The Impossible Astronaut

In memory of
Elisabeth Sladen
1948-2011

The Doctor popping out from under a dress: You know, this isn’t nearly as bad as it looks.

Amy: “At the personal intervention of the King, the unnamed doctor was incarcerated without trial in the Tower of London.”
Rory: Okay, but it doesn’t have to be him.
Amy: “According to contemporary accounts, two nights later a magical sphere some twenty feet across was seen floating away from the tower, carrying the mysterious doctor aloft.”
Rory: Okay. It’s him.
Amy: There’s more.

Escapee: Doctor. Doctor, what can you see?
The Doctor: Is the Commandant’s office painted a sort of green color with a big flag on the wall? {an alarm sounds} I think the answer’s probably yes.

Amy: It’s like he’s being deliberately ridiculous, trying to attract our attention. {about Laurel and Hardy} Are we watching this again?
Rory: Yeah. I’ve explained the jokes. So what are you saying? You really think he’s back there trying to wave to us out of history books? {The Doctor appears on-screen and waves at them}.
Amy: It is the sort of thing he’d do.
Rory: Yeah, but why?
Amy: Well he said he’d be in touch.
Rory: Two months ago.
Amy: Two months is nothing. He’s up to something. I know he is. I know him.

22/04/2011
16:30 MDT
37º 0º 38ºN 110º 14º 34º W

Rory: What is it? Amy?
Amy: A date. A time. A map reference. I think it’s an invitation.
Rory: From who?
Amy: It’s not signed. Look. TARDIS blue.

Guard (Kieran O’Connor): You better get down here, sir. She’s doing it again. […] Doctor Song, sir. She’s packing. Says she’s going to some planet called “America”.

Amy: This is it, yeah? Right place?
Rory: Uh. Nowhere. Middle of. Yeah. This is it.
The Doctor: Howdy.
Amy: Doctor!
The Doctor: It’s the Ponds!

Amy: Someone’s been a busy boy then, eh.
The Doctor: Did you see me?
Amy: Of course.
The Doctor: Stalker.
Amy: Flirt.
Rory: Husband.
The Doctor: And Rory the Roman!

Rory: Hey. Nice hat.
The Doctor: I wear a stetson now. Stetson’s are cool. {it gets shot off his head by…}
River: Hello Sweetie.

River: Alright, then. Where are we? Have we done Easter Island?
The Doctor: Um… yes! I’ve got Easter Island.
River: They worshipped you there. Have you seen the statues?
The Doctor: Jim the Fish.
River: Oh! Jim the Fish! How is he?
The Doctor: Still building his dam.

Amy: So what’s been happening then? ‘Cause you’ve been up to something.
The Doctor: I’ve been running. Faster than I’ve ever run. And I’ve been running my whole life. Now it’s time for me to stop. And tonight I’m going to need you all with me.
Amy: Okay. We’re here. What’s up?
The Doctor: A picnic. And then a trip. Somewhere different. Somewhere brand new.
Amy: Where?
The Doctor: Space. 1969.

Amy: Since when do you drink wine?
The Doctor: I’m eleven hundred and three. I must have drunk it some time. {spits it out} Oh, that’s horrid! I thought it would taste more like the gums.
Amy: Eleven hundred and three. You were nine hundred and eight last time I saw you.
The Doctor: And you’ve put on a couple of pounds. I wasn’t going to mention it.

Amy: Who’s that?
Rory: Hm? Who’s who?
Amy: Sorry what?
Rory: What did you see? You said you saw something.
Amy: No, I didn’t.

The Doctor: Ah! The moon! Look at it! Of course you lot did a lot more than look, didn’t you? Big silvery thing in the sky, you couldn’t resist it. Quite right.
Rory: The moon landing was in ’69. Is that where we’re going?
The Doctor: Oh, a lot more happens in ’69 than anyone remembers. Human beings. I thought I’d never get done saving you.

The Doctor: You all need to stay back. Whatever happens now you do not interfere. Clear?
Rory: That’s an astronaut. That’s an Apollo astronaut in a lake.

