Psych Season 2

Zero to Murder in Sixty Seconds


Malcolm Barrett

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Henry: I’m sorry, son. But he just outpedaled you. You understand?
Young Shawn: I think so. {Gus rings his bell}. I got it! I had the wrong song playing that time. Best two out of three.

Present Day

Lassiter: Unlike everyone else around here, I’m not fooled by the fact that you wear [?] clothes, mastered rudimentary level of communication and somehow manage to feed yourselves. I see you for what you are: children. So do me a favor and let the grown-ups do their work.
Shawn: I got a boo boo.

Lassiter: I’ve got less patience for you today than normal. See, I received an invitation to give a presentation at the 21 LES. {blank stares} Twenty-first century law enforcement seminar.
Shawn: Oh… yes. We know that better as 21 Saint Cent Less.
Gus: I like to call it 21 Cent Law Enfo Semi.
Lassiter: Go ahead. Make jokes.
Shawn: I think we just did.

Lassiter: You guys are so funny. Oh guess what? I just got a new car. Yours.
Gus in the backseat of his car: Maybe we had a little too much fun with him.
Shawn: Maybe. {to Lassiter} I have to pee.

Lassiter: If a word of this little incident gets out at the station, I will start making things very difficult for you down there.
Shawn: You’re saying you haven’t even been trying? All this time?
Lassiter: Goodbye.

Shawn: He’s not going to get anywhere talking to those valets. They have a very strict code.
Gus: I still think you’re thinking about the British.

Shawn: I don’t know if it looks like the warehouse from Blue City, Gus. You’re the only one that remembers that movie. {…} What are you, insane? Way more people saw From the Hip than Blue City— I’m not going to talk Judd Nelson right now.

Shawn: Don’t need to thank me, chief. Just glad to help. {she goes to shake Gus’ hand} Don’t thank him either.

Shawn: I’m not talking about you! This is something much worse. This is the first time I’ve been wrong on a case.

Shawn: I think I solved the crime I was supposed to solve and not the crime I should have solved.
Gus: Okay. you’re not making any sense.

Gus: I had to get a deep tissue massage to work out all the knots in my back. I call the big one “Little Shawn”.
Shawn: Okay, that’s the creepiest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

Lassiter: You’re right. Helvetica is a much better font.
Juliet: I know! See how the “m” in double-murder suicide just jumps off the page!

Shawn: Like I said, there’s still quite a few unanswered questions.
Wally (Malcolm Barrett): Well what can I say? You guys got me fair and square.
Shawn: That’s just it. What kind of chop shop artist steals a cop’s car and doesn’t chop it up? It’s almost like you wanted to leave a trail.
Wally: Leave a trail, don’t leave a trail. wouldn’t do any good. You guys caught me quick! Snap! Mind of a cheetah! I was like, “what?” Cops like, “wham!” Okay.

Shawn: You’re not naked under there, are you?
Gus: Naked. And unashamed.

Shawn: Once we figure out what’s up with Jonny G’s shop, we re-solve the case, we get another check.
Gus: And you wanna know what we’re going to do with it?
Shawn: Party like it’s 1999?
Gus: No. We’re gonna—
Shawn: Party?
Gus: No!
Shawn: Kalamu?
Gus: No!
Shawn: Fiesta?

Shawn indiscriminately pulling wires: Uh oh. Looks like something’s wrong with your in-dash DVD navigation and integrated surround sound system.
Gus: That was my speedometer. Now I can’t see how fast I’m going!
Shawn: Regardless.

Henry: Sometimes a case is just a case.

Henry: Shawn don’t you dare learn a long lesson while I’m trying to teach you a right lesson! Shawn! Stop, stop trying to figure it out! Stop jumping!
Shawn: I can’t help it! It all makes sense!

Gus: Is it a tight knot under the shoulder blade?
Henry: Yeah. How’d you know?

Wally: Guess I ended up with a better sentence than Jonny G did. {he points at his head} Irony.
Shawn: We still have a few questions. What do you know about a shipment of custom cars on its way to Arizona?
Wally: We were partners but Jonny G was involved in a lot of stuff I didn’t know about. If I asked questions, he’d be like, “None of y’all” I’d be like, “Okay. Relegate.”

Wally: I was just a front man for the chop shop. And now I’m doing my time. But when I get out? Crime’s gonna be like, “Come out and play, Wally. Come on.” And I’ll be like, “No. Wally doesn’t live here anymore. Reassimilate.”

Shawn: I’m getting Michael Douglas. Catherina Zeta-Jones. The always under-appreciated Don Cheadle.
Gus: You know that’s right.
Female Student: Traffic!
Shawn: “Say hello to my little friend!”
Male Student: Scarface!

Shawn: Guess that’s three strikes.
Gus: Legislated!