should be with anyone. Including you. I’m sorry.
Ryan: Okay. That makes sense.

The Groundhog Day

Dr. Jaines (Alison LaPlaca): And you think that you’re suffering from an emotional addiction?
Taylor: Yeah, pretty much all my life. Because I never really knew my dad and my mom is kind of like Idi Amin with fake boobs. You know, big on the torturing and the tyranny, not so big on the nurturing.

Dr. Jaines: And how has that been—this time apart?
Taylor: Well that’s kind of the other problem. Um… sometimes when I like someone I sometimes, kind of… stalk them.
Dr. Jaines: Uh huh.
Taylor: But not in like a scary Star 80 way. Just in, you know, a follow-them-around, take pictures and log their activities and then compile it all in a factually-accurate yet aesthetically-pleasing scrapbook… and it’s all really— oh my god I’m a lunatic.
Dr. Jaines: Taylor, you are not a lunatic. You recognize this behavior is not healthy and you want to correct it.
Taylor: I do. I really really do.

Summer: What’s this?
Taylor: Toothpick.
Summer: Gross.
Taylor: Well he didn’t use it! Much.
Summer: Okay, Taylor. Although I wholeheartedly support you getting rid of everything in this box for purely sanitary reasons, if you like Ryan and he likes you, forget the therapist and figure out your stuff together. I mean all this just seems a little insane.

Taylor: Were you just trying to stalk me?
Ryan: Yeah, I guess I need a little more practice.
Taylor: That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.

The Case of the Franks

Taylor: I don’t get it. Ryan hasn’t been to see you at all?
Frank: Well I left a message with him when I switched hotels. Told him I was here, in case he wanted to see me, but so far no luck. Taylor, don’t mind me asking, what are you doing here?
Taylor: Well, I found this address by Ryan’s bed and he’s been kinda distant lately so I thought it might be a clue and so I came here and… I have emotional problems. But I’m getting over it.

Frank: You’d be willing to do that—get in the line of fire?
Taylor: It’s just that there’s something kind of sad about Ryan. Maybe if he could mend his relationship with you he could be a little happier.
Frank: Well I am all for it. Do you have a plan in mind?
Taylor: Always.

Ryan: Taylor, it’s my business.
Taylor: I know. I’m a meddler. But once I lick my stalking addiction that’s next on the list.

Taylor: Ryan, come on. It’s just dinner!
Ryan: Yeah? What are we going to talk about?
Taylor: I’ve never met an awkward silence I couldn’t fill.

Taylor: Oh my god, Frank!
Ryan: Yeah.
Frank: What?
Taylor: Are you in love with Julie Cooper?

Taylor: I mean, your dad and Julie Cooper. It’s just so—
Ryan: Incestuous. Inappropriate.
Taylor: Well look at you being all hyper-articulate.

Taylor: I saw your face last night. You, Julie Cooper, have a case of the Franks.
Julie: Okay. I do— I did. Or, one time or another, may have had a case of the Franks. But for reasons that are both personal and complex I’m staying with Bullitt.
Taylor: Julie. You’re different now. You are no longer the woman who can marry for money. You need more.
Julie: Taylor, I have a child, I have no job. I don’t even own this house. Besides I don’t think Ryan would approve. God knows I’ve put that kid through enough.
Taylor: Julie, Ryan’s only concern is for you. He doesn’t think his dad’s good enough for you.
Julie: Ryan Atwood is worried about me? How ’bout that.

Ryan: So what’s the plan?
Taylor: The Frank and Julie plan?
Ryan: Yeah.

Taylor: I forgot what we’re dealing with here. Atwoods on Valentine’s Day.
Ryan: I told you.

Taylor: What connects you?
Frank: We’re just… from the same world.

The Shake-up

Summer: Look, I know you’ve never had a birthday party before—let alone been to one—but people usually get presents for their birthday. So will you please tell me what you want.
Taylor: Okay, honestly. I want Ryan to ask me to go to Berkeley with him next year.
Summer: Okay. I was thinking more along the lines of a cute top.
Taylor: I know, I know. It’s just, I’m a planner and I’m already seeing that day six months in the future when we all go our separate ways and I just know that if Ryan goes to Berkeley and I go to Harvard or Princeton or Oxford then it’s over.
Summer: Don’t you have to apply to Berkeley first in order to— You already applied to Berkeley. Does Ryan know this?
Taylor: No, I applied before we even started dating. I just got back from France and I figured, well, I had to go somewhere. So I reapplied to Princeton, Oxford, Yale, Harvard and the Sorbonne. And I figured, why not throw Berkeley in.
Summer: Hm.

Taylor: I don’t understand how you’re not drunk.
Ryan: Oh, it’s the Atwood genes. We’re built to withstand massive quantities of alcohol.

Ryan: Taylor, are you pretending to got sleep thinking I’ll tell you I love you while you’re unconscious?
Taylor: Maybe.

Taylor: Do you think I should act surprised when I go to the party?
Summer: But it’s not a surprise party.
Taylor: Yeah, I know, but it might make Ryan feel good.
Summer: Okay, that’s a great idea.

Taylor: Would you have said you loved me if you had known I’d gotten into Berkeley?

Taylor: Ryan, this is amazing. Are you sure this is from you?

The Night Moves

Taylor: This is my personal safety device. It’s a flashlight, it’s a radio, it’s a cellphone charger, it’s a siren and… it’s a compass. {looking at it} Hm. North is that way.
Ryan: Handy.
Taylor: I’ve also got canned goods, batteries, water… ooo! A gas mask and…that’s right, North Korean currency. Because you just never know.

Taylor: I know my mom is a total bitch, but she’s still my mom. And she doesn’t drink a lot of milk so her bones are probably very brittle. And she’s been scared of the dark.

Taylor: Summer, do you really think Pancakes is in the attic? Like, he pulled down the ladder, hopped up and then put it away?
Summer: Well we have checked everywhere else.

Taylor: Summer, how can we keep looking for Pancakes when there’s a giant elephant in the room.
Summer: We walk around the elephant. It may be big but we are crafty.
Taylor: The boys should have been back over an hour ago. Aren’t you worried?
Summer: No, I’m not worried. I’m freaking terrified, okay? That’s why I’m focusing on just finding Pancakes and not about the the fact that my boyfriend could be laying on the side of the road ravaged by zombies.

Veronica Townsend: Taylor! You shot me!
Taylor: Sorry.

Taylor: Mom I’m really sorry I shot you. I know we don’t always get along but… I love you.
Veronica Townsend: I love you too.

Veronica Townsend: I was shot because I was a total failure as a mother. It never even occurred to you that I would come looking for you.
Taylor: But you did.

The End’s Not Near, It’s Here

Six months later…

Summer: Oh! Real life Jake broke up with Real life April!
Taylor: What are you doing?
Summer: I told Seth that I wouldn’t watch “Briefcase or No Briefcase” until he got home. So I’m reading about The Valley.
Taylor: Oh my god, that show’s still on?
Summer: It just got picked up for five more seasons. You know these teen dramas just run forever.

Summer: Ow! Soap stings!
Taylor: Well that’s because it’s lye.

Taylor: Why are you in Berkeley?
Ryan: Long story, but trying to get the Cohens their old house back.
Taylor: The Cohens are moving to Berkeley?
Ryan: If things work out.
Taylor: So, that would mean you wouldn’t be coming back to Newport for Christmas or summer or… ever.