The Doctor: Hello. It’s okay, I know it’s you. {the astronaut opens its helmet} Well then.

The Doctor regenerating: I’m sorry.

Amy: River, he can’t be dead. This is not impossible.
River: Whatever that was, it killed him in the middle of his regeneration cycle. His body was already dead. He didn’t make it to the next one.
Amy: Maybe he’s a clone or a duplicate or something.
Canton Everett Delaware III (William Morgan Sheppard): I believe I can save you some time. That most certainly is the Doctor. And he is most certainly dead. He said you’d need this.
Rory: Gasoline?
River: A Time Lord’s body is a miracle. Even a dead one. There are whole empires out there who’d rip this world apart just for one cell. We can’t leave him here. Or anywhere.

Amy: What do we do, Rory?
River: We’re his friends. We do what the Doctor’s friends always do. As we’re told.
Rory: There’s a boat. If we’re going to do this, let’s do it properly.

River: Who are you? Why did you come?
Delaware: Same reason as you. {he pulls out the invite} Doctor Song. Amy. Rory. I’m Canton Everett Delaware the Third. I won’t be seeing you again, but you’ll be seeing me.

River: Four.
Rory: Sorry, what?
River: The Doctor numbered the envelopes. You got Three, I was Two. Mr. Delaware was Four.
Rory: So?
River: So. Where’s One?
Rory: What, you think he invited someone else?
River: Well he must have. He planned all of this to the last detail.
Amy: Will you two shut up, it doesn’t matter.
River: He was up to something.
Amy: He’s dead.
River: “Space. 1969.” What did he mean?
Amy: You’re still talking, but it doesn’t matter.
Rory: Hey! It mattered to him.
River: So it matters to us.
Amy: He’s dead.
River: But he still needs us. I know. Amy, I know. But right now we have to focus.

River: When you know it’s the end, who do you call?
Rory: Your friends, people you can trust.
River: Number One. Who did the Doctor trust the most? {The Doctor walks casually out of the back}. This is cold. Even by your standards, this is cold.
The Doctor: Or “hello” as people used to say.
Amy: Doctor.
The Doctor: Just popped out to get my special straw. It adds more fizz.
Amy: You’re okay. How can you be okay?
The Doctor: Hey, of course I’m okay. I’m always okay. I’m the king of okay. Oh, that’s a rubbish title. Forget that title. Rory the Roman! That’s a good title! Hello Rory. And Doctor River Song. Oh you bad bad girl. What trouble have you got for me this time? {she smacks him} Okay. I’m assuming that’s for something I haven’t done yet.
River: Yes it is.
The Doctor: Good. Looking forward to it.

Rory: I don’t understand. How can you be here?
The Doctor: I was invited. Date. Map reference. Same as you lot, I assume. Otherwise it’s a hell of a coincidence.
Amy: River. What’s going on?
River: Amy, ask him what age he is.
The Doctor: Bit personal.
River: Tell her. Tell her what age you are.
The Doctor: Nine hundred and nine.
Amy: But you said you—
River: So where does that leave us, huh? Jim the Fish? Have we done Jim the Fish yet?
The Doctor: Who’s Jim the Fish?
Amy: I don’t understand.
Rory: Yeah you do.
The Doctor: I don’t. What are we all doing here?
River: We’ve been recruited. Something to do with space, 1969. And a man called Canton Everett Delaware the Third.
The Doctor: Recruited by who?
River: Someone who trusts you more than anyone else in the Universe.
The Doctor: And who’s that?
River: Spoilers.

The Doctor: 1969. That’s an easy one. Funny how some years are easy. Now 1482, full of glitches. Now then! Canton Everett Delaware the Third. That was his name, yeah? How many of those can there be? Well… three, I suppose.

The Doctor: Rory. Is everybody cross with me for some reason?
Rory: I’ll find out.

