Series 6

The Impossible Astronaut

The Doctor popping out from under a dress: You know, this isn’t nearly as bad as it looks.

Escapee: Doctor. Doctor, what can you see?
The Doctor: Is the Commandant’s office painted a sort of green color with a big flag on the wall? {an alarm sounds} I think the answer’s probably yes.

The Doctor: Howdy.
Amy: Doctor!
The Doctor: It’s the Ponds!

Amy: Someone’s been a busy boy then, eh.
The Doctor: Did you see me?
Amy: Of course.
The Doctor: Stalker.
Amy: Flirt.
Rory: Husband.
The Doctor: And Rory the Roman!

Rory: Hey. Nice hat.
The Doctor: I wear a stetson now. Stetson’s are cool. {it gets shot off his head by…}
River: Hello Sweetie.

River: Alright, then. Where are we? Have we done Easter Island?
The Doctor: Um… yes! I’ve got Easter Island.
River: They worshipped you there. Have you seen the statues?
The Doctor: Jim the Fish.
River: Oh! Jim the Fish! How is he?
The Doctor: Still building his dam.

Amy: So what’s been happening then? ‘Cause you’ve been up to something.
The Doctor: I’ve been running. Faster than I’ve ever run. And I’ve been running my whole life. Now it’s time for me to stop. And tonight I’m going to need you all with me.
Amy: Okay. We’re here. What’s up?
The Doctor: A picnic. And then a trip. Somewhere different. Somewhere brand new.
Amy: Where?
The Doctor: Space. 1969.

Amy: Since when do you drink wine?
The Doctor: I’m eleven hundred and three. I must have drunk it some time. {spits it out} Oh, that’s horrid! I thought it would taste more like the gums.
Amy: Eleven hundred and three. You were nine hundred and eight last time I saw you.
The Doctor: And you’ve put on a couple of pounds. I wasn’t going to mention it.

The Doctor: Ah! The moon! Look at it! Of course you lot did a lot more than look, didn’t you? Big silvery thing in the sky, you couldn’t resist it. Quite right.
Rory: The moon landing was in ’69. Is that where we’re going?
The Doctor: Oh, a lot more happens in ’69 than anyone remembers. Human beings. I thought I’d never get done saving you.

The Doctor: You all need to stay back. Whatever happens now you do not interfere. Clear?
Rory: That’s an astronaut. That’s an Apollo astronaut in a lake.

The Doctor: Hello. It’s okay, I know it’s you. {the astronaut opens its helmet} Well then.

The Doctor regenerating: I’m sorry.

River: When you know it’s the end, who do you call?
Rory: Your friends, people you can trust.
River: Number One. Who did the Doctor trust the most? {The Doctor walks casually out of the back}. This is cold. Even by your standards, this is cold.
The Doctor: Or “hello” as people used to say.
Amy: Doctor.
The Doctor: Just popped out to get my special straw. It adds more fizz.
Amy: You’re okay. How can you be okay?
The Doctor: Hey, of course I’m okay. I’m always okay. I’m the king of okay. Oh, that’s a rubbish title. Forget that title. Rory the Roman! That’s a good title! Hello Rory. And Doctor River Song. Oh you bad bad girl. What trouble have you got for me this time? {she smacks him} Okay. I’m assuming that’s for something I haven’t done yet.
River: Yes it is.
The Doctor: Good. Looking forward to it.

Rory: I don’t understand. How can you be here?
The Doctor: I was invited. Date. Map reference. Same as you lot, I assume. Otherwise it’s a hell of a coincidence.

Amy: River. What’s going on?
River: Amy, ask him what age he is.
The Doctor: Bit personal.
River: Tell her. Tell her what age you are.
The Doctor: Nine hundred and nine.
Amy: But you said you—
River: So where does that leave us, huh? Jim the Fish? Have we done Jim the Fish yet?
The Doctor: Who’s Jim the Fish?
Amy: I don’t understand.
Rory: Yeah you do.
The Doctor: I don’t. What are we all doing here?
River: We’ve been recruited. Something to do with space, 1969. And a man called Canton Everett Delaware the Third.
The Doctor: Recruited by who?
River: Someone who trusts you more than anyone else in the Universe.
The Doctor: And who’s that?
River: Spoilers.

