Chuck: I’m Chuck. Bass.
Ashley: I know.
Chuck: I wasn’t expecting to see someone like you somewhere like this so early in the day.
Ashley: I needed a refuge. It’s too hot.
Chuck: It’s never too hot.
Ashley: Care to test that theory?
Chuck: What if I have a girlfriend?
Ashley: Chuck Bass doesn’t do girlfriends. Where’s your limo?
Chuck: I gave my driver the day off.
Ashley: Then I guess we’ll have to find somewhere else.
Chuck: Uh uh.
Ashley: Why not?
Chuck: It’s better to wait.
Ashley: How long?
Chuck: Let’s see… now.
Blair: What the hell is going on?
Chuck: Blair, I can explain.
Ashley: I’m sorry, um, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.
Chuck: Yes, you did. She did.
Blair: Shame on you, Ashley Henshaw. How could you do that? Pick up someone in a relationship? Have you no pride, no self respect?
Ashley: Okay, but I didn’t know—
Blair: You may have an Abercrombie campaign and the security code to Clooney’s castle in Lake Como but that doesn’t give you the right to try and steal someone else’s man! Now take your American Girl hair and your poreless skin and get out!
Ashley: Okay, you’re crazy.
Blair: Hi. they kiss  2 or 3 hours. I missed you.
Chuck: Let me make it up to you. Let’s get out of here.
Blair: Or we could stay.
Chuck: I know it’s a buyer’s market right now but that doesn’t mean there’s actually anything worth buying.
Nate: Why don’t you just stay at the Palace?
Chuck: I am done living in my father’s shadow. And that includes living in his hotel.
Nate: And running his company?
Chuck: Lily was doing an amazing job overseeing the board before she left. Why not let her continue. What about you? Any word from the van der Bilt compound since you got back?
Nate: Not a word. Tomorrow’s the family polo match. You know when I skipped out on the internship at the mayor’s office I knew they’d be mad. Now I’m getting the silent treatment.
Chuck: Well if they’re mad at you already why don’t you call the girl from the plane?
Nate: I’m not going to use Bree to send some message.
Chuck: You’re missing one key detail: sleeping with the enemy is hot. Why do you think I had the whole Ivanka thing?
Blair: Chuck, where is she?
Chuck: What are you talking about?
Blair: Do you really expect me to believe you don’t have her stashed here?
Chuck: I came back from the party because I have a headache. Didn’t you get my messages?
Blair: I must have left my phone on the table. What if we need games? What if without them we’re boring?
Chuck: We could never be boring.
Blair: You say that, but I know you. You’re Chuck Bass.
Chuck: I’m not Chuck Bass without you.
Blair: Running to get here all the way from Connecticut was pretty exciting.
Do you know where Alexandra lives?
Chuck: How about we stay in instead.
Chuck: I have to object to you living in the dorms. Fluorescent lighting, communal showers, public schoolgirls. There’s a place for that and it belongs in the back of a video store.
Blair: It’s not for long. I can’t rule the NYU masses from the Upper East Side. I need to spend time in the dorm to establish myself as queen.
Chuck: It’s not Constance, Blair. The only queens are the ones with tickets to see Liza at Carnegie Hall.
Chuck: For people like us a college degree is just an accessory. Like a Malawi baby or a poodle.
Serena: Well it’s an accessory my mother really wants me to have.
Chuck: So you want to hide out at the Bass Cave until you figure it out.
Chuck: He has to answer to the board, Serena. And board’s tend not to approve of coat check girls that give happy endings.
Chuck: I told Rufus about Brown because I was actually worried about you. to the investors Sorry to have wasted your time.
Blair: Chuck? How did you know I was here? Did you find me to apologize? That is so sweet.
Chuck: Not exactly. Though I am sorry. I know I have been all work lately.
Blair: If you didn’t find me what are you doing here?
Chuck: There’s a photograph I need that’s up for auction tonight.
Blair: Me too! My prayers have been answered. A secret collegiate society wants me. Initiation is easy. All you have to do is contribute to their Salon’s art collection as a fee, so—
Chuck: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Blair: I’m more of a Helmut Newton girl myself, but they want a vintage MacMillan. Who am I to argue.
Chuck: You see this guy in the photo? That’s Sean Macpherson. He has an entire wall of photos like this in his office. But procuring this one for him is the best way I can show him I have respect for his history.
Blair: Show him respect? He’s a club owner, not a mafia don.
Chuck: Guess Dorota’s counter-intelligence isn’t what it used to be.
Blair: Don’t change the subject! I can’t believe you lied to me. Trying to use sex to distract me.
Chuck: I learned from the best.
Blair: That photograph is mine! Blair storms out
Chuck: She stole my shoes?
Blair: S. What are you doing?
