Stargate SG-1 Jack O’Neill

Season 2


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The Serpent’s Lair

O’Neill: Captain Carter?
Carter: Sir?
O’Neill: Were you able to put enough C-4 around this ship to make a dent?
Carter: We placed charges where they should generate secondary explosions, so… yes sir. Should make a helluva dent.
O’Neill: Thank you.
Carter: Given enough time, I might be able to figure out—
O’Neill: Negative. We should expect some of their reinforcements through that door any second. Stand by to detonate your charges on my order.
Carter: Yes sir.
Jackson: Wait.
O’Neill: Daniel! If we don’t stop them now we may never stop them.
Jackson: Yeah, I know that. {he find some C-4 in his vest}. Let’s just make as big a dent as possible, okay?
Carter: Ready and awaiting your order, sir.
: Okay. Well, I suppose now is the time for me to say something profound. […] Nothing comes to mind. Let’s do it.

Jaffa are trying to break down the door.
O’Neill: Just a minute!

O’Neill: This is turning out to be a bad day.

Carter after mistakenly biting Jack: Sorry sir. It’s just so dark.
O’Neill: Aw Carter! It’s okay. I like your attitude.

O’Neill: All right, take it easy Daniel. We’ve been in worse situations than this.
Teal’c: Not to my knowledge.
O’Neill: Thanks Teal’c.

O’Neill: Carter. If someone comes in here… bite ’em in the hand.
Carter: Yes sir.

Bra’tac: Perhaps when the warships of your world attack, we may be able—
Carter: Ah ah ah. Excuse me. Did you say, “ships of our world”?
Bra’tac: Surely you have such vessels.
Jackson: Well, we have a number of… shuttles.
O’Neill: Shuttles.
Bra’tac: These “shuttles”, they are a formidable craft?
O’Neill: Oh, yeah. Yeah. {to himself} Bad day.

O’Neill: How many in your wing?
Bra’tac: Three.
O’Neill: Three?
Bra’tac: Teal’c makes four.
O’Neill: Oh, well. Four.
: I have trained these warriors since they were chal’ti. They have sworn their lives to me. It is no simple thing to ask.
O’Neill: And we appreciate it, believe me. But what are the odds of taking out a ship like this with four gliders and—maybe—a shuttle?

O’Neill: I think it’s time for a new plan.
Bra’tac: We offer to lay down our lives for your world, Human. You can not ask more
O’Neill: No. I can’t. But I think the better idea is to get the other guys to lay down their lives for world first. Hm?

Bra’tac: We shall have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
O’Neill: You know, that particular cliché doesn’t… always work.

O’Neill: Daniel. Damn it!
Jackson: I’m dead anyway. Just get outta here.
O’Neill: I am not leaving you here, Daniel!
Jackson: Get out of here! We’re just going to blow up with the other ship anyway. What difference does it make! Go! Just go…. I’ll stay and watch your back.

Bra’tac: The field generators are far below. There—in the very bowels of the ship. We must climb down several decks through the length of the ship, then taking our weapons, we must… {Jack launches the grenades down into the core}
O’Neill: Grenades.

Bra’tac: Now we die.
O’Neill: Well, that’s a bad plan.

O’Neill: Our time is up, we have got to go!
Carter: Punch it.

Carter: It’s gonna be a beautiful sunset, sir.
O’Neill: You know, Captain. This wasn’t such a bad day after all.
Carter: Not bad at all.
Bra’tac: We die well, Teal’c.
Teal’c: More than that, old friend. We die free.
O’Neill: Or not.

Hammond: SG-1, there’s someone who’d like to see you.
Carter: Daniel!
O’Neill: Ha ha ha! Space Monkey.

In the Line of Duty

O’Neill: Carter? You okay?
Carter: Yeah fine. Thanks.

