Gossip Girl Serena van der Woodsen

Season 1


Blake Lively

User Review
0 (0 votes)


Blair: I love you, Nate Archibald. Always have, always will.
Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford): I love you too.

Eleanor at the door: Blair. It’s Serena!
Nate: Serena?
Blair: Serena’s at school. Kiss me.
Nate: No, I just heard your mom say she’s here. Don’t you want to go say hey?

Nate: Your mom told me you guys were staying here at the Palace.
Serena: Yeah, we’re renovating again. You know my mom. If it’s not broke, break it.

Serena: So what are you doing here?
Nate: Oh, I just wanted to see how you were. You seemed kind of upset last night.
Serena: I gotta get going and change for school. I’m gonna be late.
Nate: Serena—
Serena: No. No.
Nate: But you’re back now.
Serena: I didn’t come back for you. Look, Blair’s my best friend. And you’re her boyfriend. And she loves you. That’s the way things are supposed to be.

Serena: So. When’s the party?
Blair: Saturday. And you’re kinda not invited. Since until twelve hours ago everyone thought you were at boarding school. And now we’re full. Jenny used up all the invites.
Jenny: Um. Actually…
Blair: You can go now. {Jenny leaves} Sorry.
Serena: No, that’s okay. I’ve got a lot of stuff to do anyway.
Blair: Well we should get going then. Unless you want us to wait for you. Looks like you’ve got a lot of yogurt left.

Serena: I talked to the nurse and I’m kidnapping you.
Eric: We’re going shopping, aren’t we?

Serena: Jenny, right?
Jenny: Yeah hi.
Serena: This is my—
Eric: Stylist. And personal shopper, Eric.

Serena: So how’s your mom doing with the divorce and everything?
Blair: Great. So my dad left her for another man. She lost fifteen pounds, got an eye lift. It’s been good for her.
Serena: I’m really sorry.
Blair: Yeah, I could tell. Since you didn’t call or write the entire time it was happening.

Blair: Do you know how it felt calling your house when you didn’t show up at school and having your mom say, “Serena didn’t tell you that she moved to Connecticut?”
Serena: I just, I had to go. I needed to get away from everything…. Please just trust me.
Blair: How can I trust you when I feel like I don’t even know you.
Serena: Let’s fix that. I saw you at school with Kati and Iz, and I get it. I don’t want to take any of that away from you—
Blair: Because it’s just yours to take away, isn’t it.
Serena: No, that’s not what I mean, I… I miss you. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be.

Serena: I love you, B.
Blair: I love you too, S.

Chuck: I love this town. I’m going to have to tell my parents the hotel they just bought is serving minors.
Serena: And if you get a drink they’re also serving pigs.
Chuck: Oo. I love it when you talk dirty.
Serena: You just love when a girl talks to you.
Chuck: Actually I prefer them when they’re not talking.
Serena: Hm. I’ve missed your witty banter.
Chuck: Let’s catch up. Take our clothes off, stare at each other.

Serena: Oh my god, this is so good.
Chuck: Well if you’re looking for a way to thank me I have a few ideas.
Serena: It’s a sandwich, Chuck. {Chuck gets closer} This is not happening, Chuck.
Chuck: You worried Nate will find out?
Serena: What?
Chuck: Last year, the Shepherd wedding. You think I don’t know why you left town?

Chuck: The best friend and the boyfriend. That’s pretty classy, S. I think you’re more like me than you’d admit.
Serena: No. No, that was then. I’m trying to change.
Chuck: I liked you better before.

Dan: Look, when Prince Charming found Cinderella’s slipper they didn’t accuse him of having a foot fetish.
Dexter: And you’re Prince Charming? There’s Miss van der Woodsen now. Ah, Serena!
Dan: No no no. What are you doing don’t—
Dexter: Do you know this young man?
Dan: She doesn’t know me. Nobody knows me. It’s cool. It’s fine.
Serena: Oh, from last night. Right? I’m sorry about that.
Dan: You remember me? {to Dexter} She remembers me.
Dexter: Well he claims he found your cell phone.
Serena: Oh, you found it!

Lily: What are you and Dan Humphrey doing?
Dan: Ah… we’re going to a concert tonight.
Lily: Lincoln Hawk.
Dan: Yeah. Rolling Stone named them on e of the top ten forgotten bands of the 90s.
Serena: Wooo! I’m a huge fan.

Serena: So you’ll pick me up at eight?
Dan: You’d really go out with some guy you don’t know?
Serena: Well you can’t be worse than the guys I do know.

Serena: So you took me to meet your dad on a first date?
Dan: So, this is a date? Ah. Maybe I shouldn’t have worn my loafers then. Dressed down a little bit.

Dan: My sister was right. You’re nice.
Serena: You asked me out on a date and you didn’t think I was nice?
Dan: No. Ah… just thought you were hot. And technically you asked me out.
Serena: Oh. Okay, okay. I see. So, um, sensitive tortured soul boy is actually kind of superficial, huh.
Dan: Yeah, just a little bit.
Serena: Good to know.

