The Earth Girls Are Easy

Julie: I’m not questioning the fantasy, Spencer. We’ve all imagined doing it with a delivery boy. I am questioning whether we should be paying for the pizza. It’s starting to add up.
Spencer (Brandon Quinn): We’re running a male prostitution ring, Julie. Pizza’s the cost of business.

Sandy: Ryan’s putting together a cooler for Vegas. I’m the sandwich guy.
Seth: Cohens are natural sandwich artists.
Sandy: It’s like our very own super power.
Seth: Yeah, I don’t know if it qualifies us for the Justice League though.

Kaitlin (Willa Holland) about Julie: You really like her, don’t you?
Bullitt (Gary Grubbs): Oh yeah, Peanut. She’s under my skin. The whole time I was in Riyadh, didn’t once try to peek under a girl’s burkha.

Seth: I have a question. And let’s pretend I wasn’t eavesdropping. Are you absolutely positive that you haven’t had sex yet with Taylor? Not even like, a “I feel guilty about this ’cause you’re kinda wasted but how did that happen” mistake?

Bullitt: Julie, meet my buddy Frank. He’s going to put your books in order.
Julie: Didn’t I say no to this?
Bullitt: Oh yes you did. But a little birdie told me to ignore you so that’s what I’m doing.
Julie: Gordon—
Bullitt: Is no longer willing to negotiate. Now let’s let Frank do his thing. Meantime let’s get you out of that pilgrim outfit and into a ball gown.

Ryan: The nearest cab company’s in Baker. What do you wanna do now?
Seth: Oh, curl up in a fetal position and weep. Although perhaps the unborn baby metaphor—
Ryan: Not really appropriate.

Taylor: Don’t worry, Summer. I’m sure we’ll pass a 24-hour pharmacy at some point.
Summer: The symbolism window closed at midnight. We’ll do it in the morning.

Summer: How did I get here? How did I go from being an Ivy League Al Gore-in-the-making to a knocked-up college drop out with a boyfriend that forgets to pack his toothbrush when he travels? How did this happen?
Taylor: You know what? It’s a new year. We all get a fresh start. Okay? You and me and Seth and Ryan. We can all be whatever we want to be. And everything negative will be left in last year.

Zerk-nong: What’s my name?
Slutty Alien: Zerknong.
Zerk-nong: Spell it.
Slutty Alien: Z-U—
Zerk-nong: E.
Slutty Alien: Oh. Z-E-R-K-N—
Zerk-nong: Hyphen.
Slutty Alien: Hyphen-N-O-N-G.

Kirsten: All set?
Sandy: What?
Kirsten: You still thinking about Frank?
Sandy: I can’t shake the feeling that I know him.
Kirsten: Well I wish you did. I’d love to know who Julie has going through our books.
Sandy: She never said anything? Nothing about where Bullitt found him?
Knowing Bullitt it could be anywhere. The golf course, Saudi Arabia, prison.

Kaitlin: So what was that dance that you were talking to me about this afternoon? The one with the number.
Bullitt laughs: That’d be the Texas Two-Step.
Kaitlin: Will you show it to me?
Bullitt: Is the Pope Catholic?

Taylor: If you’re here for sex there’s like five guys ahead of you.
Ryan: Okay, look I’m sorry that I jumped to conclusions tonight. But you can’t be paranoid either about being divorced or any of it. It doesn’t mean anything.
Taylor: So you don’t think I’m a whore?
Ryan: No. No, no, of course not.
Taylor: Good. Because I’m not. Unless of course you want me to be.
Ryan: Is that my negligée?
Taylor: Mm hm.
Ryan: Well I want that back.
Taylor: C’mon. Before I change my mind.
Ryan: Alright, but just to be clear—
Taylor: Everything but.

Summer: Is that gonna like squirt invisible ink or something?
Seth: No. But it will make you engaged to me.
Summer: What? Are you insane.
Seth: Possibly. But I’m certain of this.

Julie: I’m not trading sex for silence, Frank. I may be a madame but I’m not a whore.
Frank (Kevin Sorbo): Good to know. But that’s not why I brought you here.
Julie: It’s not?
Frank: Sit down.
Julie: So why did you bring me here?
Frank: For information.
Julie: Information about what?
Frank: About the Cohen family.
Julie: Why?
Frank: Because I’m not who I say I am.
Julie: And who are you?
Frank: I’m Ryan’s father.