Series 5
User Review
( votes)The Trinity
Hal: This isn’t about rehabilitation anymore, this is vindictive.
Tom McNair (Michael Socha): You stay in the chair until you’re over the blood lust. {feeding him} Come on, it’ll make you big and strong.
Hal: I don’t mean the chair. I implore you. Put a screen in front of me, give me a blindfold. No one should have to look at this.
Tom: When you go, let me know if you’d like me to accompany ya. There’s some weird people out there.
Alex Millar (Kate Bracken): Says the werewolf spoonfeeding mashed banana to the vampire.
Tom: What do you reckon, is he safe?
Alex: Well a few days ago he stopped shouting abuse and started correcting my grammar again, so… I guess that’s got to be a good sign.
Hal: Drinking blood means I have become the man I fear. Drinking blood is the overture to a greater catastrophe.
Tom: You need to swear on summat. On the memory of Eve.
Hal: On the memory of Eve.
Tom: Right then!
Tom: How are you going to complete your business and pass over?
Alex: Find my body somehow and get it to my family I guess. So they can all grieve and stuff.
Tom: Well didn’t them blokes take it?
Alex: Yeah, so we just find out who they are and then go to the papers or something.
Hal: Well that’s obviously out of the question.
Alex: Why?
Hal: We cannot risk werewolves and vampires and ghosts being revealed to the world. The consequences could be catastrophic.
Alex: You of all people don’t get to dictate what we tell my dad and brothers.
Hal: What does that mean? Me of all people?
Alex: I’m not letting a good man die of grief just to protect the fucking Twilight franchise.
Hal: We can discuss it later.
Alex: You can discuss it later. With yourself.
Hal: That doesn’t even make sense!
Tom: I’ve always wanted to work in a hotel. Ever since me and dad snuck into the Bristol Hilton was I was 14. We were hunting a vampire called Radley.
Hal: Radley? I know Radley. Big ginger fellow.
Tom: Yeah.
Hal: How was he?
Tom: Yeah good until we killed him obviously.
Tom: I’m sorry again about the crying.
Patsy (Claire Cage): Yeah. No worries.
Tom: What are you lot doing down here?
Alex: Hal’s building a sauna.
Tom: A sauna? Here? That’s ridiculous.
Hal: Excuse me, weren’t you planning on putting a swimming pool in the garden?
Tom: I said that cos we’d only just met. And you know as well as I do I was really making a bomb.
Hal: Fine. I’m making a bomb.
Tom: Thank you. It’s the lying that hurts.
Alex: Can you please stop treating me like I’m made of glass or cobwebs or something. All right, I’m dead. My health and wellbeing has pretty much bottomed out.
Tom: So what am I supposed to do?
Alex: I don’t know just treat me like an equal. Treat me like a bloke.
Tom: But you’re a lady. And my dad taught me how to treat ladies. Always be polite and courteous. If a lady came in the room you stood up and took off any hats,
and if it was a vampire, you staked ’em.
Alex: And I’m sure that growing up in the paramilitary wing of the Amish had many pluses, but I find it patronizing.
Alex: I thought that I would take my body back to them and all this would end. But it’s already happened, and they’re talking about me in the past tense and I’m still here.
Tom: You’ve got us.
Alex: I don’t want you!
Tom: Most parents are worried about messing their kids up. I’m worried about eating mine.
Alex: Oh, this world sucks. Even with superpowers.
Tom: I’m sorry if the way I speak to you is annoying. It’s just what my dad would expect me to do. And that keeps him alive in my mind. Makes me feel safe.
Alex: You’re an excellent person, Thomas. I just need to remember that.
Hal: Evil doesn’t die. It just passes like a parcel, from year to year, body to body. But I survive. I live on while good people die around me. Heroes die. Grab your coat, Ian. We’re leaving.
Tom: Don’t! Stand down, it’s all right.
Hal: What are you doing?
Alex: Oh, something we’re going to regret.
Hal: Don’t you see? I’m his future and he’s mine.
Alex: So you need something to stay good for. We’re giving it to you.
Hal: What about your unfinished business?
Alex: Must be something else. I just hope it’s not blowing up any babies. {she laughs} Too soon?
Hal: A little.
Alex: Okay.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that, like it or not, this is my world now.
Tom: Welcome!
Hal: Welcome?
Tom: I panicked.
Hal: What Tom is trying to say is, it’s a world in which we’ve spend the majority of our lives. As you explore it, we’ll be by your side.
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Sticks and Rope
Alex: Well, what am I supposed to do? I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.
Tom: What did you do before?
Alex: Um, looked after my brothers, went out on the piss with me mates, got off with inappropriate people–no offense.
Tom: You know when I transform, I should drag you around on a piece of string in the woods.{pause} I’m saying you’re a chicken.
Hal: Thank you. I got the analogy.
Alex: How can he have been living here so long and we never knew?
Hal: More to the point, what are we going to do with him? It’s not like we can hand him over to social services.
Tom: No, it’s down to us.
Alex: Oh, piss right off.
Tom: What? You’re dead good with kids. You’re always talking about your brothers.
Alex: Yeah, but… Little Lord Fauntleroy there is not one of my brothers.
Tom: Imagine having “Employee of the Month” written on your CV. Imagine having a CV.
Hal: You can have a CV. I’ll type you up a CV as soon as I’m done disinfecting the keyboard.
Tom: There’s nothing you won’t do to beat me, is there? Well it don’t matter how far you are up Patsy’s bum, I’m going to win this competition.
Hal: If only you could. I’ve been trying to throw the bloody thing all day, but no matter how shit I try to be, you find a way of being shitter. What’s your secret? No, really, I’m dying to know.
Patsy: This whole experience has been incredibly stressful so if you wanted to, to give me a back rub that would be fine.
Hal: Now you listen to me, if you want this place to be a success then Tom McNair is exactly the employee you need. The problem with you, Patsy, is that you are an inveterate snob. You’d rather reward someone who is well-spoken and disinterested than someone who is a little rough around the edges but utterly committed. Now that is not an environment I wish to work in, so if he goes I go.
…moments later…
Tom: Well that was stupid. Now none of us have got a job.
Hal: I think the phrase you’re looking for is “Thank you.”
Hal: What is it? What’s wrong?
Tom: Where’s Oliver?
Alex: He’s gone.
Alex: On thing I don’t understand. Okay, I get the fact that the Men with Sticks and Rope are after me, ’cause that’s just what they do. They go after ghosts that haven’t moved on. But I thought they couldn’t cross into this plane.
Hal: They can’t. Not in their true form.
Alex: Well they managed to somehow.
There was something else as well, before they left he said “He will rise.” What does that mean? Who, who will rise?
Hal: It’s as if something’s changing. It’s as if the barriers between the worlds are becoming weaker.
Tom: And that’s not good, is it?
Hal: No. It is very not good.
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Pie and Prejudice
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The Greater Good
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No Care, All Responsibility
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The Last Broadcast