The Zygon Inversion

Bonnie: I know what you are.
Etoine (Nicholas Asbury): Please. Please.
Bonnie: I’m going to set you free. Humans cannot accept the way we really are. If we cannot hide we must fight. You are going to be the first. The first to make the humans see.

Bonnie: Commander here. The first one has been changed. I’m going to UNIT to retrieve the Osgood Box.

The Doctor: Any questions?
Osgood (Ingrid Oliver): Why do you have a Union jack parachute?
The Doctor: Um, camouflage.
Osgood: Camouflage?
The Doctor: Yes, we’re in Britain.

Osgood: Sonic specs? Isn’t that a bit pointless? Like a visual hearing aid?
The Doctor: What’s wrong with pointless? I once invented an invisible watch. Spot the design flaw.

The Doctor: Don’t look at my browser history.
Osgood looking: Woah.
The Doctor: Yeah, I said, “Don’t”.

Osgood: Why didn’t that Zygon blow us up with her big bazooka?
The Doctor: She did blow us up with her big bazooka. This is us being blown up with a big bazooka.
Osgood: But I mean she seems to know what she’s doing. The first thing I’d do if I wanted to invade the world would be to kill you.
The Doctor: Thanks.
Osgood: I wouldn’t even let you get talking, like you always do. Bullet between the eyes, first thing.
The Doctor: Again, thank you.
Osgood: Oh, twelve times if necessary.
The Doctor: Ah, yes. Well why limit yourself. You’ve really thought this through, haven’t you?
Osgood: I’m a big fan.

Osgood: Are you okay?
The Doctor: I don’t know. I’m still in the “hope” phase.
Osgood: How’s that going?
The Doctor: Hell. Please talk about something else.

Osgood: It says, “I’m awake.”
The Doctor: What does that mean? A political awakening?  Why would she be sending me propaganda when she just blew me up with a big bazooka?
Osgood: Never really met Clara. Pretty strong, yeah?
The Doctor: She was amazing.
Osgood: No. Not was. Is. It’s not from the Zygon, it’s from Clara.
The Doctor: How?
Osgood: She’s not dead. She’s in a pod somewhere.

Osgood: The Zygon probably doesn’t even know it sent this. Or why it fired that bazooka.
The Doctor: You don’t know. It’s just a theory.
Osgood: Yes it’s just a theory. But how’s that hope phase now?
The Doctor: Worse than ever.
Osgood: Then we’ve got a game.

Osgood: Hello. If you’re watching this, I have been captured and interrogated.
Osgood: During the interrogation, I have revealed to you the existence of the Osgood Box. Osgood: I have revealed its location and the combination to open this safe. And guess what?
Both: I lied.
Osgood: The Osgood Box exists, but it’s not here. So stop looking. Really, stop.
Osgood: The Osgood Box can end the ceasefire.
Osgood: The Osgood Box can start the war.
Osgood: The Osgood Box can wipe out all humankind. But there’s a reason it’s called the Osgood Box.
Osgood: Haven’t you guessed?

Bonnie: You’re dead.
The Doctor: Yes well, I’m dead now. And I think I might be more dead in a minute.

The Doctor: What’s your plan, Zygella?
Bonnie: I don’t have a plan.
The Doctor: Come on, you don’t invade planets without having a plan. That’s why they’re called planets, to remind you to plan it. Hey hey! That’s good! Puntastic. Dr. Puntastic.

The Doctor: You know I’m over 2,000 years old. I’m old enough to be your messiah.

The Doctor: The mind of Clara Oswald. She may never find her way out.
Osgood: I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile before.
The Doctor: Dazzling, isn’t it?

Bonnie: I could erase your mind.
Clara: Then why haven’t you?

Bonnie: I can kill you.
Clara: Go on then.
Bonnie: You think you’re calling my bluff.
Clara: I am calling your bluff. You need me alive.
Bonnie: Only as a source of information.
Clara: Then you better start asking questions.
Bonnie: You better not lie.
Clara: You see, that’s the problem. I am a brilliant liar. How are you ever going to know?
Bonnie: Oh Clara. For a moment I thought you were clever. Our hearts are linked. Beat for beat. The one thing you and I can never do is lie to each other.

The Doctor: London. What a dump.
Osgood: London’s okay.
The Doctor: No it’s not, it’s a dump.
Osgood: You spend an awful lot of time here, considering it’s a dump.
The Doctor: I spent an awful lot of time being kidnapped, tortured, shot at, exterminated. Doesn’t mean I like it.

