Gossip Girl Season 1

Much “I Do” About Nothing

2008.05.19    

Candy Buckley  Jessica Szohr  Lydia Hearst  Michelle Trachtenberg  Robert John Burke  Sam Robards

Serena: Hey Dan. I’ve been trying to reach you all night. I know it’s early… or late if you haven’t slept like me. But um, I’m pretty sure after this message I will have officially filled your voicemail so I… I’m coming over.

Lily: Oh my. god.
Rufus: Oh my god.
Lily: What?
Rufus: I just got the call. Lincoln Hawk is hitting the road. We’re opening for The Breeders. I guess that Luscious Jackson reunion didn’t work out. Wait, what was your “oh my god”?
Lily: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. It’s day. As in Wedding Day. As in, ah, my wedding day.
Rufus: Right.
Lily: But, congratulations.
Rufus: Thanks.
Lily: No, thank you. For last night. It was—
Rufus: Amazing. {Lily’s phone rings} It’s Bart.
Lily: That’s what I was afraid of.
Rufus: You want me to answer it?
Lily: You want me to kill you?

Lily: I don’t know what Bart wants, but I have to go. Talk to him.
Rufus: About any topics in particular?
Lily: Well I’m sure I’ll think of something.

Blair: Who? What? When? Where? Why?
Chuck: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off.
Blair: And you were on the floor.
Chuck: I didn’t want to hurt my back.
Blair: Why? It’s not like you ever do anything athletic.
Chuck: Well that’s not entirely true, now is it?
Blair: Fine. Nothing that requires removing your scarf.
Chuck: It was one time. It was chilly.
Blair: Enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed we actually landed on a good idea.
Chuck: Well I trust you can take it from here. I have a Best Man’s speech to write and no time to write it.
Blair: Don’t worry. I can be bitch enough for both of us.
Chuck: I still have the scars on my back to prove it. {She pushes him} You know they say if you love something you should set it free.
Blair: They say when you hate something you should slam the door in its face.
Chuck: I love it when you talk dirty, Blair.

Serena: Hey. I’m sorry, I know it’s early but I couldn’t sleep. I had to see you. And you’re here, which means you slept here. Which is a relief but not a surprise.
Georgina (Michelle Trachtenberg): Serena.
Serena: But that is surprising.

Gossip Girl: They say love conquers all. But maybe love never met Georgina Sparks. Poor Humphrey. Looks like our resident moral compass isn’t such a straight arrow after all.

Georgina: Serena, I’m sorry, the way Dan was talking I thought it was over.
Serena: Over?
Dan: Maybe not exactly over but—
Georgina: I should go. This is not what I had planned.
Serena: No, I think it’s exactly what you had planned.
Dan: Serena, this is not Sarah’s fault.
Serena: No, it’s Georgina’s.
Dan: Whatever.
Georgina: I never meant to get in between you two. I swear.
Dan: Please, it’s okay.
Georgina: No, it’s not. Because now she’s upset.
Serena: Yeah I am. You manipulative, psycho bitch! You have been planning this this whole time.
Dan: Serena, what are you doing?
Serena: She’s lying to you, Dan.
Georgina: Goodbye Dan.
Serena: I am telling him everything.
Dan: Tell me what? What is it that you need to tell me?

Serena: Do you hate me?
Dan: No no. Of course not. It’s just… It’s a lot. And I really really wish that you’d told me this sooner.
Serena: I know it’s my fault. I was just so scared.
Dan: I get it. “Hey I killed someone and I’m being blackmailed by a crazy girl pretending to be someone else” doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.

Serena: When I told my mom not to go away with Rufus I said it was because you and I were forever. I know I was right.

Lily: Well there is a comfort in revisiting the things that we loved when we were young.
Bart (Robert John Burke): But the truth is I’m not that young man anymore.
I think maybe I’ve outgrown it. And holding onto it is keeping me from moving forward with what’s most important to me now. What do you think I should do?
Lily: I think you should let it go.
Bart: I agree. Now can you do the same for me?

Dan: This is so weird. I don’t normally do plots against people.
Blair: Don’t worry virgin, I’ll talk you through it.

Blair: Humphrey, you are a born liar.
Dan: Thanks, I think.
Blair: All that stuff you said about last night was genius. Anything you want to tell me?
Dan: Uh, no. Just born to lie.

Georgina: So you’re just going to go back to Serena like nothing happened and just leave me all alone?
Blair: Oh, you’re not alone Georgina. I’m here now. And I brought some people who really really want to see you. I think you remember your parents.

GG: The only thing feared by the spawn of Satan? Mom and Dad. Leave it to Blair Waldorf to know that bitches don’t just happen. They’re made. By parents even more wicked than their offspring.