O’Neill: Janet says you’ve been a little upset since Sam was here. What happened?
Cassandra: She said she’d kill me if I told.
O’Neill: You don’t mean “kill you” kill you? Oh, I doubt that.
Cassandra: She said she would.
O’Neill: Cass, Same loves you. She’d never do anything to hurt you.
Cassandra: She would now.
O’Neill: Why?
Cassandra: She’s a Goa’uld.

Teal’c: Colonel O’Neill. When you speak to her. Do not see your friend.


Jackson: P2A-509!
O’Neill: Little brain damage along the way?

The Gamekeeper

Carter: I like what they’ve done to the place.
O’Neill: I’m not so sure I like what the place has done to them.

Kawalsky: Why are you acting so spooked, Jack?
O’Neill: Maybe because I am. You’re both supposed to be dead.

Colonel John: This ain’t the one that you and me die on.
O’Neill: As a matter of fact this is the one that you die on.

Carter: Didn’t that seem just a little too easy?
O’Neill: Yes it did. Let’s go home.

O’Neill: General, without meaning, this time, to sound like a smart ass, are you cracked?

Hammond: Sit down, Colonel.
O’Neill: I don’t think so, bucko. The jig’s up. We’re on to you.

O’Neill: We’re still on PJ7-989. It’s a fake environment.
Kawalsky: Is that really so bad? I mean come on, haven’t you people missed me at all?

Jackson: Where are we going?
O’Neill: Back through the Gate to show them what their planet looks like. In our memories. Before the virtual reality…. Leave me alone.


O’Neill as Jackson runs off: I wish he’d stop doing that.

O’Neill: What were you thinking?
Jackson: I thought she’d be grateful.
O’Neill: She was trying to kill herself.

Pyrus (George Touliatos): Who sent you? Where are you from?
O’Neill: We’re from a planet called Earth.
Pyrus: What Goa’uld rules there?
O’Neill: None.
Pyrus: Liar. Thieves. You will tell me the truth or you will die.

Carter: He isn’t a Goa’uld. I don’t think these are real Jaffa either.
O’Neill: How do you know?
Carter: First clue was his voice.
O’Neill: Yeah, I noticed that too.

Carter: Lately I get this weird feeling when I’m near Teal’c.
O’Neill: Hey, who doesn’t.

O’Neill: You know, I’ve seen an awful lot of union violations around here. I should probably speak with your supervisor.
Jaffa: You will work!
O’Neill: Hi ho, hi ho. Back to work.

O’Neill: It’s surprisingly difficult to kill you, isn’t it.

O’Neill: We’re losing the battle down there, you know. Carter’s started having Goa’uld flashbacks, says if you keep using the Goa’uld sarcophagus you’ll go dark side on us. If you haven’t already.

Thor’s Chariot

O’Neill: You all know I take great pride in my title as Mr. Positive, however, we did destroy their de-Goa’ulding thing. Might not they look unkindly on that?

Hammond: This is not our world. Is it really any of our concern?
Teal’c: The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible.
O’Neill: General. I gave the order.
Jackson: I fired the staff at the machine.
Carter: And I… was there.

O’Neill: Daniel, you look suspiciously empty-handed.
Jackson: Yeah, uh…
O’Neill: Yeah, what?
Jackson: There’s nothing.
Carter: We did meet the real Thor.
O’Neill: Didja now? Nice fella?

Jackson: Before they rode into battle, the Sioux used to say, “This is a good day to die.” {The heavens open up} Then again maybe not.
O’Neill: Oh my.
Jackson: Ladies and gentlemen, I think maybe this is Thor’s Chariot.

Message in a Bottle

Carter: If Daniel’s right, this artifact has been doing this since neanderthals were still the dominant species on Earth.
O’Neill: Ah, that takes me back.

O’Neill: Teal’c you don’t have to stick around.
Teal’c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.
O’Neill: Wild horses, Teal’c. It’s… That’s a joke. You told a joke.


Fro’tak: I am Fro’tak of the High Cliffs.
O’Neill: Jack. Of the Windy City.

