Gossip Girl Season 4

It-Girl Happened One Night

2011.02.14    

David Call  Michael Boatman  Sam Robards  Tika Sumpter

Gossip Girl: It’s cold out there, but on the Upper East Side things are heating up. Because Valentine’s Day is around the corner.

Serena: Please don’t tell me you’re leaving already. Between classes at Columbia, your job at W, the only proof that I have you still exist is the faint trace of Chanel in the morning.
Blair: I am so sorry, S. But if I can turn this into a permanent job it’ll knock six months off my two-year plan.
Serena: Are you sure you’re not just burying yourself in work to avoid thinking about tomorrow?
Blair: Tomorrow? I don’t even know what day today is. {she pauses} Last year, Chuck and I honored Valentine’s Day by staging our very own Bacchanal. And no, there were no goats, if that’s the look that just fluttered across your face.

Serena: I thought you reached out to Reina and told her that Chuck’s feelings were real.
Blair: He needed to get back in her good graces and I knew exactly how to get him there. Chuck and I may some need time to forge our own paths before we risk a romantic rejoining, but we’re still there for each other.

Blair: And what about you and Ben? It must be very special for him spending Valentine’s Day with someone other than his cellie.
Serena: We decided to sit it out too. We just started dating. It’s too much pressure. Hey, why don’t you and I have a Friends Valentine’s Day? Manis, macaroons, massages?

Reina Thorpe (Tika Sumpter): I’m glad you agreed to this brunch with Chuck and Lily. It shows a lot of good faith on their part. I mean we came in with guns blazing and they responded with an olive branch.
Russell Thorpe (Michael Boatman): More like olive bread. I agreed to a meal, Reina. That’s it. I don’t trust the Basses.

Lily: Well, I hope hosting this brunch proves to you once and for all I have the company’s best interests at heart.
Chuck: And also elegantly forces the enemy to come to you.
Lily: Yes. Sun-Tzu is right beside Emily Post on my bookshelf.

Dan: How’s the job search going?
Ben (David Call): Having to check the “Have you ever committed a felony?” box kind of limits my options. But yours seem to be improving. I’m sorry if I overstepped, the article was just sitting there. Being single while living with a guy seeing your ex. You really nailed the awkwardness.
Dan: Yeah, well, it’s very fresh.

Ben: It’s a good thing Serena and I decided not to do anything for Valentine’s Day. I can’t afford to take her out anyway.
Dan: Well you already read how awkward I feel about this, but, um, with me she was always happy to just play pool and drink beer.
Ben: Right now I couldn’t even afford to do that.
Dan: Ah, well. You know when I used to work for a catering company. They could always use an extra hand around a holiday. I could make a call. It’s good money. And no offense, but judging from my past co-workers I think they have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy regarding felons.

Ben: I don’t know about the cater waiter me, but the teacher me thinks maybe you should step out from behind the computer and find out who the new Epperley is. Give her the article in person.
Dan: Hm. The new Epperley. I hadn’t thought about that.

Editor: Our inaugural It-Girl has to be special. As should her Valentine’s plans. Blair, you’re friends with Serena van der Woodsen?
Blair: Yes, well, Serena definitely is “It”, but what if there was someone fabulous that we could break ourselves? Someone like Reina Thorpe.
Editor: Daughter of Russell. I like it. Keep going.
Blair: Well she’s typically shy of publicity, which makes her an even bigger get. So if I could come through—
Editor: I’d recommend Stefano consider your trial period over.

Blair: How well do you know Reina Thorpe?
Serena: Um, not at all.
Blair: Do you know where she is right now?
Serena: I’m guessing you do.
Blair: At your house.
Serena: Where my mother lives. No way, we’re still at war. And why are you asking anyway?
Blair: Because I need to do a story on Reina for the magazine tomorrow night.
Serena: Okay, well why don’t you just ask her yourself. After the Chuck thing doesn’t she owe you a favor?
Blair: Yes, but she’s not answering her phone and I can’t leave the office. Besides it’s better this way. Just two It Girls talking. Explain that you’ll do the profile yourself.
Serena: Right. Because this is all just a favor to me and not a convoluted way for you to keep your eye on Reina and Chuck during Valentine’s Day?
Blair: Hm. I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you! {she hangs up.}

Chuck: The Bass name has equity. I’d like the chance to prove that. All in one night. Tomorrow, to be exact. I’ve leased a landmark mansion outside the city. It’s a destination. You travel to get there and the reservations are made before.
Russell: And what do people get when they arrive?
Chuck: Imagine you’re at a club. Forget the year, the continent. You don’t want the night to end. In this case it doesn’t have to. When the time is right you drift upstairs to a private room. You spend the night or just a few hours—it’s up to you.
Russell: But, ah, what makes you think people will show up? It sounds like you need a big marketing push just to get the word out.
Chuck: No marketing. I say where and when, people show up.