Serena: What are you guys doing sabotaging Carter? Three bottles of ’95 Dom on his hotel room service bill. One of your favorites if I recall.
Chuck: So we started a stealth campaign to destroy his credibility. The room service bill, the girl on the street—
Blair: The warrant.
Serena: What warrant?
Blair: Well he might want to take a DNA sample down to the 24th Precinct tomorrow.
Serena: I went looking for him.
Serena: My father. I found out he was getting remarried two years ago in Santorini.
Chuck: Finally. What happened in Santorini?
Serena: I wanted to see him but I didn’t want anyone to know. So I went to Carter. He said he had access to a boat. When the police picked us up on the way to the wedding I realized access meant stolen.
Carter promised he’d make it up to me. I had no idea he’s been looking for my father himself.
Blair: And did he find him?
Serena: You know, I have to go. As Serena leaves Blair eyes Chuck
Chuck: Fine. I’ll call my guy at the precinct.
MacPherson: Nice photo.
Chuck: Thanks. Chuck Bass. Big fan. By the way, when your lease at the Empire Hotel isn’t renewed, thank bright eyes here.
Chuck: Sure you said cram session and not the annual Waldorf sleep over?
Blair: Fine. I’m hosting the sleep over. But Jenny Humphrey is destroying everything I worked for. And those girls deserve to learn the meaning of aristocracy.
Chuck: We both know it’s not about that.
Blair: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Jenny: Congratulations. Your girlfriend’s installed a puppet regime.
Chuck: Blair’s gone Colonel Kurtz. She needs to be brought back to reality. Help me. And I’ll help you take back the crown.
Jenny: Why? They don’t want my kind of leadership. They want a tyrant who will police their behavior and chart their movement on the social ladder. Find someone else.
Chuck: I need you. You’re fooling yourself if you don’t think you were born to rule this school.
Jenny: People change, Chuck.
Chuck: Not you. Not about this. Jenny Humphrey who used to sit in Brooklyn and watch the lights across the water. Who went toe-to-toe with Blair Waldorf and actually won her respect. You can’t tell me that girl’s not still in there.
Blair: Do you have any idea how much you humiliated me?
Chuck: I think you accomplished that with your little teeny bopper sleep over. NYU is hard, but Blair Waldorf does not give up.
Blair: I’m not giving up. I’ve made a strategic retreat.
Chuck: Potato, potah-to.
Blair: You don’t understand.
Chuck: I do understand. Let me help.
Blair: No, Chuck. NYU is not the Upper East Side. They don’t care about Constance or the social hierarchy. They don’t care that I’m Blair Waldorf. It’s over.
Chuck: And you’d do this to me?
Blair: What are you talking about?
Chuck: I’m Chuck Bass. And I told you I love you. You’re saying I’m easier to win over than a bunch of pseudo-intellectual homesick malcontents. You’d really insult me like this?
Blair: That’s not how it is.
Chuck: That’s exactly how it is. So next time you forget you’re Blair Waldorf, remember: I’m Chuck Bass. And I love you.
Bree: Carter Baizen? Is he in town? I heard he was away on business.
Blair: He is. Traveling is so important. Bree, have you ever thought of traveling? Somewhere very far away.
Chuck: I wasn’t aware you knew Carter.
Bree: Yeah. Our families used to vacation together on Sea Island. I’ve been trying to track him down.
Blair: Carter is not who you think he is. I know you don’t like to discuss this but he wasn’t the cause of my spiral. Just a symptom. And he makes Serena truly happy. What is this? This is incredible.
Chuck: Buntautuk. I learned it from a master in Chiang Mai. Serena’s deluded. The guy’s not capable of genuine feelings.
Blair: He’s brought out a different side of her. All happy and domestic, nested up at my mother’s.
Chuck: Carter’s at your penthouse? Why wouldn’t you tell Bree that when you asked?
Blair: He got in last night. She just called me a few hours ago. Anyway, why would I tell that future NASCAR mom anything? I hate her. And the tractor she rode in on.
Chuck: What you hate is Nate moving on. Look I love you, but Nate liking Bree doesn’t make her a piranha. And Serena liking Carter doesn’t make him a prince.
Blair: Hey, where’re you going? I have tension!
Chuck: I’m giving you a choice. You can go to the wedding and tell Serena the ugly truth. Even if by some chance she can stomach you after that, you still have to deal with Bree. And her family. And a little thing I like to call “Southern Justice”.
Chuck: I’m getting sick of being your travel agent. This ticket’s the last. And it’s one way.
Chuck: Hey. Been looking for you. You okay?
Serena: Not really. Carter told me some stuff and it turns out he’s not the person I thought he was. The person he is, I don’t really want to know.