The Doctor: 1969. That’s an easy one. Funny how some years are easy. Now 1482, full of glitches. Now then! Canton Everett Delaware the Third. That was his name, yeah? How many of those can there be? Well… three, I suppose.

The Doctor: Rory. Is everybody cross with me for some reason?
Rory: I’ll find out.

The Doctor: I am being extremely clever up here and there’s no one to stand around looking impressed! What’s the point in having you all?

The Doctor: Time isn’t a straight line. It’s all… bumpy-wumpy. There’s loads of boring stuff. Like Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons. But now and then there are Saturdays. Big temporal tipping points when anything’s possible. The TARDIS can’t resist them. Like a moth to a flame. She loves a party, so I give her 1969 and NASA ’cause that’s space in the 60s. And Canton Everett Delaware the Third. And this is where she’s pointing.
Amy: Washington D.C. April the 8th, 1969. So why haven’t we landed?
The Doctor: ‘Cause that’s not where we’re going.
Rory: Where are we going?
The Doctor: Home. Well you two are. Off you pop and make babies. And you, Doctor Song, back to prison. And me, I’m late for a bi-plane lesson in 1911. Or it could be knitting. Knitting or bi-planes, one or the other. {he sits down, clearly bothered} What? A mysterious summons? You think I’m just going to go? Who sent those messages? I know you know. I can see it in your faces. Don’t play games with me. Don’t ever, ever think you’re capable of that.

River: You’re going to have to trust us this time.
The Doctor: Trust you. Sure. But first of all, Doctor Song, just one thing. Who are you? You’re someone from my future—getting that—but who? {silence}. Okay. Why are you in prison? Who did you kill? Hm? {silence} Now I love a bad girl, me. But trust you? Seriously?
Amy: Trust me.
The Doctor: Okay.
Amy: You have to do this. And you can’t ask why.
The Doctor: Are you being threatened? Is someone making you say that?
Amy: No.
The Doctor: You’re lying.
Amy: I’m not lying.
The Doctor: Swear to me. Swear to me on something that matters.
Amy: Fish fingers and custard.
The Doctor: My life your hands, Amelia Pond.

River: Richard Milhouse Nixon. Vietnam. Watergate. There’s some good stuff too.
The Doctor: Not enough.
River: Hippy.
The Doctor: Archaeologist.

The Doctor: Okay, since I don’t know what I’m getting into this time, for once I’m being discreet. Putting the engines on silent.

The Doctor: Can’t check the scanner. It doesn’t work when we’re cloaked. Um… just give us a mo. Woah woah woah. You lot, wait a moment. We’re in the middle of the most powerful city in the most powerful country on Earth. Let’s take it slow.

The Doctor: Oh. Hello. Bad moment. Oh look, this is the Oval Office. I was looking for the… oblong room. I’ll just be off then, shall I.

The Doctor: Mr. President. That child just told you every you need to know, but you weren’t listening. Never mind, though, ’cause the answer’s yes. I’ll take the case. Fellas, the guns? Really? I just walked into the highest security office in the United States, parked a big blue box on the rug. You think you can just shoot me?
River stepping out of the TARDIS: They’re Americans!
The Doctor: Don’t shoot! Definitely no shooting.
Rory: Don’t shoot us either! Very much not in need of getting shot.

Nixon: Who the are they and… what is that box?
The Doctor: It’s a police box. Can’t you read? I’m your new undercover agent. On loan from Scotland Yard. Code named The Doctor. These are my top operatives. The Legs, The Nose and Mrs. Robinson.
River: I hate you.
The Doctor: No you don’t.

Nixon: Who are you?
The Doctor: Nah, boring question. Who’s phoning you? That’s interesting. ‘Cause Canton Three is right. That was definitely a girl’s voice. Which means there’s only one place in America she can be phoning from.
Delaware: Where?
Peterson: Do not engage with the intruder, Mr. Delaware.
The Doctor: You heard everything I heard. It’s simple enough. Give me five minutes I’ll explain. On the other hand, lay a finger on me or my friends and you’ll never ever know.
Delaware: How’d you get it in there? I mean you didn’t carry it in.
The Doctor: Clever, eh?
Delaware: Love it.
Peterson: Do not compliment the intruder!
Delaware: Five minutes?
The Doctor: Five.