Drey’auc: What happened? Where is my son?
O’Neill: He’s alright. We just ran into some problems.
Teal’c: It is far worse than that, O’Neill. Ry’ac’s body lives but his heart and mind have been destroyed.
Drey’auc: What are you saying?
Teal’c: He is now with Apophis.
: The boy was a stranger. A beast.
O’Neill: Oh come on. The kid’s brainwashed.

Bra’tac: Teal’c, I know he is your son, but this is a wisdom far beyond his years.
O’Neill: Yeah, I’m kinda with Bra’tac on this one.

O’Neill in a Jaffa uniform: No wonder these guys are always cranky.

Teal’c: Why do you doubt my son?
O’Neill: It’s my nature, Teal’c.

Jackson: Okay, so we’re alright. Ry’ac is alright. We just have to get his mind back. And how do we do that?
Carter: Deprogramming.
O’Neill: It’s not exactly the kind of thing you want to put a kid through.


O’Neill: So we’ll come pick you up in a couple of days.
Jackson: And say hi to the President for me.
O’Neill: Will do.

O’Neill: You know I can navigate my way across a galaxy, but I get lost every time I come to Washington.
Carter: Don’t worry, sir. These are my old stomping grounds.
O’Neill: Sorry to hear that.

O’Neill: General, Captain, General. Waiter!

Armen Selig (Chris Owens): Colonel Jack O’Neill, right?
O’Neill: I’m not sure.

Carter: I have a hard time believing it’s one of ours. Every member at the SGC knows how important our work is.
Hammond: I agree with Captain Carter. Much more likely political.
Carter: Senator Kinsey?
O’Neill: Well if he knows, at least a dozen sycophants know.

O’Neill: Alright. If you’re gonna go ahead with it, I want to make sure you get one thing right. It’s “O’Neill,” with two L’s. There is another Colonel O’Neil with only one L and he has no sense of humor at all.

Heru’ur: You dare challenge me?
O’Neill: I was thinking about it. {he throws a knife through his hand}

O’Neill: You alright?
Jackson: No. No I’m not. But I will be.
Teal’c: She looked directly at us, Daniel Jackson. Yet she did not reveal our position.
O’Neill: Let’s go home.


Teal’c: I’ve felt great pain, O’Neill. But never a sickness such as this. I do not enjoy it.
O’Neill: Nobody does.
Teal’c: I am also feeling something else.
O’Neill: Hey. I’d be scared too.
Teal’c: I do not want to become something other than who I am.

O’Neill: General Hammond, request permission to beat the crap out of this man.

Maybourne: This is still my responsibility.
O’Neill: Oh I’m holding you responsible, Maybourne. Don’t you fret.

Maybourne: Striking an officer is a quick way to a court martial.
O’Neill: I’m not gonna hit you, Maybourne. I’m gonna shoot you.

O’Neill: Pack your bug spray, kids.

The Tok’ra : Part One

Hammond: You don’t think it was just a dream?
Carter: No sir. It was real. I could tell.
Hammond: You could tell.
Carter: Yes sir. I don’t know how, exactly. But I can tell.
O’Neill: So we’re supposed to buy into this… ESP or whatever it is?

Jackson: You said their eyes glowed. Are you really sure that these Tok’ra are what Jolinar said they were? I mean, good guys for lack of a better word.
Carter: Yes.
O’Neill: Yes? Just “yes”? Could you elaborate a little?

Teal’c: According to Jaffa legend, the Tok’ra are the Goa’uld resistance. Their stated goal is the destruction of the System Lords and a change in the ways of the Empire. They are hunted and despised by the Goa’uld.
O’Neill: Yes. My kind of guys.

O’Neill: Where’s that Yellow Brick Road when you need it, eh, Dorothy?

O’Neill: You know in some galaxies this is called loitering. How long do you think we can keep it up?

