Doctor Who Series 9

The Girl Who Died

2015.10.17    S09E05

Alastair Parker  Barnaby Kay  David Schofield  Ian Conningham  Jenna Coleman  Maisie Williams  Murray McArthur  Peter Capaldi  Tom Stourton

Clara: Doctor! Doctor!
The Doctor: Yes, you’re the very next thing on the list.
Clara: Doctor! Help me!
The Doctor: Clara, I’m under attack from four and a bit. Battle fleets, in case you think I’m slacking.
Clara: Doctor, I think there’s something in my spacesuit.
The Doctor: That’s possible actually. You were too long in the spider mines.
Clara: Okay, explain.
The Doctor: It’s possibly a love sprite. Sucks your brain out through your mouth. Hence the name.
Clara: It’s halfway up my leg.
The Doctor: Don’t worry, it’s just hungry.

Clara: What about all the Philosians? Are they safe?
The Doctor: Huh? Oh yeah. Well I lured their attackers halfway across the universe and drained their weapons banks. Not to mention I also saved a school teacher from having her brains devoured and being asphyxiated in deep space. So now, if you don’t mind I’m going to go outside and wipe my boot on the grass.

Clara: What’s to stop them rearming and trying again?
The Doctor: Nothing. But the Philosians will be ready for them this time. It’s the best I could do, Clara. I’m not actually the police, it’s just what it says on the box.
Clara: You’re always talking about what you can and can’t do but you never tell me the rules.
The Doctor: We’re time travelers. We tread softly. It’s okay to make ripples but not tidal waves.
Clara: You are a tidal wave.
The Doctor: Don’t say that.

The Doctor: No no no. Not Vikings. I’m not in the mood for vikings.

Hasten (Murray McArthur): You’re coming with us.
The Doctor: No. I’m not. And you want to know why? On my face, right now, more advanced technology than your species will manage over the next nine million years. {Hasten grabs the glasses and breaks them in two} Clara?
Clara: Yeah?
The Doctor: We’re going with the vikings.

Clara: You all right? Do you know her?
The Doctor: I’ve never seen her before in my life.
Clara: Okay. So why are you staring?
The Doctor: I don’t know. Nothing probably. Too much time travel. It happens.
Clara: What happens?
The Doctor: People talk about premonition as if it’s something strange. It’s not. It’s just remembering in the wrong direction.

The Doctor: Okay, plan. We meet the boss man and we do the usual.
Clara: Which is?
The Doctor: Replace him. To the primitive mind, advanced technology can seem like magic.
Clara: It’s gonna be the yo-yo again, isn’t it?
The Doctor: Yeah.

The DoctorI am very very cross with you. I am very disappointed! I have taken human form to walk among you.
Hasten: Who are you old man?
The Doctor: Do you not recognize the sign of Odin!
Hasten: You are not Odin. And that is not Odin’s sign.
The Doctor: Oh and you would know that how exactly? Have you met Odin? Do you know what Odin looks like? {the skies open up}
Odin (David Schofield): Oh my people, I am Odin. And now your day of reward has finally dawned.

Clara: So this is an invasion.
The Doctor: No, this is a harvest. The strongest, the fittest. The weak and the young they’ll leave behind.
Clara: We have to help them.
The Doctor: We have to not get chosen.

Villager: They took half the village.
Villager 2: Yeah. And it was the good half.
Ionhar/Chuckles (Ian Conningham): They went willingly to Valhalla. As would we all.
Heidi (Barnaby Kay): I wouldn’t. Well I wouldn’t! I’m not good with heights.

The Doctor: Guess what? You got raided. Guess what else? I lost someone who matters to me.
Chuckles: So did I.

Ashildr (Maisie Williams) to Clara: Why are we still alive?
Odin holding the sunglasses half: Because of this. Explain.
Clara: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you afraid.
Odin: I have no reason to fear you.

Clara: So I’m not from around here. And it’s highly unlikely that I will have come alone. You see you didn’t kill us, because killing us would start a fight you didn’t come here to have. And you’re not sure you could win. {an armored soldier tromps in} Oo. Hello. Time for your medication?
Odin: Adrenaline. Testosterone. Extracted from the finest warriors. Nectar!
Clara: Okay. You mash up Vikings to make warrior juice. Nice.

