Season 1

Pilot

Blair: I love you, Nate Archibald. Always have, always will.
Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford): I love you too.

Eleanor at the door: Blair. It’s Serena!
Nate: Serena?
Blair: Serena’s at school. Kiss me.
Nate: No, I just heard your mom say she’s here. Don’t you want to go say hey?

Nate: Your mom told me you guys were staying here at the Palace.
Serena: Yeah, we’re renovating again. You know my mom. If it’s not broke, break it.

Serena: So what are you doing here?
Nate: Oh, I just wanted to see how you were. You seemed kind of upset last night.
Serena: I gotta get going and change for school. I’m gonna be late.
Nate: Serena—
Serena: No. No.
Nate: But you’re back now.
Serena: I didn’t come back for you. Look, Blair’s my best friend. And you’re her boyfriend. And she loves you. That’s the way things are supposed to be.

Chuck Bass: Serena looked effing hot last night. There’s something wrong with that level of perfection, it needs to be violated.
Nate: You are deeply disturbed.
Chuck: And yet you know I’m right. You’re telling me if you had the chance—
Nate: I have a girlfriend.
Chuck: You guys have been dating since kindergarten yet you haven’t sealed the deal.
Nate: Who says “seal the deal”?

Chuck: Are you following us or something?
Dan: No, I go to your school. Identical uniforms, isn’t that kind of a tip-off?
Nate: That’s funny. {they leave}
Dan: So, you guys wanna sit together at lunch?

Chuck: This is some good stuff.
Nate: Yeah. I’m gonna need it. Blair’s mom’s at the country house.
Chuck: Yeah? Well then maybe I should swipe some of my dad’s Viagra. {Nate looks nonplussed}. Or my mom’s Paxil? Nathaniel, you’re finally about to have sex with your girlfriend. It’s like you’re headed to your execution.
Nate: No man, I’m good.
Chuck: Talk to Chuck, buddy. You and Blair have been dating forever. All of a sudden there’s a problem?
Nate: There’s no problem. It’s just… Do you ever feel like our lives have been planned out for us? That we’re just gonna end up like our parents?
Chuck: Man, what’s a dark thought.
Nate: Aren’t we entitled to choose? Just to be happy?
Chuck: Look, easy Socrates. What we’re entitled to is a trust fund. Maybe a house in the Hamptons. A prescription drug problem. But happiness does not seem to be on the menu. So smoke up, and seal the deal with Blair. ‘Cause you’re also entitled to tap that ass.

Blair: What’s wrong?
Nate: Look, I don’t know how to say this—or if it’s even the right thing to do—but… there’s something I need to tell you.

Howard “The Captain” Archibald (Sam Robards): You guys broke up?
Nate: Yeah, I guess we did.
Howard: Blair is a great girl.
Nate: I know. I’m just not sure she’s the girl for me.
Howard: You guys have been dating since kindergarten.
Nate: So I keep hearing.

Nate: Look, Blair. I really hurt you. And I know that. And I wanna fix it.
Blair: Really? And how are you going to do that?
Nate: I’m going to put everything in the past. I’m not going to see Serena again or even talk to her. It’ll be like she doesn’t exist.
Blair: I think that’s a good idea. Let’s not mention it again.

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The Wild Brunch

Nate: That kid popped you pretty good, huh? Never mess with a guy’s sister.
Chuck: If I knew his name I’d hunt him down and kill him.
Nate: What, ’cause you kill people now? You gonna strangle him with your scarf?
Chuck: Don’t mock the scarf, Nathaniel. It’s my signature.
Nate: I’m just saying: death by scarf. Not that intimidating.

Nate: Dad, not everything in life’s a business deal.
Mr. Archibald: Come talk to me in 30 years.

Dan: Serena, there you are. Where were you?
Blair: She was waiting in a hotel room for my boyfriend.
Serena: To talk.
Nate: About why we weren’t talking.
Blair: That doesn’t sound any smarter the second time.
Dan: Why weren’t you talking? Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
Blair: You were what?
Chuck: And here I thought you were waiting for me.
Dan: Oh exactly what this situation needs: Chuck. Now what is going on here?

