Doctor Who River Song

Series 5


Alex Kingston

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The Time of Angels

Alistair: The party’s over, Dr. Song. Yet still you’re on board.
Dr. River Song: Sorry Alistair. I needed to see what was in your vault. Do you all know what’s down there? Any of you? Because I’ll tell you something, this ship won’t reach its destination.
Alistair to the guards: Wait ’til she runs. Don’t make it look like an execution.
Dr. River Song: Triple-7 5 slash 3 4 9 by 10. Zero 12 slash Acorn. Oh, and I could do with an air corridor.
Amy: What’s that? What did she say?
The Doctor: Coordinates!
River: Like I said on the dance floor, you might want to find something to hang on to.

Amy: Doctor?
The Doctor: River.
River: Follow that ship.

River: They’ve gone into warp drive. We’re losing them. Stay close.
The Doctor: I’m trying!
River: Use the stabilizers.
The Doctor: It doesn’t have stabilizers!
River: The blue switches.
The Doctor: Well the blue switches don’t do anything. They’re just blue.
River: Yes, they’re blue. They’re the blue stabilizers! The TARDIS stabilizes. See?
The Doctor: Yeah. Well, just boring now, isn’t it? They’re borings. They’re blue borings.

River: Okay. I’ve mapped the probability vectors, done a full background temporal isometry, charted the ship to its destination and… parked us right alongside.
The Doctor: “Parked us.” We haven’t landed.
River: Of course we’ve landed. I just landed her.
The Doctor: But… it didn’t make the noise.
River: What noise?
The Doctor: You know the {imitates the TARDIS… sort of}
River: It’s not supposed to make that noise. You leave the brakes on.
The Doctor: Yeah. Well it’s a brilliant noise. I love that noise.

The Doctor: …oxygen-rich atmosphere, all toxins in the soft band, eleven hour day and… {sniffs the air} chances of rain later.
River: He thinks he’s so hot when he does that.

Amy: How come you can fly the TARDIS?
River: Oh, I had lessons from the very best.
The Doctor flattered: Well… yeah.
River: It’s a shame you were busy that day.

Amy: Are you going to introduce us?
The Doctor: Amy Pond. Professor River Song.
River gasps: I’m going to be a professor some day, am I? How exciting! {she laughs} Spoilers.

River: Two things always guaranteed to turn up in a museum. The home box of a category four Starliner and, sooner or later, him. It’s how he keeps score.

The Doctor: I’m nobody’s taxi service! I’m not going to be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship.
River: And you are so wrong.

River: There’s a thing in the belly of that ship that can’t ever die. Now he’s listening.

River: Where are we up to? Have we done the Bone Meadows?
Amy: What’s the book?
The Doctor: Stay away from it.
Amy: What is it though?

The Doctor: Her diary.
River: Our diary.
The Doctor: Her past. My… future. Time travel. We keep meeting in the wrong order.

Father Octavian: Has Dr. Song explained what we’re dealing with here?
River: Doctor, what do you know of the Weeping Angels?

Amy: But it’s just a statue.
River: It’s a statue when you see it.
The Doctor: Where did it come from?
River: Pulled from the ruins at Razzmahan into last century. It’s been in private hands ever since. Dormant all that time.

The Doctor: There’s a difference between dormant and patient.

River: It’s so strange when you go all baby-face. How early is this for you?
The Doctor: Fairly early.
River: So you don’t know who I am yet.
The Doctor: How do you know who I am? I don’t always look the same.
River: I’ve got pictures of all your faces. You never show up in the right order though. I need the Spotter’s Guide.

Octavian: He doesn’t know yet, does he? Who and what you are.
River: It’s too early in his time stream.
Octavian: Well make sure he doesn’t work it out. Or he’s not going to help us.
River: I won’t let you down. Believe you me, I have no intention of going back to prison.

