Hailey Nichol (Amanda Righetti): Who the hell are you?
Ryan: It’s a long story. Who the hell are you?
Hailey Nichol: It doesn’t work that way, dude. It’s my pool house.
Ryan: Actually, dude, it’s my pool house.
Hailey Nichol: So this is yours. You want it back?
Ryan: I’ve got plenty, thanks.
Seth: Separate seats, you guys. C’mon. There’s no sex in the champagne room.
Sandy: She’s either run out of money, or … she’s run out of money.
Hailey Nichol: Marissa; Is that the short chick next door?
Seth: No. Puberty happened. She’s a Laker.
Seth: Carson Daly and a ball dropping. There is two images that should never be said in the same sentence.
Kirsten: Hailey can we focus for a moment?
Hailey: On the fact that someone’s gotten matronly in the last two years?
Kirsten: Two years is the part that I want to focus on.
Hailey: What am I going to wear tonight? A little Ann Taylor, little Ralph Lauren… Oh my god. Is this from Talbots?
Kirsten: It was a gift. Haven’t you been living in hostels, out of a backpack, wearing clothes made from hemp?
Hailey: That was last year, Kiki.
Kirsten: Don’t call me Kiki! Only Dad calls me Kiki. And only because he won’t… not.
Hailey: So tonight, you guys—
Kirsten: Are going to dinner at The Arches. We do it every year. Home in time to watch Dick Clark and the ball drop. Two images that should not be used in the same sentence.
Sandy: Okay, so we’re gonna go.
Kirsten: Do you guys need anything?
Seth: Yes. Ryan needs a tear in the space time continuum so he can go back and say “I love you” to Marissa.
Kirsten: She said “I love you”?
Sandy: So what’d you say back?
Seth: “Thank you”.
Ryan: Thank you.
Sandy: Well that was polite.
Ryan to Seth: You’ve gotten really glib.
Seth: Okay, that’s a lot of genitalia in my pool.
Seth: I can’t leave Hailey here. The place will get trashed. Come on, man, she’s insane.
Ryan: You said she was awesome.
Seth: Insanely awesome.
Ryan: So. Tell her. Party’s over.
Seth: Right. Except I don’t want to be the dad. Okay? Listen, telling my aunt she’s can’t have a party, that’s embarrassing. You do it.
Ryan: It’s your house.
Seth: Right. And it’s your girlfriend with some dude named Oliver. I’m just trying to help you track your motivation.
Ryan: She’s a part of your family.
Seth: Right. And the Cohens are notorious for conflict avoidance. But the Atwoods, they thrive on it. You are the man for this.
Ryan: I’m not gonna win this argument.
Seth to the naked guys in the pool: Hey, no ball dropping until midnight. Okay?
Sandy: Look, I don’t think anybody would think we’re boring.
Kirsten: But do we need to take more chances?
GPS Lady: In 400 feet turn left
Sandy: Yes, we do need to take more chances. GPS Lady says turn left. I’m going right.
Sandy: I hate to defy the GPS Lady because she… she gets so cross.
Taryn: Oh my god! I can’t believe you’re here. I had no idea you were so much… fun.
Kirsten: Yeah. Hi Taryn. You know my husband Sandy.
Taryn: Well, if I don’t now, I might at midnight.
Taryn: Go ahead Sandy. Put your watch in the bowl. to Kirsten: Whoever ends up with him is gonna be one lucky lady.
Sandy: Oh my god.
Kirsten: I think we’re at a swingers party.
Seth: I can’t breathe.
Seth: I’m claustrophobic.
Ryan: Seth this place is huge. It has a kitchen and a bathroom.
Seth: Shh. Ryan, do not use up all the oxygen.
Ryan: Want a sandwich, a shower? We got all that here.
Seth: Ha ha ha. We’re gonna die and I’m the glib one?
Ryan: I sleep here every night. Three of the walls are made of windows.
Seth: Yes, which currently are looking out on naked dudes, man. We’re trapped like rats.
Ryan: Rats in an enormous pool house! By the way, your aunt’s really cool.
Seth: Yeah I know, she’s be a bit unpredictable sometimes. My shirt’s strangling me.
Ryan: Great, my girlfriend’s kissing some guy and I’m stuck here with a lunatic.
Summer: We were wondering. Who were you smiling at, me or her?
Allan from Tulsa: Uh, you’re both cute.
Summer: No, not happening. One or the other. You have to choose between us. Someone has to choose between us.
Sandy: Sandy Cohen. Pleasure swinging with you.
Hailey: There’s a girl out there that wants to kill me.
Ryan: Just one?
Sandy: I think we’re in the wrong house.
Kirsten: I don’t.
Sandy: What the hell happened here?
Seth: Okay, I don’t even know enough people to cause this much damage.
Hailey: So, how was the party?
Kirsten: What did you do?
Hailey: Nothing that can’t be undone. A little Palmolive, some elbow grease. Seth and I have it covered.
Seth: Woah. Nobody said anything about elbow grease.
Kirsten: Seth. Garbage. Out. Now.
Sandy: I should really learn to knock. In case there’s a threesome going on in my bedroom.
Kirsten: You spend so much time having fun. You’re whole life is dedicated to having fun. Are you even having any?
Seth: Anna? Hey.
Anna: I didn’t want you to be alone on New Years. Actually, I didn’t want to be alone on New Years.
Seth: Well I’m not alone.
Seth: I have Captain Oats and Carson Daly, so…
Anna: Oh, wow. That’s an unbeatable combination. I’ll go.
Seth: Wait wait. Captain Oats had too much champagne. And Carson Daly’s kind of a ginormous tool. So… I could use the company.