Peterson: Mr. President, that man is a clear and present dang—
Delaware: Mr President, that man walked in here with a big blue box and three of his friends. And that’s the man he walked past. One of them is worth listening to. I say we give him five minutes, see if he delivers.
The Doctor: Thanks Canton.
Delaware: If he doesn’t, I’ll shoot him myself.
The Doctor: Not so thanks.

The Doctor: I’m going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilize, street-level maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve jammie dodgers and a fez.
Delaware: Get him his maps.

Delaware: Why Florida?
The Doctor: That’s where NASA is. She mentioned a spaceman. NASA’s where spacemen live. Also. There’s another lead I’m following. Now maps. I love maps.

Canton: Your five minutes are up.
The Doctor: Yeah, and where’s my fez?

Delaware: You, sir, are a genius.
The Doctor: A hobby.

The Doctor: Canton, on no account follow me into this box and close the door behind you.
Delaware: What the hell are you doing?! {he runs into the TARDIS}.

The Doctor: Jefferson isn’t a girl’s name. It’s not her name either. Jefferson Adams Hamilton. River.
River: Surnames of three of America’s Founding Fathers.
The Doctor: Lovely fellas. Two of them fancied me.

Amy: But why would the little girl be here?
The Doctor: I don’t know. It lost me a bit. The President asked her where she was and she did what any lost little girl would do. She looked out of the window.
Amy: Streets. Of course. Street names.

The Doctor: Doctor Song, you’ve got that face on again.
River: What face?
The Doctor: The “He’s hot when he’s clever” face.
River: This is my normal face.
The Doctor: Yes it is.
River: Oh, shut up.
The Doctor: Not a chance.

Delaware: We’ve moved. How can we have we moved?
The Doctor: You haven’t even got to space travel yet.
Rory: I was going to cover it with time travel.
Delaware: Time travel?

The Doctor: You realize this is almost certainly a trap of course.
River: I noticed the phone, yes.
Amy: What about it?
River: It’s cut off, so how did the child phone from here?
Amy: Okay, but why would anyone want to trap us?
The Doctor: Don’t know. Let’s see if anyone tries to kill us and work backwards.

River: It’s non-terrestrial. Definitely alien. Probably not even from this time zone.
The Doctor: Which is odd, because look at this!
River: It’s Earth tech. Contemporary.
The Doctor: It’s very contemporary. Cutting edge. This is from the space program.
River: Stolen?
Amy: What, by aliens?
The Doctor: Apparently.
Amy: But why? I mean if you could make it all the way to Earth why steal technology that could barely make it to the moon?
The Doctor: Maybe ’cause it’s cooler! Look at how cool this stuff is.
Amy: Cool aliens?
The Doctor: Well what would you call me?
Amy: An alien.
The Doctor: Oy!

Rory: I think he’s okay now.
The Doctor: Ah! Back with us, Canton?
Delaware: I like your wheels.
The Doctor: That’s my boy.

The Doctor: Life signs?
River: No. Nothing that’s showing up.
The Doctor: Those are the worst kind.

Delaware: So what’s going on here?
The Doctor: Uh… nothing. She’s just a friend.
Rory: I think he’s talking about the possible alien incursion.

The Doctor: Rory, would you mind going with her?
Rory: Yeah. A bit.
The Doctor: Then I appreciate it more.

Little Girl: Help me!
Amy: Get down!
The Doctor: What are you doing?!
Amy: Saving your life!

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Day of the Moon

Area 51 – Nevada

Canton: We found Amy Pond. She had strange markings {shows the photo} on her arm. Do you know what they are?
The Doctor: Why don’t you ask her.

Canton: We found Dr. Song.
The Doctor: These bricks, what are they made of? {switching gears} Where is she?
Canton: She ran. Off the fiftieth floor.
The Doctor: I’d say zero balance dwarf star alloy. The densest material in the Universe. Nothing gets through that. You’re building me the perfect prison. {He turns to Canton} And it still won’t be enough.