Dan: So, think I’ve got a shot at a second date?
Serena: Well I don’t think you could top this one.
Dan: I did punch someone.
Serena: True. We’ll talk about it in the cab.

View all quotes from the Pilot episode

The Wild Brunch

Eric: So he waved? I wouldn’t have taken him for a waver.
Serena: Maybe he was just trying to be funny.
Eric: Maybe he’s shy.
Serena: Or he hated me.
Eric: No guy in the history of the world has ever hated you.

Lily: I know how hard it is for you to be back, but the more you hide yourself away the more people are going to think you have something to hide.
Serena: Coming from someone who’s keeping my brother in an institution.

Serena: Hey. I got two bone-dry caps and Audrey.
Blair: I must have totally blanked on the part where I invited you over.
Serena: I called you. Blair, it’s Sunday morning. Coffee, croissants, Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It’s our tradition.
Blair: I have new traditions now.
Serena: Well they’re not traditions if they’re new.

Serena: Look Blair. I’m really trying to make an effort here. I thought everything was good between us.
Blair: It was. Until I found out you had sex with my boyfriend.
Serena: How’d you find out?
Blair: Nate told me. At least he felt he owed it to me to tell the truth.
Serena: I don’t know what to say.
Blair: Don’t bother saying anything. I wouldn’t believe you anyway. You know, I always knew you were a whore. I never took you for a liar too.
Serena: Blair. How can I fix this?
Blair: You don’t. Serena. You just stay away. From me. My boyfriend. And my friends. You’re done here.

Blair: Hi. I’m Blair Waldorf, Serena’s friend.
Dan: Oh hey. Yeah. Do you happen to know where she is?
Blair: As a matter of fact I do.
Serena: Blair!
Dan: Serena, there you are. Where were you?
Blair: She was waiting in a hotel room for my boyfriend.
Serena: To talk.
Nate: About why we weren’t talking.
Blair: That doesn’t sound any smarter the second time.
Dan: Why weren’t you talking? Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
Blair: You were what?
Chuck: And here I thought you were waiting for me.
Dan: Oh exactly what this situation needs: Chuck. Now what is going on here?
Blair: We were just getting to that.
Serena: Blair, please, don’t do this.
Blair: Sorry, did you want to tell him?
Chuck: I’ll tell him.
Serena and Nate: You know?
Chuck: I know everything.
Dan: And apparently I know nothing.
Serena: Look, Dan, it was a long time ago and I regret it.
Chuck: Look, Serena, stop trying to pretend you’re a good girl. So you slept with your bestfriend’s boyfriend. I kind of admire you for it.
Dan: Is that true?
Blair: Oh, then she ran away. And lied about it. I just thought you should know. Before you fall head over heels for your perfect girl in her perfect world and then get left all alone with nothing but your Cabbage Patch kid.

View all quotes from this episode

Poison Ivy

Serena: God, please don’t tell me it’s over.
Dan: You were there. I would say it’s pretty much over.
Serena: I meant the assembly.

Serena: I really want to believe that was an accident.
Blair: Then you must be delusional.

Ref: Running out of colors here, Blair.
Serena: And I’m running out of patience. That’s enough.
Blair: It’s enough when I say it’s enough.

Serena: I hope it’s broken.

Serena: Oo! Angry guy, huh?
Dan: Short fuse. I’m trying to work on that.
Serena: Well let me know how that goes for you.
Dan: Yeah, I’ll keep you posted.
Serena: It’s a tough week.
Dan: Not for me, apparently.
Serena: Oh, you got an usher position?
Dan: No I didn’t. In an ironic though not totally unexpected twist, Nate got the one I wanted.

Serena: Look I’m asking you, please, I’ll stop if you will.
Blair: You’re just saying that because today you lost. And you’re going to keep losing. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a future to get back to.

Dan: If you ever need anybody to talk to. Or, not talk to. I’d be happy to do either.
Serena: I’ll keep that in mind.

Blair: Whenever something’s bothering you I can always find you here.
Serena: Here for another cat fight? What’s that?
Blair: A letter. I wrote it to you when you were away at boarding school. I never sent it.

View all quotes from this episode

Bad News Blair

Dan: Isn’t that the girl who told the entire school and, oh, several colleges that you had a drug problem?
Serena: Yeah, but Blair can be a little… Blair.

Serena: Let’s do something crazy, like Britney with the umbrella, okay? Britney with the umbrella. Go! Blair starts wailing on her I’m the car! I’m the car!

Serena: Posh Spice in America. Ready go!
Blair: That’s Cyborg Spice to you.

Serena: How would you like to see what really happens at a fashion shoot?
Dan: I’m sorry, this is Dan Humphrey. Are you sure you’re not trying to reach my sister?