Nate: I hope you’re happy.
Blair: Not even close.

Nate: Look Blair, either you try to forgive me and we move on, or we end it.

Poison Ivy

Mr. Archibald: Your mother and I didn’t work this hard so you could just make things up as you go along. Dartmouth. Law school. Blair. Soon you’re gonna have everything.

Nate: I liked your book.
Hall: Oh, thanks. What did you think of the epilogue? Some people realy love it. The NYT called it a cheap cop out. Warner Bros. is making a movie. I think they’re going to change the end.
Nate: Well I can see how the ending might not be all that… commercial. would you like a drink?

Dan: So? What’s he like?
Nate: Like a Dartmouth English Lit prof I have nothing in common with. Guess I could tell him how everything I have I got because I’m an Archibald.
Dan: You should mention Dr. Seuss. Theodore Geisel was his real name. He went to Dartmouth. Hall said he got the idea for The Petting Zoo from the Lorax.
Nate: The what?
Dan: You know what, never mind. Just mention how his prose style is influenced by early Faulkner. You’ll be alright. Or… not.

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Bad News Blair

Chuck: Who brought the sasquatch?
Nate: Isn’t that Carter Baizen? I haven’t seen him since the eighth grade when he was in the tenth. He looks intense.
Chuck: Are you high? He looks like Matthew McConaughey between movies. The guy’s a loser. Look, anyone who trades their trust fund for a fanny pack flies in the face of all that is holy to Chuck Bass.

Nate: Baizen, my man. Heard you went rogue.

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The Handmaiden’s Tale

Chuck: So what exactly are you looking for?
Nate: Evidence.
Chuck: Of what? The Captain’s dislike of starchy shirts? I totally sympathize. The collars chafe.

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Victor/Victrola

Nate: You look down at the floor every time someone tries to tell you the truth. Just look at me. Mom. I saw dad buying drugs yesterday.
Mrs. Archibald: He’s been under a lot of pressure. And if you hadn’t been so difficult lately.

Nate: Mom, Dad needs your help.
Mrs. Archibald: Not another word of this. We have a celebratory dinner to get to. Please wear a tie.

Dan: The leg wrap. That’s interesting.
Serena: Sexy, right? And it increases stability.
Dan: Sure, yeah. I can see that. The hair grab, does that really work?
Nate: Oh yeah, every time.
Dan: Okay, so. Leg wrap to hair grab. Hold on a second, do I have to keep my shirt open and billowing like that?
Nate: It never hurts.
Serena: Nice.
Dan: I’m doomed.

Nate: Dad, you have a problem.
Captain: I don’t have a problem.
Nate: You’re tweaked and embarrassing, you’re trying to tell me you don’t have a problem?

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Seventeen Candles

Nate: Mom, that’s a family heirloom. I’m not giving it to Blair. It’s an engagement ring.
Mrs. Archibald: I’m not asking you to propose. But it’s important that Blair knows how much you value her loyalty.
Nate: Her loyalty or her mother’s?

Nate: C’mon man, I can hear you breathing on the other side of the door. Is she anybody you can get rid of. I really need to talk to you, man. Please.

Chuck: What’s on your mind?
Nate: It’s my mom.
Chuck: Sounds Freudian.

Chuck: Look, if you’re done with Blair, be done. Don’t cave to your parents’ wishes if they’re not your desires.
Nate: Excuse me? Where’s my boy? “Seal the deal.” “Tap that ass.” “Money marries bigger money.”

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Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

Nate: So what’d I miss?
Harold: Hm. Nothing. You’re about to witness the return of Sober Serena.
Nate: Oh no. Oh no.
Harold: Maybe not. Sweetie, would you take her upstairs, put her in the bath before your mother gets wind of this whole situation?

Serena: Blair’s not the boss of me.
Nate: Are you new here? Because Blair’s the boss of all of us. Seriously, Serena. You smell like the floor of a brewery.
Serena: I do not.
Nate: Yes. You do.
Serena: Oh my god! Yes I do! Brewery floor with a hint of secondhand smoke.
Nate: And a pint of Old Spice.
Serena: I totally need a bath.
Nate: Yeah, you do.
Serena: Blair’s a bossy genius.