Amy: Explain it again.
River: The Doctor we saw on the beach is a future version two hundred years older than the one up there.
Amy: But all that’s still gonna happen? He’s still gonna die?
River: We’re all going to do that, Amy.
Rory: We’re all not going to arrange our own wake and invite ourselves. So the Doctor, in the future, knowing he’s going to die, recruits his younger self and all of us to… to what, exactly? Avenge him?
River: Uh unh. Avenging’s not his style.
Amy: Save him.
Rory: That’s not his style either.
Amy: We have to tell him.
River: We’ve told him all we can. We can’t even tell him we’ve seen his future self. He’s interacted with his own past. It could rip a hole in the Universe.
Amy: Except he’s done it before!
Rory: And in fairness the Universe did blow up.
Amy: But he’d want to know!
River: Would he? Would anyone?

The Doctor: I am being extremely clever up here and there’s no one to stand around looking impressed! What’s the point in having you all?

Amy: How can you be okay with this?
River: The Doctor’s death doesn’t frighten me. Nor does my own. There’s a far worse day coming for me.

The Doctor: Time isn’t a straight line. It’s all… bumpy-wumpy. There’s loads of boring stuff. Like Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons. But now and then there are Saturdays. Big temporal tipping points when anything’s possible. The TARDIS can’t resist them. Like a moth to a flame. She loves a party, so I give her 1969 and NASA ’cause that’s space in the 60s. And Canton Everett Delaware the Third. And this is where she’s pointing.
Amy: Washington D.C. April the 8th, 1969. So why haven’t we landed?
The Doctor: ‘Cause that’s not where we’re going.
Rory: Where are we going?
The Doctor: Home. Well you two are. Off you pop and make babies. And you, Doctor Song, back to prison. And me, I’m late for a bi-plane lesson in 1911. Or it could be knitting. Knitting or bi-planes, one or the other. {he sits down, clearly bothered} What? A mysterious summons? You think I’m just going to go? Who sent those messages? I know you know. I can see it in your faces. Don’t play games with me. Don’t ever, ever think you’re capable of that.
River: You’re going to have to trust us this time.
The Doctor: Trust you. Sure. But first of all, Doctor Song, just one thing. Who are you? You’re someone from my future—getting that—but who? {silence}. Okay. Why are you in prison? Who did you kill? Hm? {silence} Now I love a bad girl, me. But trust you? Seriously?
Amy: Trust me.
The Doctor: Okay.
Amy: You have to do this. And you can’t ask why.
The Doctor: Are you being threatened? Is someone making you say that?
Amy: No.
The Doctor: You’re lying.
Amy: I’m not lying.
The Doctor: Swear to me. Swear to me on something that matters.
Amy: Fish fingers and custard.
The Doctor: My life your hands, Amelia Pond.

President Richard M. Nixon (Stuart Milligan): I understand you have a problem with authority.
Canton Everett Delaware, III (Mark Sheppard): Thank you.
Nixon: It’s not a compliment, son.

Nixon: You were my second choice for this, Mr. Delaware.
Delaware: That’s okay. You were my second choice for president. Mr. Nixon.

River: Richard Milhouse Nixon. Vietnam. Watergate. There’s some good stuff too.
The Doctor: Not enough.
River: Hippy.
The Doctor: Archaeologist.

Nixon: Every day—wherever I am—I get a phone call.
Delaware: People can’t just call you, Mr. President.
Nixon: It’s a direct call every time. Every day for the last two weeks. Usually late at night.
Delaware: Man or woman?
Nixon: Neither.

The Doctor: Okay, since I don’t know what I’m getting into this time, for once I’m being discreet. Putting the engines on silent.

The Doctor: Can’t check the scanner. It doesn’t work when we’re cloaked. Um… just give us a mo. Woah woah woah. You lot, wait a moment. We’re in the middle of the most powerful city in the most powerful country on Earth. Let’s take it slow.

The Doctor: Oh. Hello. Bad moment. Oh look, this is the Oval Office. I was looking for the… oblong room. I’ll just be off then, shall I.