Clara: Why play god?
Odin: What is a god, but the cattle’s name for farmer? What is heaven, but the gilded door of the abattoir?
Clara: You’re not a farmer. You’re a thief. Caught in the act.
Ashildr: I don’t understand. Mashed up? What are you saying?

Clara: Go. Now. Go find Vikings on other planets. The universe is full of testosterone. Trust me, it’s unbearable.

Odin: You can inform your people of their impending destruction.
Clara: Why are you doing this?
Odin: Why else? The joy of war.

The Doctor: Clara! Clara! {he hesitates and gives her an enthusiastic thumbs up} I’m not a hugger. Ah! {he runs over and lifts her up} This is not a hug!

The Doctor: I looked them up in my two thousand-year-old diary. They are called the Mire. They are one of the deadliest warrior races in the entire galaxy.
Clara: Okay—
The Doctor: But they’re practical. They get what they want and then they go. You persuaded them to go, didn’t you? I knew that you would!
Clara: The deadliest warrior race in the galaxy?
The Doctor: One of them, yes. Why?
Clara: Because I think this village just declared war on them.

Ashildr: It’s my fault.
Chuckles: Not every misfortune that befalls this village is down to you. She thinks she brings us bad luck.
The Doctor: What bad luck? You haven’t had any bad luck. You’re fine.

Limpy (Alastair Parker): We’re about to be attacked by—
The Doctor: Yes yes yes. With a whole day to spare. So leave. Hop it. Take off. Into the woods, split up, hide. Hang about there for a week, come back home. Make puddings and babies. That’s basically what you do, isn’t it?
Chuckles: We cannot leave this village.
The Doctor: Yes you can. Just pick a direction. Fly like a bird, run like a nose. It’s probably Viking’s saying. I haven’t checked that yet.
Limpy: No. We will fight.
The Doctor: Really? Well I don’t know if you remember but they actually took away all your fighters. So, ah, what are you? Farmers. Fishermen. Web designers. Maybe not that last one.

The Doctor: The Mire are coming. For each and every one of you. So what are you going to do, raise crops at them?
Limpy: If necessary!
Heidi: I think he was being sarcastic.

The Doctor: I applaud your courage but I deplore your stupidity. And I will mourn your deaths. Which will be terrifying, painful and… without honor.
Ashildr: Stay. You could help us, I know you could.
The Doctor: I told you to run. That’s all the help you’ll need. That’s all the help you’re getting.

The Doctor: Suppose I saved it—by some miracle. No TARDIS, no sonic. Just one village defeats the Mire. What then? Word gets around. Earth becomes a target of strategic value and the Mire come back. And god knows what else. Ripples into tidal waves until everybody dies.

Clara: What’s it saying?
The Doctor: She. She’s afraid. Babies sense danger, they have to.
Clara: Tell me.
The Doctor: “Mother, I hear thunder. Mother, I hear shouting. You’re my world but I hear other worlds now. Beyond the unfolding of your smile, is there other kindness? I’m afraid. Will they be kind? The sky is crying now, the fire in the water.” Fire in the water…
Clara: You just decided to stay. The baby stopped crying.

The Doctor: So. When I say move, you move. When I say jump, you say, “How high?” Unless its across a gap of some kind which, of course, means you jump horizontally.

The Doctor: You’re Lofty. You’re Daphne. You’re Noggin the Nog. ZZ Top. And you’re, ah… Heidi. So, we’ll try that again. Lofty? What is it?
Lofty (Tom Stourton): Sorry sir. It’s just… why aren’t we practicing with real swords?
The Doctor: Yes. Perhaps you’d like to field this one, Limpy.
Limpy: Because we can’t be trusted with them.

The Doctor: Heidi! Why are your eyes closed?
Heidi: Sorry sir. Just not that good with the sight of blood.
The Doctor: No. Of course you’re not.

