A Very Juliet Episode
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Los Angeles 2003
Juliet: I have an idea. How about, in ten years, we meet right back here. Same time, four o’clock. And if we’re both married, great. We’ll talk about our kids. And if we’re both single we’ll go for coffee. See where it goes.
Scott Seaver (Josh Braaten): Both practical and hugely romantic. How do you always do that?
Juliet: I really do appreciate you being my sounding board through all of this.
Lassiter: I want you to listen to me, O’Hara. And believe this because I mean it from the bottom of my heart. All romance ends in despair. Or death. But mostly despair. Gut-wrenching despair. I hate to say this but I’m actually happy that this happened because now you know. And it’s just going to make you a better cop to realize that all people are essentially just out there to destroy any sense of happiness you’ve ever had.
Gus: You want us to find someone for you?
Juliet: No no. Not us. You.
Gus: I will handle this in perfect stealth mode. You might not know this, but I am known as the Vault of Secrets.
Juliet: No. No, I didn’t know that.
Gus: Shawn will never find out.
Gus: What could possibly be the good news coming after that?
Shawn: I was going to say the good news is we have a case because I’m pretty sure he was murdered.
Shawn: I managed to get onto a website that I probably shouldn’t be on.
Gus: Shawn don’t tell you’re going all Pete Townsend on me.
Lassiter: JT Waring is a Los Angeles mobster. Went down for racketeering a few years ago.
Shawn: What’s racketeering?
Lassiter: Nobody knows.
Shawn: You like tall men and fat animals.
Juliet: Yes. Yes I do.
Marshal Daniel Wayne (Craig Sheffer): So you did this?
Shawn: Yes we did. But don’t worry, there’s no need for a reward.
Marshal Wayne: Well that’s good. Because we generally don’t give out rewards for exposing a key witness right out of witness protection.
Agent Wayne: You know, I used to have some respect. And you single-handedly let this guy destroy my career.
Chief Vick: I get it, Agent Wayne. You’re very important. But why don’t you let me handle my people when you’re in this building.
Shawn: Hello, Mr. Waring. My name is Shawn Spencer, well-known psychic detective. And this is my associate, Burton Guster.
Now you wanna use my real name?!
JT Waring (Arnold Vosloo): If you are a psychic how about you prove something for me. That I didn’t kill that man.
Shawn: My god, he’s convincing.
Gus: Convincing? He’s a criminal.
Shawn: Yes. But he has a great head. And a real presence. There’s something very Billy Zane-y about him.
Gus: You and Billy Zane are the only ones that use that term. He’s playing you, Shawn. He’s a murderer and liar and the lowest form of trash.
Waring: You know these things don’t turn off, right?
Waring: Do you understand about honor, Mr. Spencer?
Shawn: Of course I do. I have a bootleg copy of Saving Private Ryan at home.
Juliet: Are we still on Grease?
Lassiter: We never weren’t.
Shawn: Scott Seaver did not witness a murder. He witnessed a cover up! Somebody might want to follow me.
Wayne: I’m a federal agent, you idiot.
Lassiter: Not anymore.
Gus: So what happened?
Shawn: Gave him the old mano a mano speech.
Gus: Did it work?
Shawn: Not even sort of.
Gus: Then what happened?
Shawn: I had to knock him out, Gus.
Gus: I thought Scott knocked him out.
Shawn: I’ve heard it both ways.