River: Yes we are.
The Doctor: Sorry, what?
River: Talking about you.
The Doctor: I wasn’t listening. I’m busy.
River: Ah. The other way up. {The Doctor looks at the device and then turns it the right way up}
The Doctor: Yeah.
Amy: You’re so his wife.
River: Oh Amy Amy Amy. This is The Doctor we’re talking about. Do you really think it could be anything that simple?

The Doctor: That book, the very end, what did it say?
River: Hang on.
The Doctor: Read it to me.
River: “What if we had ideas that could think for themselves? What if one day our dreams no longer needed us? When these things occur and are held to be true, the time will be upon us. The time of Angels.”

The Doctor realizing: Oh.
Amy: What’s wrong?
River realizing: Oh.
The Doctor: Exactly.
River: How could we not notice that?
The Doctor: Low level perception filter or maybe we’re thick.
Octavian: What’s wrong, sir?
The Doctor: Nobody move! Nobody move. Everyone stay exactly where they are. Bishop, I am truly sorry I’ve made a mistake and we are all in terrible danger.
Octavian: What danger?
River: The Aplans.
Octavian: The Aplans?
River: They’ve got two heads.
Octavian: Yes, I get that. So?
The Doctor: So why don’t the statues.

River: There’s no way up, no way back, no way out. No pressure, but this is usually when you have a really good idea.
The Doctor: There’s always a way out. There’s always a way out.

Angel Bob: The Doctor. Can I speak to the Doctor please?
The Doctor: Hello, Angels. What’s your problem?

The Doctor: Trust me?
Amy: Yeah.
The Doctor: Trust me?
River: Always.

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Flesh and Stone

Octavian: Dr. Song, I’ve lost good clerics today. You trust this man?
River: I absolutely trust him.
Octavian: He’s not some kind of mad man then?
River: I absolutely trust him.

River: Father Octavian, when the Doctor’s in the room, your one and only mission is to keep him alive long enough to get everyone else home. And trust me, it’s not easy. Now if he’s dead back there, I’ll never forgive myself. And if he’s alive, I’ll never forgive him. And Doctor, you’re standing right behind me aren’t you?
The Doctor: Yeah.
River: I hate you.
The Doctor: You don’t.

River: That time energy, what’s it going to do?
The Doctor: Ah, keep eating.
River: How do we stop it?
The Doctor: Feed it.
River: Feed it what?
The Doctor: A big complicated space-time event should shut it up for awhile.
River: Like what, for instance?
The Doctor: Like me! For instance!

The Doctor: River Song, I could bloody kiss you!
River: Oh well. Maybe when you’re older.

River: I’ve traveled in time. I’m a complicated space-time event too. Throw me in.
The Doctor: Oh be serious, compared to me these Angels are more complicated than you and it’d take every single one of them to amount to me, so get a grip.
River: Doctor, I can’t let you do this.
The Doctor: No, seriously. Get a grip.
River: You’re not going to die here!
The Doctor: No, I mean it. River, Amy, get a grip.
River: Oh you genius.

River: You. Me. Handcuffs. Must it always end this way?
The Doctor: What now?
River: The prison ship’s in orbit. They’ll beam me up any second. I might have done enough to earn a pardon this time. We’ll see.
The Doctor: Octavian said you killed a man.
River: Yes, I did.
The Doctor: A good man.
River: A very good man. The best man I’ve ever known.
The Doctor: Who?
River: Hm. It’s a long story, Doctor. Can’t be told. Has to be lived. No sneak previews. Well. Except for this one. You’ll see me again quite soon. When the Pandorica opens.
The Doctor: The Pandorica. Ha! That’s a fairy tale.
River laughing. Ah, Doctor. Aren’t we all? I’ll see you there.
The Doctor: I look forward to it.
River: I remember it well.

The Doctor: Can I trust you, River Song?
River: If you like. But where’s the fun in that?