Serena: Okay, what if I buy you anything you want from craft service?
Dan: I thought craft service was free.

Serena: Hey, how about you ask me out again?
Dan: How about you actually show up?
Serena: Okay. No drama, no disruptions. I promise.
Dan: You promise? Oh no! That means it’s never going to happen now!
Serena: Okay, quick, I take it back! I un-promise.
Dan: Friday. 8 o’clock.
Blair: I think we can agree to those terms. But you can’t wear those shoes. Mm. Or that hair.

View all quotes from this episode

Dare Devil

Jenny: You don’t leave much room for surprise.
Serena: Well I don’t know how to dress for surprise. Not everything goes with it, you know.

Blair: What was that I heard? Eric’s coming home? That’s perfect timing.
Serena: How so?
Blair: Well it gives your mother and brother time to bond alone tonight while you get drunk on Schnapp’s and moon the NYU dorms from the limo.
Serena: Blair, what are you talking about?
Blair: S., it’s only the most important night of the Fall.
Serena: Oh. The sleepover.
Blair: I prefer soirée. Sleepover is so sophomore year.

Serena: Look, I’m really sorry but this date is unbreakable. Maybe we can swing by later or something. I—
Blair: I’m not a stop along the way. I’m a destination.

About the Palace
Dan: It’s a nice place that you and… eight hundred other people have got here.
Serena: Yeah, the identical surroundings do make you crazy after a little while. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a secret government experiment.

Serena: Are you sure you didn’t want any of my dinner? Your entrée was so small.
Dan: No no, it was amazing. I didn’t realize fish could be creamed.

Dan: I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?
Serena: No. Look, I wanted a date with you. Just not the date you thought I wanted. It’s… it’s fine.
Dan: Alright. Well, then. If it’s a real Dan Humphrey date that you want, then it’s a real Dan Humphrey date that you’re gonna get. Let’s go.
Serena: Really?
Dan: Yes.

Dan about his pool winnings: 75 bucks. I think that pays for your duck.
Serena: That it does.

Serena: You promised if I lost again you’d teach me.
Dan: Alright. That’s a promise I intend to keep. Not just for you, but for dive bars everywhere. All across America.

Serena to Dan: There’s something vibrating in your pocket and I really hope it’s your phone.

Amanda: Are you her? Are you Claire?
Serena: What? No.

View all quotes from this episode

The Handmaiden’s Tale

Serena: A masked ball? Dan would never want to go to something that pretentious. Where he has to wear a mask and a tux—
Blair: He likes you. He would wear a tux and a mask and one of my mother’s dresses if it meant that he could go out with you .

Lily: Do you think that Eleanor Waldorf will find this “Night in Tangiers” enough?
Serena: Maybe if you brought a goat.

Nate: Thanks for listening.
Serena: It’s fine, don’t worry about it.
Nate: Chuck just wanted a bump.

View all quotes from this episode


Serena: You think, all the money we spend on private school, they could at least give us a comfortable spot to make out.
Dan: Or better chemistry teachers. Mr. Pizer is a little weird.
Serena: You’re thinking about Mr. Pizer right now?
Dan: We are at school.

Dan: How was I?
Serena: I don’t know. Let’s ask the judges.
BT1: I was gonna give you a three, but since you’re a virgin I gave you an extra point.
Dan: Hey, I chose to wait. Sex is meaningful. Like art. And you don’t rush art.
BT2: Who’s Art?

Dan: The leg wrap. That’s interesting.
Serena: Sexy, right? And it increases stability.
Dan: Sure, yeah. I can see that. The hair grab, does that really work?
Nate: Oh yeah, every time.
Dan: Okay, so. Leg wrap to hair grab. Hold on a second, do I have to keep my shirt open and billowing like that?
Nate: It never hurts.
Serena: Nice.
Dan: I’m doomed.

Serena: Wait—
Dan: What, did I do something wrong? I knew the hair thing was too much.
Serena: No, it’s just… um.
Dan: “Um” is never good.

View all quotes from this episode

Seventeen Candles

Dan: So Vanessa works here now.
Serena: Yeah. We should make this our regular spot.

Serena: Blair this is Dan’s friend, Vanessa.
Vanessa: Wow, you didn’t mention they were so nice. Now I get it.
Blair: Oh sweetie, you did not tell me she looked like that. This is such a problem.

Serena: Blair says in a relationship the best friend is—
Dan: Serena. Are you really taking relationship advice from Blair?
Serena: Good point. Look, I just don’t wanna have to compete with Vanessa. You know with Guitar Hero, okay. I’m way more awesome if you didn’t happen to notice. But not with you.
Dan: That’s fair.

Dan: Well listen, if you want to get out of here Vanessa can only fit two on her Vespa but I can walk.
Serena: Well, you know I love me a Vespa but, um, I think I gotta be here, stay with Blair. You’re not the only one with a best friend.

