Dark Water

Danny answering his phone: Clara!
Clara: Shut up.
Danny: Is that how we communicate now?
Clara: Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I need to talk to you.
Danny: All right, well I’ll be there in a couple of minutes so—
Clara: No, no, not while you’re in the room.
Danny: Oh. Stupid me. The very idea.
Clara: Shut up!
Danny: Okay.
Clara: Stay shut up.
Danny: Okay.
Clara: Things to say. Not all of them good.
Danny: Well wouldn’t it be better if I was actually there?
Clara: Oh Danny everything is better when you’re here but maybe… maybe not this. Okay. Um. Before all of that—before all of the stuff that I did wrong… I love you.
Danny: I love you.
Clara: No. Not like that. Not like it’s automatic. Not like it’s how you end the phone call—the sign off, the pat on the back.
Danny: Clara—
Clara: Danny I will never say those words to anybody again. Not to anybody else. Ever. Those words from me are yours now. {silence} So, um… that’s the thing. Okay, um. {silence} Danny, There’s more. But that’s the headline. Okay, Danny please speak to me. This is, this is killing me. {silence} Danny, I love you. And you’re the last person who’s ever gonna hear me say that.
Woman (Joan Blackham): Hello? Hello? Is, is someone there?
Clara: Hello? Uh… yeah. Who’s this?
Woman: I just picked up the phone. I’m so sorry, I just found it.
Clara: Oh. Um, okay. Uh. Can you please just put me back on the phone to, ah, Danny. I was talking to Danny.
Woman: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!
Clara: Okay, um, what are you sorry about? Could you please just pass the phone back to  Danny.
Woman: He was crossing the road. I found the phone. It must’ve just got thrown. The car, it just, it just came out of nowhere. I’m so sorry.

By now I’m sure that you’ve heard the rumors. And it is with great sadness that I must confirm them to be true. I have gathered you all here today to say that Mr. Pink—that’s Danny Pink—has sadly passed away. I’m sure you’ll all join me in wishing his family and friends our sincerest condolences. Mr. Pink was an inspiration to all of those who knew him. A soldier. A teacher. A friend. It was no secret that he had a close relationship with Miss Oswald. And our thoughts and prayers are with her too. 

Gran (Sheila Reid): You know what you should do? You should cry. Let go.
Clara: Of what?
Gran: It’s a terrible thing. Just a terrible terrible thing.
Clara: It wasn’t terrible.
Gran: Clara?
Clara: It was boring.
Gran: Boring?
Clara: It was ordinary. People just kept walking with their iPods and their shopping bags. He was alive and then he was dead and it was nothing. Like stepping off a bus.
Gran: He deserved better. And so did you.
Clara: I don’t deserve anything. Nobody deserves anything. But I am owed… better. I am owed.
Gran: Who owes you?
The Doctor finally answering the phone: Clara! Clara?

The Doctor: What’s so great about seeing a volcano? It’s just sort of a leaky mountain.

Clara: You told me once what it would take to destroy a TARDIS key. That’s what’s so good about lava. All seven. From all of your hiding places.
The Doctor: Clara, what are you doing? Don’t be very careful with that. Those are very very— {she throws one in} 
Clara: Do I have your attention?
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: Good.
The Doctor: No. Not good, Clara.
Clara: Danny Pink.
The Doctor: Yes?
Clara: Is dead.
The Doctor: And?
Clara: Seriously?
The Doctor: And?
Clara: And fix it. Change it. Change what happened. Save him. Bring him back.
The Doctor: No. {she throws in another}
Clara: Five left. Every time you say no to me I will throw another key down there. Do we understand each other?
The Doctor: Well. I understand you, let’s not get carried away.
Clara: Time can be rewritten.
The Doctor: With precision. With great care. Not today! But you know that of course. Otherwise you wouldn’t be threatening me.
Clara: Did you just say no?
The Doctor: If I change the events that brought you here, you will never come here and ask me to change those events! Paradox loop. The timeline disintegrates. Your timeline. And yes!
Clara: Yes?
The Doctor: Yes. I did just say no. Throw away the key.
Clara: I have seen you change time. I have seen you break any rule you want.
The Doctor: I know when I can, I know when I can’t. Throw the key.
Clara: I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to take control.
The Doctor: I am in control. Throw away the key. Do as you are told!
Clara: No!
The Doctor: Well either you do as you’re told or stop threatening! There really isn’t a third option here.
Clara: Do you know what, Doctor? When it comes to taking control, you really are out of your depth. {four keys go} One last chance. And I don’t care about the rules, I don’t give a damn about paradoxes. Save Danny—bring him back—or I swear… you will never step inside your TARDIS again.
The Doctor: No.
Clara: Do as you are told.
The Doctor: No!
Clara: Say it again so I know you mean it.
The Doctor: No!
Clara: I’m not kidding, Doctor—
The Doctor: Neither am I!
Clara: I will do it!
The Doctor: No no, my Clara. I don’t think you will! {the last key goes}
Clara  breaking down: I would say I’m sorry, but I’d do it again. I’d do it again. Well what are you doing? Why are you just standing there? Do you understand what I have just done?
The Doctor: Look in your hand.
Clara: There’s nothing in my hand.
The Doctor: Clara, look in your hand—
Clara: The keys, they’re gone. They’re down there, they’re gone. There’s nothing—
The Doctor: Clara, Clara, look in your hand.
Clara: There’s nothing in my hand.
The Doctor: Yes, yes there is. Look. {she sees the patch} Did you seriously think that that was going to work on me? They’re not sleep patches. They induce a dream state. Makes you very suggestible.