The Doctor: Is there a reason you’re doing this?
Canton: I want you to know where you stand. In a cell. In a perfect cell. Nothing can penetrate these walls. No sound. Not a radio wave. Not the tiniest particle of anything. In here, you’re literally cut off from the rest of the Universe.

Canton: So I guess they can’t hear us, right?
The Doctor: Good work, Canton. Door sealed?
Canton: You bet.

Amy: Isn’t it going to look odd that you’re standing here with us?
Canton: Odd, but not alarming. They know there’s no way out of this place.
The Doctor: Exactly! Whatever they think we might be doing in here, they know we’re not going anywhere. {he leans against the invisible TARDIS} Shall we?

Canton: What about Dr. Song? She dove off a rooftop.
The Doctor: Don’t worry, she’s out there. Amy! Rory! Open all the doors to the swimming pool. So. We know they’re everywhere. Not just a landing party, an occupying force. And they’ve been here a very very long time. But nobody knows that, because no one can remember them.
Canton: So what are they up to?
The Doctor: No idea. But the good news is we’ve got a secret weapon.

River: Apollo Eleven’s your secret weapon?
The Doctor: No no. It’s not Apollo Eleven. That would be silly. It’s Neil Armstrong’s foot.

The Doctor: So! Three months. What have we found out?
Rory: Well they are everywhere. Every state in America.
The Doctor: Not just America, the entire world.
River: There’s a greater concentration here though.

Canton: How long have they been here?
Amy: That’s what we’ve spent the last three months trying to find out.
Rory: Yeah, not easy if you can’t remember anything you discover.
Canton: How long do you think?
The Doctor: As long as there’s been something in the corner of your eye, or creaking in your house or breathing under your bed or voices through a wall. They’ve been running your lives for a very long time now, so keep this straight in your head. We are not fighting an alien invasion. We’re leading a revolution. And today the battle begins.

The Doctor: You just saw an image of one of the creatures we’re fighting. Describe it.
Canton: I can’t.
The Doctor: No. Neither can I.

The Doctor: Now then. A little girl in a spacesuit. They got the suit from NASA but where did they get the girl?
Canton: Could be anywhere.
The Doctor: Except they’d probably stay close to that warehouse because why bother doing anything else. And they’d take her from somewhere that would cause the least amount of tension. But you’ll have to find her, I’m off to NASA.

The Doctor: Don’t worry. I’ve put everything back the way I found it. Except this. There’s always a bit left over, isn’t there?

Mr. Gardner: Now one more time, sir. How the hell did you get into the command module?
The Doctor: I told you! I’m on a top secret mission for the President. {he tries to bite through the handcuffs}
Mr. Gardner: Well maybe if you just get President Nixon to assure us of that, sir, that would be swell.
The Doctor: I sent him a message.

The Doctor: You have to tape everything that happens in this office. Every word. Or we won’t know if you’re under the influence.
Nixon: Doctor, you have to give me more than this. What were you doing to Apollo Eleven?
The Doctor: A thing. A clever thing. Now. No more questions. You have to trust me. And nobody else.

Rory: They took this out of her. How did they do that, Doctor? Why can I still hear her?
River: Is it a recording?
The Doctor: Um, it defaults to live. This is current. Wherever she is right now, this is what she’s saying.
Rory: Amy, can you hear me? We’re coming for you. Wherever you are we’re coming, I swear.
The Doctor: She can’t hear you. I’m so sorry. It’s one-way.
Rory: She can always hear me, Doctor. Always. Wherever she is and she always knows that I am coming for her, do you understand me? Always.

The Doctor: Who and what are you?
The Silent: The Silence, Doctor. We are the Silence. And Silence will fall!

The Doctor: Who was she? Why put her in here?
River: Put this on, you don’t even need to eat. The suit processes sunlight directly. It’s got built-in weaponry. And a communications system that can hack into anything.
The Doctor: Including the telephone network?
River: Easily.
The Doctor: But why phone the President?
River: It defaults to the highest authority it can find. The little girl gets frightened, the most powerful man on Earth gets a phone call.

