Bounty Hunters!

1987

Young Shawn: Sorry, Dad, we were just checking out that super cop.
Henry: Shawn, that is not a super cop. That guy is a bounty hunter.
Young Shawn: What’s that, a cop with a cooler name?
Henry: He’s not cool, Shawn. He’s a nuisance. He’s a privately-hired half-criminal operating outside of the law.

Present Day

Lassiter: You listen to me, pal. This is our investigation. And that is my damn coffee!

Shawn: Dude, it’s Byrd! Do you remember Byrd?
Gus: How can I forget him? He looks exactly the same way he did as when we were kids.
Shawn: Same vest. Same Shawn Cassidy hair.

Lassiter: Just so you understand. {demonstrating} Cops are here. Bounty hunters are here. Psychics are here. {they check the hand chart}
Gus: We beat bounty hunters!
Lassiter: By a knuckle.
Shawn: Where are orthodontists on this scale?

Shawn: Okay, Lassie. The answer is an enthusiastic and spritely yes. You’ve got yourself a couple of bounty hunters.

Byrd Tatums (Kevin Sorbo): Look, if I play my cards right, this is going to be my last run. I’m going to collect my fifty g’s and then I’m quittin’ the game. I’m retiring. {Shawn ducks behind Gus}
Gus: What?
Shawn: My bad. Usually when someone’s about to retire they get shot at.

Byrd about the wristcuffs: Oh and by the way, these don’t come in tiny. {he stalks off}
Shawn: We’ll just get a women’s large.

Shawn: Is he diabetic or does he have a heart condition?
Juliet: Yeah. He has a heart condition. How did you know that?
Shawn: Oh, it came to me psychically. I just, you know, didn’t have the energy to do the whole “hand to the head” thing. I was leaning in quite nicely here and… {he trails off}

Shawn: We’re bounty hunters. That’s what bounty hunters do!
Gus: We are not bounty hunters, Shawn. I am a pharmaceutical salesman. And Lassiter made it very clear! He said in no uncertain terms. These are certain terms, Shawn! Certain terms!
Shawn: Somebody forgot to drink their courageous juice this morning.

Shawn: Dude, we’re like the best bounty hunters ever. The criminals come straight into our car, already cuffed!

Juliet: Shawn, where are you guys? Let us send some black and whites.
Shawn: Gus, you want a black and white cookie? Catana, you want a cookie?
Tancana: Can’t eat wheat. Or yeast.

Gus: I thought I was clear! I’m retired! {Shawn ducks} Will you stop doing that!

Shawn: Dude, I’m pretty sure this is the boat from Dead Calm.
Gus: Great. Now I have to worry about Billy Zane too.

Shawn: Why don’t you just put down the fish bonker. You’re making Gus very nervous.

Tancana: Did he just wink at me?

Shawn: What do you think, buddy? How ’bout that nap?
Gus: Shawn, are you forgetting something?
Shawn: I know. You need a nightlight.
Gus: Shawn!
Shawn: Oh.

Shawn: And you might have gotten away with it if it weren’t for your own greediness.
Cole: What greediness? I have all the money I need.
Shawn: Not greediness for money. Greediness for fabulous hair.

Tancana: The vest looks good!

Juliet: Shawn, what are you doing?
Shawn: Nothing.
Juliet: Really? Because if you’re doing what it looks like you’re doing then it’s going to be one of those things we were just talking about.
Shawn: What’s that?
Juliet: A mistake.
Shawn: I agree, but that’s clearly not what we’re doing.
Juliet: Okay. Really? Then what do you say that we’re doing.
Shawn: I call it really close talking.