Georgina: Okay, um, Mom, Dad— This is not what you think. You have to believe me.
Blair: There there, Georgy, it’s gonna be okay.
Mrs. Sparks (Candy Buckley): No, this time it won’t.
Blair: Or it won’t. Your parents were so worried, G. They told me everything. How you were supposed to be on the equestrian circuit but sold your show pony for cocaine.
Georgina: That was a difficult time, but I put that behind me.
Blair: When? When you were in rehab? It’s hard to get clean when you hitchhike into town, steal a credit card, and book a ticket to Ibiza.
Georgina: You didn’t see where they sent me. I mean, that place was awful. It was in Utah. At least I lasted longer than Lohan.

Blair: Haven’t you heard? I’m the crazy bitch around here. Have fun at reform school.

Dan: So how long are you going to be on the road?
Rufus: I’ll get the details, we’ll figure it all out. It’s kinda cool, right?
Dan: It’s very cool.
Rufus: Affirmation from my son. This is an historic moment.
Dan: Well last night must have been pretty historic as well, considering when I came home you hadn’t.

Dan: I don’t understand it fully, but the reason Lily stayed away is because Serena asked her to.
Rufus: Thanks Dan. That’s, uh… just thanks.

Blair: Best Man’s speech going that well?
Chuck: Won’t be a dry eye in the house, trust me. How did things go with Whoregina?
Blair: Not a dry eye there either.
Chuck: Good to know I wasn’t missed.
Blair: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand. It was nice to see him get his dirty for once. Not sure how much fun he had though. No one ever enjoys their first time.
Chuck: Except you. Save me a dance?
Blair: Now that Georgina’s done so are you and I. She was the last thing we had in common. She knees him. Break a leg.
Chuck: I think I just did.

Mr. Archibald (Sam Robards): Little advice, fellahs. You’ve been friends a long time. Whoever she is, she’s not worth it.
Chuck: Couldn’t agree more.
Nate: That’s the problem.

Lily: Rufus, what are you doing here? I thought we had security.
Rufus: You want them to throw me out?
Lily: Well I’d like the option considering how much I’m paying them.
Rufus: So you want me to leave?
Lily: I didn’t say that.
Rufus: Do you want me to call off this wedding? If you so much as nod “yes” I will go out there and I will tell your fiancé and your guests they have to go home.
Lily: I didn’t say that either.
Rufus: We can figure this out.
Lily: How can we? It’s been 20 years. And I don’t think this is the moment to hash out the details.Look we’ve already had the morning after today. What’s going to happen tomorrow morning?
Rufus: Lil, I just got a divorce. I don’t want to get married again. At least not right away.
Lily: But I do. I’ve been alone for quite awhile now and you know what? It’s hard. And I love Bart. Not just because he has money. I have enough money. Not that you can ever have enough money, but… I’m rambling. And I’m nervous. You make me nervous.
Rufus: That’s a good thing, right?
Lily: There are just too many questions. Too many. What about Dan and Serena?
Rufus: Whatever their feelings are for each other, if we’re standing here 20 years in the making…
Lily: Yeah. Those 20 years have to count for something, don’t they?
Rufus: I think they count for everything.

Eric: Where’s my mom? Shouldn’t you be saying vows around now?
Bart: Your mother is a wonderful woman, Eric. But being on time: not a strong suit.

Rufus: And here we go. Are you sure about this?
Lily: Ask me again and I’ll change my mind.
Rufus: I love you, Lily.
Lily: I love you too, Rufus.
Rufus: Then have a great wedding and try not to trip or anything.
Lily: I can’t believe you put that in my mind. Luckily, I have done this before.

Blair: How rude! Can you believe how late she is?

GG: Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today, in the face of this company, to watch this man and this woman totally eff things up. Excuse while I pull out a hanky and pass it to S and D. Looks like I’m not the only one who cries at weddings.

Chuck: Look I know you hate me. I was in love with Blair and I’m sorry. We do not have time to argue about this.

Nate: Dad, I know you’re scared. But we’ll get through the trial.
Mr. Archibald: No we won’t. I’m guilty, Nate. I’m facing 25 years.
Nate: So all that stuff about things looking good and working out, huh? What about mom?
Mr. Archibald: Who do you think’s paying for the private plane.
Nate: Why didn’t you tell me this?
Mr. Archibald: I didn’t want you to know anything; be an accessory. This is the best thing for everyone. I need you to step up right now. Be the man in the family for your mother.
Nate: It’s been that for awhile now. That’s for mom.

Blair: Looks like Nate isn’t a fan of the fish. Or his date.
Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): Blair, I’m with Nate and you’re at the singles table. Deal with it.
Blair: I just feel sorry for you is all. Dating an Archibald is a tortured process. The endless supply of family drama, the fact that he never really got over Serena. Though falling for someone who’s already in love with Serena. You already know how that feels don’t you?

