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2004.08.11    

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It’s summertime in Minneapolis and every god damn biker thinks they’re Lance Armstrong. I feel some guidelines are needed.

Attention bikers:

1. You are allowed to ride in the street if you stay as close to the curb and/or parked cars as humanly possible.

2. You must obey all posted stop signs and stop lights. You can not wait until traffic is clear and then run a red. If I can’t do it, you can’t do it.

3. If you choose to ride in the middle of the road, you must be doing the minimum posted speed limit. As a general rule, you must be going over 25 miles per hour. Although 30 is preferable.

4. If you cannot do the posted speed limit, you must ride on the sidewalk.

5. If you do not adhere to these rules I have every right to mow you down like the punter you are. Punter.