O’Neill: We’ve done nothing but get interrogated here. Now are we prisoners and are you Goa’ulds?
Jackson: Jack—
Garshaw: You are not. And I have told you, we are not Goa’uld.
O’Neill: Alright, then why do you talk like that? And what’s with the glowing eyes? Huh? Might it have something to do with a little reptilian activity in your heads?
Garshaw: We have symbiotic creatures within us, yes.
O’Neill: Well then?
Jackson: Well then you can see how we might think you’d be a danger to humans. You take humans as hosts.
Garshaw: Goa’uld take hosts. Tok’ra do not. Our’s wish to be so.
Martouf (JR Bourne): We have a truly symbiotic relationship.

Jackson: Wait a minute. You think by form an alliance we mean we want to be hosts?
Garshaw: Well what other sort of alliance would a non-blended human and a Tok’ra want to have?
O’Neill: Well we do have a common enemy. How about friendship?
Carter: We could share information.
Teal’c: We can engage in battle side-by-side.

O’Neill: Colonel Makepeace. What are you doing here?
Makepeace: Colonel Hammond sent us to extract Captain Carter.
Carter: Why?
Makepeace: I’m afraid it’s your father, Captain. He’s in the hospital in serious condition.

O’Neill: You have to let her go home.
Garshaw: I’m afraid we cannot do that.
Carter: Why?
Garshaw: We have made our decision. We have decided not to accept your request for an alliance.
Cordesh: Therefore you shall be our guests. Until such time as we decide to move to another planet.

The Tok’ra : Part Two

O’Neill: So we are prisoners. You’re lookin’ like Goa’uld to me.
Garshaw: We’re doing this for your protection as well as ours. Knowledge of our whereabouts makes you and your world a priority target for the System Lords.
O’Neill: We’re already a priority target.
Teal’c: They previously dispatched two motherships to destroy us.

Hammond: Captain Carter, I am truly sorry about your father but I have to question the wisdom of what you’re suggesting here. From what I’ve seen, this won’t be saving his life It’ll be more like giving his body to a Goa’uld.
Carter: No sir. More like letting one share it.
Hammond: Jacob knows a lot about Earth, this would be like handing over information to the Goa’uld.
Carter: To the Tok’ra!
Hammond: Are you sure there’s a difference?
O’Neill: Oh yes, sir. There’s a difference, believe me. I won’t even pretend to understand what that is, but there is one. One minute you’re talking to a Goa’uld, the next minute you’re talking to a regular guy.

Hammond: They were holding you prisoner, Colonel. Still are holding SG-3 and the rest of your team.
Carter: Only temporarily, sir. And they thought it was to protect us as much as them.
O’Neill: Yeah, I didn’t buy that one myself, sir.

Jacob: You do that a lot?
Carter: Yeah, once or twice a week.
Jacob: It beats the hell out of a shuttle on the back of a rocket.
O’Neill: Goes a lot further too.

O’Neill: What the heck’s going on?
Makepeace: We’re free.
O’Neill: Then why are you still here?
Makepeace: Well we want to be allies, right? So we’re lending a hand with the evacuation.
O’Neill: What evacuation?

Garshaw: Do you not have a dialing device here?
O’Neill: Yeah, we slapped one together.


Carter: You gonna be okay?
O’Neill: I’m not dead, Captain. I’m just grounded for a few weeks.
Carter: If the bulletproof glass hadn’t slowed it down…
O’Neill: Oh please. Aliens are always poking me full of holes.

Hammond: Obviously we started our relations on the wrong foot.
O’Neill: But that’s so rare, sir.

O’Neill: How do I know you’re really Daniel?
Jackson: Because.
O’Neill: Yeah, okay.


Hammond: Do we have any idea what makes it tick?
O’Neill: That’s why we’d like to go back, sir. Carter wants to get a closer look with some of her specialized… doohickeys.
Hammond: Doohickeys.
O’Neill: I believe that’s the technical term, sir.