View all quotes from this episode

Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

Blair: I mean, who gets wasted on Thanskgiving?
Serena: The holidays are lonely for people. I wanted to keep ’em company.

Blair: Where is your purse?
Serena: Uh. My purse…
Blair: Great. Alright. You stay here. Okay? I’m gonna go look. Don’t drink. Or hit on anything.

Serena: Hey.
Dan: And hello to you. Big National Holiday. You excited?
Serena: Kind of am. Might be the first Thanksgiving in awhile that I actually remember.
Dan: Yeah. I bet.
Serena: Huh?
Dan: Nothing.

Serena: Look at you. Quite the chipper sous chef.
Blair: Well I’m in a good mood. It happens. Sometimes because I increase my Lexapro, sometimes because my dad’s in town.
Serena: And sometimes, mostly, because things are good with a boy. You and Nate get back together?
Blair: You mean since GG published pictures of him and some skank?
Serena: So that’s a no. What’s Chuck doing today?
Blair: Why are you asking me?
Serena: Well you guys are friends. And Blair, look you know you can tell me anything. I’d be the last person to judge anyone.
Blair: With good reason.
Serena: Blair, I saw you with Chuck.
Blair: I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean sleeping with him once, maybe I could understand. But twice?
Serena: Wait, you slept with him?
Blair: Sh!
Serena: Euch, Blair!
Blair: What happened to no judging?
Serena: I’m not, but I thought you wanted to wait. I thought you wanted to make things special.
Blair: Oh, so Nate gets the free pass and I’m the slut?
Serena: Tell me you didn’t sleep with Chuck for revenge.
Blair: Well it wasn’t because I like his natural musk. And besides, nothing hurts more than sleeping with a best friend. Right S?
Serena: Way to prove a point.
Blair: Well I learned from the master.
Serena: If you’re sleeping with Chuck, I’d say the student’s become the master.
Blair: Are you jealous? You didn’t get to sleep with him first? There had to be somebody left on the Upper East Side.

Serena: So you couldn’t make it past the salad, huh?
Dan: I opened the cranberries. My work is done. How’s Blair’s?
Serena: I wouldn’t know, She gave me the boot.
Dan: Wh- She kicked you out of her house? What happened now?
Serena: Uh, don’t ask. But the good news is, my mom is gonna slice us up a pumpkin. Oh, and there’s a duck.
Dan: No no no. You can’t eat duck and raw pumpkin on Thanksgiving.

Serena: Blair’s not the boss of me.
Nate: Are you new here? Because Blair’s the boss of all of us. Seriously, Serena. You smell like the floor of a brewery.
Serena: I do not.
Nate: Yes. You do.
Serena: Oh my god! Yes I do! Brewery floor with a hint of secondhand smoke.
Nate: And a pint of Old Spice.
Serena: I totally need a bath.
Nate: Yeah, you do.
Serena: Blair’s a bossy genius.

Harold: Serena, you look wonderful. That shirt was made for you.
Serena: Actually, it was made for you.
Harold: I knew there was I reason I liked it. Yours too, I see.

Serena: Hey guys, I’m back and I brought Blair.
Blair: Hey.
Serena: Wow. Weird vibe. Okay. Where’s Dan?

Blair: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom is a groupie. I mean only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step-dads.
Serena: Blair, can we not talk about my mom’s appetite?
Dan: Or who satisfied it.

Serena: Is that really necessary, mom? From what I hear you have been in places far dirtier than this.

View all quotes from this episode

Hi, Society

Blair: I’m actually glad I’m going with Prince Theodore instead of Nate. The further we get from the breakup, the more self-involved I see he was. Always so brooding, so tortured. Ugh. A girl wants Romeo, not Hamlet.
Serena: Romeo died.
Blair: Yeah, but he died for something exciting. And I want my debutante ball to be something to die for.

Blair: Is you mom mad that you’re not being presented?
Serena: Well she doesn’t really have a leg to stand on since I found out she used to be my boyfriend’s father’s biggest fan.

Serena: Thank you so much for being so understanding.
Dan: Oh c’mon, I would do anything for an ill grandparent. And besides, my mom has her art opening so we’re both doing things for our families.
Serena: Well my thing isn’t without conditions, believe me. I had a long talk with my mom and I said if I’m going to do this then I’m going to be myself in every possible way.
Dan: Well then can you promise me that when you’re being yourself as they auction you off that you won’t go for anything less than a million dollars?
Serena: Okay, did you get that out of your system?
Dan: Yeah, I think I’m good.

Serena: I think Dubai is overrated.

Serena: You know, your brother. Dan. The guy who thinks dancing is making fists and pumping them into the air.
Jenny: Dan’s going to the ball?

