Season 3

The Shape of Things to Come

Taylor: I just assumed you weren’t going to be making it today.
Marissa: Well. Here I am.

Taylor: Summer, who do think has been running this commitee these past two years?
Summer: Uh, Marissa Cooper.
Taylor: Marissa Cooper has been busy. Skipping school. Eperimenting with her sexual orientation. And I was here, picking up the slack. Doing all of the work while she got all of the credit. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have all of the responsibility but none of the credit? Do you?

The End of Innocence

Seth: Pretty sure Rogers and Hammerstein wrote South Pacific.
Taylor: Well I changed some lyrics, cut a character. It was just such a good musical it made me wish it were better.

The Last Waltz

Taylor: Summer look. I know I can be a pain.
Summer: A pain? Taylor, you staged a power play at the kick-off carnival. You tattled to the Dean and got Ryan kicked out of school.
Taylor: I don’t have any friends.
Summer: Gee. There’s a shocker.
Taylor: I know. And it’s my fault. I don’t trust people and so I try to control them which then drives them away. Ergo, no friends. I’m working through it with my therapist.
Summer: Well don’t quit now.

Taylor: If I tell you this you did not hear it from me, okay? I mean this has to be secret. I mean I’m talking Deep Throat before he went public to cash in on the fat book deal.

Taylor: Summer!
Summer: No. Just so you know, you and your friend the dean may have won this round, but the war is not over.
Taylor: Well unless you have an exit strategy, don’t even get out of the boat. I am a human quagmire. {she storms off.}
Summer to a passing student: What’s a quagmire? Hello! Anyone? Quagmire?

Taylor: Hi everybody! Everyone, hi. I’m Taylor Townsend, your social chair. And I would like to thank you all for coming.
Seth: Relax. She’s not taking credit for it.
Taylor: Thank you. So this dance has been my baby now for quite a while.
Seth: Okay, she’s taking credit for it.
Summer: I am going to kill her.
Taylor: But there is one person without whose help none of this could ever have happened.
Seth: See, she’s gonna—
Taylor: Dean Hess.
Seth: Oh.
Summer: I’m gonna kill the both of them.
Seth: Wait.
Taylor: So everyone, have fun. Because this really is the end of Summer.
Seth: Gee, now you kinda set yourself up for that one.

The Swells

Taylor: Have you heard about the lock-in tomorrow night? The entire senior class is gonna spend the night in the gym.
Summer: Oo! We can’t make it.
Seth: Yeah. I’m taking off my arm with a hacksaw.
Taylor: Oh. Well that’s a shame. You’re gonna have to miss that. Lock-in’s mandatory. It counts as a class.

Taylor’s Mom: Are those your prisoners? They look like they want to be here just about as much as I do.

Taylor’s Mom: Taylor, untuck your shirt. Your ass is so not made for low riders.
Taylor: Got it.

Taylor: Sorry! I can’t hear you.
Summer to Taylor: What do you mean you can’t hear—? You’re responding!
Taylor: Sorry!

The Anger Management

Taylor: So, you’re like Seth’s best friend, right?
Ryan: Don’t tell Captain Oats.
Taylor: That’s funny. I didn’t know that you were funny.

Taylor: Look, can we talk?
Seth: Yeah, but before you say anything—
Taylor: I like you.
Seth: Ah, boy.
Taylor: I know. It totally surprised me too, because I don’t usually go for the R. Crumb type. But the heart has its own logic.
Seth: Hm. Hm. Yeah, well, I’m with Summer though. So…
Taylor: I heard you were breaking up.
Seth: What? Who said that?
Taylor: I made it up. But what did you feel when you heard it? Relief?
Seth: No.

Seth trying to get the bartender’s attention: Hey. Hey, Buddy! {no luck} I used to work here!
Taylor: Hello Seth.
Seth: Taylor. Hey!
Taylor: Is Summer here?
Seth: Okay, look. I love Summer. And always have. Now while you and I may share an appreciation for ultra violent Asian cinema, there is no way—
Summer walking up: What’s going on?
Seth: Tell me you just heard what I was saying.
Taylor: Hi Summer. You look really cute.
Summer: I know. But more importantly why are you always talking to my boyfriend?