Roham: Guards, disarm the wrongdoers.
: Hold it! Alright. We came here in peace. We expect to go in one… piece.

Princess La Moor: If my uncle decides to trust you this day, our entire future will depend on this decision.
O’Neill: Okay, that’s a little pressure.

General, would you mind if I have Carter recheck the dialing computer. Just to see if there are any signs of anyone sneaking through the Gate covertly. Behind your back as it were, sir.
Hammond: Nothing happens regarding that Stargate without my knowing about it. If a person sneezes near it, I get a report.
O’Neill: I understand. {he turns to leave}
Hammond: Colonel. Have Carter check it anyway.

Jackson: Have you been watching the Weather Channel?
O’Neill: I’m more of a C-SPAN guy.

Jackson: Who would have been authorized to use the second Gate? I thought it had been officially decommissioned.
O’Neill: It was. Officially.

O’Neill: Is this where you’re keeping the little green men?
There are no alien life forms at Area 51.
O’Neill: Present company excluded of course.

Second Gate Guy: Who the hell are you?
O’Neill: No one’s damn business. Step away from the crate.

The Fifth Race

Hammond: Colonel, are you sure you’re okay?
O’Neill: I am absolutely fine. There is nothing cruvis with me. {everyone looks at him} What?
Jackson: You just said there’s nothing “cruvis” with you.
O’Neill: I did not.
Jackson: Yes you did.
O’Neill: No I didn’t.
Jackson: Yes you did.
O’Neill: Didn’t.
Jackson: Did.
O’Neill: Didn’t.
Jackson: Did.
O’Neill: “Cruvis”? What is that?
Jackson: I don’t know.

Teal’c: What is the reason for these padded gloves, O’Neill?
O’Neill: So we don’t hurt each other. I’ll be honest with you, Teal’c. It’s so you don’t hurt me.

O’Neill: Alright. What the hell is going on with me?
Jackson: What do you mean?
O’Neill: Well apparently I have lost the fallatus to speak properly. That wasn’t a joke. I didn’t do that on purpose.

Hammond: Colonel?
O’Neill: Yes sir?
Hammond: What are you doing?
O’Neill: I don’t know, sir. You know me and computers.

O’Neill: You’re the Asgard. Thor’s race.
Asgard: You have heard of us?
O’Neill: Nothing but good things.

Asgard: We have studied your race closely.
O’Neill: Ah. What did you learn?
Asgard2: That your species has great potential.
O’Neill: Great potential. That’s good.

Asgard: Understand this: the was once an alliance of four great races in the galaxy. The Asgard, the Nox—
O’Neill: Met them.
Asgard: The Furlings.
O’Neill: Don’t know them.
Asgard: And the Ancients. The builders of the Stargates.

O’Neill: You folks should understand that we’re out there. Now. We might not be ready for a lot of this stuff, but we’re doing the best we can. We are a very curious race.
Asgard: You have already taken the first steps toward becoming the Fifth Race.

A Matter of Time

Hammond: Why would their code be coming through so slow?
Carter: I don’t know, but if we don’t open the iris—
O’Neill: The next thud we hear will be Henry Boyd’s team.

O’Neill: Permission to go in, sir.
Carter: Negative, sir.
O’Neill: What do you mean, negative?
Carter: I’m sorry, Colonel. With all due respect. But if I’m right, we can’t help them.

Hammond: What am I looking at?
O’Neill: That’s a black hole, sir.

Carter: Sir, by some fluke of Stargate technology, we are witnessing something that the laws of physics say we can’t possibly witness.
O’Neill: We are witnessing good men die in slow motion, Captain.
Carter: You’re right, sir.
Hammond: Shut it down.

Carter: Even with the power cut it didn’t shut down.
O’Neill: How is that possible?
Carter: It must be deriving its power directly from the black hole.

Carter: It appears that our space-time has begun to warp, just like on P3W451.
O’Neill: Will you stop that!
Carter: We’re in trouble, sir.
O’Neill: Thank you. Think of something.

