Being Human Series 1

Flotsam and Jetsam

2009.01.25    S01E01

Aidan Turner  Annabel Scholey  Dylan Brown  Gregg Chillin  Jason Watkins  Lenora Crichlow  Russell Tovey

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Annie Sawyer (Lenora Crichlow): Everyone dies… Uh, actually, can I start that again? Everyone deserves a death. I was going to die of old age. That was the plan. Mitchell was going to go down in a blaze of gunfire and glory…. Not cold and alone and shit scared. He didn’t think death would smile at him first. Death was always a certainty. The punch line we could all see coming. But not for Mitchell. For a vampire, death isn’t the end. But the beginning.

So here we are. Overlooked and forgotten. Unnatural and… supernatural. Watching the dance from the sidelines. At least I was surrounded by friends and family. At least I got that bit right.

You know the worst thing about being a ghost? It’s lonely. You’ll give anything for that crumb of comfort. That feel of skin against skin that says, “It’s okay. I’m here.” It’s a hunger. The most basic instinct. You might even drag others into this world of the dead. Even if it means turning them into monsters too.

Then there are the ones like George. The ones that should have died. But shattered and bloody, they walk away from the train wreck. But what’s the cost? They’re scarred. Transformed. They’re monsters now too. Aberrations. The stuff of nightmares. The big bad wolf.

So. What have we got left to look forward to? Us refugees. The flotsam and jetsam of death. Maybe, if we still deserve such a thing as mercy, we find each other.

Annie Sawyer (Lenora Crichlow): He can see me!
John Mitchell (Aidan Turner): He can so see you.
Annie: Ah… it’s happening all the time now! And not just with people like you but with normal people. I was outside putting out the recycling and a van drove past and the guy shouted, “slag!”. So, who wants tea? {George groans} What?
George Sands (Russell Tovey): You keep making tea. Every surface is covered with mugs of tea and coffee. I go to make myself some tea and I can’t! There’s no mugs, there’s no tea. It’s all been made! And you can’t even drink it. You know? You can’t drink it, you keep making it. Oh my god, it’s driving me insane!
Annie: Oh. Well I like my routine. It makes me feel normal.
George: You’re a ghost!

Annie: You’re both off then?
Mitchell: Yeah, we’ve got work and then it’s his time of the month.
Annie: Oh. Right. Well. Tell you what, I won’t miss that. Used to have to curl up on the sofa, hot water bottle, Pride and Prejudice. Anyone says anything to me I’d bite their head off. Gosh, I suppose in your case that, that is actually quite a possibility, isn’t it? You know, biting?
Mitchell: We’ll see you later. {they leave}
Annie: Okay. I’ll see you later guys!

George: Other people move in somewhere, they get damp. No. They get woodlice. Why do we get Casper the Friendly Ghost?
Mitchell: We’ve been over this. There must be something unresolved about her death. That’s what’s keeping her here.
George: It’s not fair.
Mitchell: Exactly. Whatever happened to her wasn’t fair.
George: No. I mean it’s unfair her being here. The amount of washing up she generates.

Mitchell: Leave him alone.
Seth (Dylan Brown): What? You want to share?
Mitchell: No, I’ve… I’ve stopped.
Seth: Yeah. We’ve had this conversation, Mitchell. What blood type is he anyway? {he checks the chart} A positive. Hm. A bit Jacob’s Creek-y for me, but there you go.

Seth: You can’t stop, Mitchell. It’s what we are.

Seth: Look at you. When’s the last time you fed? You’re shaking, sweating. Get into character. Watch the door.

George: Hello. Uh, what are you doing?
Worker: This is going to be the site office when they start building the admin wing. Look at the state of it! Furniture all smashed up, those marks on the walls. They been keeping the mentals in here or what?

Mitchell: We haven’t had time to find somewhere. You can’t just run into some random bit of countryside. You’ll kill someone.
George: What else can I do?
Mitchell: Come back to the house.
George: I’m not doing this in the house!
Mitchell: For God’s sake, you can’t always keep it separate! This is happening, this is part of you! {George runs into the forest} George! It’s safer there. We can contain you!
George failing to find a spot: No. You’re right. Let’s go back to the house.
Mitchell: What?

Annie: All right George? What’s happening? I thought it was your time of the month.
Mitchell: It is. He’s doing it here.
Annie: I just hoovered.

Annie: Can I watch? I just want to see what happens.
George: This isn’t like when you were six, watching your cat have kittens. It’s… it’s private.
Annie: But you’ve seen me since I’ve died. I think the rules of privacy got a bit muddy. Oh come on, it’s not like you can hurt me.
Mitchell: Maybe she should. This is what I mean. It’s part of you.
George: Okay, um, keep to the kitchen, stay out of its line of vision. If it sees you I don’t know what it’ll do.

George: Oh… no. Where’s all our stuff? What did I do?
Mitchell: We’ve salvaged what we can, but there’s about ten bin bags of crap and wreckage stashed in my bedroom. I’m sensing a trip to IKEA. And you know my feelings about that.

Annie: Owen. Your landlord. My fiancé. Ex-fiancé. He’s coming round.
Mitchell: In about… now.
George: He’s coming here? Why?
Mitchell: He’s over from Saudi for a few months and wants to meet us.
Annie: Well you guys are his longest staying tenants. All the others, they found it, uh, strangely unwelcoming.
George: Why didn’t you put him off?
Mitchell: I tried! But she kicked me in the shin. The shin, George!

Annie: Okay, I’ve written a list of questions for you to ask him.
Mitchell reading: “Are you screwing Janey Harris?”
Annie: She always fancied Owen. Trust me, if she had known when I died she’d have been here before the ambulance crew.
Mitchell still reading: Aw. “Has my sister had a baby?”.
Annie: Yeah, ’cause they’ve been trying for ages. I blame her husband. His name’s Robin, he works in the post office.
George: Oh my god, has everybody taken stupid pills? This is Annie’s ex. Annie’s ex who buried her.