The Doctor: I allowed the whole scenario to play out just as you had planned. I was curious about how far you would go.
Clara: Well now you know.
The Doctor: Yeah. Now I know.
Clara: I love him.
The Doctor: Yeah. You’re quite the mess of chemicals, aren’t you?
Clara: So what now? What do we do now, you and me? What happens now? {silence} Doctor.
The Doctor: Go to hell.
Clara: Fair enough. Absolutely fair enough. {she goes to leave} 
The Doctor: Clara? You asked me what we’re going to do. I told you. We’re going to hell. Or wherever it is people go when they die—if there is anywhere. Wherever it is, we’re gonna go there and we’re gonna find Danny. And if it is in any way possible, we’re gonna bring him home.

The Doctor: Almost every culture in the universe has some concept of an afterlife. I always meant to have a look around—see if I could find one.
Clara: You’re going to help me.
The Doctor: Well why wouldn’t I help you?
Clara: Because of what I just did. I—
The Doctor: You betrayed me.  Betrayed my trust. You betrayed our friendship. You betrayed everything that I’ve ever stood for. You let me down!
Clara: Then why are you helping me?
The Doctor: Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference? Stop it with the eyes. Don’t do that with the eyes. How do you do that anyway? It’s like they inflate! Cut out the whining while you’re at it. We’ve got work to do. This is it, Clara. One of those moments.
Clara: What moments?
The Doctor: The darkest hour. The blackest hour. Chin up, shoulders back. Let’s see what we’re made of. You and I.

The Doctor: Your time streams are intertwined. So if he’s anywhere at all, that link will hold.

Clara: I don’t deserve a friend like you.
The Doctor: Clara, I’m terribly sorry, but I’m exactly what you deserve.

The Doctor: Think about Danny. Think about the man you lost. Let it hurt. Let it burn. But don’t bleat. Don’t ask, “Why him, why me?” Forget all that. Ask one question. Just one. Ask “Where is Danny Pink now? Where is he now?” {the TARDIS starts up} Well… the TARDIS thinks he’s somewhere.

Danny: Where am I?
Seb (Chris Addison): Well. Ah, big question. We try to take that one slowly. We have been trying to contact family members, but really there is so much admin.
Danny: I wasn’t here, I was…
Seb: Yeah. That, ah, last thing that happened to you, that really happened, I’m afraid. But, um, that’s life. Well. Not life, I suppose.

Danny: Where am I?
Seb: Okay. You’re dead and this is what’s next.
Danny: I’m not dead, how can I be dead?
Seb: Our sincere condolences.

Clara: Where are we?
The Doctor: Nav com’s offline. We’ll have to do this old school.

Clara: Are you forgetting why we’re here?
The Doctor: We’re here to get your boyfriend back from the dead. So buck up and give me some attitude.

Clara: Am I gonna find Danny now? Is that why the TARDIS brought us here? I don’t want to see him like that.
The Doctor: Good point. Tombs with windows. Who wants to watch their loved ones rot. Why would anyone go to so much trouble just to keep watch on the dead?