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The Pandorica Opens

Stormcage Containment Facility 5145

Guard: Cell 46. The Doctor? You mean Dr. Song.
River Song: Give me that! Seriously, just give it to me. I’m entitled to phonecalls. Doctor?
Churchill: No. And neither are you. Where is he?
River Song: You’re phoning the Time Vortex. It doesn’t always work. But the TARDIS is smart. She’s rerouted the call. Talk quickly. This connection lasts less than a minute.
Guard: Dr. Song! Are you finished with that?
River Song: You’re new here, aren’t you.
Guard: First day.
River Song: Then I’m very sorry.

The Royal Collection 5145

Liz Ten: This is the royal collection. And I’m the bloody queen. What are you doing here?
River Song: It’s about the Doctor, mum.
You met him once, didn’t you? I know he came here.
Liz Ten: The Doctor?
River Song: He’s in trouble. I need to find him.
Liz Ten: Then why are you stealing a painting?
River Song: Look at it. I need to find the Doctor. And I need to show him this.

The Maldovarium 5145

Dorium Maldovar: Well now. Word on the Mount is you’re looking for time travel.
River: Are you selling?
Dorium Maldovar: A vortex manipulator. Fresh off the wrist of a handsome time agent. I said off the wrist. Not cheap, Dr. Song. Have you brought me a pretty toy?
River: This is a Calisto Pulse. It can disarm micro-explosives from up to twenty feet.
Dorium Maldovar: What kind of micro-explosives?
River: The kind I just put in your wine.

The very first words in recorded history:
Hello Sweetie.

The Doctor: You graffitied the oldest cliff face in the Universe!
River: You wouldn’t answer your phone!

Amy: Why is it exploding?
River: I’m assuming it’s some kind of warning.
Amy: So something’s going to happen to the TARDIS.
River: It might not be that literal. Anyway, this is where he wanted you. Date and map reference on the door side, see.
The Doctor: Does is have a title?
River: “The Pandorica Opens”.
Amy: The Pandorica. What is it?
River: A box. A cage. A prison. It was built to contain the most feared thing in the whole Universe.
The Doctor: And it’s a fairy tale—a legend. It can’t be real!
River: If it is real it’s here and it’s opening. And it’s got something to do with your TARDIS exploding. Hidden obviously. Buried for centuries. You won’t find it on a map.
The Doctor: No, but if you bury the most dangerous thing in the Universe you’d want to remember where you put it.

Amy: Okay, this Pandorica thing. Last time we saw you, you warned us about it after we climbed out of the Byzantium.
River: Spoilers.
Amy: No, but you told the Doctor you’d see him again when the Pandorica opens.
River: Maybe I did. But I haven’t yet. But I will have. Doctor, I’m picking up Frye particles everywhere. Energy weapons discharged on this site.
The Doctor: If the Pandorica is here, it contains the mightiest warrior in history. Now half the galaxy would want a piece of that. Maybe even fight over it. We need to get down there.

The Doctor: It’s a Pandorica.
River: More than just a fairy tale.

The Doctor: There was a goblin, or a trickster. Or a warrior. A nameless, terrible thing. Soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it or… reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world.
Amy: How did it end up in there?
The Doctor: You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it.
River: I hate good wizards in fairy tales. They always turn out to be him.

Amy: So can you open it?
The Doctor: Easily. Anyone can break into a prison but I’d rather know what I’m going to find first.
River: You won’t have long to wait. It’s already opening. There are layers and layers of security protocols in there and they’re being disabled one-by-one. Like it’s being unlocked from inside.
The Doctor: How long do we have?
River: Hours at most.
The Doctor: What kind of security?
River: Everything. Dead locks. Time stops. Matter lines. Who could need all that?
The Doctor: Who could get past all that?

The Doctor: The stones. These stones are great big transmitters broadcasting a warning to everyone. Everywhere. To every time zone. “The Pandorica is opening.”
River: Doctor, everyone everywhere?
The Doctor: Even poor Vincent heard it in his dreams. But what’s in there? What could justify all this?
River: Doctor, everyone?
The Doctor: Anything that powerful I’d know about it. Why don’t I know?
River: Doctor. You said everyone could hear it. So who else is coming?

