Chris Keller

Christopher Keller: So you a fag?
Beecher: No. You?
Christopher Keller: I do what I have to.

Keller: So you never wrestled before?
Beecher: Once, in high school. When Arthur Wiener got his leg broken by Pat Lefkowski, I heard that snap, I got up, I got out.
Keller: We’ll make sure nothing of yours snaps.

Keller: I been out of the hole two days, I haven’t spoken more than ten words to Beecher.
Schillinger: Yeah, I’ve seen him. He’s a fucking mess. He is on the ledge.
Keller: I say it’s about time we pushed him off.

Keller: Hey, fuck you, ya fuck.

Keller: You know… you know what went on between us, right?
Sister Pete: I know that Tobias was in love with you and that you broke his arms and his legs.
Keller: Jesus Christ, you put it that way it makes me sound so cold.
Sister Pete: So why don’t you rephrase it so you come out the hero?

Keller: But the end of the day when you go home and your bed is empty…
Sister Pete: It’s not empty.
Keller: Oh, I forgot. God’s waiting there for you. You’re the bride of Christ.

Beecher: Chris, sometimes, most times, I wish I could wipe away the past. I wish I could wipe away everything I’ve done, everything I’ve said to hurt the people I love. I wish I could look at people and not see all the hurt they cause me, and maybe this is the way to start making that wish come true.
Keller: Are you listening to yourself, man? What are you, Tinkerbell? Wishing on a star?

Keller: You know what? Oz didn’t make you a bitch. You were born one.

Keller: Hey, man, they stab me, they shoot me, I ain’t going down.

Beecher: Let me ask you something. What should I do if I ever find out who killed Gary?
Keller: You should whack him. I’ll help you.
Beecher: Yeah?
Keller: It’d be my pleasure.

Beecher: You gotta forgive me.
Keller: No.
Beecher: I forgave you.
Keller: Well I guess that makes you the better man.

Mondo Browne: Hey, Keller, man, I gotta ask you a question, man. You mind if I fuck your girlfriend Beecher? You mind if she sucks my cock?
Keller: I don’t give a fuck what you do or what he does.

Keller: Hello Eli. You know, this room really isn’t that safe. I got stabbed here once myself.
Eli Zabitz: Fuck, Keller, no! Sees Robson. Oh, thank god. Get him!
James Robson: Schillinger wants you dead.
Zabitz: What? Fuck!
Keller: Robson, this is my kill.
Robson: Take a fucking walk, Keller.
Zabitz: Please don’t kill me! Please! he collapses
Keller kicks the body. He’s dead.
Keller: Later.
Robson: Later.

Keller: My relationship with Beecher. It started with brutality, it’ll end in brutality.

Keller: Adebisi and Said, hand in hand.
Ryan: It’s the end of the fucking universe.

Ryan: Ah, trouble in paradise.
Keller: But not enough to be of any use to us. You know what we got here, O’Reily? A fandango. And we gotta do something about it.
Ryan: Hey, I don’t like being in the minority, but what can we do? Even these fucking Muslims are kowtowing to Adebisi.
Keller: Well, we could detonate a few well-placed depth charges.
Ryan: Whatever you need, K-boy.

Keller: Well I see you fucking all these other guys.
Beecher: You said you didn’t care who I fucked.
Keller: Well I do. I do, okay?

Keller: You should take care of where you stick your dick. That baby is lethal.
Beecher: You know, I liked it better when we weren’t speaking.

Lisa Logan: Is there a lot of homosexual activity?
Keller: Well, by “homosexual” do you mean deep-rooted love of one man for another, or guys fucking guys in the ass?
Logan: Ass-fucking.
Keller: Shit happens.

Logan: Tobias Beecher.
Keller: What about him?
Logan: I don’t know, you tell me.
Keller: We sing in the choir together.

McManus: Now, when you violate a rule, instead of sending you to the hole, we’re going to stick you inside that cage. In full view of your adoring public. Any questions?
Keller: Mr. McManus, sir, how big is your penis?

Keller: Wait a minute. You fucked Howell?
Ryan: Mm hm.
Keller: You don’t just drop a nugget like that without a few details, O’Reily.

Keller: Beecher. That your little brother I saw you with in the visiting room? He’s cute. He fool around?

Beecher: Keller.
Keller: Oh, are we speaking? I thought we were trying to fuck with each other.

Beecher: Why are you doing this?
Keller: I would have thought that was fairly obvious.
Beecher: Yeah.

Beecher and Keller kiss.
Keller: I’ll see you.
Beecher: When?
Keller: Back here. Or in heaven.
Beecher: You really think we’re gonna get into heaven?
Keller: Ah… you and me together? God doesn’t have the balls to keep us out.

Howell: Here you go Keller. A bag of atomic fireballs per your request.
Keller: Thanks Claire. I always need a little something to suck on.

Sister Pete: Well, I’ll do… I’ll do everything I can to help.
Keller: Show me your tits.
Sister Pete: Don’t do that.

Franklin Winthrop: I interest you?
Keller: Fascinate is a better word. Meet me later. Storage closet, Unit B.

Keller: You fuck her yet?
Beecher: Chris.
Keller: Be honest.
Beecher: Yes.
Keller: Good for you, you sexy motherfucker.

Schillinger: I’ll deal with it.
Keller: No. I’ll kill Beecher.
Schillinger: You?
Keller: Before I whack him, I just wanna fuck him in the ass one more time.

Keller: I couldn’t face living the rest of my life in here without you. Don’t you see? I did what I did out of love.
Beecher: I loved alcohol. I loved heroin. But I had to put them behind me because they were poison. Death. You… are death.

Keller: going over the railing Beecher, no!