George: Remember, we’re two guys renting a house. It’s the most natural thing in the world. We just have to be totally and completely normal.
Mitchell: Yeah. Good luck with that.

George on the lack of furniture: Shouldn’t we be striving for something more spiritual? More, um, more “zen”?
Owen (Gregg Chillin): Oh. I thought maybe you were going to redecorate and didn’t want to get the furniture all painty.
George: Yeah. That would have made more sense.

Annie: I just want to see him. I could sneak down. I could hide.
George: Are you crazy? He will see you and die of shock. {Annie perks up.} Annie.That is not an option.

Mitchell: What happened exactly? If you don’t mind my asking?
Owen: Um.. we’d literally just moved in. I mean we were still living out of boxes. And it was dark—I hadn’t sorted the wiring out yet. And she was at the top of the stairs and, I don’t know, they said she must have fallen awkwardly or something.
Mitchell: What was she like?
Owen: Annie? Oh, she was kind, funny. Cleverer than she thought she was. And she was mine.

Mitchell: How did you do that, stay so calm?
George: Okay, shut up.
Mitchell: You’re a spy, aren’t you? I mean you’ve clearly had training. Because the way you held it together there, it was chilling.

Mitchell: You didn’t get my message? This isn’t your fucking larder, Herrick.
Herrick (Jason Watkins): This is a social call, nothing more. We’re really worried about you.

Mitchell: Seth said—
Herrick: “Seth said.” Listen, there’s something you need to know about Seth…. He’s an idiot.

Mitchell: You know what I don’t understand? This interest in me.
Herrick: If things were to change, having you by my side, like it was back in the day, that would…. People admire you. I admire you.

Herrick: Everything is about to change. And nothing can stop it. This is nature. This is… tectonic plates shifting. And the only thing, this, the only thing you and me get to choose… is which side we’re on when it happens. Something to ponder.

Lauren (Annabel Scholey): Boo!
George: Lauren?
Lauren: Surprise. Did you enjoy my memorial service? It’s a shame Mitchell couldn’t make it. But maybe he’ll come to yours. {She laughs.} Oh, your face. This must be really confusing. Let me explain. Before I died I had this one odd last thought, and now I’m going to make it yours. {She advances on him ominously.} You know all the things that you were scared of as a kid, all the monsters under your bed? They’re all real. No reaction. Okay. I’m kind of new to this, but aren’t you supposed to weep, or scream or wee yourself?
George: Mitchell did this to you?
Lauren: What, you know? You know what he is? Wait a sec. Come here. {She sniffs him.} Oh my god! A werewolf. Creepy.

George: I manage my condition. I hide in a shitty bloody cellar or in the middle of the forest but you, you buy a bottle of wine and a package of condoms! What is the point of us trying to build some kind of normality when you are attacking our friends and turning them into monsters? For Christ sake, we knew her. You let me go to her bloody memorial.
Mitchell: How the hell do you think I’ve survived for the last hundred years? There’s no escape from it. I’m not like you, I don’t have days off. This is what I am.
George: Then why are we even trying?

Annie: I just, I knew that if he saw me again… But he couldn’t see me. And now he’s got someone else. And now she gets to kiss him. And watch him shave. And laugh and I’m still in the clothes that I died in! I get nothing! She gets him and I get… I get you.

Annie: How did it happen?
George: We were on holiday in Scotland. The place we were staying was on the edge of this huge ravine. And one night I decided to go for a walk. I’ve never been so scared. This thing was…. Even at the time I remember looking at it and being offended. That thing in this world, it was… it was so wrong.
Annie: It attacked you?
George: This other guy, this— another guest who had tagged along, and… He was killed. It literally tore his throat and chest out. I was only scratched. I survived.
Annie: Like me?
George: Like you. Hooray for us.

George: Why do you think Owen couldn’t see you?
Annie: I don’t know. Maybe the shock of it was like… just set me back.
George: Like a relapse.
Annie: There’s just so much of this I don’t understand.

Annie: So what’d you think of her then? Janey.
George: She’s… orange.

Mitchell: What do you want? Did Herrick send you?
Lauren: This isn’t just about him.
Mitchell: Well then what do you want?
Lauren: You left me! You brought me into this and then you left me. I woke up surrounded by strangers. It should have been you there. Ever since then they just pass me around. I’m like this orphan.

Mitchell: Come away with me. There’s places we can go where we can be safe from them.
Lauren: They’re not some dopey abusive boyfriend. Do you think anywhere is safe from them?
Mitchell: They stay away from the smaller towns. Anywhere that’s exposed.

Lauren: You did this! You made me this, Mitchell! This is all your fault.

George: Is this how it ends, then? They connect her to you, you to Lauren. Everything gets blown open. We lose it all.
Mitchell: No. They have ways of doing this. Come on.
George: What do you mean?
Mitchell: We’ve been around for thousands of years. You think this is the first time something like this has happened? They have branches everywhere.

Herrick: Hey Mitchell. It’s all about to start. We’re drawing up lists. Make-your-mind-up time.
Mitchell: I choose them.
Herrick: Pity. Be seeing you.
Seth: And your little dog.

George: I’d forgotten what they were like, the others. They’re predators. Every inch of them is just hunger and fury. The energy it must take him every minute not to be like that.
Annie: Do you think he should have saved her?
George: I think he did.

Annie: I want to stay in the house now! Oh look, I’m sorry. I feel safe here. There are monsters outside. When it’s just the three of us it’s like none of them can touch us.