River: You won’t learn anything from that envelope, you know.
The Doctor: Purchased on Earth. Perfectly ordinary stationery. TARDIS blue. Summoned by a stranger who won’t even show his face. That’s a first for me. How about you?
River: Our lives are back-to-front. Your future’s my past. Your firsts are my lasts.
The Doctor: Not really what I asked.
River: Ask something else then.

The Doctor: What are the Silence doing, raising a child?
River: Keeping her safe. Even keeping her independent.
The Doctor: Only way to save Amy is to work out what the Silence are doing.
Rory: I know.
The Doctor: And every single thing we learn about them brings us a step closer.
Rory: Yeah, Doctor, I get it. I know.
The Doctor: It’s possible she’s not just any little girl.
River: Well I’d say she’s human going by the life support software.
The Doctor: But?
River: She climbed out of this suit. She forced her way out. She must be incredibly strong.
The Doctor: Incredibly strong and running away. I like her.

River: We should be trying to find her.
The Doctor: Yes, I know. But how? Anyway I have the strangest feeling she’s going to find us.

Rory: Why does it look like a NASA spacesuit?
The Doctor: Because that’s what the Silence do, think about it. They don’t make anything themselves. They don’t have to. They get other life forms to do it for them.
River: So they’re parasites then.
The Doctor: Super-parasites. Standing in the shadows of human history since the very beginning. We know they can influence human behavior any way they want. They’ve been doing that on a global scale for thousands of years.
Rory: Then what?
The Doctor: Then why did the human race suddenly decide to go to the moon? Because the Silence needed a spacesuit.

River: Doctor, a unit like this, would it ever be able to move without an occupant?
The Doctor: Why?
River: Well the little girl said the space man was coming to eat her. Maybe that’s exactly what happened.

The Doctor: She’ll be safe for now. No point in a dead hostage.
Rory: Can’t you save her?
The Doctor: I can track that signal back, take us right to her.
Rory: Then why haven’t you?
The Doctor: Because then what? I find her and then what do I do? This isn’t an alien invasion, they live here. This is their empire. This is kicking the Romans out of Rome.
Rory: Rome fell.
The Doctor: I know. I was there.
Rory: So was I.

The Doctor: Personal question?
Rory: Seriously? You?
The Doctor: Do you ever remember it? Two thousand years waiting for Amy? The Last Centurion.
Rory: No.
The Doctor: Are you lying?
Rory: Of course I’m lying.
The Doctor: Of course you are. Not the sort of thing anyone forgets.
Rory: But I don’t remember it all the time. It’s like this door in my head. I can keep it shut.

The Doctor: Oh. interesting. Very Aickman Road. Seen one of these before. Abandoned. Wonder how that happened. Oh well, I suppose I’m about to find out. Rory, River, keep one Silent in eyeshot at all times. {he turns} Oh! Hello! Sorry, are you in middle of something? Just had to say though, have you seen what’s on the telly? Oh ‘allo, Amy. Are you all right? Wanna watch some television?

The Doctor: Ah, no, stay where you are! ‘Cause look at me, I’m confident. You wanna watch that, me when I’m confident. Oh and this is my friend River. Nice hair, clever, has her own gun. And unlike me she really doesn’t mind shooting people. I shouldn’t like that, kinda do a bit.
River: Thank you, Sweetie.
The Doctor: I know you’re team players and everything, but she’ll definitely kill at least the first three of you.
River: Oh the first seven, easily.
The Doctor: Seven. Really?
River: Oh, eight for you, honey.
The Doctor: Stop it.
River: Make me.
The Doctor: Yeah well, maybe I will.
Amy: Is this really important, flirting? Because I feel like I should be higher on the list right now.

The Doctor: Yes. Right. Sorry. As I was saying, my [] friend here is going to kill the first three of you that attack, plus him behind. So maybe you want to draw lots or have a quiz.
Amy: What’s he got?
Rory: Something, I hope.
The Doctor: Or maybe you could just listen a minute. Because all I really want to do is accept your total surrender and then I’ll let you go in peace. Yes, you’ve been interfering in human history for thousands of years. Yes, people have suffered and died. But what’s the point in two hearts if you can’t be a bit forgiving now and then? Oh. The Silence. You guys take that seriously, don’t you? Okay, you got me. I’m lying. I’m not really going to let you go that easily. Nice thought but it’s not Christmas. First. You tell me about the girl. Who is she, why is she important? What’s she for? Guys. Sorry. But you’re way out of time.