Ashildr: Swords against those creatures. That won’t work, will it?
Clara: He’s just warming up. He hasn’t got a plan yet. But he will have. And it will be spectacular.

The Doctor: That could have gone better. {Heidi suddenly comes to} Morning.
Heidi: What happened?
The Doctor: The Big Bang. Dinosaurs. Bipeds. A mounting sense of futility.
Clara: More recently, Chuckles hit Lofty over the head, on his helmet with his sword, which knocked him out, there was a little blood, which you saw and… did that. Only the first time you did it, you knocked a torch into some hay, which spooked a horse who kicked open the gate and, um, well then you can fill in the rest.

Clara: Well?
The Doctor: Well. Heidi faints at the mention of blood, not just the sight anymore. He’s actually upgraded his phobia.

Clara: I keep waiting to hear what your real plan is.
The Doctor: Teaching them to fight. That’s the only plan I’ve got.
Clara: Turning them into fighters? That’s not like you.
The Doctor: Yeah. I used to believe that too.
Clara: What happened?
The Doctor: You. Oh Clara Oswald, what have I made of you?

Clara: A good death. Is that the best they can hope for?
The Doctor: A good death is the best anyone can hope for. Unless you happen to be immortal.

The Doctor: Then human race. You’re obsessed. You all need to get a hobby.
Clara: I’ve got a hobby. Thanks. It’s you, by the way.
The Doctor: Well get a new one.

The Doctor: Every time we do something like this, I keep thinking, “What if something happens to you?”
Clara: Well stop thinking about me and start thinking about them, because you’re missing something.
The Doctor: What?
Clara: How you’re gonna win. You always miss it. Right until the last minute. So put down your sword, stop playing soldier and… look for it. Start winning, Doctor. It’s what you’re good at.

The Doctor: What do you think our chances are tomorrow?
Ashildr: We’ll be cut down like corn. By this time tomorrow, every single one of us will be dead.
The Doctor: Yeah.

The Doctor: You could go.
Ashildr: There’s nowhere for me except here. This is my place. The sky, the hills, the sea, the people. Is there nowhere like that for you?
The Doctor: Oh, I like a nice view as much as anyone.
Ashildr: But?
The Doctor: Can’t wait for the next one.
Ashildr: I pity you.
The Doctor: I will mourn for you. I know which one I prefer.

Ashildr: You think they’re all idiots, don’t you?
The Doctor: What, you mean the rest of the universe? Um, basically, yes I do.

Ashildr: I’ve always been different. All my life I’ve known that. The girls all thought I was a boy. The boys all said I was just a girl. My head is always full of stories. I know I’m strange. Everyone knows I’m strange. But here I’m loved. You tell me to run, to save my life. I tell you that leaving this place would be death itself.

Clara: Okay, you’re shouting. What’s happened? Did you trap your finger in something again?

The Doctor: There’s going to be a war tomorrow. And here’s some news. This just in. We’re gonna win the hell out of it.

The Doctor: I told you that we were basically doomed. Did no one in this two-horn town think to mention that you had… eels?
Clara: Eels?
The Doctor: I give you fire in the water!

The Doctor: Yes! Yes! I know exactly how you feel. Well not exactly. {to Lofty} She needs changing.
Clara: Plan then?
The Doctor: And it is… a doozy.

The Doctor: Talk with confidence, even if you’re terrified. Act as if you know their plan and sometimes, if you’re very lucky, they’ll actually tell you it.

The Doctor: Hey. Hello. Hi. I’m the Doctor. It’s lovely to meet you face to… convincing hologram. You could always go zzzt and get rid of it… no? No. No. On second thoughts, don’t. That suits you.
Odin: It is time to fight.
The Doctor: No no no. We decided against that. We thought we’d just have a party!

The Doctor: You wouldn’t open fire on unarmed civilians, would you?
Odin: It wouldn’t be the first time.

The Doctor: Are you ready?
Ashildr: I’m scared.
The Doctor: You were born for this. Show them a story they’ll never forget.

Odin: What trickery is this!
The Doctor: Ha! Says the man with the fake face.