Dan: I don’t think your grandmother is who you think she is.
Serena: What are you talking about?
Dan: I know she’s got the whole “free spirit” act perfected, but I don’t think she has your best interests at heart.
Serena: Where are you going with this, Dan?
Dan: She came by my dad’s gallery today.
Serena: Well she probably just wanted to see your mom’s art.
Dan: No, she was trying to buy him off so I wouldn’t go with you tonight.
Serena: No. She wouldn’t do something lke that.
Dan: Serena, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. That woman is the most manipulative person I have ever met. She makes your mother look like Gandhi.

Serena: Maybe we shouldn’t be doing this.
Dan: Maybe we shouldn’t.

Announcer: “Ms. van der Woodsen hopes to bed as many billionaires as she can before settling down to—” Oh my god!

Serena: All you care about when people look at me is what they think of you.

Serena: I’m so sorry. I know this is not what you signed up for.
Carter: That’s okay. It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as waking up that morning in Santorini and finding you’d jumped on a boat.
Serena: Yeah, um, that night wasn’t exactly what I signed up for either. The whole thing caught me a bit by surprise.
Carter: No, I get it. Which is why I was surprised when your grandma called me last week.
Serena: Wait, last week? I wasn’t even going to Cotillion last week.
Carter: Yeah, but Cece said she thought you’d change your mind.

Serena: Things aren’t the way they were when you were young, Grandma.
Cecelia: You may be right about that.

View all quotes from this episode

Roman Holiday

Dan: How about an antique butter churn?
Serena: Oh my gosh. That would go so well with my loom.

Serena: Your story is called 10-8-05. What’s that date?

Blair: Hey, did you want to ask me something?
Serena: Yes. A gift idea for Dan now that Vanessa got him the most thoughtful, Dan-like present ever.
Blair: Why don’t you just buy him a new outfit for Cedric and call it a day?

Lily: When you two are done hiding up here I’m taking you both out for dessert.
Serena: Can’t Mom. I’m busy.
Lily: But this is important for our family—it’ll just be the three of us.
Serena: Mom, anytime you say it’ll just be the three of us it means you’re dating someone new. Whoever it is, I don’t care. I’ll just meet him at the wedding.
Lily: Fine. Then I will just tell you who it is because you’re going to be seeing him around from now on. It’s Bart Bass.
Serena and Eric: Bart Bass?!?
Serena: Mom. You can not date Bart Bass.
Lily: You just said a moment ago you didn’t care who it was.
Serena: That was before I knew who it was.
Eric: He only has one facial expression. He scares me.
Serena: And he raised Chuck. That scares me.
Lily: Serena, as usual you’re being overly dramatic. I’m not marrying Bart. This is very casual. And regardless, I’m not asking your permission.

Serena: This is your story.
Dan: Yeah it’s the original. It’s right out of the spiral notebook.
Serena: I’m kind of scared to read it. What happened on October 8, 2005?
Dan: Well, I was accidentally invited to a birthday party. Where I met a girl. She only spoke two sentences to me, but I’ve never forgotten her.
Serena: Wait, your story’s about me?

Dan: The arts and crafts were impressive, but how did you manage the real snow?
Serena: I’m well connected.

View all quotes from this episode

School Lies

Chuck: Why don’t I turn that one piece into a no-piece?
Serena: Find a floaty to talk to, Chuck.

Dan: If you know who broke in, why won’t you give them up?
Serena: Because it was me.

Serena: Mom, is Dan’s dad the reason you haven’t answered Bart’s proposal? You can’t. Please, Mom. Not this one.
Lily: I will not base my personal life on your preferences.

Serena: I would rather be Chuck’s stepsister than Dan’s.

View all quotes from this episode

The Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate

Eric: Is there something you want to tell me?
Serena: Am I that obvious? Yes, actually. That hair color is all wrong for you.
Eric: That’s funny. This isn’t.

Serena: Did you get my text?
Blair: Of course. Yes, I did.
Serena: So then you know I told Dan I’m not pregnant.
Blair: Yes. And I am so happy for you. Close call, huh?
Serena: Are we really gonna play that old game, B?
Blair: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Serena: Whenever something happens that’s not a part of your plan you pretend like it doesn’t exist. You act like you’re in this movie about your perfect life then I have to remind you the only one watching that movie is you. You admitted that your period was late.
Blair: Yes. I’ve been very stressed. I had that chem test on Friday.
Serena: And you acted like a total bitch because you’re not hormonal.
Blair: Maybe I am a total bitch. Did you ever think about that?
Serena: Just take the test, B.
Blair: Stop it.
Serena: Just take the test. You need to know if you and Chuck are going to have a baby.

Dan: Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck. Then why isn’t he the one buying the test?
Serena: Because—
Dan: Because he’s an ass.
Serena: Who doesn’t know.
Dan: Why not? I mean, there’s no love lost between me and Chuck Bass but I gotta believe he deserves to know.
Serena: He does have this weird influence over her. Maybe he could talk her into taking the test.