Nate: This isn’t like you.
Chuck: It’s your dad. It’s bigger than all the other stuff.
Nate: I’m sorry. For all of it.
Chuck: So am I.
Nate: So you said you loved her. That’s ah… well, never heard you say that before. About anyone.

Dan: Don’t run away from me.
Serena: Dan, it’s okay. So, you hooked up with Georgina. I kind of figured that when I saw you coming out of her bedroom this morning. But I’m willing to let it go. I don’t want to break up with you.
Dan: Maybe…. Maybe I want to break up with you. Maybe I can’t just let it go. You lied to me. Over and over. And it was easy for you.
Serena: No it wasn’t easy.
Dan: I got seduced by a girl pretending to be someone else, and you knew.
Serena: But I couldn’t say anything.
Dan: Oh, because you were afraid I’d find out you thought you killed somebody.
Serena: I was hoping you’d understand.
Dan: I am the most understanding person in the world. But this? And this is not about who you used to be, your past, or who you were when we met. I mean the only reason I was with Georgina was because yesterday morning you slept with two random guys you met in a bar.
Serena: No no, I didn’t. I just said that.
Dan: How is that less crazy?
Serena: Because I thought it would be easier to forgive than what I really did.

Serena: So what, Dan? We’re exactly where we were at the Bass’ brunch when we first started dating. I’m not who you thought I was and you can’t forgive that.
Dan: I just think too much has happened. I don’t know how to make things go back to what they were.
Serena: So that’s it then? It’s just “Have a good Summer, I’ll see you back at school.”?
Dan: I guess. Yeah.

Chuck: I’d like to propose a toast. My father is someone who goes after what he wants. And Lily van der Woodsen was no exception. In typical Bass-man fashion his pursuit was direct and at times not exactly subtle. One thing I learned from my father’s courtship of Lily is the importance of perseverance. That in the face of true love you don’t just give up, even if the object of your affection is begging you to. One thing I learned from Lily is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance and, in kind, I watched him become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day I hope I’ll be lucky enough to find someone who will do the same for me. To the happy couple!

Blair: That was quite a speech. All your work must have paid off.
Chuck: It wasn’t what I wrote. I was inspired in the moment. Look, I know I said some horrible things. Even for me.
Blair: You mean blogging to Gossip Girl about our sex life and comparing me to your dad’s sweaty old horse.
Chuck: What’s your point?
Blair: What’s yours?
Chuck: You don’t belong with Nate. Never have, never will.
Blair: You don’t belong with anyone.

Chuck: Let’s take it slow this time. Do it right.
Blair: Chuck Bass is a romantic. Who knew?
Chuck: Now you do. That’s all that matters.

Serena: He’s gone. You can let go now.
Dan: I know. But I don’t want to.

One Week Later

Serena: So, Tuscany with Chuck. Sounds romantic. Minus the Chuck part.
Blair: He invited me. In his father’s private plane. And I was headed to France, so…
Serena: So it’s worth a week with Chuck to avoid airport security?
Blair: Oh, don’t worry. I’m going to frisk him.
Serena: Oh, gross.
Blair: What can I say. He brings out the worst in me. And weirdly I think I bring the best out in him.

Serena: What’s it going to take to get you to relax?
Blair: Chuck.
Serena: My ears are bleeding! Make it stop.

Chuck: So are you planning to spend the summer sweating it out in Brooklyn?
Nate: Ah, I think my time across the bridge is over.
Chuck: Nathaniel. What happened with you and Punky Brewster?

Dan: Tell me, what exactly happened with you and Man Bangs?
Vanessa: He is prettier than me, but that wasn’t the problem.
Dan: Yeah? So what exactly was it? The whole perpetually-stoned brooding guy thing?
Vanessa: I actually enjoyed the quiet. It was a nice change from you.
Dan: Oh. Was it his past with Serena?
Vanessa: No. That’s just your issue.
Dan: It must have been the different worlds thing, right? One of you always feeling like a fish out of water?
Vanessa: I know exactly what you’re doing. Ask me enough questions about Nate and I won’t ask you about Serena.
Dan: Best offense is a strong defense.

Serena: Blair and Chuck. Now there’s a couple you can root for.

Amelia (Lydia Hearst): What’s this?
Chuck: I was hoping we could discuss what you have planned for my room.
Amelia: And who are you?
Chuck: I’m Chuck Bass.

Gossip Girl: They say a leopard can’t change his spots. But some things do change. The path not taken can become a road trip. Being grounded can lead to something groundbreaking. And whether they’re sweating it out on the sultry sidewalks or cooling their heels in the Hamptons, no one does summer like New Yorkers. Grab your shades and your sun block. This one looks like a scorcher. Until next time. You know you love me. XOXO —Gossip Girl