Col. Frank Cromwell to O’Neill: Don’t even pretend you understood that.


O’Neill: Looks like somebody’s closed up for the winter.

Jackson: As I’ve been trying to tell the General and the good doctor here, I am not Machello. I am Daniel Jackson.
O’Neill: Here we go.
Jackson: I realize what I look like. But I’m telling you, that machine somehow switched us.
Fraiser: He, ah, knows a lot about Daniel.
Jackson: Ask me anything. Something only Daniel would know.
Carter: Okay. Who’s Cassandra?
Jackson: She’s a twelve-year-old girl we found abandoned on P8X-987.
O’Neill: P8X— ?
Carter: 987.
O’Neill: Alright, lucky guess.
Hammond: Where was the Stargate found?
Jackson: At a dig in Giza.
O’Neill: Alright, describe for me the dress your sister wore last week when I took her out.
Jackson: I don’t have a sister, Jack, and if I did, I wouldn’t let you near her.
Hammond: Okay, let’s assume you are Daniel Jackson. Then who the hell did we send home?

Hammond: How did it go, Colonel?
Teal’c (in O’Neill): It did not go well, General Hammond.
O’Neill (in Teal’c): Ya think?

Serpent’s Song

O’Neill: You know I’m not real crazy about this “Don’t call us, we’ll call you” policy.

O’Neill: General Hammond, Apophis. Apophis, General Hammond.
Hammond: We’ve met.

O’Neill: I say we beat whatever information we can out of old snake boy, and pen that Gate and toss him back to the sharks.
Hammond: Not so fast, Colonel. He’s essentially a prisoner of war. That gives him certain rights.

Apophis (Peter Williams): O’Neill. I am dying.
O’Neill: My heart bleeds for you.
Apophis: You lie poorly.

O’Neill: What do you want?
Apophis: To live.
O’Neill: Can’t help you there. That’s between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute. You are your god. That’s a problem.

Jackson: Basically he was the original Satan.
O’Neill: Well. Isn’t that special. {overhead: Incoming traveller} Speak of the Devil.

Martouf (JR Bourne): We come only to offer you a word of warning.
O’Neill: Which is?
Martouf: We know you have Apophis. You must return him to the planet you retrieved him from immediately.

Lantesh: We cannot defend you from the Goau’ld. You cannot expect us to.
O’Neill: We don’t.
Lantesh: Overconfidence was their failing, O’Neill. I hope it has not also become yours.

Apophis: Help me.
O’Neill: No.
Apophis: A host.
O’Neill: No.
Apophis: I am afraid.

One False Step

Carter: UAV is a go for launch, sir.
Hammond: Launch. {it does}
O’Neill: That never gets old. I love that.

Jackson: You know I thought the alien on the video looked fairly docile. More curious than harmful.
O’Neill: I thought it looked bald, white and naked.

Carter: We’ve introduced a number of foreign substances that could be responsible.
Dr. Fraiser: Okay, let’s set up over here.
O’Neill: And the UAV ran into that plant thing I showed you.
Jackson: I’ve been sneezing like crazy ever since we got here.
Carter: And I cut my hand and one of the aliens could have come in contact with my blood.
Teal’c: One of the aliens had lubricant from the UAV on its hands.
Dr. Fraiser: Okay, look. The fact is it could be somebody’s aftershave. Now how are they going to react when I try to run some tests?

Teal’c: Do you not believe we are responsible, O’Neill?
O’Neill: Yes, I believe we are… not. We should check it out either way.

O’Neill: What’s he smiling at?
Teal’c: He appears to be bothered by the tone you have taken with each other. As have I.

Jackson: Mythology is one of the primary reasons for cultural development!
O’Neill: Maybe! What’s that got to do with filming a plant?!
Jackson: Exactly!
O’Neill: What does that mean?!
Jackson: I don’t know!