Serena: Hi Chuck.
Chuck: Please, call me Brother.
Serena: I need to talk to you.
Chuck: About getting knocked up? I must say I’m disappointed you weren’t more careful.

Serena: The pregnancy test wasn’t for me, it was for Blair.
Chuck: What?
Serena: She won’t take it. So given that if she’s pregnant you’re the—
Chuck: No. We used a condom.
Serena: Well obviously it broke.
Chuck: What is obvious is that your best friend has kept you in the dark.
Serena: What are you talking about?
Chuck: Like I said, I handle my business. Apparently Nate doesn’t. They slept together just after we did. It’s him you should be asking for help.

Serena: Anybody notice the weather today?
Blair: What?
Serena: Take a look outside, B. My First Response would be that the sky is a Clear Blue Easy.

Serena: I took a public bullet for you, let another rumor about me run rampant. The whole school heard, even Dan.
Eleanor: What’s going on?
Serena: Ask Blair. Her version of the story’s always better.

Blair: I took the test. I’m not pregnant.
Serena: Oh, I’m so happy. I would have no idea what to wear to a paternity hearing.

Blair: I can’t believe you don’t get it. The rules are different for the Serena van der Woodsens of the world. People expect you to party, and be wild, sleep with whoever you want, run away, come back.
Serena: Wait, are we really going back there?
Blair: You shot your reputation to hell a long time ago. It doesn’t matter what you do. But I’m a Waldorf.
Serena: Well since you and your reputation obviously don’t need me and my low rent taste, you and the Waldorf name can weather this storm alone.
Blair: With pleasure.

Serena: Did you tell Jenny about Blair and Chuck?
Dan: No. No, of course not.
Serena: Well you’re the only one I told.
Dan: And I didn’t tell anybody.
Serena: How can I know that?
Dan: Because I gave you my word. Because I love you.
Serena: What?
Dan: I love you. And not just because I thought you were pregnant. And not the way you like some random guy who picks up your lit paper. Or some girl who likes your hair.
Serena: Okay.
Dan: Okay. The response is not “okay”.

Serena: I’m such an ass.
Eric: Let me guess, Dan?

Eric: Do you know how many times I was listening in on your conversations when you thought I wasn’t?
Serena: None, I hope.
Eric: You hope wrong.

Dan: Well if you want to talk about why—
Serena: It has to do with my mom and her many marriages.
Dan: There. That’s why. Because I actually like it when you interrupt me. Which is often, by the way.

Serena: Stay. Don’t let some stupid scandal make you run away. Like it does with everyone in our world.

Serena: You’re a Waldorf, remember? People don’t tell you who you are. You tell them.

View all quotes from this episode

The Blair Bitch Project

Serena: Okay, let’s get one thing straight. Our parents may be insisting on blending our households, but. I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck: Then I suggest you get new hand towels.

Serena: There’s Chuck with a mini-Chuck.

Blair: How do you manage to get out of everything unscathed?
Serena: Because I’m nice. You should try it sometime. C’mon, um, compliment me. Tell me my hair looks beautiful.
Blair: But your hair looks disgusting. Did you even shower?
Serena: B, I say this out of love. But your being a bitch is what got dairy in your hair in the first place.

Decorator: And here’s the second choice for the centerpiece.
Lily: Well we could put this one on a mylar tablecloth and pretend it’s a Bar Mitzvah. Serena walks in. Ah! There you are.
Serena: I have a date with Dan.
Lily: Could you excuse us?
Serena: You’re going to say something worse than the Bar Mitzvah remark?

Eric: Chuck is fun, okay? He’s cool and he doesn’t treat me like some freak that just got out of the Ostroff Center.
Serena: Who treats you like that?
Eric: Uh, guys at St. Jude’s, the girls at Constance. Suke, at the Korean deli on 75th street.

Serena: How do you like a brother who treats you like a drug mule?

Serena: What the hell’s your problem?
Chuck: Specify the context.

View all quotes from this episode

Desperately Seeking Serena

Chuck: She really needs to tone down on the social niceties. It’s embarrassing.
Serena: Eventually the two of you are going to have to work out your issues.
Chuck: Issues? I’m issue free. And based on my exhaustive research, so are you.
Serena: Georgina?
Chuck: According to my very reliable sources, Georgina Sparks is nowhere near our fair isle. She’s in Switzerland, dating the Prince of Balfour.
Serena: There’s a prince of Balfour? And she’s dating him? Oh thank god.
Chuck: Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you with peace of mind. And maybe Chuck in the room.

Serena: Can you help me?
Chuck: Say you need me.
Serena: Chuck!
Chuck: Hearing you scream my name is more than enough.

Serena: Can we drop the interrogation?
Dan: As soon as you tell me where my girlfriend is.
Serena: I’m right here, with you.
Dan: Look, I gotta go to class. I can’t do this.

Serena: I like the way I feel when he looks at me.
Georgina: How?
Serena: Like… like I want to believe in myself.