The Doctor: Oh.
Amy: Oh? Oh what?
River: Okay, if it is basically a transmitter we should be able to follow back the signal.
The Doctor: Doing it!
Amy: Doing what?
River: Stonehenge is transmitting. It’s been transmitting for awhile. So who heard?
The Doctor: Okay, should be feeding back to you now. River, what’s out there? Getting anything?
River: Give me a moment.
The Doctor: River, quickly! Anything?
River: Around this planet there are at least ten thousand starships.
Amy: At least?
River: Ten thousand. A hundred thousand. A million. I don’t know. There’s too many readings.
The Doctor: What kind of starships?
Dalek voice: Maintaining orbit. I obey.
Amy: Daleks. Those are Daleks.
River: Daleks, Doctor.
The Doctor: Yes, okay. Okay. Okay. Dalek fleet, minimum twelve thousand battleships armed to the teeth. Ah! But we’ve got surprise on our side. They’ll never expect three people to attack twelve thousand Dalek battleships ’cause we’d be killed instantly so it would be a fairly short surprise. Forget surprise.
River: Doctor, Cyber ships.
The Doctor: No. Dalek ships. Listen to them. Those are Dalek ships.
River: Yes, Dalek ships and Cyber ships.

River: Doctor, listen to me. Everything that ever hated you is coming here tonight. You can’t win this. You can’t even fight this. Doctor, this once—just this one time, please, you have to run.
The Doctor: Run where?
River: Fight how?

Roman Commander: So. I return to my command after one week and discover we’ve been playing host to Cleopatra. Who’s in Egypt. And dead.
River: Yes. Funny how things work out.

River to the TARDIS: Why do you want me here?

River seeing the Raggedy Doctor dolls: Oh Doctor. Why do I let you out.

The Doctor: TARDIS. Where is it? Hurry up.
River: Don’t raise your voice. Don’t look alarmed. Just listen.

River: They’re not real. They can’t be. They’re all right here in the storybook. Those actual Romans. The ones I sent you. The ones you’re with right now. They’re all in a book in Amy’s house. A children’s picturebook.
The Doctor: What are you even doing there?
River: It doesn’t matter—the TARDIS went wrong. Doctor, how is this possible?
The Doctor: Something’s using her memories, Amy’s memories.
River: But how?
The Doctor: You said something had been there.
River: Yes. There’s burn marks on the grass outside. Landing patterns.
The Doctor: If they’ve been through her house they could have used the psychic residue. Structures can hold memories. That’s why houses have ghosts. They could have taken a snapshot of Amy’s memories. But why?

River: Doctor, who are those Romans?
The Doctor: Projections. Or… duplicates.
River: But they were helping us. My lipstick even worked.
The Doctor: They might think they’re real. The perfect disguise. They actually believe their own cover story. Right until they’re activated.
River: Doctor, that centurion.

River: It’s a trap, it has to be. They used Amy to construct a scenario you’d believe. To get close to you.
The Doctor: Why? Who’d do that, what for? It doesn’t make sense! River? River? What’s happening?
River: I don’t know. It’s the engines. Doctor, there’s something wrong with the TARDIS. Like something else is controlling it.
The Doctor: You’re flying it wrong.
River: I’m flying it perfectly. You taught me.
The Doctor: Where are you. What’s the date reading?
River: It’s the 26th of June, 2010.
The Doctor: You need to get out of there now. Any other time zone, just go.
River: I can’t break free.
The Doctor: Well then shut down the TARDIS. Shut down everything!
River: I can’t!
Overhead: Silence will fall! Silence will fall!

River: Someone else is flying it. An external force. I’ve lost control.
The Doctor: But how? Why? {the Pandorica starts emitting a high-pitched sound} Well now. Ready to come out, are we?

River: I’m sorry, my love.

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The Big Bang

Rory: Doctor, there’s something else. There’s a voice.
Amy: I can’t hear it.
Rory: Trust the plastic.
River: I’m sorry my love.
Amy: Doctor, that’s River. How can she be up there?
Rory: Must be like a recording or something.
The Doctor: No, it’s not a recording. Of course. The emergency protocols. The TARDIS has sealed off the control room and put her into a time loop to save her. She is right at the heart of the explosion.