Veronica Townsend: I thought you said you’d have friends here tonight.
Taylor: They’re just not here yet.
Veronica: I don’t want another evening of you sitting alone in the corner reading The Economist. It’s embarrassing.

Taylor: I live in this dream world where I think that Summer is my friend and I think that you like me. And the truth is that I don’t have anybody. I mean, god, even the Grinch has that stupid little dog!
Seth: You think Summer’s your friend?
Taylor: Yes, I know, I’m crazy!

The Game Plan

Summer: You can have him. Go to Brown or wherever you smart people go. He’s yours.
Taylor: This is a ploy, isn’t it?
Summer: No. It’s life. He’s going to Rhode Island and I’m going to Arizona.
Taylor: I just thought you guys would do the whole long distance thing.
Summer: Please. And struggle along? Break up at Thanksgiving and hook up at Christmas. And then break up again in January when we’re both back in school?
Taylor: But you could still apply to a school near to him.
Summer: Could you imagine me on the East coast? I’d be like one of those animals that they rip from their natural habitat and put in a zoo. Their fur would get all mangy and they’d throw dung at people. It would be awful.

Taylor: Look, Summer, who knows what’s going to happen in the future. But for right now, Seth loves you. And you’re not even giving him a chance.
Summer: Why are you doing this?
Taylor: I figured Brown was a little Vanity Fair for my taste, and now I’m considering The Sorbonne.
Summer: No, I mean why are you being so nice?
Taylor: Well pathetic as it sounds, you and Seth are pretty much my best friends. And, ah, let’s face it. I never really had a shot with him.
Summer: Taylor, we are your friends.

The Safe Harbor

Summer: Taylor, who out of our group would be better at winning over the hearts and minds of the student body?
Taylor: Did you say “our group”?
Seth: Great! So you’ll do it.
Taylor: It’s an honor to share your foxhole.

Seth: I have been sanctioned to offer you sexual favors. I swear Summer said it was okay.
Taylor: Wow. Anything else, you would facing a long night. Involving candle wax, tubesocks and the new Fiona Apple CD. But Marissa, I can’t.
Seth: Okay, well, lucky for both of us I have the option to forego manwhoring and make an appeal to your heart. Because I know that you have one.
Taylor: Seth, don’t.
Seth: No, I am your friend. So is Summer and so is Ryan. And if Marissa came back, you’d have her too.
Taylor: Okay, you don’t get it. My mom is a sports agent.
Seth: Your mom’s a sports agent? I thought she was just a bored, bitter Newpsie.
Taylor: She’s a bored, bitter ball-buster. 300-pound football players go to her when they need something done. pause. She threatened to take away my car.
Seth: We’ll give you a ride to school.
Taylor: Not to pay for college.
Seth: You can get a scholarship.
Taylor: I’m sorry.
Seth: Fine. But as your friend I’m going to beg you to do one thing: Do not grow up to be like your mom, ’cause you’re too good for that.

The Sister Act

Taylor about Marissa: Poor thing. It must be really hard for her readjusting. Kind of like coming back from ‘Nam.

The Road Warrior

Taylor: Does he still have the things on his… thing?
Seth: Oh no no. A little penicillin cleared that right up. Looks fantastic.
Taylor: awkward. Good. That’s good.

Taylor: You know what? Never mind all that. This is an emergency. Summer’s going to majorly wig when she finds out who her dad is dating.
Seth: Yeah, well. Whoever it is, staying out of it.
Taylor: Julie Cooper. I caught them having an illicit liaison and the way they were talking was totally perverted.
Seth: Wow. Wait. Perverted how?
Taylor: Just what are we going to tell Summer?
Summer: What’s who going to tell Summer?
Seth: Do I need to call a locksmith?
Summer: What are you doing here, T-Bag?

The Undertow

Taylor: Holy Kodak moment!
Summer: I guess Seth just aced his Brown interview.
Taylor: That’s fantastic. We’re so gonna party tonight. I’ll make a flan.
Summer: You know what, Taylor, Seth and I were thinking about hanging out alone. My dad’s out of town, so…
Taylor: Ah. Say no more. nudging Summer. Hm? Hm?
Summer: What’s wrong with your eye?
Taylor: It’s a knowing wink, Summer.