The Doctor: Now, come on. A bit of history for you. Aren’t you proud, ’cause you helped. Now. Do you know how many people are watching this live on the telly? Half a billion. And that’s nothing, because the human race will spread out among the stars—you just watch them fly. Billions and billions of them, for billions and billions of years. And every single one of them at some point in their lives will look back at this man taking that very first step and they will never ever forget it. Oh. But they’ll forget this bit. Ready?
Canton: Ready.

Armstrong: That’s one small step for man. {the video breaks in, looped}
The Silent: You should kill us all on sight. You should kill us all on sight. …
The Doctor: You’ve given the order for your own execution. And the whole planet just heard you.
Armstrong: One giant leap for mankind.
The Doctor: And one whacking great kick up the backside for the Silence. You just raised an army against yourself. And now, for a thousand generations, you’re going to be ordering them to destroy you every day. How fast can you run? ‘Cause today’s the day the human race throw you off their planet. They won’t even know they’re doing it. I think quite possibly the word you’re looking for right now is, “Oops! Run.” Guys, I mean us. Run!

River: What are you doing?
The Doctor: Helping!
River: You’ve got a screwdriver! Go build a cabinet!
The Doctor: That’s really rude!
River: Shut up and drive.

Nixon: So we’re safe again.
The Doctor: Safe? No, of course you’re not safe. There’s about a billion other things out there just waiting to burn your whole world. But if you want to pretend you’re safe just so you can sleep at night, okay. You’re safe. But you’re not really.

Nixon: I was wondering—
The Doctor: Should warn you, I don’t answer a lot of questions.
Nixon: Because I’m the President at the beginning of his time. Dare I ask, will I be remembered?
The Doctor: Oh Dicky. Tricky Dicky. They’re never going to forget you. Say hi to David Frost for me.

The Doctor: You could come with us.
River: I escape often enough, thank you. And I have a promise to live up to. You’ll understand soon enough.
The Doctor: Okay. Up to you. See you next time. Call me!
River: What? That’s it? What’s the matter with you?
The Doctor: Have I forgotten something?
River: Oh… shut up. {she kisses him}
The Doctor: Right. Okay. Interesting.
River: What’s wrong. You’re acting like we’ve never done that before.
The Doctor: We haven’t. Oh, look at the time. Must be off. But it was very nice. It was good. It was unexpected. You know what they say, “There’s a first time for everything.”
River: And a last time.

The Doctor: You told me you were pregnant.
Amy: Yes.
The Doctor: Why?
Amy: ‘Cause I was. I mean I thought I was. Turns out I wasn’t.
The Doctor: No, I mean why did you tell me?
Amy: Because you’re my friend. You’re my best friend.
The Doctor: Hm. Did you tell Rory?
Amy: No.
The Doctor: Amy, why tell me and not Rory?

The Doctor: So. This little girl, it’s all about her. Who was she? Or we could just go off and have some adventures. Anyone in the mood for adventures? ‘Cause I am. You only live once.

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The Curse of the Black Spot

Captain Avery: What’s that?
Boatswain: It’s the creature, it’s returned. {the hatch swings open to reveal…}
The Doctor: Yo ho ho! Or does nobody actually say that?

Captain Avery: We made no signal.
The Doctor: Our sensors picked you up. “Ship in distress”.
Captain Avery: Sensors?
The Doctor: Yes. Okay! Problem word, seventeenth century. My ship automatically… noticed-ish that your ship was having some bother.
Captain Avery: That big blue crate?
Boatswain: That is more magic, Captain Avery. They’re spirits. How else would they have found their way below decks.
The Doctor: Well… I want to say multi-dimensional engineering, but since you had a problem with sensors I won’t go there. Look. I’m the Doctor. This is Amy. Rory. We’re sailors! Same as you. Rawrgh! Except for the gun thing. And the beardiness.