Russell: I’ll put a pin in my current plans for thirty-six hours. If this thing you’ve planned succeeds, we’ll talk.

Serena: Blair has to follow a socialite around on Valentine’s Day. It’s for work. She figured you wouldn’t mind since everything with Reina is… you know.
Chuck: “I know,” what?
Serena: Oh. Blair was wrong. You do have feelings for Reina.

Gossip Girl: Uh oh. B’s in for a shock when she finds out what she thought was as fake as a CZ is actually as real as Harry Winston.

Howard Archibald (Sam Robards): I dug around accounting. Bass Industries is more profitable kept whole. So why is Thorpe determined to slice it up?
Chuck: Russell didn’t become a billionaire by making money-losing decisions.
Nate: Look, you told me he had an issue with Bart, right? So maybe it isn’t a business decision. Maybe it’s personal.

Serena: So you sound pretty excited about tomorrow. LIke maybe it’s not just another night of hanging out with Chuck, business-as-usual.
Reina: I guess that’s true. At first it was purely for the sex.
Serena: That’s Chuck.
Reina: No, I meant me.

Serena: Blair still has feelings for Chuck so… if she follows you around on Valentine’s Day she’s gonna be hurt. And if she finds out I ever told you this, I’m gonna be hurt.

Dan: Waldorf. Where’s the new Epperley?
Blair: You’re looking at her.
Dan: Oh god. What’d you do to her?
Blair: She’s in a better place. She’s in Bali doing Downward Dogs with some British wally named Pratter. Prat named Wally. In any case, she quit.

Blair: As you can see, I don’t have time to read faux-ticles by wannabe writers.
Dan: Blair. Please. I’ll apply for another internship if I have to and get back in the ring with you. You remember our wrestling match?
Blair: How about you apply yourself to a job more within your breeding? Isn’t there a Bat Mitzvah girl somewhere in need of a Shirley Temple?

Chuck: Do you actually know why your father hates mine? I always assumed it was a business deal gone bad, but maybe there’s more to it.
Reina: I don’t think so. My dad’s too much of a gentleman to hold a grudge. And honestly, I don’t even know how seriously they were. Either of them. I was at Penn at the time. Why? What did Lily say?
Chuck: Lily? Say about what?
Reina: You didn’t know? She and my dad used to date. She left him for your father.

Eric: Hey, thanks for meeting me.
Dan: I’m surprised my dad and Lily let you out of the house, even for food.
Eric: Oh, well it might have something to do with my volunteering. Or voluntary drug testing. Look, the schnitzel’s on me. I’m sorry about lying last week.
Dan: Oh, thanks. Have you heard from Damien?
Eric: Oh, no, actually. Knowing the ambassador, after you told him he was dealing I’m sure he had him exiled to some very cold, very distant country.

Eric: I have a hot date with a vehicle filled with hot meals. I would feel sorry for myself except I am delivering food to people too sick to cook.
Dan: Hey, at least it would be original.
Eric: Jonathan was never one for clichés.

Eric: Who do you want to spend Valentine’s Day with?
Dan: Blair. No, it’s not… no no no, It’s not like that. I need her help with something.
Eric: You could be waiting a long time.

Chuck: I know Lily broke your heart. She broke my father’s heart too. I want to be clear. My loyalty is with the Bass name only.
Russell: It’s a lovely sentiment. But what does it mean?
Chuck: I’ll do whatever it takes to remain with the company. If Lily’s an obstacle, I’ll handle it.
Russell: Saying it is one thing, Chuck. Following through is an entirely different matter. The woman adopted you after your father died. She’s the only family you have.

Serena: Thank you for saving me from a Valentine’s Day even more depressing than the movie about it I was going to watch.

Lily: I just got off the phone with Pete Holmberg. There was an emergency meeting of the Bass board. I’m being accused of an ethics violation and conflict-of-interest.
Rufus: Stand up for yourself. Don’t let Thorpe get away with that.
Lily: It wasn’t Thorpe, it was Charles.

Blair: Go get some B-roll of the food and drink. And be discreet. We are not TMZ.

Blair: Humphrey. What are you doing here?
Dan: Stalking you, actually.

Blair: I work at W now. I am an arbiter of taste. If I were to stand behind some lame Humphrey lamentation then it would be like showing up at an accessory shoot. In Crocs.

Blair: If you’ll excuse me, I have a Valentine’s vendetta to exact.