Taylor: Looks like someone got the short straw.
Summer: What, no. I ordered pancakes.
Taylor: No, you drew the short straw. confusion You know, after the sex, when everyone’s hungry, but nobody wants to get the takeout. Short straw picks up the food.

The Day After Tomorrow

Taylor: Have you spoken to Marissa lately?
Summer: Well, if you count “Pass the milk” and “Don’t be so skanky,”—

Taylor: Summer, getting a man is like capturing a wily silverback gorilla in the Ugandan highlands. You see, nature is telling that gorilla to stay in the wild. But you and I know that that gorilla would be much happier back in the zoo on a normal feeding schedule. But sometimes he’s just got to roar and beat his chest before you shoot him with a tranq dart.
Summer: So what you’re saying is he’s trying to exert his gorilla independence.
Taylor: Exactly.

Taylor: Hi. I’m Taylor. I used to be like total enemies with those guys but I’m pretty much second circle core now.

The Dawn Patrol

Taylor: Hey, Sum. If it makes you feel any better, I just saw Seth and he looks as miserable as you do.
Summer: The only thing that would make me feel better would be seeing that ass-less, gut-less wuss skinned, flayed and served as ass-less, gut-less wuss tartar.
Taylor: That’s very descriptive, Summer.

Summer: No way. No scheming, no plan Bs, no wacky hijinks? Cohen broke up with me. Only he has the power to unbreak us up. There’s no way I’m gonna go groveling back to him like some pathetic brokenhearted little bitch.
Taylor: Do you still love him?
Summer: Yeah. There’s something wrong with me, huh?
Taylor: Did he say that he doesn’t love you?
Summer: Now that you mention it, no. He did not.
Taylor: You see, he’s acting out of fear. He’s trapped in an anxiety spiral. And in the rock, paper, scissors of romance, love trumps fear. Actually love trumps everything.

Taylor: Want me to whip up another round of Frappucinos? They say chocolate and sugar send endorphins to your brain. Come on, tell me you feel better.
Summer: He doesn’t love me. she rests her head on Taylor’s shoulder. Aw!

The Party Favor

Marissa: This is way better than any dance I ever designed.
Taylor: Marissa, that means so much to me. I’ve been saying that but no one listens.

Taylor: Do you know where Simon gets those skin-tight v-necks? I totally want to get one for Sung Ho.

Taylor: Oh, so just so you know, I thought it was only fair to take myself out of the running. So, no recounts.

Taylor: You were prom queen last year. You have to go.
Summer: Yeah, well, the queen is dead.
Taylor: I see. Well perhaps you’d like to hear who your date is.
Summer: What are you talking about?
Taylor: I got you a date.
Summer: Taylor—
Taylor: Quiet. Now you know how I’m going with Sun Ho.
Taylor: The guy from the Korean barbecue?
Summer: Oh yeah. We, like, totally found each other at the sweatshirt party. He’s got this wonderfully hairless body. It’s like hooking up with a seal.
Summer: I have to go.

Taylor: Hello! Trash cans exist for a reason!

The Graduates

Summer: I don’t think Cohen’s the one that needs to get lei-ed.
Taylor: Au contraire, Summer. Have I told you about my after-after-prom party with Sung Ho and Yung Nam? It was hot and spicy and, let’s just say I had my very own Korean barbeque.
Summer: I am so off kim chee.

Taylor: They say there’s no one older than a high school senior, but no one younger than a college freshman. Well I guess now we’ll find out as we begin our journey.

Taylor: And if I could leave you all with one final word of advice: Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

Taylor: So I just stopped by to say farewell.
Summer: You’re leaving for the Sorbonne already?
Taylor: Oh no, not quite. Sung Ho and I decided to spend the summer in his family’s village. We’re defusing land mines in the DMZ.
Seth: That’s a way to spend your summer vacation.
Summer: But what about the after-grad party? I mean you already planned it.
Taylor: As a gift. To the class of 2006. So my work here is done. It has been a pleasure being second circle core.
Seth: You can join the inner circle.
Taylor: I can? Oh my god! The Fab Five!