O’Neill: Carter, what are you doing?
Carter: I’m looking for something that we can’t hear.

Jackson: That was your hunch?
Carter: I had a feeling that there was some sort of symbiotic relatonship between the aliens and the organisms. They probably don’t even realize it.
Jackson: Well how did you realize it?
O’Neill: Captain?
Carter: I— I talk to my plants.

Show and Tell

Carter: He’s not Goa’uld or Jaffa. I don’t sense any Naquadah. As far as I can tell he’s clean.
O’Neill: What’s he doing here?
Charlie (Jeff Gulka): I am here to warn you.

Fraiser: Well. As far as I can tell he’s human.
O’Neill: No bomb in the chest? A little biohazard in the tooth maybe?
Fraiser: Checked for both. He’s no threat to us as far as I can tell.

O’Neill: So what do I call you?
Charlie: I do not have a name.
O’Neill: What’s your mom call you?
Charlie: Son.
O’Neill: That’s not much of a name.
Charlie: No. It’s more of a description.

Charlie: That’s why I’m here. To warn you.
O’Neill: Well thank you, Charlie. But we already knew about the Goa’uld.
Charlie: Not the Goa’uld. It’s the Re’tu rebels who intend to eliminate you.

O’Neill: Hey Charlie. How’re you feeling?
Charlie: Tired. Really tired. {there’s some noise in the distance.} Fer cryin’ out loud.

Jacob: The Re’tu rebels are kind of like terrorists are here on Earth. Nasty guys. They could do a lot of damage here, folks. Kill a lot of people.
O’Neill: How many are there?
Jacob: Don’t know. But I do know their M.O. They work in small groups of five infiltrators. They sneak in, split up, plant destructive devices and try to maximize the damage before they’re even detected.

Charlie: Mother says not to cry.
O’Neill: Crying’s okay.
Charlie: She says the boys of your culture do not cry.
O’Neill: Not true. In fact there’s an official list of reasons for which crying is a good thing.
Charlie: Mother is leaving.
O’Neill: Now see, that’s a good reason. Mom leaving I believe is number six on the list of good reasons.

Jackson: Isn’t he a little young to be a host?
Selmak: He is young. But the Tok’ra symbiote that we introduce to his mind can teach him. He will grow up with the advantages that great wisdom brings.
O’Neill: Two keywords there: grow up.


O’Neill: You know, this looks suspiciously like the butt-end of a Titan missile.
Overhead: Standby for test burn in T-minus twenty seconds.
Teal’c: What is a “test burn”?
O’Neill: Just what it sounds like.

O’Neill: How’d you know that would work?
Teal’c: I did not.

Jackson: We’re the first people in human history to go back in time… well, for all we know. If we could figure out how to do this again, just think of what we could do. We could actually visit Babylon. We could, we could— We could see the Great Wall of China being built.
Teal’c: Or prevent regrettable events from your history from ever occurring.
Carter: No. That’s exactly what we can’t do.
O’Neill: Why not?
Carter: Because of the Grandfather Paradox. If you went back fifty years and murdered your own grandfather, your own father would never have been born.
Jackson: So you’re saying that if we change our own past…
Carter: We could change our world in ways we can’t possibly imagine. We might even cease to exist. Along with everything and everyone we know.

O’Neill: This is a top secret facility. Anonymity does not go over big here.
Carter: We cannot tell them we’re from the future, sir.

An officer asks them (in Russian) if they’re spies.
Jackson: Nyet.
O’Neill: Daniel?
Jackson: He just asked if we were Soviet spies. I just— realizes the problem
Guard: Come with me.
O’Neill: Sure. You bet. {on the way out} Nyet?