Nate: You realize you’re the worst wingman ever.
Howard: That may be so, but I hope you’ll realize I’m trying to be a good father. I came here tonight to find Russell, say hello, and hand him my resignation.

Chuck: We both know you’re a socialite, not a businesswoman. You traded musicians for titans of industry. Upgraded from a tour bus to a corporate jet. I’m sorry, but I had to.
Lily: I’ve done nothing but tried to salvage that company for you. I stepped in so Jack wouldn’t take it away. And every day since I have fought for your future. If we had stuck together on this, we would have won.
Chuck: It looks like I did anyway.
Lily: No you haven’t, Charles, you’ve lost. And I’m not talking about your battle with Thorpe.

Russell: Now that Lily’s been ousted from the board it’s just you and me. And as much as I like you, I think I’ll like dismantling Bass Industries even more.

Chuck: You think Reina will keep you on that pedestal once she learns what you’ve done?
Russell: Go find out. I think you know how much family means to Reina. Just as she now knows how little it means to you.

Gossip Girl: One lonely Bass adrift at sea. Looks like Venice isn’t the only thing that’s sinking.

Serena: Blair. I can’t believe you ambushed me. And why? For a leg up at work? Is your career really more important than our friendship.
Blair: Obviously you don’t think my career is important at all, since you forced Reina to back out just so you didn’t have to be alone on Valentine’s Day.
Serena: That’s not why I did it. I had a good reason.
Blair: You can’t stand that I’m getting successful while you’re flailing around with fifteen hours of class and an ex-con.

Blair: I’m looking for Chuck. What is this place?
Dan: Ah. He built it for Reina.
Blair: Oh. He’s pretty serious about that game.
Dan: I don’t… I don’t really think it’s a game.

Reina: Is this what you do? Wonderful things for people you care about before you turn on them?
Chuck: Look, you put family before all else. I can’t do that. My father was never there for me. My mother abandoned and then betrayed me. My uncle is my worst enemy. But maybe your father isn’t as perfect as you think.
Reina: What are you saying?
Chuck: He’s the reason I went after Lily. He pitted me against her.
Reina: So you’re trying to turn me against him?

Gossip Girl: Rubies are red, hydrangeas are blue. Chuck’s given his heart away—
Dan: Wow, he’s good.
Gossip Girl: But guess what, Blair? Not to you.
Blair: Shut up Humphrey.

Blair: Well. They’re not Richart, but they’re all I could find at this hour. I was going to leave them on your pillow.
Serena: Blair, please. It’s been a long night. I’m tired.
Blair: You were right. Chuck and Reina are real. Were real anyway.

Serena: You gonna be okay alone?
Blair: Not yet. But I need to start learning to be. Go have fun with your parolee. {she gets a text}
Serena: Maybe it’s a secret Valentine.

Dan: Well this way I can initiate a whole new round of pestering you to submit it.
Blair: But I already did. Yesterday. I gave your article to a junior editor. At Vanity Fair, not Details. I’m assuming that won’t be a problem.
Dan: Wait, so you submitted it without reading it?
Blair: Of course I read it. I have a reputation to uphold.
Dan: And you still put me through the ringer?
Blair: It was good.
Dan: I’m sorry. What’d you just say?
Blair: You heard me. It was sharp. And well-observed. When it comes to experiencing an ex with a new love, you have some insight.

Blair: Just seeking refuge with the perfect anti-Valentine’s Day movie. Rosemary’s Baby.
Dan: What part are you at? I’ll watch it with you. Forgive me if I’ve memorized some of Ruth Gordon’s dialogue. Okay, all of it.
Blair: It just started.

Howard: Lesson learned. Wall Street didn’t need a sequel. In the theaters or in my life.

Gossip Girl: A Valentine can be a red hot weapon of revenge. Or a heartfelt apology.

Ben: Thanks for coming. I should have told you I was waitering. I should have owned it.
Serena: Well I should have given you a chance and not put words in your mouth.

Blair: My point is, paranoia can save your life.
Dan: Oh, so she was supposed to know her husband was going to sell their firstborn to a coven?
Blair: The woman couldn’t be more naive. I mean who eats unsolicited desserts.
Dan: Point taken. The mousse was creepy. Do you know how many gloves I’ve lost on the subway?
Blair: Well. You do often seem cursed.
Dan: I do, don’t I?

Gossip Girl: Or sometimes, there’s a way to candy coat the fact you’re all alone.

Eric: I got more hugs tonight from strangers than my grandma doled out in her entire life.

Gossip Girl: But whatever your Valentine’s Day brings, never forget that some years, it’s a massacre. XOXO —Gossip Girl.