The Doctor: Mr. President. That child just told you every you need to know, but you weren’t listening. Never mind, though, ’cause the answer’s yes. I’ll take the case. Fellas, the guns? Really? I just walked into the highest security office in the United States, parked a big blue box on the rug. You think you can just shoot me?
River stepping out of the TARDIS: They’re Americans!
The Doctor: Don’t shoot! Definitely no shooting.
Rory: Don’t shoot us either! Very much not in need of getting shot.

Nixon: Who the are they and… what is that box?
The Doctor: It’s a police box. Can’t you read? I’m your new undercover agent. On loan from Scotland Yard. Code named The Doctor. These are my top operatives. The Legs, The Nose and Mrs. Robinson.
River: I hate you.
The Doctor: No you don’t.

Nixon: Who are you?
The Doctor: Nah, boring question. Who’s phoning you? That’s interesting. ‘Cause Canton Three is right. That was definitely a girl’s voice. Which means there’s only one place in America she can be phoning from.
Delaware: Where?
Carl Peterson (Chuk Iwuji): Do not engage with the intruder, Mr. Delaware.
The Doctor: You heard everything I heard. It’s simple enough. Give me five minutes I’ll explain. On the other hand, lay a finger on me or my friends and you’ll never ever know.
Delaware: How’d you get it in there? I mean you didn’t carry it in.
The Doctor: Clever, eh?
Delaware: Love it.
Peterson: Do not compliment the intruder!
Delaware: Five minutes?
The Doctor: Five.

Peterson: Mr. President, that man is a clear and present dang—
Delaware: Mr President, that man walked in here with a big blue box and three of his friends. And that’s the man he walked past. One of them is worth listening to. I say we give him five minutes, see if he delivers.
The Doctor: Thanks Canton.
Delaware: If he doesn’t, I’ll shoot him myself.
The Doctor: Not so thanks.

The Doctor: I’m going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilize, street-level maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve jammie dodgers and a fez.
Delaware: Get him his maps.

Delaware: Why Florida?
The Doctor: That’s where NASA is. She mentioned a spaceman. NASA’s where spacemen live. Also. There’s another lead I’m following. Now maps. I love maps.

Amy: Space man. Like the one we saw in the lake?
River: Maybe. Probably.

Amy: I remember.
Rory: Amy. What do you remember?
Amy: I don’t know, I just—

Canton: Your five minutes are up.
The Doctor: Yeah, and where’s my fez?

Amy: Actually, I can usually manage this alone.

Amy: I saw you before at the lake. And here. But then I forgot. How did I forget? What are you? {the woman comes out} Get back! Stay back from it.
Joy (Nancy Baldwin): Augh! Oh my god, what is that? Is that a mask? Is that a Star Trek thing? Ben, is that you?
Amy: Get back from it now! {Joy turns}
Joy: Back from what, honey?

Amy: You didn’t have to kill her. She couldn’t even remember you. How does that work? We can only remember you while we’re seeing you, is that it? {she snaps a photo}. Why did you have to kill her?
The Silent: Joy. Her name was Joy. Your name is Amelia. You will tell the Doctor.
Amy: Tell him what?
The Silent: What he must know. And what he must never know.
Amy: How do you know about that?
The Silent (Marnix Van Den Broeke): Tell him!

Delaware: You, sir, are a genius.
The Doctor: A hobby.

The Doctor: Canton, on no account follow me into this box and close the door behind you.
Delaware: What the hell are you doing?! {he runs into the TARDIS}.

The Doctor: Jefferson isn’t a girl’s name. It’s not her name either. Jefferson Adams Hamilton. River.
River: Surnames of three of America’s Founding Fathers.
The Doctor: Lovely fellas. Two of them fancied me.

Rory: You okay? Coping? {Canton just sort of spins around}.
Delaware: It’s bigger on the inside.
Rory: Yeah, you get used to it.

Delaware: It’s ah…
The Doctor: Are you taking care of this?
Rory: Why is it always my turn?
Amy: ‘Cause you’re the newest.

Amy: But why would the little girl be here?
The Doctor: I don’t know. It lost me a bit. The President asked her where she was and she did what any lost little girl would do. She looked out of the window.
Amy: Streets. Of course. Street names.