Thornbird: I’m Major Robert Thornbird. And you are?
O’Neill: Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise.
Thornbird: Your dog tags say otherwise.
O’Neill: They’re lying.
Thornbird: Your American accent is very impressive, Mr. Kirk. Before we ship you out and hand you over to wherever it is they take spies such as yourself, I wanted a word. Your little incursion into our training facility is going to leave an embarrassing mark on my record.
O’Neill: Training facility?
Thornbird: You don’t think we’d test fire a real missile twenty-eight floors inside a mountain, do you?
O’Neill: Listen, you don’t have the exact date—
Thornbird: What was the weapon you used?
O’Neill: Weapon?
Thornbird: Our cameras saw some sort of weapon.
O’Neill: Oh. Well, it’s hard to say.
Thornbird: Some sort of state secret?
O’Neill: No, just difficult to pronounce.

O’Neill: I’ll be honest with you, Bob. My name is not Kirk. It’s Skywalker. Luke Skywalker.

O’Neill: Listen, I don’t know where we’re headed but they’ll probably try to split us up. So we’re not going to have much time to—
Carter: Escape and hopefully live out the rest of our lives without affecting history.
O’Neill: Or?
Carter: I can’t think of an “or” at the moment, sir.
Jackson: No “or”?
O’Neill: There’s an “or.”
Jackson: There’s an “or”?
Carter: Sir, you can’t just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
O’Neill: Captain, where there’s a will there’s an “or.”

Hammond: Before I can even think of doing what’s asked of me in the note, I need to know who you are. And who gave it to you.
Carter: Oh my god. My name is Samantha Carter and you gave me the note, sir. Sir, before we left General Hammond gave me a note and told me to keep it in my vest pocket until I got to the other side.
Hammond: It’s addressed to me. In my handwriting.
O’Neill: What’s it say?
Hammond: “Help them”.

Jackson: So what’s the plan?
O’Neill: Find the Stargate.
Jackson: That’s the plan? “Find the Stargate”?
O’Neill: Elegant in its simplicity, don’t you think?

Carter: In order to preserve our past Catherine has to meet you years from now.
Jackson: So we go in disguise. Pretend to be… foreigners.
O’Neill: How are you going to do that?
Jackson: Well I speak twenty-three different languages. Pick one.

Teal’c on hitchhiking: This method appears to be ineffective. {he jumps out of the culvert and stares down a van}
O’Neill: Teal’c? Teal’c! What are you thinking?
Teal’c: That it is effective, O’Neill.

O’Neill: Listen we’ve got gas money. Where you headed?
Michael: Upstate New York. Some big concert.

Cassie: Hello, Jack. Teal’c. Daniel? I hardly recognized you with hair!
O’Neill: Do… Do we know you?
Cassie: Sam will recognize me. Come closer.
Carter: Oh my god. Cassandra!
Cassie: Dear Sam.
O’Neill: Excuse me, who is this?
Carter: Cassandra.
O’Neill: Cassie’s thirteen years old.
Cassie: Not anymore, Jack. I’ve been expecting you my whole life in fact. You entered the Stargate a few seconds too soon. So the flare threw you far into the future.

Carter: Then you’ve been waiting for this to happen.
Hammond: Ever since we met. I almost didn’t let you go.
Carter: But if you didn’t, you would have changed your own history.
Hammond: It’s going to be a long debriefing, people. We’ll start in one hour.
O’Neill: Yes sir.
Hammond: Oh by the way, Colonel. With interest, you owe me five hundred thirty-nine dollars and fifty cents.
O’Neill: Yes sir.

Out of Mind

O’Neill: General, what happened to my team?
Trofsky: They didn’t make it.
O’Neill: I got that.

Trofsky: I’m sorry, General. It was a long time ago.
O’Neill: Maybe for you.

Jackson: I don’t understand. They said—
Carter: They’re Goa’uld, Daniel.
Jackson: What year is it?
Carter: 1999, more than likely.
Jackson: So this is all a hoax?
O’Neill: Big hoax. I’d say so.
Jackson: I have more questions, but that can wait.

Hathor: Silence!
O’Neill: Oh, I was so hoping never to see you again.