Clara: The box ends the ceasefire.
Bonnie: So I’m told. How?
Clara: There’s a button inside the box. Press it. It will transmit a signal that will unmask every Zygon on the planet for up to an hour. What’s there to smile about?
Bonnie: Ah, mass panic. Followed by war. Every Zygon on our side at a stroke.
Clara: Twenty million Zygons against seven billion humans. That’s not a war you can win!
Bonnie: Then we will die in the fire. instead of living in chains.
Clara: Most of your own kind don’t want that.
Bonnie: Then it’s time we stopped giving them a choice.
Clara: It’s time you asked the most important question.
Bonnie: Which is?
Clara: I’m waiting.
Bonnie: Why is it called an Osgood Box?
Clara: I’m not telling you.
Bonnie: Good. I’ve been looking forward to hearing you scream.
Clara: I’m not telling you because when you get to the Black Archive, you’ll find out for yourself. And when you do, you’re gonna want to speak to me again.

The Doctor: What’s your name?
Osgood: Osgood.
The Doctor: No no no. Your first name.
Osgood: And what’s your first name?
The Doctor: Basil.
Osgood: Petronella.
The Doctor: Let’s just, ah, stick with what we had.

The Doctor: I need to ask you… because it’s important, because it might matter.
Osgood: What’s important?
The Doctor: Which one are you, human or Zygon?

Osgood: Let us help you.
Etoine: No. Not truth or consequences.
Osgood: We’re not. We’re really not.
Etoine: I’m not part of your fight. I never wanted to fight anyone. I just wanted to live here. Why can’t I just live?
The Doctor: We are on your side.
Etoine: I’m not on anyone’s side. This is my home.

Kate Stewart (Jemma Redgrave): Doctor, we know where the Zygon Command Center is. We know where Clara’s pod is. We can take you there.
The Doctor: Well how very convenient because that’s just exactly what we’re looking for.

Kate: The Doctor is here.
Bonnie: Don’t kill him, we need him alive.
Kate: What for?
Bonnie: Because I just found out why it’s called an Osgood Box. There’s two of them.
The Doctor: Two Osgoods, two boxes. Operation Double. What did you expect?

Bonnie: What’s in them, Doctor? Tell me. Now.
The Doctor: One box normalizes all the Zygons.
Bonnie: And the other?
The Doctor: Destroys them.
Bonnie: Which is which?
The Doctor: Ha ha ha. That would be telling.
Bonnie: Which box normalizes the Zygons, Doctor? Tell me or she dies.
The Doctor: No. This is war. You pull the trigger, you pay the price.
Bonnie: Kill her.
The Doctor: The blue one! The blue one! The blue one normalizes all your people.

Kate: Sorry, Doctor. Self defense.
The Doctor: Who are you?
Kate: I’m me.
The Doctor: How did you survive?
Kate: Five rounds, rapid. I’m sorry, Doctor. I know you don’t approve.

The Doctor: Let me negotiate peace. You can’t commit mass murder.
Kate: Then why did you leave the gas with us?
The Doctor: The boxes are safeguards for both species. You agreed to that.
Kate: I never agreed to that.
The Doctor: Yes you did! Then I wiped your memory and you agreed to that too. But that’s why there were two Osgoods to police the ceasefire. One human and one Zygon. To keep the secrets, keep the peace.
Kate: I’m sorry, Doctor, truly. But the peace is failing already.

The Doctor: Let me take both of these boxes away. We’ll forgive, we’ll forget. And the ceasefire will stand.
Bonnie: No.
Kate: Doctor, which of these buttons do I press? Doctor, which one? Truth or Consequences.
Bonnie: Truth or Consequences.
The Doctor: This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Make-your-mind-up time! One of those buttons will destroy the Zygons, release the imbecile’s gas. The other one detonates the nuclear warhead under the Black Archive. It’ll destroy everyone in London. Bonnie! Bonnie, sweetheart, one of those buttons will unmask every Zygon in the world. The other one cancels their ability to change form. It’ll make them human beings forever. There are safeguards beyond safeguards. I did this on a very important day for me. And this ceasefire will stand.

The Doctor: You just want cruelty to beget cruelty. You’re not superior to people who were cruel to you. You’re just a whole bunch of new cruel people. A whole bunch of new cruel people being cruel to some other people who’ll end up being cruel to you. The only way anyone can live in peace is if they’re prepared to forgive. Why don’t you break the cycle?
Bonnie: Why should we?