Chuck: What’s Georgina got on you?
Serena: Chuck—
Chuck: Dan I understand. But what’s so bad you can’t even tell me?

Serena: If I go down, you go down with me. In the meantime, stay out of my life.
Georgina: I don’t need anybody in my life that doesn’t want to be there.
Serena: Then we’re agreed.

View all quotes from this episode

All About My Brother

Serena: Hey, why the long face? Are you still sad that Mom wouldn’t let you go to Monte Carlo for the bachelor party?
Eric: No, I’m fine. I figured I’d let Bart, Chuck and Prince Albert have their fun—no, that didn’t come out like I meant it. Gossip Girl. Looks like Jenny’s been spotted at Gap sewing Stella McCartney labels onto pocket tees.
Serena: These rumors are getting to be ridiculous.
Eric: Oh, like the one where I’m Gossip Girl.
Serena: Hey, it made sense at the time. You have to admit, it did.

Dan: So this tutor, is he cute?
Serena: If hair in ears is your thing.

Serena: It’s a snub from one party, B. What’s the big deal anyway? You didn’t even like Asher.
Blair: I didn’t like last season’s Louis Vuitton patchwork bag either but that doesn’t mean I want to see it all over town on Jenny Humphrey’s arm.
Serena: Touché.

Serena: What’s wrong? You look stressed, even for you.
Dan: I’m still worried about Jenny
Blair: You mean because she’s self-obsessed, self-serving, self-centered, self-
Dan: No. no. Ah, I wish it was about her— her self. But it’s more about who she’s with. I can’t get through to her. I tried and she just completely blew me off. And she dissed my pants.
Blair: Maybe I underestimated her.
Serena: She’s just going through a phase. We all went through it. And apparently some of us are still in it.
Blair: All that matters to someone like Jenny right now are the four G’s: guys, girlfriends and Gossip Girl.
Serena: It’s true. Don’t feel bad. Unless it’s coming from one of them she’s not going to hear it.

Serena: Who were you talking to?
Eric: Chuck.
Serena: You called Chuck?
Eric: Yeah, I’ve been talking to him a lot lately. Guy’s got his faults but he’s never judged me.
Serena: I’m your sister. We’re “us”. You can tell me anything.
Eric: I wanted to, but it’s not the type of thing you blurt out on the way to school. I was waiting for the right time.

Serena: I know this isn’t how you wanted it to happen.
Eric: I guess the important thing is that it’s happening.
Serena: I’m so proud of you. I’ll love you. No matter what you do, who you like, whose boyfriend kisses you. The people that care about you always stand by your side, okay?

Blair: What is it?
Serena: I killed someone.

View all quotes from this episode

Woman on the Verge

Dan: What’s happening?
Serena: Dan—
Dan: Something’s going on. And I just want to be let in on what it is.
Serena: It’s hard to explain.
Dan: Let me make it easy for you. I know you’re keeping something from me. And I’m sick of being the only one you don’t talk to about it.
Serena: I’m not talking to anyone.
Dan: Then what are they doing here? Why do I get a call from a bartender who says you left the bar at two in the morning with a bunch of guys? What guys, Serena? Who were they?
Serena: I don’t know.
Dan: Did something happen last night?
Serena: Please don’t—
Dan: Is that it— You’re afraid to tell me that you cheated on me? Did you cheat on me last night? All I need is a yes or a no. Did you sleep with someone else?
Serena: Yes. Yeah.
Dan: I’m done. I’m done.

Serena: I can’t believe I just did that.
Nate: And why did you? I mean, did you cheat on Dan?
Serena: No. I remember last night. I didn’t do anything.
Blair: Then why would you say that to him?
Serena: Because I would rather have Dan think I cheated on him than know what I really did.
Nate: What you really did?
Serena: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.

Blair: You can tell us anything. We don’t judge. We’re the non-judging Breakfast Club. We’re your best friends. Anything you do is something we did too.
Serena: What I tell you can never leave this room.

Serena: You all know Georgina Sparks.
Blair: Some of us better than others. to Chuck It’s not like you didn’t lose your virginity to her in seventh grade.
Chuck: Sixth actually. And I’ve been avoiding her ever since. The bitch is a psycho.
Nate: What about her?
Serena: Well something happened the night of the Shepherd wedding.
Blair: I think we’re all aware what happened that night.
Serena: No, something else. Something I’ve tried to escape but Georgina won’t let me. And now she’s blackmailing me.
Nate: Blackmailing you?
Chuck: With what exactly?
Serena: Well it started when Blair thought you and I had too much to drink. She told us to go outside, get some air, sober up. Instead we went into the empty bar, bottle of champagne—
Blair: We can skip that part, okay.

Serena: I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I had to leave right away. I took a train heading North and I got a room and convinced my mom that boarding school was a good idea and—
Blair: Never said goodbye. It makes sense now.