The Doctor: The mighty armies of the Mire. Brutal, sadistic, undefeated. Even I believed the stories. But after today, no one will again. An army like yours, it lives or dies on its reputation, its story. And today you were sent packing by a handful of farmers and fishermen. Not to mention the whole wetting-your-pants-and-running-away-from-a-puppet debacle.
Clara: See, that was really funny.
The Doctor: That was hilarious. It’s just lucky that nobody recorded that. Wait a minute. We did.
Clara: See, all it needed was the Benny Hill theme.
The Doctor: The Benny Hill theme, yes. Now you see, we could just keep this as a funny little film, and play it every year at the Christmas party. Or I could upload it to the galactic hub and get a second opinion. So the question you need to as yourself is this: just how important is your reputation to you?

Odin: This humiliation will not go unpunished. We will meet again.
The Doctor grabbing his glasses back: Oh. I hacked your teleporter. Sorry.

Clara: No pulse. I think…. Doctor, is she dead?
The Doctor: I’m sorry. I’m really, terribly sorry.

Clara: Heart failure, yeah?
The Doctor: Yeah. I plugged her into the machine. Used her up like a battery. I’m so sick of losing.
Clara: You didn’t lose. You saved the town.
The Doctor: I don’t mean the war. I’ll lose any war you like. I’m sick of losing people.

The Doctor: Look at you, with your eyes. Your never-giving-up. Your anger. Your kindness. And one day, the memory of that will hurt so much that I won’t be able to breathe, and I’ll do what I always do. I’ll get in my box and I’ll run, and I’ll run. In case all the pain ever catches up in every place I go. It will be there.
Clara: You did your best. She died. There’s nothing you can do.
The Doctor: I can do anything. There’s nothing I can’t do. Nothing. But I’m not supposed to. Ripples, tidal waves, rules. I’m not supposed to—

The Doctor: My face. Who found me this face? Why this one? Why did I choose… this face?
Clara: Doctor, what’s wrong with your face?
The Doctor: I think I know why I chose it. I think I know what I’m trying to say. {he remembers back to Pompeii and Donna’s plea} I know where I got this face and I know what it’s for.
Clara: Okay. What’s it for?
The Doctor: To remind me. To hold me to the mark. I’m the Doctor. And I save people. And if anyone happens to be listening, if you have any kind of a problem with that, to hell with you!

Chuckles: Daughter. Listen to me, this town has lost so much. If we lose you too, they’ll be nothing left.

The Doctor: She’ll be conscious in a day. Up and about in three. No swimming for a week. Now. We’re going to need a longboat and some your best rowers. We’re two day’s sail from the TARDIS. Come on, Clara.
Chuckles: No, wait. No. She’ll want to see you when she wakes.
The Doctor: Oh no. Well she’ll see me often enough once she understands.
Chuckles: Understands what?
The Doctor: Second dose.
Chuckles: When’ll she need to take this?
The Doctor: No no no. It’s not for her.
Clara: Then who’s it for?
The Doctor: Ah, whoever she wants.

Ashildr: Doctor. Thank you.
The Doctor: Ah… don’t thank me yet, Ashildr. Not yet.


Clara: Okay, it’s official. Silence is even worse than a Scottish accent. Are you going to tell me what you’re brooding about?
The Doctor: It won’t stop, the repair kit I put inside Ashildr, [long ago]. It’ll just keep fixing her.
Clara: Well good.
The Doctor: I’m not sure but it’s entirely possible she has lost the ability to die.
Clara: The ability?
The Doctor: Oh, dying is an ability, believe me. Baring accidents, she may now be functionally immortal.

The Doctor: Immortality isn’t living forever. That’s not what it feels like. Immortality is everybody else dying. She might meet someone she can’t bear to lose. That happens. I believe.

The Doctor: I was angry, I was emotional. Just possibly I’ve made a terrible mistake. Maybe even a tidal wave. Time will tell, it always does.
Clara: Whatever you did for Ashildr, I think she deserved it.
The Doctor: Yes. Yes, she did. But Ashildr isn’t just human anymore. A little piece of alien in her, so inside a way, she’s…. In a way… she’s a hybrid.