Chuck: Look, I may loathe the guy
but he didn’t have to own up to anything. He could have skipped town. I even bought him a ticket. He risked a lot going to the wedding. Knowing Bree would be there.
Chuck: I must confess. I missed our little game. Although your lady is late.
Blair: There she is now.
Chuck: She’s a guy.
Blair: Who took my speech at the freshman dinner and gave it to Vanessa Abrams. He double-crossed me. And I—
Chuck: Demand satisfaction.
Blair: You still up for it? My wonderful man. I’ll just go powder my nose for ten minutes.
Chuck: I don’t even need five.
Ellis: Can I help you?
Chuck: Oh definitely.
Chuck: You were late.
Blair: I got caught in a text flurry with Dorota. I’m sorry.
Chuck: I have to get Uptown for a dinner. I assume you’re skipping the parents thing.
Blair: I may pop in for Vanessa’s toast. Just for laughs. Are you upset because you kissed a guy?
Chuck: I’m upset because it’s somebody that wasn’t you. You really think I’ve never kissed a guy before?
Blair: Love me?
Chuck: You there. One of Blair’s new minions, aren’t you.
New Mean Girl: You’re Chuck Bass. Blair said you couldn’t come.
Chuck: Dinner cancelled. The Emir had to fly home. Something about a revolution.
Chuck: What do you want Blair?
Blair: Forgiveness. I’m so sorry Chuck. I made a mistake. I know there’s no excuse but, it’s just a kiss.
Chuck: The people you manipulate. I know how little respect you have for them.
Blair: But not you. I don’t feel that way about you. And I won’t ever do it again. I promise. It was a mistake.
Chuck: I’m in a meeting.
Blair: I’ll call you later.
Blair: I was thinking an 80s theme. Although shoulder pads can be overwhelming on my delicate frame.
Chuck: This is a business, not a high school party.
Blair: I told you I was sorry for my little transgression and you forgave me. Now either make me kiss a girl already or let’s move on.
Chuck: I apologize. I’ve been on edge lately.
Chuck: I no longer have time for the establishment to accept me. I need them to come begging. I want to open my club tomorrow. Halloween.
See. My idea.
Serena: Okay, tomorrow. Absolutely.
Chuck: And Serena, I don’t want Blair anywhere near this.
Blair: You’re still mad from before. It’s clouding your judgment.
Chuck: This is not about last week. It’s about you, Blair. It’s the reason why I couldn’t say “I love you.” It’s not a game. It’s because I knew I couldn’t trust you.
Blair: I did this because I love you.
Chuck: Be that as it may, I have a club to open. And you’re no longer invited.
Blair: Fine. S, c’mon. We’re leaving.
Serena: Blair, I’m sorry. I’m gonna stay with Chuck.
Chuck: Don’t tell me after eighteen years you can’t read Waldorf’s subtext.
Serena: I shouldn’t have to. If that’s what she is feeling then she should tell me. It is time for her to grow up.
Chuck: This coming from someone who just pushed their best friend into a cake.
Chuck: Do you really think I want to spend the weekend watching girls with tramp stamps work out their daddy issues?
Chuck: Isn’t it about time you and Serena made up? You love cotillion. You should be doing it together.
Blair: I’m trapped in the elevator with someone who sucks all the air out of the room. Send help or I’ll be dead within the hour.
Chuck: Not until you two work things out.
Blair: Bass? This is a punishable offense! And not the kind of punishment you like.
Chuck: I’m only doing what you refuse to do yourself.
Jenny: I’m going to go use the restroom.
Damien: No, sit down.  hand in here. And just test the product, yeah?
Chuck: That won’t be necessary.
Jenny: Chuck, what are you doing here?
Chuck: I got your message. Had housekeeping do an early turndown service on Damien’s room. That’s where they found his stash. I have my own experience in the ball pond. I’m taking you home. You and your father have until noon to collect your luggage. After that it’s in the river.
Jenny: Chuck, you’re totally overreacting. I’m really fine.
Damien: Dude, the lady said she’s fine.
Chuck: Dude. I’m Chuck Bass. Even Europeans must know what that means.
Chuck: Fifteen hours. It’s a record. You haven’t mentioned Serena once.
Blair: Well for much of that time I was asleep. But since you’re asking, I’ve decided I’m putting her out of my mind. Besides, I have a far more cunning and deceptive adversary to deal with.
Chuck: And when does your mother land again?
Blair: Twenty minutes. Flying from Paris to escort me back. How dumb does she think I am? She has some bomb she wants to drop on me in a controlled environment surrounded by Air Marshals and French people.
Chuck: Amazing. The holiday paranoia truly knows no bounds.
Chuck: A little Thanksgiving Proclamation: If you two ever play grab-ass in my elevator again, Serena will be staying at an airport Marriott. Happy Holidays.