The Doctor: Doctor Song, you’ve got that face on again.
River: What face?
The Doctor: The “He’s hot when he’s clever” face.
River: This is my normal face.
The Doctor: Yes it is.
River: Oh, shut up.
The Doctor: Not a chance.

Delaware: We’ve moved. How can we have we moved?
The Doctor: You haven’t even got to space travel yet.
Rory: I was going to cover it with time travel.
Delaware: Time travel?

Delaware: So we’re in a box that’s bigger on the inside and it travels through time and space?
Rory: Yeah, basically.
Delaware: How long have Scotland Yard had this?

The Doctor: You realize this is almost certainly a trap of course.
River: I noticed the phone, yes.
Amy: What about it?
River: It’s cut off, so how did the child phone from here?
Amy: Okay, but why would anyone want to trap us?
The Doctor: Don’t know. Let’s see if anyone tries to kill us and work backwards.

River: It’s non-terrestrial. Definitely alien. Probably not even from this time zone.
The Doctor: Which is odd, because look at this!
River: It’s Earth tech. Contemporary.
The Doctor: It’s very contemporary. Cutting edge. This is from the space program.
River: Stolen?
Amy: What, by aliens?
The Doctor: Apparently.
Amy: But why? I mean if you could make it all the way to Earth why steal technology that could barely make it to the moon?
The Doctor: Maybe ’cause it’s cooler! Look at how cool this stuff is.
Amy: Cool aliens?
The Doctor: Well what would you call me?
Amy: An alien.
The Doctor: Oy!

Rory: I think he’s okay now.
The Doctor: Ah! Back with us, Canton?
Delaware: I like your wheels.
The Doctor: That’s my boy.

River: We came here because of what we saw in the future. If we try and prevent the future from happening we create a paradox.
Amy: Time can be rewritten.
River: Not all of it.
Amy: Says who?
River: Who d’you think?

The Doctor: Life signs?
River: No. Nothing that’s showing up.
The Doctor: Those are the worst kind.

The Doctor: Be careful!
River: Careful. Tried that once. Ever so dull.
The Doctor: Shout if you get in trouble.
River: Don’t worry. I’m quite the screamer. Now there’s a spoiler for you.

Delaware: So what’s going on here?
The Doctor: Uh… nothing. She’s just a friend.
Rory: I think he’s talking about the possible alien incursion.

River: All clear. Just tunnels. Nothing down there I can see. Give me five minutes. I want to take another look around.
The Doctor: Stupidly dangerous!
River: Yep. I like it too.

The Doctor: Rory, would you mind going with her?
Rory: Yeah. A bit.
The Doctor: Then I appreciate it more.

Rory: Is this sensible?
River: God I hope not.
Rory: You and the Doctor. I can kind of picture it.

Rory: What did you mean— what you said to Amy. There’s a worse day coming for you?
River: When I first met the Doctor—a long long time ago—he knew all about me. Think about that. Impressionable young girl and suddenly this man just drops out of the sky. He’s clever and mad and wonderful and… and knows every last thing about her. Imagine what that does to a girl.
Rory: I don’t really have to.
River: Trouble is, it’s all back to front. My past is his future. We’re travelling in opposite directions. Every time we meet I know him more, he knows me less. I live for the days when I see him. But I know that every time I do he’ll be one step further away. The day’s coming when I’ll look into that man’s eyes—my Doctor—and he won’t have the faintest idea who I am. And I think it’s going to kill me.

Amy: So. You were kicked out of the FBI because you had attitude problems.
Delaware: No. I just wanted to get married.
Amy: Is that a crime?
Delaware: Yes.

Delaware: Doctor “who” exactly?
Amy: Ah. That’s classified.
Delaware: Classified by who?
Amy: God knows.

Amy: I had something I wanted to tell him. Stuff always gets in the way.
Delaware: Stuff does that.

Amy: Doctor, I’m pregnant.

Amy: That’s it. The astronaut.

Little Girl (Sydney Wade): Help me!
Amy: Get down!
The Doctor: What are you doing?!
Amy: Saving your life!