The Doctor: And when this war is over, when you have a homeland free from humans, what do you think it’s going to be like? Do you know? have you thought about it? have you given it any consideration? Because you’re very close to getting what you want. What’s it gonna be like? Paint me a picture. Are you gonna live in houses? Do you want people to go to work? Will there be holidays? Oh! Will there be music? Do you think people will be allowed to play violins? Who’s gonna make the violins? Well? Oh, you don’t actually know, do you? Because, like every other tantruming child in history, Bonnie, you don’t actually know what you want. So let me ask you a question about this brave new world of yours. When you’ve killed all the bad guys, and when it’s all perfect and just and fair. When you have finally got it exactly the way you want it, what are you gonna do with the people like you? The troublemakers. How’re you going to protect your glorious revolution from the next one?
Bonnie: We’ll win.
The Doctor: Oh, will you? Well maybe, maybe you will win. But nobody wins for long. The wheel just keeps turning. So come on. Break the cycle.
Bonnie: Why are you still talking?
The Doctor: Because I want to get you to see, and I’m almost there.
Bonnie: Do you know what I see, Doctor? A box. A box with everything I need. A fifty percent chance.
Kate: For us too.
The Doctor: And we’re off! Fingers on buzzers! Are you feeling lucky? Are you ready to play the game! Who’s gonna be quickest? Who’s gonna be luckiest?
Kate: This is not a game!
The Doctor: No, it’s not a game, sweetheart. And I mean that most sincerely.

Kate: You set this up, why?
The Doctor: Because it’s not a game, Kate! This is a scale model of war. Every war ever fought, right there in front of you. Because it’s always the same. When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who’s going to die! You don’t know who’s children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken. How many lives shattered. How much blood will spill until everybody does what they were always going to have do from the very beginning. Sit down and talk!

The Doctor: Do you know what thinking is? It’s just a fancy word for changing your mind.
Bonnie: I will not change my mind.
The Doctor: Then you will die stupid.

Bonnie: You don’t understand. You will never understand.
The Doctor: I don’t understand? Are you kidding? Me? Of course I understand. I mean do you call this a war? This funny little thing. This is not a war. I fought in a bigger war than you will ever know. I did worse things than you can ever imagine. And when I close my eyes… I hear more screams than anyone would ever be able to count!

Bonnie: It’s empty, isn’t it? Both boxes, there’s nothing in them. Just buttons.
The Doctor: Of course. And do you know how you know that? Because you’ve started to think like me. It’s hell, isn’t it? No one should have to think like that.

The Doctor: Gotcha.
Bonnie: How can you be so sure?
The Doctor: Because you have a disadvantage, Zygella. I know that face.

Kate: This is all very well, but we know the boxes are empty now. We can’t forget that.
The Doctor: No. Well, ah… you’ve said that the last 15 times.

Bonnie: I don’t understand how you can just forgive me.
The Doctor: Because I’ve been where you have. There was another box. I was gonna press another button. I was gonna wipe out all of my own kind. Man, woman and child, I was so sure I was right.
Bonnie: What happened?
The Doctor: Same thing that happened to you. I let Clara Oswald get inside my head. Trust me, she doesn’t leave.

Bonnie: Zygon High Command, the ceasefire is back in place. The rebels are standing down. You are all… safe.

Osgood: The TARDIS.
The Doctor: The TARDIS.
Osgood: What does it stand for?
The Doctor: What? You’re kidding me. Surely you know that.
Osgood: Well I’ve heard a couple of different versions.
The Doctor: I made it up from the initials. It stands for Totally And Radically Driving In Space. Do you want to come? All of the future, all of history, and all of the universe.
Osgood: More than anything. But I think I have to stay. I’ve got a couple of boxes to keep an eye on. And a world to keep safe.
The Doctor: Fair enough.

The Doctor: I need to know. Which one are you?
Osgood: I’m Osgood.
The Doctor: Human or Zygon?
Osgood: I’ll answer that question one day. And do you know when that day will be?
Osgood: The day nobody cares about the answer. Gotcha.

Osgood: Think it through, Doctor. Why it wouldn’t be right to carry on using Clara’s face. Not when there’s a vacancy.
The Doctor: Zygella?
Osgood: Osgood.

Clara: So you must have thought I was dead for awhile.
The Doctor: Yeah.
Clara: How was that?
The Doctor: Longest month of my life.
Clara: It can only have been five minutes.
The Doctor: I’ll be the judge of time.