The Doctor: I suppose laughing like that is in the job description. “Can you do the laugh? Check. Grab yourself a parrot. Welcome aboard!”.
Captain Avery: Stocks are low. Only one barrel of water remains. We don’t need three more empty bellies to fill. {to the boatswain} Take the doxy below, to the galley. Set her to work. She won’t need much feeding.

The Doctor: If this is just because I’m a captain too you know you shouldn’t feel threatened. Your ship is much bigger than mine and I don’t have the cool boots or a hat even.
Captain Avery: Time to go.
The Doctor: A bit more laughter, guys.

The Doctor: Where are the rest of the crew? This is a big ship, big for the five of ya. I suppose the rest of them are hiding someplace. Or they’re all gonna jump out and shout “Boo!”

The Doctor: Okay, groovy! So not just pirates today. We’ve managed to [?] a ship where there’s a demon popping in. Very efficient. I mean if something’s going to kill you it’s nice that it drops you a note to remind you.

Amy: What is that thing?
Captain Avery: A legend. The Siren. Many a merchant ship laden with treasure has fallen prey to her. She’s been hunting us ever since we were becalmed, picking off the injured.
Boatswain: Like a shark. A shark can smell blood.
The Doctor: Okay. Just like a shark. In a dress. And singing. And green! A green singing shark in an evening gown.

Captain Avery: The ship is cursed!
The Doctor: Yeah, right. Cursed. It’s big with humans. It means bad things are happening but you can’t be bothered to find an explanation.

The Doctor: And the gun’s back. You’re big on the gun thing, aren’t you? Freud would say you’re compensating. Ever met Freud? No. Comfy sofa.

The Doctor: It’s okay, we’re safe down here. No curse is getting through three solid inches of timber. {The Siren pops up} Ah! Hello again.

Amy: Safe?
The Doctor: I have my good days and my bad days.

Captain Avery: I give the orders.
The Doctor: Ah. Worried ’cause I’m wearing a hat now?

Boatswain: We’re all cursed if we stay aboard.
The Doctor: It’s not a curse. Curse means game over. Curse means we’re helpless. We are not helpless!

The Doctor: She’s out there now, licking her lips. Boiling the sauce[pan]. Grating the cheese.
Amy: Okay. Well remember if you get an itch don’t scratch too hard.
The Doctor: We’ve all gotta go sometime. There are worse ways than having your face gnawed off by a dodgy mermaid.

Captain Avery: Wanna draw lots for who’s in charge then?
The Doctor: Darkness. Demon. You can have first go.

Captain Avery: By all the—
The Doctor: Let me stop you there. Bigger on the inside. I don’t mind you if you just skip to the end of that moment. Oh, and sorry I lied by the way when I said yours was bigger.

Captain Avery: Wheel?
The Doctor: Atom accelerator.
Captain Avery: It steers the thing.
The Doctor: No! Sort of. Yes.
Captain Avery: Wheel. Telescope. Astrolabe. Compass. A ship’s a ship.

The Doctor: This is how the professionals do it! {nothing} It’s stuck. Not responding.
Captain Avery: Becalmed?
The Doctor: Mm hm. Yeah. Apparently. That’s new. You had to gloat, didn’t you!
Captain Avery: I’m not gloating.
The Doctor: I saw that look just now. “Ha ha. His ship is rubbish.”
Captain Avery: True.

The Doctor: I can’t get a lock on the plane.
Captain Avery: The what?
The Doctor: The space we travel in. The… ocean. Sort-of ocean, but not water. The TARDIS can’t see. It’s sulking because it thinks space doesn’t exist. Without a plane to lock on to we’re not going anywhere.
Captain Avery: I’m confused.
The Doctor: Yeah, well. It’s a big club. We should get t-shirts.

The Doctor: She’s had a little sulk now she’s heading for the full-on screaming tantrum.

The Doctor: I’m almost out of ideas.
Captain Avery: Almost?
The Doctor: Well we could try stroking her and singing her a song.
Captain Avery: Will that help?
The Doctor: Hard to say, never have before.

The Doctor: Abandon ship! Abandon ship!

The Doctor: Okay. Okay. Oh, oh… kay. TARDIS runs off on its own. That’s a bit of a new one. Bang goes our only hope of getting them out of here.
Captain Avery: Not much of a captain without a ship, are you?