Nate: Why don’t you just tell Dan about her?
Serena: Because she has that tape of me and she’ll use it. It’s practically a snuff film.
Chuck: We need to find her.

Serena: So where are we?
Lily: It’s the Fairman’s house. This is where the boy who died grew up. And his parents are expecting you.
Serena: Mom, I can’t go in there.
Lily: Sweetie, if I have learned anything in life it is that sometimes things get in your path and you have a choice. You can either smash right into them or you can adjust and move around. But you have to do one or the other in order to move forward.
Serena: How can I do this?
Lily: I’m gonna be right by your side.

Serena: Hey, thank god you called. I’m here looking for you right now. Where are you?
Georgina: With me.
Serena: Georgina?
Georgina: I hear you told our little secret. If that’s how you want to play it, that’s how we’ll play it.
Serena: I’m not afraid of you anymore.
Georgina: You should be. ‘Cause all bets are off.
Serena: Why? What are you gonna do?
Georgina: It’s not what I’m gonna do, Sweetie. It’s who i’m gonna do it with.
Serena: No. I know Dan. He’s too good.
Georgina: You sure about that?

View all quotes from this episode

Much “I Do” About Nothing

Serena: Hey Dan. I’ve been trying to reach you all night. I know it’s early… or late if you haven’t slept like me. But um, I’m pretty sure after this message I will have officially filled your voicemail so I… I’m coming over.

Serena: Hey. I’m sorry, I know it’s early but I couldn’t sleep. I had to see you. And you’re here, which means you slept here. Which is a relief but not a surprise.
Georgina: Serena.
Serena: But that is surprising.

Georgina: Serena, I’m sorry, the way Dan was talking I thought it was over.
Serena: Over?
Dan: Maybe not exactly over but—
Georgina: I should go. This is not what I had planned.
Serena: No, I think it’s exactly what you had planned.
Dan: Serena, this is not Sarah’s fault.
Serena: No, it’s Georgina’s.
Dan: Whatever.
Georgina: I never meant to get in between you two. I swear.
Dan: Please, it’s okay.
Georgina: No, it’s not. Because now she’s upset.
Serena: Yeah I am. You manipulative, psycho bitch! You have been planning this this whole time.
Dan: Serena, what are you doing?
Serena: She’s lying to you, Dan.
Georgina: Goodbye Dan.
Serena: I am telling him everything.
Dan: Tell me what? What is it that you need to tell me?

Serena: Do you hate me?
Dan: No no. Of course not. It’s just… It’s a lot. And I really really wish that you’d told me this sooner.
Serena: I know it’s my fault. I was just so scared.
Dan: I get it. “Hey I killed someone and I’m being blackmailed by a crazy girl pretending to be someone else” doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.

Serena: When I told my mom not to go away with Rufus I said it was because you and I were forever. I know I was right.

Dan: Don’t run away from me.
Serena: Dan, it’s okay. So, you hooked up with Georgina. I kind of figured that when I saw you coming out of her bedroom this morning. But I’m willing to let it go. I don’t want to break up with you.
Dan: Maybe…. Maybe I want to break up with you. Maybe I can’t just let it go. You lied to me. Over and over. And it was easy for you.
Serena: No it wasn’t easy.
Dan: I got seduced by a girl pretending to be someone else, and you knew
Serena: But I couldn’t say anything.
Dan: Oh because you were afraid I’d find out you thought you killed somebody.
Serena: I was hoping you’d understand.
Dan: I am the most understanding person in the world. But this? And this is not about who you used to be, your past, or who you were when we met. I mean the only reason I was with Georgina was because yesterday morning you slept with two random guys you met in a bar.
Serena: No no, I didn’t. I just said that.
Dan: How is that less crazy?
Serena: Because I thought it would be easier to forgive than what I really did.
Serena: So what Dan? We’re exactly where we were at the Bass’ brunch when we first started dating. I’m not who you thought I was and you can’t forgive that.
Dan: I just think too much has happened. I don’t know how to make things go back to what they were.
Serena: So that’s it then? It’s just “Have a good Summer, I’ll see you back at school.”?
Dan: I guess. Yeah.

Serena: He’s gone. You can let go now.
Dan: I know. But I don’t want to.

One Week Later

Serena: So, Tuscany with Chuck. Sounds romantic. Minus the Chuck part.
Blair: He invited me. In his father’s private plane. And I was headed to France, so…
Serena: So it’s worth a week with Chuck to avoid airport security?
Blair: Oh, don’t worry. I’m going to frisk him.
Serena: Oh, gross.
Blair: What can I say. He brings out the worst in me. And weirdly I think I bring the best out in him.

Serena: What’s it going to take to get you to relax?
Blair: Chuck.
Serena: My ears are bleeding! Make it stop.

Serena: Blair and Chuck. Now there’s a couple you can root for.

View all quotes from this episode