Seth: You did accuse the guy of faking a suicide attempt.
Ryan: No I didn’t. I just didn’t believe him.
Seth: Oh. Okay. Hard to believe such blind compassion upset Marissa. You should go work things out.
Ryan: I don’t trust him. Something about Oliver’s… off.
Seth: Yeah. He tried to kill himself. Or he faked it, man. Either way, it’s pretty off.
Ryan: Why would I be jealous?
Seth: Because Oliver’s insanely wealthy and well-traveled? The Dapper Don.
Ryan: I’m not.
Seth: But on the other hand, he’s also clinically depressed and chemically dependent. So it all comes out in the wash really.
Seth: Let me ask you something. Am I dating a female me? Like me, but as a girl?
Anna: You take Israeli self-defense, I’ll take arts and crafts.
Kirsten: Julie I really appreciate your desire to be such good friends. But the thing about good friends is that when they want something, they just ask.
Julie: Sorry about your office, Kiki. I needed a home base for Operation Model Home.
Kirsten: Okay, Julie. I think maybe a little bit you’ve lost your mind. This is a disaster.
Julie: Kirsten, if you stopped open heart surgery halfway through it would look like murder.
Sandy: You think you can mess up so bad we just give up on you? You can’t. You are part of this family now, you’re gonna feel the full weight of that. You’ll wish we threw you out.
Seth: Oliver might be crazy, you might be right, but you know what? Right now you’re giving him a run for his money.
Danny: Why you all up in ma kool-aid not even knowin’ the flava!
Sandy: Jimmy, come on man. You’re one click away from manning the mechanical bull at the new cowboy bar.
Luke: Just give me the word and I will drop the Great Gatsby.
Sandy: Wow, that kid is not funny.
Seth: Thank you! I know.
Sandy: He makes Ryan look funny.
Seth: He makes Marissa look funny.
Sandy: Gentiles. I love your mother more than words. But not funny. Get yourself some funnier friends.
Seth: She said that about me? That she thinks I’m the funniest guy ever?
Danny: Yes. You and some dude named Captain Oats. Who the hell is Captain Oats?
Seth: I know Jon Stewart’s no Leno.