Mrs. Archibald: Your father and his headaches. Probably took a vicodin and forgot. Had some whiskey and next thing —
Nate: Mom, seriously. Did you hear anything the doctor said? With what he tookh e could have cured 30 headaches. Mom, he’s got a problem. And ignoring it almost killed him.
Mrs. Archibald: Oh no, this is not my fault.
Nate: I’m not blaming anybody.
Mrs. Archibald: You can blame whoever you want, but not me.

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Hi, Society

Nate: So has Blair mentioned who’s escorting her?
Chuck: Why? Are you having remorse sex fantasies about your ex?
Nate: What? No.
Chuck: Don’t eff with an effer. I know that look.
Nate: No man. It’s just every time I see her lately something’s different. You know? She’s lighter, she’s happier… Ah, she’s just less Blair.
Chuck: She does have a certain glow about her, doesn’t she?

Blair: Nate, after what you pulled on my birthday the only thing we should be doing together is moving on.
Nate: Yeah, I know. Look, I haven’t worn this sweater in like forever and I just pulled it out today and I found this.
Blair: It’s my pin. I sewed it there so you’d always have my heart on your sleeve.
Nate: I know. You know I figured you might need it back or something, if…
Blair: No. It was a gift. The prince will understand. Maybe we should go to the ball together. As friends.
Nate: Absolutely.
Blair: But only as friends.
Nate: Just friends.

Nate: Who are you and what did you do with Blair Waldorf?
Blair: Not bad Archibald. Almost forgot how handsome you are.

Nate: I just don’t get it, I organized everything the way she likes it. I mean, I even made sure sure my bowtie matched her dress.
Chuck: Like the book says, she’s just not that into you.

Nate: Carter Baizen’s dating Blair?
Chuck: He’s got everyone fooled, Blair thinks he’s reformed. He’s obviously just toying with her to get at you.
Nate: Yeah, well it’s working.

Carter: Nate. Look, I was hoping to see you. I wanted to apologize. Put the past in the past.
Nate: You don’t get to say what goes on here. I’m on to you.
Carter: What are you talking about?

Nate: You might not know who you are, but I sure as hell haven’t forgotten.

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The Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate

Blair: Nathaniel Archibald. You’ve never asked me for anything. And here you are officially leaning on me. This time we’re going to be so much better together.
Nate: We already are.

Nate: Did you sleep with her, huh? You son of a bitch, I could kill you.
Chuck: Could we talk about this without your hands around my neck?
Nate: What did you do, did you get what you want like all those other girls?
Chuck: Yes, Nathaniel. I took what Blair kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back.
Nate: Oh, so somehow you screwing Blair for sport is my fault?
Chuck: It wasn’t for sport. She needed someone and I was there.
Nate: Oh, so you cared about her?
Chuck: You guys were broken up.
Nate: For how long? A week? An hour?
Chuck: Look, I’m sorry, alright. I know how long you and I have been best friends, okay?
Nate: No it’s not okay, Chuck. From now on you stay away from me.

Nate: What are you doing here?
Blair: Your mom let me in.
Nate: I didn’t ask how you got in, I asked why you came.
Blair: To talk. About us.
Nate: There is no us, Blair.
Blair: Yes there is. We finally really have a chance to start over.
Nate: You know all this time I felt so bad for everything I’d done. And when you said you wanted to leave the past in the past I didn’t know we were talking about your past.
Blair: You had just broken my heart. I made a decision I was in no condition to make.
Nate: But you’re clear-headed now, right?
Blair: Yes.
Nate: Then understand perfectly when I say I want nothing else to do with you, Blair.

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The Blair Bitch Project

Nate: So I may have told Blair you told me the truth about her and Chuck. And I’m sure she didn’t react well to that. But you don’t know what you’re dealing with here.
Jenny: Oh, I’m not scared of Blair, Nate.
Nate: I’m not talking about Blair, I’m talking about your new circle. I mean they’ve been friends with Blair forever and look what they’re doing to her. When you fall out of line what do you think’s gonna happen to you?
Jenny: Well, then I won’t fall out of line.
Nate: I’m not saying you’re gonna—It’s just, you’re not like those girls, Jenny.
Jenny: It’s weird, Nate. Since they’re my friends you’d think we’d have some stuff in common.
Nate: Okay. Well I will give you this. You’ve got good aim.

