Seth: So, then, did you take your watch off during the deed or… what exactly?
Ryan: Wanna wait in the car? I can pick something up from the front desk myself.
Seth: No, that’s cool. I’ve got more questions. So then, I don’t understand. Did you take it off during foreplay? Was it before foreplay? Now that would seem presumptuous but I—
Ryan: No seriously. Seriously. Stay in there, leave the radio on, window up—
Seth: Because I like to leave the watch on, Ryan. I like to leave it on and know how I’m doing. If I’m beating my old time. The thing is, it’s sort of a sex marathon, not a sex sprint.
Seth: This is a good time for you, okay Ryan Atwood? This is Clean Slate Ryan, Finally you have no women to protect from violent goateed factory workers or pill-popping manic depressives.
Ryan: You’re right. I guess I really do have a clean slate.
Seth: You do! Dude, since day one of you getting here it’s been nothing but lady drama with you. Marissa, Theresa. Luke, Oliver, Eddie. Dude, I’m getting exhausted just thinking about it.
Ryan: I am kinda tired.
Seth: You should be. You know what, you’re going to get a break ’cause you deserve it. I think I’m going to declare this month “Angst-free Ryan” Month.
Jimmy: When was the last time you took a look at the books?
Sandy: I don’t. That’s your job.
Jimmy: Well, we’ve basically blown through our entire budget.
Sandy: Wow, you’re really not so good at managing the money, are you Coop?
Jimmy: No. I’m really not.
Jimmy: My oasis is being violated. My happy place is very unhappy right now.
Ryan about The Valley: Is that Grady?
Ryan: He’s kinda like you.
Seth: What? Handsome and charming?
Ryan: No. Geeky and sarcastic.
Seth: Oh god, he is like me. He is like me except with his own TV show.
Ryan: I was kidding.
Seth: Ryan, if you could have the real me or the TV me which one would you take? You’d take the TV me. Dude, we are not going to L.A. ’cause I’m going to lose Summer to the real-life TV Seth Cohen.
Ryan: You don’t even know if your parents are going to let us go.
Seth: I’m handling it.
Ryan: So you’re going to lie to them.
Seth: No, that was the old me. I have evolved and now I’m a man of honor,
Ryan. So I’m gonna need you to talk to them. That’s more your specialty.
Ryan: Seems like you’re making a lot of things my specialty these days.
Seth: Yeah, Great leadership’s all about delegation.
Ryan: So now I’m your employee?
Seth: No. We’re partners.
Ryan: What do you do?
Seth: I’m working on the business plan, okay? And that’s going to be awesome.
Don’t spend an extra minute in L.A. The town will steal your soul.
Seth: Well right now it’s about to steal my girlfriend.
Ryan: Okay, here’s the thing. Not going to L.A. ’cause I’m not going, that’s not independent. To be really independent we both need to go to L.A. independently. But together at the same time.
Marissa: Okay, you’re starting to sound like Seth.
Ryan: I know. It rubs off.
Ryan about Grady: How does that guy play high school?
Seth: Hollywood, man.
Marissa: I thought it was a cliche, young Hollywood doing coke with strippers.
You know, I didn’t even think they ate bread anymore.
Jimmy: A man’s life comes down to a few decisive moments and maybe this meat loaf is one of them.
Caleb: Do what you like. Sink the ship. But make it quick. I’m starving.
Caleb: Wax philosophical about why your partner up and quit.
Sandy: He hasn’t quit. He went after Hailey.
Caleb: What are you talking about? Hailey’s in Club Med.
Sandy: Oh she’s in a club, but in Hollywood. Working as a stripper. Ryan just called. They found her. Anyway. That’s where my partner went. That’s why he’s my partner.
Grady (Colin Hanks): So listen, I’m really glad that you came tonight—
Summer: No, wait! Sh. I wanna watch.
Grady: Why? I’m not in this scene.
Seth: We’re gonna grab my girlfriend, we’re gonna grab my aunt—more gently than, say, you. and we’re leaving.
Seth: I heard some really—really—awful music. And I knew it could only be self-indulgent actors with instruments.
Summer: Wait. You two are dating? Oh god! Don’t you think that’s a bad idea? I mean, what if things don’t work out and you guys break up? I mean isn’t that bad for the show?
I guess we’re about to find out.
Club Owner: What are you, the dad?
Jimmy: What are you? The guy who’s my age and still thinks he’s 25?
Seth: You know, I think we did pretty good in there, man. And I told you, we make a good team. I’m the brains, you’re the brawn.
Marissa: Hey! How come you’re the brains? I’m the one who talked us back into that club.
Seth: I’m sorry, I’m the brains.
You can be the beauty.
Marissa: Okay, thanks.
Seth: Yeah, that’s exactly right. You’re the beauty, he’s the brawn, I’m the brains. Perfect.
Summer: Great. And what am I, Cohen?
Seth: Ah. The boobs? The bitch?
Summer: Okay, I’ll take the boobs.
Seth: Hey. So will I.