The Doctor: I was wrong. Please ignore all my theories up to this point.
Captain Avery: What, again?
The Doctor: We’re all in danger. The water’s not how she’s getting in. When we were down in the hold, think what happened?. You, me, Amy, Rory, leeches.
Captain Avery: She sprang from the water.
The Doctor: It’s only when it grew still. Still water! Nature’s mirror.
Captain Avery: So. You mean—
The Doctor: Yeah, it’s not water. Reflection.

The Doctor: The Siren legend, the curse.
Captain Avery: You said curses weren’t real.
The Doctor: Folklore springs from truth. She attacks ships filled with treasure. Where else would she get a perfect reflection?
Captain Avery: Polished metal.

The Doctor: Yes yes, I know. Very bad luck to break it. But look at it this way: there’s a stroppy, homicidal mermaid trying to kill all of us.
Captain Avery: How much worse can things get.

Captain Avery: No! No! This the the treasure of the Mughal of India.
The Doctor: Oh good, for a moment there I thought it was yours.

The Doctor: Not my most dynamic plan, I realize.
Amy: TARDIS?
The Doctor: It’s been towed.

The Doctor: How’d you end up here? Wandering the oceans with a band of rogues.
Captain Avery: I’ve set my course now. Nothing I can do to alter it.
The Doctor: People stared at it for centuries and never knew. Things can suddenly change. When you least expect it.

Amy: What can you see?
The Doctor: It feels like something’s out there, staring straight at me. {thunder strikes} Mount the sails!

The Doctor: You couldn’t give up the gold, could you?! That’s why you turned pirate! Your commission. Your wife, your son. Just how much is that treasure worth to you, man?!

The Doctor: That thing isn’t just a ravenous hunter. It’s intelligent. We can reason with it. And maybe, just maybe, they’re still alive somewhere.

Captain Avery: We’re on a ghost ship.
The Doctor: No, it’s real. A spaceship trapped in a temporal rift.
Amy: How can two ships be in the same place?
The Doctor: Not the same. Two ships, two worlds. Two cars parked in the same space. There are lots of different universes nested inside each other. Now and again they collide and you can step from one to the other.
Amy: Okay. I think I understand.
The Doctor: Good. ‘Cause it’s not like that at all, but if that helps…
Amy: Thanks.

The Doctor: Ever look in a mirror and think you’re seeing a whole other world? Well this time it’s not an illusion.

Amy: She killed him?
The Doctor: Human bacteria.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: A virus. From our planet. Airborne, travelling through the portal. That’s what killed it, didn’t get it’s jahhh— {sticks his hand in goo} bs. Ah. Look.
Amy: What is it?
The Doctor: Sneeze. Alien boogies.

The Doctor: It’s not a curse. It’s a tissue sample. Why get tissue samples of people you’re about to kill?

The Doctor: Anesthetic.
Captain Avery: What?
The Doctor: Her music. The song. It’s how she anesthetizes people and then puts their body in stasis.

The Doctor: Fire. That’s new. What does fire do? Burn. Yes. Destroy. What else? Sterilize!

The Doctor: She can change her form and become a human doctor for humans. Oh. Sister, you are good!

The Doctor: She’s keeping them alive but she doesn’t know how to heal them.

The Doctor: Consent form.
Amy: What?
The Doctor: Sign it! Put your hand in the light. Rory’s sick. You have to take full responsibility.

The Doctor: We have to send this ship back into space. I mean imagine if the Siren got ashore. She would try to process every injured human.
Captain Avery: What about Toby?
The Doctor: Sorry. Typhoid fever. Once he returns it’s only a matter of time.
Captain Avery: What if I stay with him? Here? The Siren will look after him. I can’t go back to England. What home does he have now if not with me?
The Doctor: You think you can sail this thing?
Captain Avery: Just point me to the atom accelerator.

The Doctor: Come on. Come on, Rory! Not here, not this way. Not today.

Amy: Good night, Doctor.
The Doctor: Good night, Amelia.
Amy: You only call me Amelia when you’re worrying about me.
The Doctor: I always worry about you.
Amy: Mutual.
The Doctor: Go to bed, Pond!

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