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Desperately Seeking Serena

Vanessa to Nate: I judged the cover. But now that I’ve read the book I figured you were owed some apologetic Souvlaki at the very least.

Nate: Next time your sister’s band is in town I want front row seats.
Vanessa: You don’t strike me as a Lesbian Punk fan.
Nate: You know I am just offended by how much you underestimate me, Ms. Abrams.
Vanessa: You like punk?
Nate: Oh. I didn’t hear you— You said “punk”? Because you had me at “lesbian”.

Nate: Listen, there’s nothing wrong with keeping your options open. I don’t think your parents are going to be mad at you for choosing your own path. Unless… they’re related to my parents.

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Woman on the Verge

Gossip Girl: Spotted: Lonely Boy on the Upper East Side. Learning the lesson that nothing stays missing forever. Things always turn up. For better.
Nate: Well is something actually wrong or is this just a ploy to get us both here?
Blair: I meant what I said on the phone. I need your help. We need your help.
Or for worse.

Chuck: So we have every hangover cure known to man. Plus bagels. This should help soak up the alcohol and—
Blair: Thank you, I’ll take it from here.
Nate: Why do I get the feeling you’re actually enjoying this?
Chuck: Call me sentimental.

Dan: seeing Nate at Blair’s Hm. Guess I missed a chapter. and Chuck Or… four. Don’t all of you hate each other?
Blair: Yes.
Chuck: No.
Nate: Absolutely.
Dan: Well that’s fascinating and rife for a psychiatrist’s case study somewhere.

Serena: I can’t believe I just did that.
Nate: And why did you? I mean, did you cheat on Dan?
Serena: No. I remember last night. I didn’t do anything.
Blair: Then why would you say that to him?
Serena: Because I would rather have Dan think I cheated on him than know what I really did.
Nate: What you really did?
Serena: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth he would never look at me again.
Chuck: You’re starting to scare even me. What did you do?
Nate: C’mon, you can tell us.
Blair: We’ve seen you with vomit and hanging out with investment bankers in the men’s room of PJ Clarke’s. You don’t have to hide anything from us.
Nate: She’s right Serena. None of us are saints.
Blair: Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo.
Chuck: Several times.
Nate: I had sex with you at a wedding. Once.
Chuck: I’m Chuck Bass.
Blair: You can tell us anything. We don’t judge. We’re the non-judging Breakfast Club. We’re your best friends. Anything you do is something we did too.
Serena: What I tell you can never leave this room.

Nate: Hey, I only have a second. I’m on my way to Queens.
Blair: Ugh. Gross. Why?
Nate: To meet Vanessa at a concert.
Blair: It got grosser.

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Much “I Do” About Nothing

Mr. Archibald: Little advice fellas. You’ve been friends a long time. Whoever she is, she’s not worth it.
Chuck: Couldn’t agree more.
Nate: That’s the problem.

Nate: Dad, I know you’re scared. But we’ll get through the trial.
Mr. Archibald: No we won’t. I’m guilty, Nate. I’m facing 25 years.
Nate: So all that stuff about things looking good and working out, huh? What about mom?
Mr. Archibald: Who do you think’s paying for the private plane.
Nate: Why didn’t you tell me this?
Mr. Archibald: I didn’t want you to know anything; be an accessory. This is the best thing for everyone. I need you to step up right now. Be the man in the family for your mother.
Nate: It’s been that for awhile now. That’s for mom.

Nate: This isn’t like you.
Chuck: It’s your dad. It’s bigger than all the other stuff.
Nate: I’m sorry. For all of it.
Chuck: So am I.
Nate: So you said you loved her. Tha’ts ah… well, never heard you say that before. About anyone.

One Week Later

Chuck: So are you planning to spend the summer sweating it out in Brooklyn?
Nate: Ah, I think my time across the bridge is over.
Chuck: Nathaniel. What happened with you and Punky Brewster?

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