The Doctor: Hi honey. I’m home.
River: And what sort of time do you call this?

River: Amy! And the plastic Centurion.
The Doctor: It’s okay. He’s on our side.
River: Really?
The Doctor: Yep.
River: I dated a Nestene duplicate once. Swappable head. Did keep things fresh. Right then! I have questions. But number one is this: What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?
The Doctor: It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.

The Doctor: It needs to restore its power before it can attack again. Now. That means we’ve got exactly… four and a half minutes before it’s at lethal capacity.
Rory: How do you know?
The Doctor: Because that’s when it’s due to kill me.
River: Kill you? What do you mean, kill you?

River: Doctor, you’re being completely ridiculous. The Pandorica partially restored one Dalek. If it can’t even reboot a single life form properly how is it going to reboot the whole of reality?
The Doctor: What if we give it a moment of infinite power? What if we can transmit the light from the Pandorica to every particle of space and time simultaneously?
River: Well that would be lovely, dear, but we can’t. Because it’s completely impossible.
The Doctor: Ah, no. you see. It’s not. It’s almost completely impossible. One spark is all we need.
River: For what?
The Doctor: Big Bang II! Now listen— {the Dalek shoots him in the back}

River: Where did he go? Dammit, he could be anywhere!
Amy: He went downstairs. Twelve minutes ago.
River: Show me!
Amy: River. He died.
Dalek: Systems restoring. You will be exterminated!
Rory: We’ve got to move. That thing’s coming back to life.
River: You go to the Doctor. I’ll be right with you.

Dalek: You will be exterminated!
River: Not yet. Your systems are still restoring which means your shield density is compromised. One alpha meson burst through your eyestalk would kill you stone dead.
Dalek: Records indicate you will show mercy. You are an associate of the Doctor’s.
River: I’m River Song. Check your records again.
Dalek: Mercy.
River: Say it again.
Dalek: Mercy!
River: One more time.
Dalek: Mercy!!!

Rory: How could he have moved? He was dead. Doctor! Doctor!
Amy: But he was dead.
River: Who told you that?
Amy: He did.
River: Rule one: the Doctor lies.
Amy: Where’s the Dalek?
River: It died.

Rory: What’s happening?
River: Reality’s collapsing. It’s speeding up. Look at this room.
Rory: Where’d everything go?
River: History’s being erased. Time’s running out. Doctor, what were you doing? Tell us. Doctor!

River: He’s wired the vortex manipulator to the rest of the box.
Amy: Why?
River: So he can take it with him. He’s going to fly the Pandorica into the heart of the explosion.

Amy: So what happens here? A Big Bang II—what happens to us?
River: We all wake up where we ought to be. None of this ever happens and we don’t remember it.
Amy: River. Tell me he comes back too.
River: The Doctor will be at the heart of the explosion.
Amy: So?
River: So all the cracks in time will close. But he’ll be on the wrong side. Trapped in the nether space—the void between the worlds. All memory of him will be purged from the Universe. He will never have been born. Now please. He wants to talk to you before he goes.
Amy: Not to you?
River: He doesn’t really know me yet. Now he never will.

River: It’s from the Doctor.
Amy: What does it say?
River: “Geronimo.”

River: Did you dance? Well you always dance at weddings, don’t you.
The Doctor: You tell me.
River: Spoilers.
The Doctor: The writing’s all back but I didn’t peek.
River: Thank you.

The Doctor: Are you married, River?
River: Are you asking?
The Doctor: Yes.
River: Yes.
The Doctor: No. Hang on. Did you think I was asking you to marry me or asking if you were married?
River: Yes.
The Doctor: No, but was that yes or yes?
River: Yes.
The Doctor: River. Who are you?
River: You’re going to find out very soon now. And I’m sorry. But that’s when everything changes.

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