The Doctor: Is it difficult?
Clara: Is what difficult?
The Doctor: Reading all those words back to front. Come on. We’ve come a long way.
Missy (Michelle Gomez): Hello. I hope you’re well. How may I assist you with your death?
The Doctor: Well there is, ah, mo immediate hurry. We’re just, ah, you, we’re just…
Clara: Browsing.
The Doctor: Yeah. Yeah, browsing.
Missy: Please. Take all the time you need. At 3W you always have the rest of your life.
The Doctor: Oh good. That’s good to know, Clara, isn’t it?
Clara: Yeah. Great.
The Doctor: Exactly what is 3W?
Missy: Apologies. Clearly you have not received the official 3W greetings package.
The Doctor: Well, you know, it’s just an unexpected— {Missy grabs him and kisses him}

The Doctor: Who are you?
Missy: I am Missy.
The Doctor: Missy?
Missy: Mobile Intelligent Systems Interface. I am a multifunction interactive welcome droid. Helping you to help me help you.
The Doctor: You’re very, ah, realistic.
Clara: Tongues?
The Doctor: Shut up.

The Doctor: Who maintains your heart?
Missy: My heart is maintained by the doctor.
The Doctor: Doctor who?

Dr. Chang (Andrew Leung): So. Hey. Condolences!
Clara: Condolences?
Dr. Chang: It’s a mausoleum. It’s our hello.

The Doctor: Are you okay?
Clara reaching for his hand: No.
The Doctor: Good. There would be something very wrong if you were.

Danny: You have iPads in the afterlife.
Seb: We have Steve Jobs.

Seb: Imagine embryos had telephones.
Danny: That’s really not helping.
Seb: Go with me. Go with me. Imagine babies in wombs could talk to other babies in other wombs. What would they say? What would they think life was like if they could talk among themselves?
Danny: I really, I really have no idea.
Seb: They’d think life was nine months long. Then boom! Trapdoor opens, out you fall, gone forever. Never hear from those guys again. Nothing at the end of the cord.
Danny: Okay.
Seb: This isn’t really an afterlife. It’s just more life than you were expecting.

Danny: Why did you ask me if I killed anyone?
Seb: Before you were a teacher, you spent time as a solider.
Danny: Yeah, so?
Seb: Any regrets? Bad memories?
Danny: Is that, is that any of your business?
Seb: Yes!

Dr. Chang: We call it Dark Water. Only organic matter can be seen through it. I keep saying they should use this stuff in swimming pools.
The Doctor: Why?
Dr. Chang: Think about it.
The Doctor: I am thinking about it. Why?

Dr. Chang: Another government inspection. So soon? Why is there all this swearing?
The Doctor: Oh. I’ve got a lot of, um, internalized anger.

Clara: Speak for me again, I’ll detach something from you.

Dr. Chang: A few years ago, Dr. Skarosa—our founder—did something unexpected. He played that noise through a translation matrix of his own devising. This is a recording of what he heard {plays it}
Clara: Okay. People. Voices.
The Doctor: So what?
Dr. Chang: Over time, Dr. Skarosa became convinced these were the voices of the recently departed. He believed it was a telepathic communication from the dead.
The Doctor: Why? Was he an idiot?

The Doctor: Can you just hurry up please or I’ll hit you with my shoe.

Dr. Chang: The dead remain conscious. The dead are fully aware of everything that is happening to them.

The Doctor: Skeptical and critical, remember. Be strong. Even if it breaks your heart.

Missy: Human kind. Bring out your dead.

Missy: Dr. Chang. I’ve got all day. And ‘m not going to kill you until you say something nice.

Missy: The Nethersphere. You know it’s ever so funny. The people that live inside that think they’ve gone to heaven.

The Doctor: How did you get ahold of Time Lord technology? Who are you?
Missy: You know who I am. I told you. You felt it. Surely you did.
The Doctor: Two hearts.
Missy: And both of them yours.
The Doctor: You’re a Time Lord.
Missy: Time Lady, please. I’m… old-fashioned.
The Doctor: Which Time Lady?
Missy: The one you abandoned, Doctor. The one you left for dead. Didn’t you ever think I’d find my way back?

The Doctor: I presume you have stairs.
Missy: Well I’m not a Dalek.

Missy: I’m sorry everyone. Another ranting Scotsman in the street. I had no idea there was a match on.

Missy: You know the key strategic weakness of the human race? The dead outnumber the living.
The Doctor: Who are you?
Missy: Oh you know who I am. I’m Missy.
The Doctor: Who’s Missy?
Missy: Please. Try to keep up. Short for “Mistress.” Well… couldn’t very well keep calling myself the master, now could I?